“I love you, too, Mimi. I guess I’ve just learned over the years that it always helps to look on the bright side. When you’ve been through as much as I have, you begin to realize that no matter how bleak a situation looks, God’s still in control. He can turn around even the most hopeless circumstances and bring blessings where they are least expected.”
“I’m beginning to get that, Grandma. Grandpa’s helping me start to go through the Bible. What’s really interesting to me is how all those stories, that I used to love to listen to when I was little, are not seeming so much like stories anymore.” Struggling to explain herself, she asked, “Know what I mean? Like I’m finally starting to get it.”
Joan smiled broadly. “Yes, dear, you are. I think most children love to listen to Bible stories right along with all the other imaginary stories they read and listen to. Then one day that changes, and they realize they either have to accept those stories as truth or disregard them.”
“Right. I’m really trying to understand everything Grandpa says, and I’m trying to pray a lot more. But I still have tons of questions.”
“There’s nothing wrong with questions, Michelle. This time you have with your grandfather is no coincidence in God’s eyes. He knew all your questions before they even surfaced, and He’s provided you with someone who can help you find the answers.”
“That makes it almost sound like God planned for Dad to be here in the hospital, like He’s partly responsible for Dad’s injury so I could re-examine my beliefs and spend some time with Grandpa.” Michelle wasn’t sure she liked that idea.
“You know, honey, I can’t fully explain all of God’s role in this crisis with your father, but I do know His ways are always based on love. It would never be God’s intent to set out to destroy your dad, but I believe He allowed this event to occur because He had a plan to turn it around for good.”
“That reminds me of a verse Grandpa showed me the other day from the book of Romans,” she commented.
“Romans 8:28,” Joan replied, picking up the Bible on the nightstand and flipping it open to the page with that verse. She handed it to Michelle, who read it over and nodded.
“Yep. That’s the one. How do you guys know where all these verses are?” she asked with amazement.
“It’s from spending lots and lots of time reading and studying His word. If you keep up with your own reading, you’ll start to remember the passages that mean something special to you.”
Michelle nodded, but felt a little skeptical.
“You need to get involved with a good, Bible-teaching church, Michelle. You’ll be surprised how much you can learn in a short time. The more you study, the more you’ll want to know. Believe me, it takes a lifetime to even scratch the surface of all the treasures in this book.”
“I know what you mean. Sometimes I think I’ll never even get through the gospel of John,” she said with a twinge of impatience.
“I understand how you feel, sweetheart. When I first accepted the Lord into my heart and started studying the scriptures, I felt totally overwhelmed and frustrated. ‘I’ll never get through all this,’ I used to say to myself, as I would thumb through the Old and New Testaments.
“Then God changed my perspective. He got me thinking about all the great books I had read and loved and about how disappointed I would be when each one ended and the story was over. I’d really miss the characters and reading about their lives. He helped me realize that wouldn’t happen with the Bible because there is always more to read, study, and learn. The same verses I read two years ago can take on new and deeper meaning to me when I read them today. This is the only good book that never ends,” she concluded with a smile.
“You’d make a great saleswoman, Grandma,” Michelle teased.
“Humph!” Joan exclaimed, shaking her head. “You just think about what I said, sweetheart. The Bible will never disappoint you. Just keep digging and see what you discover.”
“I will. Grandpa’s got me hooked,” she promised.
“Good. Now finish your soup before it gets cold,” Joan replied.
On Wednesday morning, Michelle awoke before dawn. The bedside clock read 5:40. Sheila was sleeping soundly and did not stir as Michelle eased herself out of bed and snuck into the bathroom. Retrieving the pregnancy test from her cosmetic bag, she quickly reread the directions. Within minutes she was sitting on the side of the bathtub reading the results. Negative.
She picked up the insert and reread it, making sure she had followed all the directions correctly. In her heart, she hoped she’d taken the test too soon, but according to the information in the printout her hormone levels should be high enough by this time. Sighing, she carefully packed the materials away in the box and deposited it in the bathroom wastebasket under some other trash, so her mom wouldn’t see the package.
After disposing of it, she sat there for a few moments feeling sad and disappointed. Even though she and Steve weren’t planning on starting a family until she finished school, she felt unexplainably empty, almost as if she had lost a baby that never even existed. Twisting a strand of hair at the nape of her neck, she thought about her promise to call Steve with the results.
“We’re just going to have to change our plans,” she whispered to herself. Then she thought to pray. She poured out her heart to God, telling Him the depth of her new dream to be a mom and how seeing the newborns at the hospital had sparked a hope for good to come out of this trauma with her father.
Tears flowed freely as she prayed. Then a peace settled over her and she crept quietly back to bed.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Steve was sitting at his desk drumming his pencil and staring at the clock. It was getting close to noon, and he still hadn’t heard from Michelle. What was taking her? She’d told him she’d be doing the test early in the morning and would call him with the results. He thought she would call before he left for work, but by 8:15 he knew he had to get to the office and start working on the stack of paperwork awaiting him. In a last ditch idea, he thought about calling her himself, but they’d agreed she’d call when her mom was not around.
That must be the problem. For some reason, Michelle couldn’t get to a phone by herself. Steve allowed his mind to wander, imagining her call and how he would respond when she told him the results were positive. Over the past few days, he’d gotten used to the idea and was even beginning to get a little excited.
His thoughts were interrupted by a buzz on the intercom. “Michelle’s on the phone,” his secretary announced.
Steve almost knocked over his coffee cup as he grabbed for the receiver. “Hi, babe.”
“Hi, honey.” Michelle sounded tired.
“Well?” Steve asked, trying to contain his curiosity.
“Negative.” Then the phone was silent.
Steve thought he heard her crying. “Are you okay?” he asked tentatively, concern for his wife pushing aside his feelings of disappointment over the test results.
“No, not really.” She sobbed as a floodgate of emotions overtook her.
Steve felt totally helpless. He yearned to take his wife in his arms and hold her, to tell her everything would be all right. But 500 miles separated them, and all he could do was to try to talk her through it.
“I’m sorry, Michelle,” he offered feebly. No answer but her sniffling. “We’ll have a baby. Don’t worry, honey.”
“It’s not just the baby,” she finally managed to say. “It’s everything. My dad, missing you and Max, not being able to get into the university...”
“I know. I wish I could be there with you. God will get us through. He will.”
“It just seems like nothing’s ever going to be right or normal again.”
“Maybe you need to come home for a week or so,” Steve suggested.
“I’ve been thinking that myself.”
“Talk to your mom. She’ll understand, babe. She knows how hard it’s been on you to see your dad like this and to be away from home so long.”
“Listen, Michelle. I’d have been thrilled if you were pregnant, but I don’t want you feeling bad for me in the midst of all the other things on your mind. It’s not like we’d been planning for a baby at this time anyway. Besides, like I said before, we’ll have fun trying now.”
“Funny, Steve.” Her voice sounded lighter, and Steve could imagine a small smile forming on her face.
“I’ll call you tonight around 8:30, okay? We’ll talk about getting you home for a while.”
“Okay. Love you.” Hanging up the phone, Steve let out a deep sigh.
Michelle flipped her phone shut and set it in the pocket of her purse. She twisted her hair as she planned out her talk with her mother. Tim was supposed to be back on Saturday with the mail, so it would be a good time to take off for a week and fly home. Her dad seemed comfortable in his new room. Hopefully he’d soon be ready for rehab and a transfer down to Orange County.
Locking the motel door, she headed across the parking lot to meet her mother at the coffee shop. She saw a woman just a little older than herself, being helped by her husband out of the front seat of a car. She looked like she was about seven or eight months pregnant, and although she did look a little awkward and tired, her face was glowing. A sudden sorrow engulfed Michelle. What’s wrong with me? Why is this suddenly such a big deal to me?
Her mom was waiting for her in a corner booth, and Michelle wove her way through the familiar path to the table.
“Hi, Michelle,” a young waitress called out from behind the counter as she poured coffee for a customer.
“Hi Becky,” Michelle replied with a smile. This place was getting to be almost like a home away from home, with the hostesses, waitresses, and even busboys learning their names.
“She’s such a sweet girl,” Sheila commented, as she slipped into the booth.
“Yeah, she is. Everyone who works here is so friendly,” Michelle agreed.
They didn’t even have to look at the menu before ordering. While they waited for their food, Michelle decided to approach her mother on returning home for a week or so.
“I think that’s a great idea, Mimi. Your dad is doing so well, and Tim will be back on Saturday for at least a few days. When you come back, I’m going to try to get Grandma and Grandpa to go home for a while. They need the rest and you know how Grandma is about her garden. Plus Grandpa is eager to get together with his Bible study group.”
Michelle was relieved her mom understood and didn’t have any hesitations about her going home. They agreed that Saturday would be the best day, and Tim could take her to the airport.
After lunch, Michelle went back to their room before returning to the hospital. She called the airline, reserving an afternoon flight. That way she and Steve could even have a little date night, maybe dinner out someplace quiet and romantic. She also called the clinic in Sandy Cove and made an appointment for the following week. Michelle wanted to find out why her period was so late and get more information about prenatal care.
Even though Steve had told her he’d call that night, Michelle decided to call him back herself right away. She caught him on the way out the door to a meeting and gave him the information about her flight and when to pick her up. He sounded elated, and she could hardly wait for Saturday.
Friday night Michelle stayed at the hospital later than usual. She knew her dad could sense something was different with her, and she wanted to explain to him about her return to Sandy Cove. He’d been asleep most of the afternoon, but he seemed to perk up for a while in the evening. Scooting her chair right up against the bed, she took his hand. He turned his head slowly toward her.
“Daddy,” she began, groping for words. “I’ve got something to tell you.”
John nodded his head up and down in what Michelle could tell was a laborious process of concentration.
“I’m going back to Oregon tomorrow for a short time. I miss Steve, and I need to get some things taken care of at home,” she explained as she rubbed his hand between hers.
John studied her intently.
“I won’t be gone long, Dad. Promise. I’ll be back in a week, maybe sooner,” she added, hoping to boost his spirits.
John gazed into his daughter’s eyes. Then a tiny smile flickered for an instant on his lips. Michelle beamed in response. This newfound ability to smile back at them had just begun yesterday. Not only did it stand as more evidence of his improvement, but it also showed an element of emotional healing and contact.
“I love you, Daddy,” Michelle said bending over and giving him a hug. She startled slightly when she felt his right hand come up haltingly and press against her back in return. He was actually hugging her back the best he could with the only functioning limb he had. Up until that moment, the most they had gotten from him was a squeeze of the hand. Now his arm had worked to embrace his daughter. Michelle didn’t want to move. Her heart was pounding with joy and excitement. She held on for a moment longer and then felt his hand slip off of her back and fall back down onto the bed.
“You’re telling me you love me, too, aren’t you, Dad?” she said more as an observation than as a question.
John had only spoken one word since he was admitted to the hospital with a self-inflicted bullet wound. Michelle recalled the decision the family had to make the first few days about whether or not to put her father on “no code.” While they had been debating that decision, John had mumbled one word – Jesus. It was so out of character for him -- an avowed agnostic. But Michelle and her family believed it had to do with her grandfather’s prayers at her dad’s bedside. Since then, John had been silent. But the decision to keep him on any necessary life support was made based on this sign indicating he might speak again.
Another smile flickered momentarily on John’s face. Then he took one last look at Michelle and closed his eyes. Exhaustion etched lines on his forehead.
The nurses had explained to them that even focusing his eyes on theirs required tremendous effort and not to expect too much too soon. But Michelle had witnessed another miracle, and she was overflowing with thanksgiving. Smoothing her father’s sheets and blanket, she kissed him on the forehead and turned off the light, quietly slipping out of the room.
She took her usual detour out of the hospital, stopping at the gift shop, and going over to her favorite corner to check on the new baby items. A woman about her mom’s age was holding up a precious little pink sleep sack with a ruffled bottom.
“That is so cute!” Michelle exclaimed.
The woman turned to her with a broad smile filling her face. “It’s for my granddaughter,” she said with pride.
“Is this your first?” Michelle asked.
“Yes, and we are so thankful. We weren’t sure our daughter would be able to have kids. She postponed parenthood for quite a while after they got married because she was trying to get herself established in broadcast journalism. Then when they started trying for a baby, she couldn’t get pregnant.”
“Scary.”
“Yeah. Thank heavens for modern medicine,” the woman said as she picked up a matching pink receiving blanket. “They had to go through quite a bit of infertility procedures to get little Gracie.”
“That must have been really hard.”
The woman nodded. “Yes, but well worth it.” She paused and then asked, “Do you have any children?”
“Not yet.”
She looked into Michelle’s eyes. “Don’t wait too long. There’s nothing like the joy of being a mom. I’m so glad it ended up working out for our daughter.”
“Me, too,” Michelle replied. “Congratulations.” As she turned
to leave, she remembered her conversation with her own mother and the tears of joy she’d seen in her mom’s eyes when they’d talked about Michelle having a baby of her own.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Two weeks later Sandy Cove Women’s Fertility Clinic
Michelle sat on the edge of the examining table talking to Dr. Foster. “So you’re saying this kind of thing is normal?”
“Yes. A woman’s cycle can easily be affected by stress, and from what you’ve told me, you’ve been through quite a lot this month. Since you still haven’t started your period, and since you and your husband are interested in pursuing conception at this time, we could ‘jump start’ your system a little by putting you on a mild fertility pill if you’d like. It will put you back on a regular cycle and help you predict the most fertile part of your cycle. The pill I’d recommend is called Clomid. In low doses, it has few side effects.
“Well, I would like to get back to a normal cycle. I guess birth control pills would do that, too, but. . .”
“But since you’re wanting to conceive, that wouldn’t be your first choice,” Dr. Foster finished Michelle’s thought with an understanding smile. “I know it seems a little unusual for me to be offering you infertility medication at this early juncture, but it is the best alternative to birth control pills for regulating your cycle. And like I said, it will also help you determine your most fertile day or two of the month. The combination of accurate timing and the Clomid will give you a 75% success rate.”
Michelle tried to process all that information, but her puzzled expression communicated her need for a simplified summary.
“In other words, Michelle, if you use the Clomid for the next three months and follow the schedule I explained to you, you should conceive. Three months from now would be January. That would mean an October baby at the latest.”
Now she nodded her head in understanding. “Sounds good to me.”
Through the Tears (Sandy Cove Series Book 2) Page 8