‘I’m so sorry,’ Chrissie apologized when she’d managed to pull herself together after a couple of minutes. ‘I’ve made a mess of your shirt.’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ Ben said, shivering when cold air replaced the heat her body had generated.
‘I must look a sight,’ Chrissie murmured self-consciously as she pulled a soggy tissue out of her sleeve and blew her nose.
‘Don’t be daft, you’re beautiful,’ Ben blurted out. Immediately blushing, he mumbled, ‘I, erm . . . Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Right, that brew . . .’
‘It can wait,’ Chrissie said quietly.
‘Sorry?’ Ben was confused.
‘I said it can wait,’ she repeated, reaching for his hand.
Taken aback when she kissed him, Ben couldn’t breathe for several seconds. Blinking rapidly when she stopped, he gasped, ‘Oh, wow, that was . . . Wow! Where did that come from?’
Cheeks flaming as it occurred to her that she’d misinterpreted his kindness and crossed a line, Chrissie turned and fled from the room.
‘Chrissie, wait!’ Ben went after her and grabbed her by the arm before she could run up the stairs. ‘I didn’t say I didn’t like it,’ he said softly, tilting his head to peer up at her down-turned face. ‘I didn’t expect it, that’s all. Please don’t be embarrassed, because we both know it would never have happened if you weren’t grieving, so let’s just pretend it never happened, eh? And it goes without saying that I won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about.’
Chrissie gazed up at him with despair in her eyes. ‘You are such a massive idiot, Ben Smith, or Jones – or whatever the hell your surname is. You’ve got no idea how nice you are, have you?’
‘It’s Maitland,’ Ben told her, a tiny grin curling his lips as he added, ‘And I don’t know about the second bit, but I’ve been called the first so many times, I guess it must be true.’
Chrissie smiled, but it was replaced by a look of sheer panic when the doorbell rang.
‘Oh, God, that must be them.’
‘Are you ready?’
‘No! I haven’t said goodbye yet.’
‘Go and do it now. They can wait.’
Chrissie squeezed her eyes shut and nodded. ‘Thanks. I’ll try not to be too long.’
Chrissie made her way up the stairs as Ben went out to speak with the ambulance crew. She paused and took a deep breath before entering her mum’s bedroom. This would be the last time she ever saw her face, because her mum had always insisted that she wanted a closed casket when the time came.
‘I’ve never understood this fascination with gawping at dead people,’ she’d told Chrissie once when they had been watching the footage of some American celebrity’s funeral on TV. ‘It’s downright bloody creepy, if you ask me. When my time comes, I want my coffin closed and double-bolted, ’cos there’s no way I’m having people traipse past making sarky comments about me hair.’
With that memory in mind, Chrissie glanced at her mum’s hair now as she approached the bed. Like Chrissie’s own hair, her mum’s had been a dark shade of red when she was younger, but the colour had faded as she’d aged. She’d tried home-dyeing it for a while, but it had become too time-consuming after she got ill, and she’d refused to let anyone else do it for her, so it was now a messy blend of dark and light greys.
It felt like straw when Chrissie stroked it and, knowing that her mum would be mortified if she let the ambulance crew take her like that, she rushed into her own room to get a bottle of leave-in conditioner.
Aware that she didn’t have much time when she heard the men talking quietly in the hall below, she returned to her mum and sat on the bed beside her.
‘Well, I guess this is it,’ she murmured as she sprayed conditioner on to her mum’s hair and gently massaged it in. ‘I couldn’t let you go without making you look decent, ’cos I know you’d never forgive me. And I thought I might as well grab the chance to tell you how much I love you while I’m at it,’ she went on sadly. ‘You always told me to belt up and stop being so soft whenever I tried in the past, but you knew, didn’t you? I did love you, and I always will, ’cos you’re the best mum in the world. I just wanted you to know that.’
She paused and swiped at a rogue tear that was trickling down her cheek before continuing.
‘Anyway, I expect Dad’ll be waiting, so I’d best let you go. Give him a big hug from me when you see him. Good night, God bless.’
She leaned over now and kissed her mum’s cold cheek for the last time, before going out on to the landing to let the crew know she was ready.
24
The funeral service was short and sweet – exactly as Joan no-fuss, no-nonsense O’Brien would have wanted it to be. When it was over, Chrissie stood outside the crematorium doors and thanked the mourners who had come along to pay their last respects. There weren’t many; just a couple of distant relatives who Chrissie had only vaguely recognized because it was so long since she’d seen them, a few neighbours, and a handful of her mum’s old bingo buddies. When at last she was done, she made her way to the funeral car, in which Leanne, Jake and Ben were already seated.
‘Sorry about that,’ she apologized as she climbed in. ‘I tried to keep it short, but they kept hugging me and telling me how proud my mum was of me.’
‘She was,’ said Leanne. ‘It’s all she ever talked about whenever I came round. Our Chrissie’s done this, our Chrissie’s doing that. She thought the world of you, and I could picture her standing there watching the service, saying, My lass organized this. Isn’t she clever?’
‘You don’t think it was too quick, do you?’ Chrissie asked. ‘I know she’d have hated anything airy-fairy, but I wouldn’t want her to think I rushed it to get it over with.’
‘Babe, it was perfect,’ Leanne said sincerely. ‘Honestly, she’d have loved it. Especially when the vicar got her name wrong.’
Chrissie managed a grin at this. ‘Oh, I know, that was awful, wasn’t it? Mum would have torn him off a strip for that, and no messing. I don’t even know where that came from. Margaret sounds nothing like Joan. Still, at least he had the grace to apologize.’ She paused now and smiled at the three of them before saying, ‘You lot have been amazing, by the way. Thank you so much for supporting me through this.’
‘We love you,’ Leanne said simply. ‘So of course we were going to be here for you. Always have been, always will be,’ she added. ‘Same as you’ve always been there for me.’
‘Oh, here we go.’ Chrissie gave Jake a mock-weary look. ‘Always has to turn it mushy, doesn’t she?’
‘Shut it, you!’ Leanne gave her a playful dig in the ribs.
‘What do you girls want to do?’ Jake asked, resting his arm along the back of the seat and stroking Leanne’s hair. ‘I’ve got a few hours before I have to head off, so we could go out for something to eat, if anyone’s hungry? My treat.’
‘I’m okay, thanks,’ Chrissie said, glancing at her watch. ‘I think I’d best go straight home. Mrs Ford’s daughter was an angel for offering to look after Dylan so her mum could come to the funeral, but I don’t want them to think I’m taking the piss.’
‘We could always pick him up and take him with us?’ Ben suggested.
‘Might have known you’d say that.’ Chrissie smiled. ‘Proper taken to him, haven’t you?’
‘He’s a smart little fella,’ Ben said fondly. ‘And his auntie’s pretty cool, too,’ he added, giving her a shy grin.
Chrissie settled in her seat with a secretive smile playing on her lips as the chauffeur drove them out through the crematorium gates. She and Ben had grown quite close this last week, and she wasn’t sure she’d have coped without him. He’d been an enormous help; running her around whenever she’d needed to go anywhere, and bringing food in when she’d been too tired or emotional to cook. He’d also spent hours looking after Dylan, who adored him, giving Chrissie time alone to grieve.
True to his word, he hadn’t breathed a word to
Jake about the kiss; and neither he nor Chrissie had had the courage to speak about it for several days after it had happened. But Chrissie hadn’t been able to get it out of her mind so, last night, after she’d put Dylan to bed and she and Ben were sharing a glass of wine, she’d finally taken the plunge.
‘Are we going to talk about it, or is it going to be the elephant in the room for the rest of our lives?’ she’d asked.
‘What do you mean?’ Ben had replied shyly, his sudden inability to look her in the eye letting her know that he knew exactly what she meant.
‘The kiss,’ she’d said bluntly. ‘I know you think I only did it because I was in a state over my mum, but you’re wrong. I like you, and I thought it was mutual, but I should never have put you in that position, and I’m really sorry if I embarrassed you. I’m just glad it hasn’t affected our friendship, because that would have awful.’
‘Are you serious?’ he’d asked.
‘About which bit?’
‘About liking me?’
‘Of course. I thought you knew.’
‘I honestly didn’t.’
‘I’m obviously more subtle than I thought.’ Chrissie had laughed. ‘Still, at least we’ve aired it now, and we both know where we stand, so there’s no need for either of us to feel awk—’
Ben had kissed her before she could continue, and this time neither of them had pulled away. They had spent the rest of the night cuddling on the sofa, and Chrissie had fallen asleep in his arms – the pair of them still fully clothed.
Things had been a little hectic this morning, so they hadn’t had a chance to talk in any depth, but they had agreed that, out of respect for her mum, this probably wasn’t the best day to come out as a couple.
They hadn’t needed to say a word about any of this to Leanne, because she’d already guessed that something had changed between them. All day she’d been watching them exchange surreptitious glances when they’d thought nobody was looking, and they were sitting comfortably close now, she thought. She knew they’d been spending a lot of time together this week, and if that had broken down the barriers which had been keeping them apart, then she was delighted. Chrissie hadn’t had a serious relationship with any man since her fiancé had been murdered, and she deserved happiness. It seemed this most unhappy of occasions might have been the prod they had both needed to bring it about.
When they reached the house a short time later, Chrissie led her friends inside and took a quick look around.
‘Anything?’ Leanne asked.
Chrissie shook her head.
‘She was hoping Tina might have turned up while we were out,’ Leanne explained when Jake gave her a questioning look. ‘She read Chrissie’s last message, so she knows the funeral was scheduled for today.’
‘I actually don’t know if I’m more annoyed or worried,’ Chrissie said, hanging her coat on a chair before reaching for the kettle. ‘As bad as she is, she’s just lost her mum, for God’s sake. How could she not want to say goodbye?’
‘Because she’s selfish,’ Leanne said bluntly as she took a seat at the table.
‘I wish that was all it was,’ Chrissie murmured, leaning against the sink and folding her arms. ‘But I’ve got a niggling feeling something might be wrong.’
‘Like what?’
‘I’m not sure, it’s just a feeling. I know she’s probably been hiding out in some squat getting off her nut, but she did love Mum, so I can’t understand why she hasn’t phoned or texted.’
‘I’m not being funny, but she was gone for a whole month last time, and she didn’t get in touch once,’ Leanne reminded her.
‘I know, but this is different,’ Chrissie argued. ‘No one can be cold enough to ignore their own mother’s funeral – not even our Tina.’
‘So what do you want to do?’ Leanne asked when she saw the worry in Chrissie’s eyes.
‘I don’t know.’ Chrissie shrugged. ‘I haven’t called the police yet, but maybe I should?’
‘Is there really any point?’ Jake asked. ‘Like you said, this isn’t the first time she’s taken off, so I can’t see the police taking it too seriously. And she must still have her phone if she’s seen your messages, so she’d have let someone know by now if she was in trouble.’
‘I guess so,’ Chrissie conceded, unable to argue with his logic. Then, with finality, she said, ‘No, you’re right. She’s being a selfish cow, and I’m wasting my time worrying about her. Dylan’s the only one I should be thinking about now. Tina can screw up her own life as much as she likes, but I won’t have her messing that boy’s head up again. From now on, it’s just me and him.’
‘And Ben,’ said Leanne. Laughing when both Chrissie and Ben blushed, she said, ‘Oh, come on . . . you can’t seriously think we didn’t notice that something’s going on. It’s obvious.’
‘Okay, fine, we’ve been talking,’ Chrissie admitted. ‘But it’s early days and we’re taking it slowly, so don’t go on about it.’
‘Good for you!’ Jake clapped his friend on the back. ‘I thought you were never going to get the balls to ask her out.’
‘He didn’t.’ Chrissie gave Ben a coy smile. ‘I practically had to throw myself at him.’
‘That’s my girl,’ Leanne said approvingly. ‘I suppose this means we’re an official foursome now?’
‘Don’t try to rush us,’ Chrissie chided. ‘We’re not all like you two, you know. Some of us like to get to know each other properly before we leap into Romeo and Juliet territory. Anyway, enough about that,’ she went on matter-of-factly. ‘Jake hasn’t got long, so finish making those brews while I go and get Dylan, Ben. Then we can decide where we’re going to eat.’
‘I guess we know who’ll be wearing the trousers in this relationship,’ Jake teased when his friend stood up to do as he’d been told without argument.
‘Shut it, you!’ Chrissie grinned.
PART TWO
25
Leanne stared at the stick in her hand and bit her lip as she waited for the words to appear. When they did, her heart skipped several beats.
3–4 weeks pregnant.
A quick flick through her memory bank told her the exact night she must have conceived. She hadn’t seen as much of Jake as she’d have liked since he’d decided to go into the property business. He was out most days searching for new flats and houses to add to his portfolio, and stayed out late most nights dealing with his security business. She was often asleep by the time he got home, but she’d made an effort to wait up for him that particular night – and the result was in her hand right now.
And her belly.
She placed her free hand on her stomach and closed her eyes to picture the little life that had been secretly growing inside her for the last three and a half weeks. It would only be a tiny squiggle at the moment, but in her mind’s eye it was a fully formed, perfect bundle of joy, with its mother’s black hair and its father’s brown eyes.
No, not it, she.
Telling herself to stop being so ridiculous, that it was impossible to know the sex at this early stage, Leanne went into the bedroom and, picking up her mobile phone, pulled Jake’s number up on to the screen. Immediately changing her mind, because she wanted to see his expression when he heard the news, she decided to wait until he came home for dinner.
Too excited to sit around doing nothing for the rest of the day, she thought she might ring Chrissie and see if she fancied a catch-up. Chrissie had been busy working and taking care of Dylan since her mum’s funeral, and any spare time she had was spent with Ben, so – as with Jake – Leanne hadn’t seen much of her lately. They still spoke on the phone when they got the chance, but it wasn’t the same as actually spending time together, and Leanne missed her.
As beautiful as this apartment undoubtedly was, Leanne often felt lonely. And she also got quite bored, but since Jake had vetoed the idea of her looking for work, insisting that it was his job to take care of her, she’d taken to reading in order to keep from going complete
ly stir crazy.
It wasn’t quite the life Leanne had imagined when she’d agreed to move in with Jake, but it felt ungrateful to complain when he was working himself to the bone to keep her in the lap of luxury. She only wished she could make him understand that she didn’t need the extravagant gifts he brought her whenever he’d been out of town: the flowers, the chocolates, the clothes, the jewellery. While most women would have cut off their right arm to have what she had, Leanne would have been happy to still be scrimping and scraping in the bedsit if it meant she got to spend more time with Jake.
Still, as much as she’d have liked him to stay home more often, she would never dream of trying to make him do so, because she’d realized that his thirst for success ran far deeper than the need to make money. It was his way of getting one over on all the people who had tormented him as a child and the teachers who had told him he would amount to nothing. Most of all, it was a massive fuck-you to the father who had walked away as if he no longer existed.
Leanne hoped that, when he learned he was about to become a father to a child of his own, Jake might realize that he didn’t have to try so hard to prove himself. This child deserved to have two hands-on parents, not a stay-at-home mummy and a workaholic daddy who popped in now and then with expensive presents.
Chrissie’s phone went to voicemail, but Leanne decided it was probably just as well. Jake should be the first to know about the baby, and she wasn’t sure she trusted herself not to blurt it out if she saw Chrissie. She still needed a break from this place, though, so she decided to take a walk into town. It was unusually warm for early May; the perfect day for sunbathing on the balcony with a book and glass of wine, in fact – exactly as Jake had envisioned the first time he’d brought her here. But there was no way she’d be able to relax out there knowing that the pervy old neighbour was probably spying on her. Anyway, the walk would do her good, she decided. And she’d be able to nip into the supermarket while she was out, to pick up something special for dinner.
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