by Aja Cole
I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.
I just hope she finally starts to believe me, for both our sakes.
11
Neiko
Okay, now just spoon it into the casserole dish.” I finish cutting up cucumbers for the salad and then start chopping up the bacon.
The salad is my compromise for him. I would’ve been fine just eating my cheesy Ritz chicken casserole. But no, “we need some green on that plate, you miscreant.”
I eat green things. Occasionally. I’m a big fan of green beans, but I didn’t have any, and neither of us felt like running by the store.
Hell, the only reason I even have cucumbers is because I use them on my eyes when I’m in the bath sometimes.
Who knew they’d come in handy to eat?
“Give me a kiss.” Ty sets the large mixing bowl down that formerly held chicken, sour cream, chicken broth, and cream of chicken soup.
“Nope.” I toss bacon into the large salad bowl along with the cucumbers. “Spoon that cracker mixture on top and pop the dish in the oven. I already set the timer.”
I hear the oven open and close behind me, and I smirk because he never just accepts a no like that. It’s become a running thing for me to do, just because I like to give him a little bit of a hard time.
Ty reaches past me and takes the salad bowl, putting it in the fridge until the casserole is ready. I move to the sink to wash my knife and dry it with a dishtowel before I set it back in the drawer. I’m a wash as you use type of person because I hate having things piled up in my sink to deal with later.
I start to turn to grab the bowl that he used to mix the chicken together, but he traps me against the sink, holding my hands to the counter.
I grit my teeth so I don’t moan. I love feeling him against my back this way. The other night, he pulled me over his lap and made good on his word to spank me. I knew I liked it already from that night on the couch, but it was different when he did it that time.
No matter how much I squirmed against his lap or begged him to touch me, he refused. He made me take back what I said about the Christian Grey thing, and then he proceeded to show me exactly why nothing’s a game to him when it comes to the dominance he wears like a comfortable cloak.
I see it more with him lately. I think he’s been softening his edges a little bit for my benefit. I made it clear to him that I want alllll the edge.
Let’s just say; I won’t be questioning him again anytime soon. Unless it’s to goad him into consequences, that is. Being flippant is pretty fun.
“What’d you say to me?” He speaks low in my ear, and I cock my head automatically, loving the rush of his warm breath on my skin.
“Did I say something? Can’t remember.” I lie. His erection is against my back, and I tip my hips up a little, rising on my toes.
“I’ve never paddled a woman’s ass before, but you might just be begging for it.” He grinds his cock into me, and I whimper.
“Put your money where your mouth is, then.” Before I finish speaking, he’s sliding a hand down the front of my sweatpants and into my panties, cupping my pussy and stroking his middle finger along my slit. We both groan when he presses into me, and I widen my legs, dropping my head back against his chest.
Then the doorknob on my front door rattles and we both freeze.
No one else has a key to my place except…my family.
“Parents.” I croak just in time, and Ty pulls his hand away, hightailing it to my room to hide his erection. He’s not wearing anything but basketball shorts and no underwear. My front door opens, and my mom pokes her head in as I leave the kitchen and slide into the living room.
“Koko, come get this bag, it’s slipping.”
I grab the bag from my mom’s hand before it falls, and she follows me, setting the bags on the bar counter.
“I didn’t know you were coming up.” We hug, and she gives me a small smile, pushing her thick brown curls away from her face. We have the same look, freckles and all. My hair is just cut short, permed and jet black. Same skin tone, same nose, same eyes.
“Well, I missed you and I know you’re busy. Wanted to bring you a few freezer dishes in case you were too tired to cook.”
“That’s sweet of you mama, thank you.” I start to take things out of the bags. She’s basically brought me enough food to last a month. She’s made burger patties, chicken calzones, french toast sticks, and meatballs. She’s also freezer sealed some brownies and chocolate chip cookies. “This is great. I really appreciate it.”
It took a few years for us to get close again after her problems with drinking. I didn’t trust that she was serious about being better, and I remember how much it hurt my dad.
But she’s been sober for almost ten years now, and she’s tried her hardest to be the mom we’ve needed her to be. I know a lot of people aren’t as lucky to get people back from their personal demons, so I’m grateful that we have a good relationship now.
“Are you cooking now? Mind if a stay a bit?”
“Uhm…” I glance towards the bedroom, but Tyler hasn’t come out yet. “So, I’m seeing someone. It’s new, but he’s here too. Just letting you know that it won’t just be the two of us.”
“I was kind of hoping you and Vic would get back together.” She frowns, disappointment on her unlined face.
“Well, you’ll have to shelve that because that ship has sunk to the bottom of the ocean. You’ll like Tyler. He’s a hockey player.”
“At the school? What year is he? I didn’t think any of those boys played hockey for more than fun.” She starts to put things in my freezer, and I pass the containers to her over the counter.
“He’s a professional hockey player, actually. He’s a defenseman for the Knights.”
At that, her eyebrows fly up to her hairline.
“I wish you’d date a nice engineering major or something.” She sighs.
“What would we have in common?” I laugh. “I promise he’s been good to me. I want you to give him a chance, okay? Don’t compare him to Vic.” I warn.
“Have you googled him?” She lowers her voice, and I roll my eyes.
“No.”
“Why not? Ignorance is not bliss, sweetheart.”
“I know, Mama. But he’s told me what I think I need to know, and we’re just taking it from there. Promise you’ll be nice?”
“I’m always nice, Koko.” She eyes me with a soft look in her eye. “If he treats you well, then I want to know him. Go tell him to stop hiding.” After rounding the counter-top and pressing a kiss to her cheek, I go to grab Tyler.
He looks up from where he’s sitting on my bed, a nervous look on his face. “Is it your dad?”
“Why do you look scared shitless?”
He rubs a hand over the back of his neck. “What if your parents don’t like me? What if they think I’m a player like you do?”
“First, it’s only my mom. Second, I don’t think you’re a player.”
He gives me a skeptical look, and I shrug sheepishly. “Okay, I don’t as much as I did before? Come on, my mom wants to meet you, and I think you’ll be fine.” I pull him up from the bed, tugging him towards the door. “What happened to all that bravado?”
“Hush up, minx.” He mumbles, but I feel him squeeze my hand the moment my mom comes into view. I survey him from the corner of my eye, genuinely surprised. He really is worried that she won’t like him. It’s a bit endearing.
I also realized that even though he told me he genuinely likes me that weekend…I never said it back. We haven’t talked about what this is or put a label on things. Maybe talking about it after my mom leaves will give him a little more peace of mind.
“Mom, this is Tyler. Tyler, this is my mama, Nanette.”
“You can call me Nan.” She smiles at him warmly, and mentally sigh in relief. “I’m going to grab me a glass of wine before the food gets ready, and you can tell me all about hockey.”
“I’ll get it for you,” T
yler says, pulling the bottle out that I’d put in the freezer earlier. Pulling down two glasses, he pours my mom and I some and passes them to us.
Then we all sit around the table, and I listen to him tell my mom all about how he got started playing hockey and what it means to him now. I mostly listen and let the two of them chat, offering answers here and there.
Ty goes to the kitchen to take the dish out of the oven, and my moms leans closer to me. “Okay, I like him. And he’s super darned cute. I guess he can stay.” She winks, and I smile.
Hopefully, he wants to.
But when my mom leaves, Bria calls me crying because she found out the guy she’s dating came onto Sammy when she walked away, and she’s pissed that her dating luck is so bad. All the girls are already with her, and I don’t want to be a lousy friend.
I kiss Tyler goodbye and grab my keys to head to Bria’s, and just resolve that we’ll talk about things soon. I want him to know that I believe him, and I genuinely want him too.
12
Tyler
What does the parasympathetic nervous system do during exercise?” I read off the flashcard. Neiko is sitting on the floor, leaning her head against the inside of my leg while I run my hand through her hair gently.
It’s been a familiar position these past few days. I’ve been coming over and helping Neiko study after my practices. It’s a good way for me to help her and still get to spend time with her. It also helps her not to be so stressed out, apparently.
“It turns off and the heart rate increases.”
“What’s a satellite cell?”
“It’s a muscle stem cell that’s important to muscle hypertrophy.”
“Give me a characteristic of neuromuscular junctions.” I stroke the shell of her ear.
“One to one transmission of action potentials.”
“What happens when you stimulate a gamma motor neuron?”
“Increase in sensitivity of the muscle spindle.” She fires back. That’s the end of this set of cards, and I set them on the table, moving my hands to her shoulders.
“Good job, baby. You only missed three.”
“Thank you.” She sighs, relaxing into my hands. “I really appreciate you helping.”
“I enjoy it. And I think it’s hot that you know so much. And I’m learning a few things too. It’s nice.”
“Did you imagine this is how you’d be spending your nights sometimes?”
“Not at all. But I’m learning to like a lot of things with you that I never imagined.” I lean down and tug her head back a little, kissing her lips.
There’s a knock on the door, and we pull apart.
“I’m not expecting anyone.” She rises from the floor gracefully, and I watch the sway of her hips as she walks away. Everything about her is attractive to me. “Who is it?” She asks, and they respond, but I can’t make out what they say.
When I don’t hear her say anything else or hear the door open, I look behind me, and she’s standing with her hand on the knob.
“Neiko?”
She turns to face me, gnawing on her bottom life. There’s hesitation all in her body language, and I sit up. “What is it?”
“It’s my ex-boyfriend. I’ll see what he wants and get rid of him, okay?” Her eyes are a little wide, and she looks uncertain, nervous.
“I’ll be here. No worries.” The words leave my mouth, but my chest feels tight as I turn around and flip on the TV, turning to ESPN and watching the highlights.
I hear the door open and close, and I flinch a little.
My eyes are on the screen, but my mind is on all the possibilities of what’s happening right now and what she’s going to say when she comes back inside.
I still don’t know how she feels, not really. I mean, not in words. It seems like she’s as interested as I am, and she told me that her mom liked me a lot…but I don’t know. Usually, I avoid labels and defining shit. But with her, I just want to know that she’s in this the same way I am. I’ve just been a little bitch about bringing it up because I don’t know what she’s going to say.
I know all too well that someone can seem entirely in the moment with you, and still not want anything serious.
Because that’s me.
And I know that people can promise things and still not follow through. I’ve tried hard not to be that person because I know what how that disappointment feels.
But I know that the breakup wasn’t her decision, and she feels like it was her fault because she stopped giving him the time that he wanted from her.
I’m jealous that he’s out there with her right now, and I’m nervous that if he’s come back to tell her that he made a mistake…that she’ll pick him over me. I don’t like this feeling at all, feeling like I’m about to lose something.
I must’ve fallen asleep, and I rub a hand over my face when Neiko wakes me gently.
“Hey.” Her voice is quiet, and it immediately puts me on edge.
“What time is it?” I sit up straight, blinking away sleep.
“Later than I expected. Things took a little longer than I thought they would.” She lowers her gaze, taking a deep breath, and my heart drops to my feet. I know what that hesitation means.
I know what’s coming.
“I’m glad you woke me. I wanted to talk to you about something, but I wasn’t sure when to bring it up.”
“Oh okay, well…you first, then.”
“I think we should end things here. We had a good time together, but maybe it’s just not realistic for me to think I can jump into something serious.”
I expect her to nod her head and agree with me, to tell me that it was what she was coming back to say too. But I said it first, I got the upper hand this time.
No surprises, and no fucking disappointment because I care too damned much.
But she doesn’t do any of that.
She moves away from the couch and crosses her arms, her face completely shut down.
“Well, I guess it’s best for you to leave if you feel that way.”
And when those words tip off of her lips, I know that I’ve made a huge fucking mistake, and I can’t take it back now.
She won’t believe whatever comes out of my mouth, and I wouldn’t blame her one bit. The worst part is knowing immediately that I assumed the wrong thing, but not being able to do anything about it. Not being able to drop to my knees and beg her to forget I said anything. Beg her to forget that I’m a selfish asshole who was only thinking about his own insecurities.
So, I grab my things, and I leave. Before the door shuts completely, I hear a sob, and it rips me into fucking pieces.
13
Neiko
It’s hard trying not to be a sad sack when you want to cry all the time because you’re bewildered that the metaphorical rug was pulled out from under you.
That’s how I feel, at least.
I didn’t see Tyler ending things at all. It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen him last, and I still haven’t told my friends that anything happened.
Hell, I doubt they’d believe me even if I did. It wasn’t precisely in-character for me. And I shouldn’t be feeling this damn much.
I don’t think I felt so forlorn when Vic ended things, and we were together for two and a half years.
Tyler Saxton just got under my skin in a way that I never expected and didn’t see coming.
When Vic showed up at my door, I didn’t feel nearly as excited as I thought I would. He was right to break up with me, and I accepted that I hadn’t been a very good girlfriend. But I didn’t try to change his mind or beg him to give me another chance.
I think part of me was a little relieved, even though I missed the little things that you get used to in a relationship.
Vic told me that he felt like enough time had passed for us to give things another shot. He asked me just to hear him out, so I did.
When he finished laying out his thoughts, he told me not to give him an answer yet, but to think about it and
let him know at the end of the week.
He didn’t try to kiss me or overwhelm me with his knowledge of what makes me soften towards him. He was very respectful and not pushy, and I appreciated that he didn’t try to force an answer out of me immediately.
Vic was never an asshole, so I wasn’t surprised. He’s pretty sweet. And attractive. And smart. And I love how passionate he is about playing football, because I love football too.
But I just didn’t feel the pull for him the same way I felt with Ty. I told him I appreciated him coming by and I’d let him know in a few days what I thought.
Then I was going to tell Tyler everything, and how I felt about him, and see what he thought. So when he said he wanted to talk about something first, I thought that maybe he was going to beat me to it.
Maybe he was going to make things official. Which hey, I know that it sounds a little childish, but I think it’s important not to assume things.
And clearly, I was right.
Even after Tyler left and I was sobbing into a chocolate sundae, I still didn’t feel like calling Vic back and accepting giving things another try.
I didn’t want to hold onto that relationship just because he was offering me commitment and Tyler wasn’t.
Because part of me still wants that damn hockey player, even if he’s decided that he’s finished with me.
I stop pretending I’m listening to whatever Dr.Lane is saying about epidemiology, and slide my laptop into my bag, leaving the room quietly.
I just need to find my keys, and then I can go home and wallow with some more Days of Our Lives before I have to be normal and report to the training room.
I finally find my key ring in the bottom of my bag, and I’m trying to yank them out, but I think they’re stuck on something.
“Neiko.” The low, velvet-lined voice is immediately recognizable, and I drop my keys back in my bag, jerking my head up to find alluring blue eyes.
It’s a stab right to the heart. I don’t know why it hurts so badly, maybe because I thought there was potential so I’m mourning that too.