Michelle sighed. “Oh, Kristin. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about so many things. I’m not sure where to start.” They stopped walking and sat down on some rocks. The sound of the waves crashing and the seagulls overhead took them back to all the times they had spent at Seal Beach listening to each other’s hopes, dreams, and disappointments.
“Well, why don’t you start by telling me what you were fighting about?” Kristin suggested.
“How do I explain all this? I guess it started at the hospital with my dad.” She paused, staring out over the water. “Seeing the tiny infants....”
Kristin smiled, nodding. “They sure are cute, aren’t they? All bundled up in their little blankets.”
“I fell in love with every one of them.” Michelle sighed. “Anyway, it kind of got me dreaming about having a baby of my own.” She paused again for a minute. “Then I thought I might be pregnant because my period was late, but it turned out to be just from the stress of everything with my dad.”
Kristin reached over and squeezed her hand. Michelle could feel her tears starting to well up again. She took a deep breath and continued. “So Steve and I had a talk and decided it was okay to start trying to get pregnant.”
“That’s so exciting, Michelle,” Kristin said hopefully.
“Well, it’s not quite that simple. I went to the doctor and she put me on a mild fertility pill to get my cycles back in gear. She said I should get pregnant in the next three months if I follow this schedule she gave me.”
“And?”
“And it’s been two months. No luck.” Michelle looked Kristin in the eye. “What’s wrong with me? I keep praying and doing what the doctor said, and nothing’s working.” A tear slipped down her cheek.
“Sometimes things take time, `Shell.” Kristin wrapped her arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. “It’ll work out. In God’s timing.”
“What does that mean? That God might not want us to have a baby right now?”
“I really don’t know what God’s plan is for you guys. But I do know He will give you the desires of your heart, if you just trust Him and be patient.”
“It’s funny you should say that. The verse in the Bible I keep reading is in Psalm 37 where it says, ‘Delight yourself in the Lord,’”
“...and He will give you the desires of your heart,” Kristin joined in to finish the verse. “He will, `Shell. I know He will. Have you studied that entire Psalm?”
Michelle looked a little puzzled. “What do you mean?”
“I mean the other verses around that verse. The ones that talk about trusting God, committing your way to Him, and waiting patiently.”
“I’m trying to be patient, Kristin. But Steve and I get edgy with each other pretty easily, and I can’t figure out why nothing works out the way I plan for it to. I mean school... the baby...and just look at last night. I couldn’t even have the Thanksgiving dinner that I planned for weeks, without the power going out and my best friend getting stuck at some strangers’ house.” She paused and then added, “On top of that, every time the phone rings, I wonder if it’s Mom calling to tell me Dad’s had a set back, or worse. There was one day when I couldn’t get a hold of her, and I was so worried. It’s like I’m on edge all the time. Bet Steve is thrilled to be married to such a basket case.” She pushed herself up from the rock and started walking, wiping her tears on the back of her jacket sleeve.
Kristin stood and took off down the beach after her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
When Kristin caught up to Michelle, she simply draped her arm around her shoulder and fell into step beside her as they silently continued down the beach.
Michelle was still sniffling, but she had stopped crying. “I’m sorry, Kristin. I hate how I’ve been getting so emotional lately about everything.”
“Don’t apologize, `Shell. You’ve been through a lot.” Kristin hesitated and then added, “Everything with your dad – I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you. Calling home everyday just to find out if he’s okay. And all the worry about your mom and how she’s handling all of it, too. Then to have this other concern start to worry you...
“Believe me, I know how hard it is to wait for something you really want. It was hard for me when all my friends were either seriously dating someone or getting married, and there I was, the single girl no one wanted.
“I watched you and Steve preparing for your wedding. It was all so romantic. Even though I was happy for you, I couldn’t help being a little jealous and wondering what was the matter with me. Why didn’t any guy want me?”
Michelle looked over at Kristin and her heart ached for the pain her friend had gone through. Pain she’d been unaware of because she was so caught up in her own excitement. “I’m so sorry, Kristin. I didn’t know.”
Kristin looked into her eyes and smiled softly. “I’m not telling you this to get you to feel sorry for me. I just want you to know I really do understand what it’s like to want something so bad that it hurts and have no guarantee of when you will get it. We all have seasons when we have to just wait.”
“Yeah.”
“How is Steve handling all this? Is he wanting a baby as much as you do?”
“I don’t know. He seems fine with the idea, but it’s really my thing more than his. He has work, his career. I just keep picturing how sweet it would be for the whole family if we had a baby now. It would bring so much excitement and hope for all of us.”
Kristin just nodded, studying her face.
“I guess Steve would be fine waiting for it to all just happen in what he calls ‘God’s timing.’ Sometimes he makes me feel bad about our little fertility schedule. At first he was all hyped when it meant I’d be coming home from Bridgeport more often. But now that Dad is back in Southern California, and I’m home to stay, he seems really put out by the whole schedule thing.”
“Maybe he just feels like some of the spark is lost,” Kristin offered.
“Probably.”
“Is that what you had the fight about the other day?”
Michelle flashed back to the scene at the coffee shop with Trevor. “No. It was something else.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“I guess. But you’ll probably be on his side.”
Kristin looked at her with a puzzled expression. “Why do you say that?”
“Because most people wouldn’t understand.”
“Most people? How about your best friend forever?” Kristin playfully slugged Michelle’s shoulder.
“Okay. I’ll tell you. Just don’t think I’m a horrible person.”
“I would never think that of you. You know me better than that.” This time she was completely serious.
“Want to sit down?” Michelle asked, taking her by the hand and leading her down to a large driftwood log that faced out over the water.
As they watched the waves roll in one after the other, she told Kristin all about her friendship with Trevor – how they met, the class she took from him, the special attention he showed her, their weekend at the New Age conference and the unexpected kiss. She explained the way he always seemed to understand her and help her through times of confusion or fear, and their last meeting at the coffee shop when Steve had walked in and seen Trevor’s hand holding hers.
“So anyway, that is what we had the fight about.”
“I can see why,” Kristin responded.
“I told you you’d be on Steve’s side.”
“I’m not taking sides. I’m just saying I can understand why that would lead to a fight. If I ever saw some girl sitting across a table from Mark holding his hand, I’d be pretty upset too.”
“Even if they were just friends?”
“From what you’ve told me, your relationship with Trevor has crossed over the line of friendship more than once.”
“But I just think of him as a friend, Kristin. Seriously.”
“You might think of him as a friend, but how does he think of you?”
<
br /> “That’s exactly what Steve said. He thinks Trevor is all hot for me or something.”
“And that’s so impossible?”
“Come on, Kristin. He knows I’m a married woman. It’s not like I’m leading him on or anything.”
“You might not be meaning to lead him on, but personally I think he sees more in you than just friendship.”
“Why would you say that? You don’t even know him.”
“I know guys, Michelle. Come on. Think about it. He kisses you in your hotel room at the conference and then pretends you two are just pals? Why do you think he waited while you got off the plane ahead of him so Steve wouldn’t see the two of you together? And why do you think he put his hand over yours at the restaurant? This guy likes you, Michelle, and I don’t mean like a buddy.”
“You think so?”
“I really do.”
“So what do I do now? Just quit being his friend?”
“Yeah. That’s exactly what you need to do. You just told me, you’re a married woman. A happily married woman, from what I could tell from your emails and our phone conversations.”
“I am happily married. You know I love Steve. He just doesn’t always understand me.”
“Like Trevor does?” Kristin asked.
“Yeah. Like Trevor does. Is that such a sin?” Kristin searched Michelle’s face.
“What do you think?”
“I don’t have that many friends in Sandy Cove, Kristin.”
“And if the tables were turned?” Kristin asked.
“What? If Steve had a female friend?”
“Yeah. How would you feel then?”
“Steve is surrounded by women in the office where he works. He and Roger have a cute secretary and many female clients. That doesn’t matter to me.”
“That’s different, `Shell, and you know it. If you knew Steve had kissed someone else while he was gone on a weekend business trip, I doubt you’d be okay with him having lunch with her and sitting across the table from her holding hands.”
Michelle eyes misted over. She sighed. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”
“Everybody feels insecure at times, Michelle. Maybe that’s why Trevor’s friendship appeals to you so much – he makes you feel so special and understood. But think of it from Steve’s side, and I think you’ll realize you’ve got to give up this relationship with Trevor.”
“But I really only have three friends here in Sandy Cove – Monica, Starla, and Trevor.”
“What about Kelly? Isn’t she your friend?”
“I guess, but we’re just starting to get to know each other.”
“Well, why don’t you invest some time in that relationship for a while. Kelly must be kind of lonely, too. And you have a lot in common, with both of you coming from Southern California and your husbands being friends. Plus you have the bond of being Christians. It doesn’t sound like you have that with Trevor or Starla or Monica.”
“Actually, that part kind of intimidates me. All this Christianity stuff is really new to me, Kristin. I’m still sorting through all of it and trying to figure out what to do with all the New Age things I was learning before this.”
“It’s pretty new to me, too. But the only way to really grow in your relationship with God is to just dig in, study the Bible, and spend time with other people who have the same beliefs.”
Michelle looked at her. “I guess Mark has really helped you in that area.”
“Yeah. He’s so patient with me, but he keeps challenging me one step at a time, to keep learning and growing in my faith.”
“I can tell. You’re different.”
“Good different or bad different?” Kristin asked.
“Good, of course.” Michelle smiled and squeezed her hand.
“Want to walk some more?”
“Okay.”
As they strolled down the shore, the smell of the salt air and the cries of the seagulls helped them both relax. They continued to talk about the issues on their minds and hearts. Michelle agreed to spend more time seeking God and waiting patiently for the baby she wanted, and Kristin promised to pray for her to have wisdom about Trevor and for God to give her and Steve a beautiful baby.
Before going to bed that night, Michelle got out her Bible and read the other verses in Psalm 37 that Kristin had been talking about.
“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this.”
Help me be patient, God. Help me to be thankful for what I have and to trust you.
Steve strolled into the bedroom. “You look so serious. Everything okay?”
Glancing up, she just nodded, patting the bed beside her. A grin softened her expression as she asked, “Coming to bed?”
The next morning Michelle was reading her Bible again when Kristin came into the kitchen.
“Good morning, `Shell,” her friend said cheerfully. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your reading.”
“Don’t be silly,” she replied, returning her warm smile. “Want some coffee?”
“Yeah. That sounds great. Where are the guys?”
“They went out to look at a commercial building for rent. Ben wanted their opinion about leasing it for the church.”
“I’ll bet Mark is loving this,” Kristin said thoughtfully. “He’s always wanted to be part of a church planting team.”
“Really? You guys should move here and help Ben. Isn’t Mark a youth pastor? I’m sure Ben will be needing one with all the teens around here.”
“Wouldn’t that be great? We could be neighbors.” They both grinned as they sipped their coffee.
“You should have Mark talk to Ben about it,” Michelle suggested.
“I’ll mention it to him, but he’s pretty committed to the kids he works with right now. I’m not sure he’d be willing to leave that position.”
“Well, it’s something we could pray about,” Michelle said with a big smile.
“Speaking of Mark being a pastor and about praying,” Kristin began. “I could really use your prayers for me, too.”
“Why? What’s up?”
“It’s just a little scary thinking about becoming a pastor’s wife. I feel like I should know so much more about the Bible and everything.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine, Kristin. Like I said yesterday, I can really see the difference your faith is making in who you are and the way you look at life. Plus you have Mark there to answer all your questions about the Bible when you aren’t sure of something.”
“I know, but still...just pray for me, okay?” Kristin asked.
“Sure. You know I will. Just remember I’m kind of a novice at this prayer thing.”
“I don’t think that matters to God,” Kristin replied with a grin.
“I hope not ‘cause I’ve got a lot resting on Him answering a few of my prayers.”
“He will, `Shell. Just give Him time.”
“There’s that four letter word again. Time.” Michelle shrugged and grabbed some bread out of the refrigerator to make toast. “Sourdough, right?”
“With strawberry jam.”
“With strawberry jam. Coming right up.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Rick Chambers looked over the sea of faces in the lecture hall. Today would be his favorite class of the semester, the one where any “born again-ers” would likely surface. It was his opportunity to begin challenging them personally, to help them see the archaic nature of their Christian beliefs, and to broaden their viewpoint to one of contemporary humanism. He’d been successful in this endeavor in the past, and he saw it as one of his critical roles as an intellectual leader and guide.
He usually began this session in a casual discussion format to loosen up the dialogue he hoped would naturally unfold. Pushing aside his computer and lecture notes, he greeted the students and hiked himself onto the table, straddl
ing the front corner with one leg resting on the ground, the other dangling freely in front of him. Setting his coffee cup at his side, he smiled at the group and began.
“I’d like to start out the day with a discussion of your reading assignment about the Phoenician culture. What did you find most inspiring about their accomplishments?”
Several students raised their hands and offered answers reflective of the text.
“Yes. Can you see how those advances have benefited our culture today?”
Nods of affirmation indicated his point was well taken.
“What were some evidences from the Phoenician culture that indicated their attachment to paganism?”
A student from the back of the room raised his hand. “David?” Dr. Chambers responded.
“The worship of the god of Moloch.”
“Yes. Good example. What did you learn about Moloch and the Phoenicians?” Dr. Chambers lobbed the question to the class.
A girl raised her hand and answered, “That they sacrificed their infant children to him.”
“Sadly, yes. They would heat the statue of Moloch with fire and then place a newborn in his arms and watch it burn to death.”
Michelle felt nauseous as she recalled this description. Her mind traveled back to the babies she’d seen at the hospital – such tiny, helpless infants nestled in their mothers’ arms. How could anyone sacrifice one of these precious little ones to a god of stone?
“What might have been a good outcome of this ritual for the evolution of society and man?” Dr. Chambers asked.
The class was silent.
“No one can think of anything good that might have come from this?” Dr. Chambers probed.
Again silence in the room. Michelle squirmed inside. Where was he going with this?
“Allow me to give you a hint. As we know, Moloch was the god of the Phoenicians. He represented the religious focus of their time. Was religion a force for good or evil?”
The girl next to Michelle raised her hand.
“Kate?”
Through the Tears (Sandy Cove Series Book 2) Page 16