“At least three,” I told him, unable to think of a good comeback.
I might actually be dying.
“The good news is, you don’t have to put on an act around his family now.”
“Emilie, I swear to God, if you do not shut your boyfriend up you’re never going to be able to have children.”
“Quinn, babe, you’re not helping.” She grinned at him, looking suspiciously as though she found him hilarious, then tried to straighten out her face for me. “The real good news is, you can move on with a clear conscience! This was obviously not meant to be.”
I flopped onto my back and covered my face with a pillow, screaming into it. “Why am I so hopeless?”
“You’re not hopeless. So, you liked him and it didn’t work out. We’re twenty. You might like a bunch more guys before you find the one.”
The fact that I’d never felt anything like I did with Cole didn’t matter. She was right. Another year and a half and I’d be living in New York, anyway.
My phone buzzed and my heart shot into my throat, first when I saw it was from Cole, and second when I read the message. “Oh, no.”
I flew to my feet and grabbed my purse, not bothering to check the mirror or change out of my Whitman shorts, hoodie, and flip flops.
“What’s wrong?” Emilie stood, unsure what to do.
“It’s Caroline, one of the girls I worked with at the Coterie. She had an accident at school and her mom’s out of town. She’s staying with a babysitter, but she can’t leave the rest of her charges at home for much longer. I’m going to the hospital.”
“Take my car,” Quinn offered.
I tossed a thank you over my shoulder as I hurried out of the room, down the hall, and out into the waiting Town Car.
“Gilbert Memorial Hospital, please.”
The driver said nothing about a strange passenger, simply sliding the car into drive and leaving Greek Row for the city. Quinn must have called down to let him know.
We arrived at the hospital in less than twenty minutes and a nurse pointed me toward the children’s floor. Machines beeped softly in the room, sound and light muffled by curtains and a sense of sobriety. Caroline’s long blonde hair spilled onto the stiff white pillows, and her face seemed to match the sheets, except for the bright red cuts along her forehead and cheeks. Pieces of clear tape and black stitches held them together. My stomach churned at the sight of her; Caro’s fiery personality and smartass mouth made me love her and occasionally forget she was only ten, but right now, she looked so small and helpless.
Her head rolled toward the doorway. After a few moments, her cloudy blue eyes focused and she tried to smile. “Ruby?”
I took a deep breath, trying to settle my nausea, and pulled a chair toward the bed. “Hey, Caro. How are you feeling?”
I wanted to ask what the hell happened, and whether she’d be okay, but those were questions for doctors, not ten-year-olds. Instead I smoothed a piece of hair off her forehead and smiled.
“Yucky. My mom’s not here.”
“I know, sweetie. She’s on her way, though. Mister Cole said she’ll be here by the time you wake up in the morning.”
“I’m sleepy.”
“Okay. You can go to sleep.”
Her eyebrows tucked together. “Don’t leave me.”
My heart squeezed so hard it hurt. I had no idea how this had happened, me and this kid becoming a pair, but the responsibility felt good, if heavy. “I’m not going anywhere, kid.”
“I don’t want to die like Juliet,” she mumbled.
“If you try, I’ll make Mister Cole come and kiss you.”
She smiled, a barely there little thing, and it fell away quickly. Her breathing slowed and her features relaxed, making her look younger than ever.
Once I was positive she was asleep, I stood and stretched, then turned to find Cole leaning against the doorway, watching us. He came inside and folded himself into the chair on the other side of her bed, motioning for me to sit back down, too. I did, because I’d promised Caro I wouldn’t leave, but eyed Cole warily. All of the embarrassment from earlier today washed mortification through me until I wanted to shrivel up and die.
In lieu of being able to make that happen, I focused on Caroline. My worry over her condition blended with my humiliation in front of Cole’s family and turned into a familiar shield of righteous anger. “Is she going to be okay?”
“She’s going to be fine. Some scrapes and bruises and a cracked rib. They’re keeping her overnight to watch for signs of a concussion.” His eyes slid to Caroline’s sleeping form and his gaze seemed to throw a protective blanket over her.
Some of the tension bled out, knowing she’d be okay. “What happened?”
“She was walking out of school and some high-school kid’s foot slipped off the brake.”
“Asshole was probably fucking around with his sound system or texting his girlfriend pictures of his dick or something.” I wanted to rip his dick off, to be honest.
“He feels terrible. But I feel the same way.”
“What way?”
He gave me a small smile. “Like I want to hurt him for hurting Caroline, accident or not.”
That Cole heard the underlying threat in my words made me feel naked, the way he so often did, and it had nothing to do with sex. Or lack thereof.
“Ruby, can we talk?”
The memory of his house earlier, of the looks on his parents’ faces, rushed back. I bit my lip. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not.”
“It’s not all the same to me.”
“Look, I’m sorry about what happened. I feel like a huge idiot.”
“Not about that. I wanted to talk about why you came over in the first place. You said you felt badly for how our date on the beach ended, and that you understood about needing time to trust people.”
“I don’t know if that’s exactly what I said, but yes. That’s the gist. I felt like a hypocrite for the way I treated you. We’ve only been out a few times—only once, officially, I guess—and it was wrong of me to try to push you into trusting me. That’s not what I’m about.”
“Right. You’re about great sex, and relationships that last more than one night but less than whatever means it’s serious.”
I shrugged, discomfort at the blunt but accurate assessment itching my palms. “That’s the best of my options.”
“What if it wasn’t? What if I said I wanted to date you—and yes, Ruby, go to bed with you—but not for a few weeks or a month. I want to talk about Christmas, and showing you Elgin, and maybe a spring holiday on the Mediterranean. I don’t want to see you with the expectation that it won’t last.”
“We’re young, Cole. Things don’t last.”
“Often they don’t. Sometimes they do. Either way, I’m not willing to start this if you’ve got an ending already written.”
My insides quivered with an unspoken desire that aligned with his—I wanted to start dating him and see what happened, but I’d spent so many years waiting for the other shoe to drop, and this entire thing—Cole—seemed way too good to be true.
I latched on to the trump card, then laid it on the bed between us. “Your parents….” My face heated again and tears threatened “I’m pretty sure they don’t want someone like me barging in on your perfect family.”
“You don’t know anything about my parents, except that they raised an exceptionally handsome and well-spoken son.” He winked, but sobered quickly when I refused to be teased out of my mortification. “I’ll grant you that what happened this afternoon wasn’t an ideal scenario to introduce yourself, but perhaps it will end up being something we all laugh about in the future.” His green eyes studied me with so much intensity that I no longer felt naked, but completely transparent.
Yes. I want you, and not just in the bedroom, but anywhere you’ll have me. Let’s do this. Let’s try. I’ll be brave and try to believe you won’t break it off the first time someone makes a comment about m
y not being good enough for you.
That’s what I should have said. But the moment went on too long, and the words didn’t emerge, and eventually, Cole got up and left.
Chapter Seventeen
Morning light hit my eyelids, making me wince. My mouth felt dry and disgusting and my neck had an impressively large kink. It took several moments to remember where I was when my eyes finally pried loose the crusties, but Caroline’s still sleeping form next to mine brought it all crashing back.
“Would you like some coffee?” Cole sat in the same chair he’d evacuated the night before, when I’d been too much of a scarebaby to admit what I wanted.
“What are you still doing here?” I whispered, staying still in an attempt to not wake Caro.
“I just….” He ran a palm over his short blond hair. “I guess I could make something up about wanting to make sure she’d be all right, but she had you and a full staff. It was peaceful in here, and you looked so beautiful. Inside this room, anything felt possible. After the way things ended last night, it felt like if I left, this would all be over. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.”
All this time, I’d been trying to protect my heart but he’d smashed it anyway, along with all of the walls I’d thrown up between us in an attempt to keep him out.
Somehow, Cole had gotten in.
And even though I was so scared I could pee myself, I knew that I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, either. The thought of letting him walk out the door, of pretending there was nothing between us when we ran into each other on campus, frightened me more than the very real possibility that things might not work out in the end.
My eyes or face or just the chemistry between us must have communicated something to Cole. He was a watcher, which made him excel at reading people—especially me—and he came around to my side of the bed.
Soft fingers trailed down my face, sliding strands of hair between them and tucking them away, before tracing my lips. My hand reached up and snagged the front of his button-down, pulling him toward me until our noses almost touched.
“This isn’t goodbye.” Tears filled my eyes. “I don’t want that, either.”
His lips touched mine softly, like a whispered promise that we would leave here together. That whatever came our direction from his parents or my future in the city, or all of our inevitable disagreements, we would tackle them.
“Mister Cole is supposed to kiss me, Ruby.” Caroline’s scratchy voice protested.
We broke apart, smiling a little guiltily at being busted kissing in a fifth-grader’s hospital bed, but nothing could make me feel bad right now.
“Sorry, kid. I’m keeping him for myself.”
“So, now he’s your boyfriend?”
The question tied my tongue. I certainly wasn’t prepared to answer that five minutes after I’d decided to put my heart out there for the taking.
Luckily, we were saved by the entrance of Caroline’s harried mother. She flew in the room, her face lined with worry and stress, and grabbed her daughter’s hand while Cole helped me out of the bed. I straightened my hoodie, hoping the bun on top of my head wasn’t as askew as it felt.
After reassuring herself that her daughter was going to be fine, she looked at Cole and me, her face filled with gratitude. “Thank you for staying with her. It made me feel so much better when Mr. Stuart said you were coming, Ruby. Caroline adores you.”
“Mom.” Caro rolled her eyes.
I reached down and pinched her un-battered cheek. “It’s okay, Caro. I adore you, too.”
“We’ll let the two of you spend some time together,” Cole said. “I didn’t get much sleep last night, and I’d like to see Ruby home.”
“Of course. Thank you again, so much.”
“It was my pleasure.”
Cole’s hand wrapped around mine, but I leaned into the bed and gave Caroline a gentle hug. “Do you have a pen?”
Cole grabbed one off the nightstand and handed it over, and I wrote my phone number on Caroline’s hand. “You call me when you’re home, and I’ll bring over some movies and popcorn, okay? Girls’ night?”
She grinned up at me, blue eyes bright. “Can Noelle come, too?”
“She’s a girl, isn’t she?” I said it in a perfect imitation of Caro’s duh voice, making her giggle and then wince. “Okay. See you later.”
Cole tugged me out of the room and down the hallway, then into the first empty room we passed. Early morning shadows bathed the sterile space, partitioned by a flimsy, too-cheerful curtain, and he pinned me against the wall.
My breath came in quick gasps, body filled with the anticipation of his kiss, but he stopped short of my mouth, his eyes searching mine. “We’re really doing this? You’re in, and not just for today?”
I was surprised he couldn’t hear how hard my heart pounded while my brain begged for me to take this one last out. Staring up into his face, earnest and sweet, I couldn’t. I couldn’t walk away. “I want to go on a date with you, Cole.”
“More than one.”
“Let’s see how the first time goes.”
He lowered his lips to mine, then, gently at first but growing more demanding by the second. His tongue pushed my lips apart and sought mine. We kissed until I couldn’t breathe, until the hard outline of his desire pressed against my stomach and his hands were up my shirt.
“Come with me.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him back into the hallway, hoping we didn’t run into anyone because we looked like exactly what we were—two people looking for somewhere private.
“Where are we going?” He whispered.
I didn’t answer. The hallways were dimly lit and blessedly empty, given the early hour, and a couple more turns and one flight of stairs brought me to my destination—an On Call room.
Mentally crossing my fingers that it would be unoccupied, I pushed it open and crossed the threshold, not turning on the light but locking the door behind us. Both cots were empty.
I tugged Cole toward one and down on top of me, our lips finding each other’s like magnets before we even hit the sheets. He pushed my sweatshirt and tank top out of the way and I returned the favor, unbuttoning his dress shirt with quick, anxious fingers. When I laid back and pulled him with me, though, he paused.
Oh, fuck. Not again.
But he shook his head at the wrinkle in my brow. “No, hen. I want you, and you being willing to take a chance means there’s no way I’m backing out, it’s just….”
He looked away but I pulled his gaze back to mine, gently nudging his chin with one hand. Heat poured between my trembling thighs, but worry dampened my lust. His discomfort made my heart swell, made me recall that Cole still had secrets that somehow connected to sex. “You can tell me anything, Cole.”
“I haven’t done this with anyone in a while, Ruby. A long while. I’m afraid…I don’t want you to be disappointed.” The tips of his ears bloomed a purplish red, a now recognizable indication of embarrassment.
“How long is a long while?”
“Four years, give or take.”
“Holy…and you chose me?” For some reason I wanted to hug him close and kiss him silly at the same time. It also made me wonder more than ever what had happened four years ago. What had kept him cautious for so long? “Why?”
“I like you. I’ve wanted to know you since I saw you perform last summer, but you seemed so unattainable up there. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.” His voice shook as his gaze swept my body. One hand slid to my hips and pushed my shorts down to my ankles. When it returned to my face, I felt tremors jerk through his fingers.
My chest hurt at the sense of sweet vulnerability soaking out of him and into me. He thought this wasn’t going to last very long, or that he was out of practice, and maybe I’d think I should have listened to the website after all.
“Cole, it’s okay. Four years is a damn long time. There is nothing I want more than to be with you. Here.” I guided his still trembling hand to the backside of my thigh, t
hen slipped it under the edge of my panties until he could feel how turned on I was just from his kisses. “Does that seem like a girl who’s disappointed? If you don’t want to do this right now, we don’t have to. But I want to, no matter how long it lasts.”
I wanted to ask why. Not why he’d chosen me, but why he hadn’t chosen anyone else at Whitman. Now wasn’t the time, though, and the way the tips of his fingers lingered inside my drawers, making lazy sweeps up and down, drove lust home and erased thoughts of everything else.
His gaze darkened when I started to wriggle closer to his hand, his breath quickening. “I want to. Whatever happens, I promise, I’ll make it up to you later.”
Cole sat back and dug a condom out of his pocket, then stood and dropped his pants. There was nothing underneath and my breath caught at the sight of him, bronze and muscled and naked and mine, if only for now. He crawled onto the cot and gently removed my panties, until the two of us lay naked next to each other.
Perfect silence wrapped around us, creating what felt like a bubble, insulated from the world and interrupted only by our erratic breathing. I wanted to reach out and stroke him, but his worries about jumping back into sex after all this time stayed my hand. Instead I waited, begging my body to be patient, and the way he drank in every inch of my bare skin turned out to be more erotic than I could have guessed.
He finally lowered his mouth, capturing my lips swiftly and drawing my tongue into a tangled dance. When he lifted a hand and laid it on the side of my face, warm contentment like I’d never felt flowed through my blood, like too many glasses of wine on a summer night. My arm went around his neck and tugged us close together, flesh pressed against flesh, and his hand buried in the hair coming loose at the back of my head.
I hooked a tentative leg over his, not breaking our kiss but leveling our hips. His hand left my head and swept downward, squeezing my hip and then inching lower, until his fingers ran the length of my damp center. A shudder worked through me and he groaned against my lips, stiffening further against my belly.
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