He looked into my eyes. I blinked some more and looked around. I was in a hospital room. Memories rushed back. The baby. My hand flew to my stomach. It was flatter. I tried to speak but it came out choked.
‘Faye, we had to deliver your baby. Things were a little touch and go for you both there for a while. But you’re doing well.’
‘And the ba..baby?’ My voice sounded alien.
‘A fighter! A long road ahead, but so far so good; you get some rest now and I’ll be back to check on you in a while.’
‘Mum…’
‘Ssshhh no darling, don’t you worry about a thing, we’ll take care of everything. You rest now.’
‘But I…’ I couldn’t finish the sentence, without decision or effort I drifted out of consciousness again.’
‘Chloe, were you able to find anything else out? Faye woke up but she’s just drifted off again.’
Chloe looked at a sleeping me. ‘Nothing really; the baby is breathing on a ventilator. The lungs are massively underdeveloped and they’re concerned about her bowel. They want to operate but are waiting until Francine and Dermot arrive so they can at least see her first. It doesn’t look good I’m afraid, Maura.’
‘Have you heard from Brandon? I keep trying him but only get his voicemail.’
‘No, nothing; I’ve tried the office too but he’s not there. They say he is probably out on an interview and as soon as he checks back in they will get him to call me. What was she doing in Nate’s anyways?’
‘I’m not sure, Deirdre said she knocked on the door and Deirdre just assumed she was coming over with news of Gerry and then well everything happened so quick after that.’
‘Maybe she was looking for you?’
‘Possibly, I don’t know. Maybe she went to talk to Nate? Have they spoken lately?’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Hold on, I think Faye is coming back around.’
‘Mum, is that you?’
‘Yes, pet I’m here.’
‘Mum, the baby, where is the baby?’
‘In the ICU, I’m afraid you won’t be able to see her. Not for a while.’
‘A girl, it’s a little girl?’ Tears welled in my eyes. I’d been carrying a little girl. ‘Granddad Gerry, is he ok? What happened?’
‘He’ll be fine. He is doing well. Your father is with him. He had a heart attack this morning. The Doctors are pleased with him and expect him to make a full recovery.’
Relief flooded me. ‘Francine and Dermot, do they know?’
‘They do, they’re on their way, in fact they might be here already. I spoke to Francine after Nate phoned me.’
I smiled. ‘Thank you Chloe.’
‘Faye, we haven’t been able to get in touch with Brandon. We’ve tried everywhere we can think of. Do you know where he is?’
I hadn’t told them. I thought about calling them all last night. But really, could you tell your parents and your best friend over the phone that your marriage was over? Maybe some people could, but I couldn’t. I braced myself.
‘I’ve left him. Well actually I kicked him out.’
My mum looked at me with relief.
'Thank God!’
‘Mum! What did you just say?’ I was shocked.
‘I’m sorry Faye, I’m sorry if you are hurting over this but I can’t say I am anything but glad.’
I looked at my mother, in total shock. I thought she would be mortally wounded because of this.
‘I’m not condoning the breakdown of your marriage and of course it is the last thing I would ever have wanted for you but I think it’s the right thing to do. He was, well he is a self-obsessed, ignorant man who had us fooled into thinking otherwise. At least he hadn’t me fooled.’
My mother picked imaginary fluff of the hospital bed spread as she finished talking.
‘You’re right mum. He did have us all fooled or maybe we were just blind; regardless he is gone!’
‘What made you see sense?’
‘He had a baby with someone else.’ My mother sat down on the edge of the bed, her turn to be shocked now. I filled her in on the whole sordid story.
‘I can’t believe it; turning up on your doorstep like that, she had some nerve – how long had he known?’
‘I don’t know, I think about 6 months or so – actually he could have known longer. I have no idea. He didn’t stick around to go into any detail.’
‘Did he even try and stay?’
‘No, no he didn’t.’ I looked down to my hands as I said it. That part still upset me. I noticed then my wedding band was taped over. I pulled the tape off and wrestled the band over my swollen knuckles. I held it in my palm. Where would I be now if I had said yes to Nate the morning of our wedding?
Chapter 53 In the dark
After telling my mum about Brandon I was exhausted again. I drifted in and out of sleep. I could hear hushed tones in the room and I was aware of people coming and going but I couldn’t remember anything, not really. I woke up in the midst of the night thinking something was dreadfully wrong. My mother was asleep in a chair at my bedside; the room lay in darkness with only a small chink of light from the hallway illuminating the room. A nurse was walking past.
‘Excuse me nurse?’ My voice was cracked and dry.
‘Yes dear, what can I do for you?’
‘My baby, I mean the baby, is she ok?’
She smiled weakly at me. ‘She is doing well, all considering. You need to focus on yourself right now. Rest tonight, the doctor will be around in the morning to talk to you.’
I tried to rest, but I still had a foreboding feeling that something was wrong. I could barely close my eyes with worry. I could see how tired my mother was, it was written all over her face, even as she sat sleeping in the chair at my side; despite this, I still willed her awake. Something was wrong, I knew it. When she finally stirred at 6am, I was waiting.
‘Mum there is something wrong, isn’t there?’
‘Wrong? What makes you think something is wrong Faye?’
‘I don’t know. It’s a feeling. Something is not quite right.’
My mother looked to the floor.
‘Of course everything is ok. Well as in, you and the baby still have a long road ahead of you, but we will get there. We will all get there darling.’
‘Granddad Gerry? How is he?’
‘He is fine darling; he might even get discharged today. If he does your father will bring him by to say hello. But he is going to be ok.’
‘Francine and Dermott – have they been in? Are they with the baby – have they chosen a name?’
I watched as she shifted in her seat. The doctor arrived before she could answer.
'Faye, how are you this morning?’
‘Tired and sore Doctor, can I see the baby?’
‘Let’s just check you over a little first and see how things are.’
I winced as the Doctor checked the stitches on my C-section and took my blood pressure.
‘Faye you seem to be healing well, but your blood pressure is still very high. You will need to rest some more. Perhaps later today, if both you and the baby are up to it, we might be able to take a little trip down to see her.’
I was disappointed. I wanted to go now, but later today wasn’t an eternity.
‘The baby’s parents, Francine and Dermot, are they with her?’
The doctor looked from me to my mother. My mother had a glazed expression on her face. The doctor opened his mouth to speak.
‘Oh Faye, you look so much better today.’
Chloe arrived into the room with Anthony, each of them kissing me on the forehead.
‘Nobody move, I want some answers; why is it every time I asked about Francine and Dermot, no-one answers or they change the subject. What is going on?’ My voice was perhaps more forceful than was necessary. They all looked at each other and went deathly quiet.
Chapter 54 – 100 days later
I sat there, looking at him as he opened a larg
e brown file. I still couldn’t believe what was happening.
‘Faye as I’m sure you’ll understand there is a lot to go through, but I realise what today is for you so I’ll keep it brief and to the bare minimum. You can come back in and we can discuss things in greater details when you are, more settled.’
I smiled gratefully up at him.
‘Our instructions are to let you read this first.’
He handed me a crisp white envelope with my name on it. I knew the hand writing. A lump welled in my throat. I paused before opening it, not quite sure what to expect. I slide the hand written note out and unfolded it taking a deep breath.
My Dearest Faye,
If you are reading this, well it means that something has happened and Dermot and I have hopefully gone to a better place. I pray, now, that this is long in the future and we’ve got to spend many more years with you and our baby. But no matter when that day arrives, I feel happy in the knowledge that it is now time to pass the greatest gift we’ve ever received, our child, back to you, its mother.
I will never be able to thank you enough for the joy you have brought us. For all our riches, the two things we were never able to acquire were family and friendship. That of course was until we met you. With you we had both. Thank you.
I am writing this letter before our darling is even born in the hope that it will convey to you how truly thankful we are. Words will never express it for me, but I am sure you of all people will understand the true gift of a child; especially for me.
I knew from the moment I met you that I would never make the mother you will. I suppose selfishly that is why I wanted you so involved from the start. I hope you will understand, as like you, I only wanted the best for our baby.
Please take care of our precious darling, and raise it, as I know you have always thought of it, as your own. Please from time to time talk of us, who we were and the things we all did together. It’s hard to imagine, on the cusp of motherhood that I might not always be there for my child and I fear they will never know me; at least I, unlike other mothers have the peace of mind that such a wonderful loving person will be there to cherish my baby in my absence.
Thank you for all you have done for us from the bottom of our hearts, but most importantly thank you for the most precious gift one mother can give another, the gift of a child.
Francine and Dermot
Tears streamed down my face as I read it. It was dated the day before they died.
‘Mrs. Donohue, the Dwight’s left you a number of other letters and affects in their will as well as a number of items for the child.’ The silence was broken by Mr. Marks, Francine and Dermot’s solicitor. ‘In addition to some stocks and bonds and personal effects, the Dwight’s have left you their family home, in which they wish for their child to be raised.’
I looked down to the floor, sleeping peacefully in her little car seat was my darling Beth.
Mr. Marks continued, ‘To their child, Beth, there is a sizeable portfolio of stocks, shares and hotels, all of which will be in trusted to a Board of Directors until her 21 st birthday. There is of course a fund for daily expenses such as the household, clothing and education etc that you will receive monthly.’
It was all too much to take in. I couldn’t contemplate or even digest what was happening. More than 3 months had passed since that awful day, the day Gerry had had his heart attack and I had gone into labour. As soon as Chloe had called them, Francine and Dermot had left their house immediately, as they drove through Sutton Cross; a delivery lorry broke a red light and ploughed straight into their side, killing Francine instantly.
Dermot died a short while later, at the scene. They were dead almost 2 days before the news was broken to me.
I was beside myself with grief. I rushed to the hospital nursery to Beth, it broke my heart even more when I couldn’t hold her, couldn’t comfort her. Her tiny premature body supported by wires and machines in a huge effort to keep her alive. I prayed day and night that she wouldn’t leave me too. The only comfort I could take from any of this now was that somewhere, up there Francine and Dermot were smiling down on us now and that their little girl had made a full recovery and had finally been released from hospital.
‘Oh I nearly forgot, I was supposed to include this with that letter. Mrs. Dwight wanted to make a last minute addition as she was leaving.’ He said handing me one of his own compliment slips and a photo.
Quickly written across it was;
Faye,
You and I are kindred spirits!
Shelia
I turned the photo over; it was the picture I had given her from France. The one of Brandon and I with our parents the moment we told them I was pregnant. She was giving me back my happiest moment. I smiled down at the photo, so much had happened since then; not even a year had passed. As I looked back up at Mr. Marks, he handed me a single purple tulip.
‘She said you would understand the meaning of the flower.’ He looked at it, not seeing the point at all.
I smiled; we’d never had that conversation. I’d never told her why they were my favourites, but we were kindred spirits after all; she knew.
I left the solicitor’s office and drove to my parents’ house; they had all wanted to come with me, to collect Beth from the hospital and be there after I met with the solicitor but they were things I had to do on my own. I had to get used to doing things on my own. I pulled into the driveway and my mother rushed out to meet me. She gave me a big hug.
‘How are you darling?’
‘Good, I’m good.’
‘And my little granddaughter? How is she?’
My mother cooed over Beth as I took her out of the car; blood bonds really weren’t as strong as bonds of love I thought.
‘Can I hold her?’
‘Of course.’
Mum scooped her up in her arms and smothered her in kisses.
‘There’s someone to see you love, he’s been waiting, waiting some time.’
I turned around and behind me was Nate.
‘Faye I…’ He smiled, childishly. ‘There is so much I want to say, need to say. But well, I don’t know where to begin. I thought about it so much and for so long and in the end… well… god, this is hard.’ He looked at me. Touched my face and smiled, ‘Faye will you put this on?’ He handed me a blindfold.
I looked at my mum but she had snuck inside with Beth.
‘Please?’ He asked.
I put it on, not saying a word.
‘Ok I’m going to spin you around.’
‘Em ok…’
‘Don’t even think about lifting that blindfold!’ He instructed, checking it was firmly in place.
We walked around the car and I could hear our gate being swung open as we passed. Still on the gravel, he clutched me tightly and led me on. The gravel then turned to stones or slabs, I wasn’t too sure which.
‘Where are we? Are we in the garden?’
‘You’ll see soon, watch your step. Careful now, don’t fall into that’
The slabs turned to grass. We walked on some more, over the grass and then we stopped. I could hear him taking several deep breaths.
‘Can I take this off now?’
‘No wait, just give me a moment.’
There was some rustling and movement but nothing made sense, I still wasn’t entirely sure where I was or what was going on.
‘Ok, you can take the blind fold off now.’ He said breathlessly.
Reaching behind me, I opened the loose knot and the material fell from my eyes. I blinked as I adjusted to the daylight. The sun shone directly at me, we were outside, that much I could tell. We were outside, in my backyard. We were outside, in my backyard, under the willow tree. A sea of purple before me, the entire garden was covered in purple tulips, hundreds of them, possibly even thousands. Vases and pots filled with them, even my mother’s gardening boots; they were everywhere. I turned back around to face Nate. He smiled up at me. We were outside, in my purple tulip covered backya
rd, under the willow tree and Nate was on bended knee… I gasped!
‘Faye, this is the very spot where I saw you for the first time. The very spot that my life changed and it’s the very spot where I am going to ask you to marry me.’
THE BEGINNING
The Meaning of Purple Tulips Page 26