Markson stood and addressed the class, congratulating them on a great semester before he turned to the subject of my final presentation. “We have two students giving their presentations today. I’m sure we’re all pleased to see Miss Nichols back and healthy. She’s been on excused medical status for the last few weeks and today she’s going to talk about why she’s been absent. I’ll let Jillian and her friends explain what they hope to communicate to you today.”
I took a long, steadying breath as somewhere in the back of my mind a tiny voice said, “Imagine them in their underwear.” If that advice had ever worked, I wanted to see the case study.
“Thank you, Professor Markson, for being so understanding about the last few weeks. It’s been very stressful for me,” I said. It never hurt to butter up the teacher a little.
He nodded and gestured for me to continue. We only had fifteen minutes to prove I deserved to pass the class, and I was already stalling.
“A couple of weeks ago, I had what’s called an off episode. It was brought on by stress and eventually it led to me being hospitalized,” I began. I wasn’t actually sure where to start. This had started much earlier than that, if I was being honest. It had started with waffles in the kitchen after a one-night stand. It started with a mother who wanted to coddle me and push me away at the same time, unsure how to have a relationship with me. It had started with a surprise diagnosis two years ago that had rocked my world and left me unsteady and unsure of my future.
“Why did you have an off episode?” Jess jumped in, helping me out. I shot her a grateful look.
“I was diagnosed with early-onset Parkinson’s Disease two years ago,” I explained. “It’s pretty rare to find out before twenty, but basically I have issues with my nervous system. An off episode is when the condition flares up.”
Liam cleared his throat like he wanted permission to speak, and I looked to him expectantly. “I’ve read a lot about Parkinson’s in the last few weeks, and I feel like I understand what happens, but I don’t know how you feel when you have an episode.”
“I feel like I’m losing control.” Plus one for using an “I” statement. I hoped Markson was taking notes. “It starts out like dizziness or weakness and sometimes that’s all it is, but other times, it takes over my body. I feel embarrassed about it, so I try to hide it and hope I don’t lock up in front of anyone.”
“But you told Jess about it?” Liam prompted, a slight hint of accusation in his words. Markson tutted at him. Apparently, that was a poor interpersonal question. “I noticed that you are open with Jess about it, but you weren’t willing to talk with me about it.”
“I didn’t want you to know,” I answered. “Truthfully, I didn’t want you to see me as broken. I don’t want anyone to see me as broken because that will mean that the disease is in control.”
“Over the last two years…” Jess hesitated, and I braced myself for what she was about to say to me. “I’ve worried that you’d given up a little. I want you to act like Parkinson’s isn’t controlling you life, but sometimes it feels like it is.”
I had to hand it to Jess, she had really internalized what she’d learned from Markson last semester.
“I guess I have. Knowing that you’re living with something that will eventually take over your life is hard,” I admitted.
“Or it could give you perspective,” Liam noted.
“In a lot of ways, I’ve been avoiding it. I’ve hidden it from a lot of people, because I didn’t want it to define me. But the whole time I’ve let if define myself.” I felt raw and vulnerable saying this out loud, as though I was stepping out of the carefully constructed shell I’d built for myself. Seeing things from this perspective made me realize that I’d never considered how Jess had felt for the last two years. I’d thought a lot about how Liam would feel about my disease, but even then it had been in a purely selfish way.
“How did you feel when I was diagnosed?” I asked Jess.
“I felt helpless. You were my best friend. My wild friend,” she added. “I thought you were the strong one, and I didn’t feel like I could do anything for you.”
And yet, Jess had stuck around. She’d learned how to give me shots and handle episodes. She’d run interference with Tara when I felt overwhelmed. “You might have felt that way,” I told her, “but you’ve always known exactly what I needed.”
I looked to Liam, unsure how to ask him what was on my mind. If I had thought talking about my condition in front of the class was difficult, bringing up our fledgling relationship felt too personal. But he was sitting next to me, sharing his thoughts and concerns, and I owed it to him to be honest.
“I feel like you’ve treated me differently since you found out, like I am going to break.” Our recent experiences in the bedroom sprang to mind, but I left that out.
“I think that has a lot more to do with how you reacted when I saw you during that episode. I wanted to talk to you.” He was choosing his words carefully, struggling not to say the wrong thing, so I put a hand on his arm to reassure him. “I don’t know how I would have felt if you had told me from day one. I like to think that it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but I was hurt when you pushed me away after that night. If I hadn’t already been in love with you that might have been the end.”
Our audience murmured to one another at his declaration, clearly impressed by Liam’s honesty, and I felt a swell of pride in my chest. Somehow, we’d made it through this to sit here today. That might have been due to Liam, but I finally understood that it took both of us to get here.
“What do you wish people knew about Parkinson’s?” Jess asked me, and I wondered how much time she and Liam had spent preparing for this. The question sounded well-rehearsed.
“I guess that it doesn’t make me all that different. If people knew that—” I immediately thought of Tara “—I think I would spend less time hiding it.”
“Okay, last question,” Liam said. “Do you really like Chiclets?”
“I can unequivocally say that I love them,” I said with a laugh. It was over. I had gotten through it and come out on the other side.
There was brief applause from our small audience, but no one spoke until Markson stood and addressed everyone. “Thank you to those of you who showed up. I’m sure we can find the rest of the class on Pine Street, and thank you to Miss Nichols for being brave today. I hope that this wasn’t too painful for you.”
I glanced around, momentarily confused. Markson had said there were two finals left today, but he didn’t stop anyone as the other students gathered their things and exited. A few stopped to share their own secrets with me, and one girl threw her arms around me. That had never happened after a final before.
When it was only the four of us left in the room, Markson handed Liam and me a sheet of paper. “Your presentation was excellent, but remember to watch those ‘I’ statements Liam.”
Liam bowed his head to him. “Will do.”
“But there were supposed to be two final presentations today,” I pointed out.
“There were,” Markson said. “Yours and Mr. McAvoy’s.”
“You told me you already presented.” I turned on Liam.
“‘I’ statements,” Markson said behind me.
“I didn’t want to stress you out any more,” Liam confessed. “So I fibbed.”
“I feel like that wasn’t very good communication.” But even as I said it, I took his hand to let him know I was grateful. He was thinking of me, like always.
“So what did you get?” Liam asked, pointing to my sheet of paper.
My heart froze when I realized what Markson had handed to us. He’d graded the presentation in class and given us our final scores.
“What did you get?” I asked, wanting to avoid the moment of truth.
“I got a B,” he said, “with a note to work on my ‘I’ statements.”
If Liam got a B after attending every class and doing all the work, I was going to be lucky to skate by with a D
. Tara wouldn’t be pleased, but it was technically a passing grade. I turned the paper over and read through it. I’d missed enough classes to drop my participation score to an F, but it was only a small percentage of my grade. The midterm project and final presentation accounted for well over eighty percent of the points. I held up the paper to show Liam a clear C written at the bottom.
“I’ll take it,” I told him as he leaned down and gave me a swift kiss. When our lips met, it felt victorious, as though we’d overcome something huge together. Suddenly, all the things that had stood in our way vanished, leaving only the two of us for that brief second.
“Save it for the bedroom,” Jess said, and Markson looked at his feet.
She grabbed my paper and raised an eyebrow.
“I know, I know. You got an A,” I said.
“That’s a passing grade, Jills. You know what that means! First round is on me tonight.” She wrapped me into a tight hug.
But I knew that it meant a lot more than meeting Tara’s ultimatum. It meant I was staying at Olympic State, and that I’d finally faced the one thing I’d been hiding from for two years. It meant I’d finally realized I wasn’t broken.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
When we arrived at Garrett’s, the party had already started. The bar was packed with students drinking to their successes or drowning their sorrows, and we had to fight our way through the crowd. We finally spotted Jess and Brett in a booth, waving us down. Liam and I slid into the seat across from them while Jess poured two beers from a pitcher.
“Sorry,” she called over the din surrounding us. “I figured a pitcher was our best shot at getting drinks tonight.”
“It’s cool. Where’s Cassie?” I asked.
“She stepped outside to call Trevor. He’s MIA.” Jess raised her glass to us. “To being done with our fifth semester.”
“It’s all downhill from here,” I said as we tapped our plastic cups in a toast.
Liam’s arm snaked around my shoulder, bringing me close to him. I cuddled against him, dropping a kiss on his neck. Across from us, Jess and Brett didn’t touch, although Brett shifted a little closer to her.
Cassie plopped into the booth beside me, still holding her phone.
“Any luck?” Jess asked.
“No. He was supposed to be here by now.” Cassie frowned, trying to look pissed, but her eyes glinted with something else: fear. She checked her phone again and sent a text.
“Let’s dance,” I suggested, eager to get her mind off Trevor for a second.
Pulling her arm, I dragged her out to the dance floor. Jess followed close behind us, and we began to dip and move spastically to the latest Billboard hit. This is what I loved about Olympic State: my best friends and me. Despite being independent women and set on very different paths, we always came back together in the end.
Two familiar hands grabbed my hips, drawing me against the firm body I knew so well. I gyrated close to him as his hands held me tightly. It was the perfect end to the semester. Laughing, dancing, being together. The deejay called out for karaoke participants and we took the cue to flee the dance floor, heading back to our booth.
Brett sat, guarding our pitcher and jackets, and looking mildly put out that we’d left him there alone.
“I tried to get him to come out there, but he said he doesn’t dance,” Liam whispered against my hair.
That hardly mattered. None of us could dance, but I resolved to stay in the booth for the rest of the evening anyway. We managed to procure another pitcher while Cassie checked her phone again.
“I’m going to head over there,” she told us after another hour. Poor thing. She couldn’t be having too much fun hanging out with her best friends and their boyfriends. I’d been in that situation myself these last few months, so I gave her a hug and watched as she pushed her way through the crowd to the exit.
“When do you leave?” I asked Jess.
She shrugged, casting a sideways glance at Brett. “I haven’t decided yet. Things are kinda up in the air.”
It occurred to me then that a single word hadn’t passed between the two of them all night. Later—in the morning maybe—I’d ask her about what was going on. Brett wasn’t much of a partier, but this was morose, even for him. For now though, I downed the remnants of my beer and turned to Liam.
“I’m exhausted. Take me home?” I asked him.
Something wicked gleamed in his eyes as he nodded at my request. “I’ve been waiting all night for you to say that.”
“I’ll see you both in the morning,” Jess said as we stood to leave.
“I’ll make waffles,” Liam promised her.
Jess winked at me, and I realized I was going home with him tonight because of her. She had guided me to Markson’s class and nagged me to give Liam a second chance. Tomorrow, I would give her a giant hug and thank her.
As we made our way past the bar, Liam grabbed my hand and motioned for me to stop. He disappeared past the crush of bodies and returned a few moments later with a bottle of water.
“You should drink this,” he suggested as he handed it me.
“Worried about my hydration?” I asked, twisting off the cap.
“A couple of beers and your meds are not a great combination.” But before I could be annoyed, he added, “And I want to make sure you stay alert. I have plans for you.”
A shiver ran through me, raising bumps on my skin. I liked the sound of that. The thought of taking Liam home for the night made my knees feel weak. Of course, he usually had that effect on me, but tonight there would be nothing hanging over our heads. My new medications were working wonders, I was through finals, and I’d managed to pass all my classes per Tara’s orders. Best of all, I was staying in Olympic Falls.
Who needed Garrett’s? The party was at home tonight. In my bed. With Liam.
He hooked a finger in the back pocket of my jeans as I led the way out of the bar. Night had fallen while we were inside, and the world was painted in shades of deep blue. A chill cut through the air, so I tugged my jacket together and pressed against him. There was no rush as we walked toward my apartment under the star-speckled sky. When we reached my complex though, it was a different story, Liam took the stairs two at a time, bouncing on his heels as I struggled to unlock the door.
As soon as were inside, he lifted me off my feet, cupping my ass and pressing me against the door, pushing it shut behind us. His lips moved slowly against mine, soft and certain, but I felt greedy, hungry for more after weeks of stress and distraction. I clutched his neck and slipped my tongue into his mouth, licking against the back of his teeth, biting gently on his lower lip. Liam groaned and carried me into the bedroom.
He laid me on the bed softly, but it wasn’t an act of caution. He watched me with reverence as I unbuttoned my shirt in slow, precise movements, letting it fall open to reveal a lacy bra I’d worn just for him.
“I want to stare at you all night,” he murmured as he stripped off his shirt to reveal his chiseled chest and carved abdomen. I could same the same thing to him. Except for the fact that his jeans hung low on his hips, showcasing the deep V cutting down past the waistline of his pants.
“This is a hands-on exhibit,” I told him, wiggling off my shirt and tossing it to the floor.
“In that case.” Liam bent forward and tugged off my pants in a swift, urgent motion as he dropped to his knees, positioning himself between my dangling legs. He hooked his arms around my thighs, kissing along them until his lips brushed against me, sending a tremor of anticipation through my body. Blowing softly against my sensitive skin, he trailed up to kiss along my pelvis. “I want to worship you.”
“I won’t stop you.” My words came out as moans as he bit down on the elastic edge of my thong, drawing it slowly off me until his hands removed it completely. He stayed there, nestled between my legs, dropping kisses along my skin as my core coiled and tightened, ready for him. Instead, he gripped my left leg and urged me on to my stomach, pushing me further up
on the bed and spreading my legs apart. My hands clutched the sheets and he continued his exploration along the curves of my back down to my ass. His fingers traced its outline, their marks scorching into me, leaving a trail of fire and longing in their wake until they tracked down between my legs. He lingered there, massaging long caresses across the sensitive area as my muscles tensed and pleasure mounted in my body.
“I need you,” I whispered. “I need to feel you.”
He wrenched my hips up to him. My chest remained flat against the mattress as he slid inside me agonizingly slowly. I was full of him, stretched to the line between pain and pleasure as he slipped in and out of me in hard deep strokes.
“I could do this all day,” he said, and I could feel his gaze on me.
“Promise?” I flipped my head to the side to watch him as he moved against me, our eyes meeting as I moaned his name, and he met my call by plunging faster and farther, his hard abdomen smacking against the soft flesh of my ass. He stopped, leaving me empty and swollen, but only to flip me over so that our eyes could meet.
“I want to see you, Jillian,” he murmured, his words half whispered, half growled.
As he reached for my thighs, something animal took over in me, and I pushed him onto his back, settling in on top of him with the sort of graceful expertise that would have been a little embarassing with anyone else but him. Liam and I fit together so smoothly, so easily, that I allowed my body to make the decisions for me.
“Even better,” he said, staring at me in wonder as I took charge. Our eyes stay locked together as he grasped my hips, urging me to slow down, and when I did, he reached for my shoulders and drew me down for a gentle kiss. He released me immediately, and I sat up, reveling in having control of him for the moment. Seeing Liam pinned beneath me gave me a wild thrill that sent my head flying back, loosening my hair to fall over my shoulders.
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