Fallen

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by Mia Sheridan

“Haddie, baby, what is it?” Scarlett’s voice held a note of panic. “Oh, honey. You’ve wet yourself.” She stood, turning and thrusting the bird at Camden. He took it as Scarlett turned back to her daughter and scooped Haddie up in her arms and practically ran for the house.

  For a moment, Camden simply stood there, watching them disappear inside Lilith House, his gut churning. She’d looked terrified of him, so terrified that she’d lost control of her bladder? What the hell just happened?

  He practically jumped out of his skin when the bird in his hands started screaming to be fed.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Thirteen Years Ago

  She’d been living at Lilith House for two months. Eight weeks of nothing but school work, worship services, chores, lights out at nine p.m., and waking with the sun. The only bright spot in an otherwise dismal existence, were the times she could manage to sneak away and check in with Dreamboat and his menagerie of patients. She rarely stayed for long, not only because she couldn’t take the risk herself, but because she wasn’t willing to chance the kids getting in trouble.

  Look at me, Mom, two months at Lilith House and here I am making unselfish choices for the first time in my lousy life.

  I’m reformed after all!

  My utmost for His glory!

  She really hated this weird—and yes, she could admit it, scary—fucking place.

  She hated the stupid rituals, the meaningless ceremonies, the complete lack of technology, an absence of even the smallest pleasures, those devout weirdos in white suits who had joined a few of their services, and all the endless talk of a god that was unrecognizable to Kandace.

  Two months down, seven to go. She needed to make the most of her remaining time there so when she left, she was armed. She needed to gather some information about the kids in order to take something with her that had a chance at helping them escape Lilith House. What kind of a life was it for them? She was practically climbing the walls after eight weeks. What must it be like to live there permanently? No, something was off with their situation and she needed to find out what. She needed to be brave. She’d successfully snuck into Ms. Wykes office once, and she’d successfully visited the kids on several occasions now. There weren’t cameras in the walls. After all, technology was a tool of the devil. No one had eyes in the backs of their heads. Jasper roamed the halls like the hellhound he was, but with his big, cumbersome body, she could hear him coming a mile away. She’d watched. She’d learned everyone’s routine in her short time there. This was worth the risk.

  And on the off chance she got caught, she could take what they dished out. Even the girls who were absent from class after a night where she heard screams from below, always showed back up eventually, even if their eyes were a little extra shifty, and she spotted a bruise or two. Yes, she could take the possible consequences. Kandace just prayed she wasn’t potentially putting any innocent birds in harm’s way.

  Thank God that whole event was fading from her mind. Sometimes she even questioned if it had really happened. It had been a bluff of sorts, something to shock and horrify her right out of the gate so she’d remain wary and docile. Well, fuck them. It wasn’t a bad strategy, actually. Do something like that once, and you might never have to do anything like it again. Look at her roommates for example, so-called “bad girls” afraid of swearing too loud.

  Once Kandace was excused from her final class of the day, she headed to her after-school work detail, cleaning and disinfecting the classrooms. Sometimes a teacher leaned her head in and checked on her, but mostly, she was left on her own. They knew she was there doing the job by the fact that the job was done.

  She’d just have to hurry today. She needed to buy herself some time.

  Ms. Wykes would be in the Tuesday afternoon staff meeting.

  Fifteen minutes, she estimated. No more.

  Kandace hurried through the chores in the first classroom, gathering her supplies, and rushing to the second room, giving the other girls just enough time to get to their work detail, or to their rooms where they were expected to study.

  Kandace left her supplies in the second classroom and headed down the hall. She startled when a classmate named Lucille turned the corner and almost bumped into her. “Oh sorry,” Kandace said, smiling widely.

  The girl, a rail-thin brunette who rarely said a word, but rather watched the other girls from beneath her highly arched brows, narrowed her eyes, transferring a bucket of cleaning supplies from her right hand to her left. “Don’t worry about it,” she said, giving Kandace what looked like a phony smile.

  Kandace cocked her head. “Ladies’ room,” she said. “Excuse me.” As she walked away from the girl, she cringed internally. Why had she explained where she was going? It’d made her sound guilty. You’re losing your edge here, Thompson. Yeah, she was losing a lot of things at Lilith House, another being her sanity.

  She glanced behind her but the hallway was clear, Lucille apparently having moved on to whatever task she’d been assigned. Kandace blew out a breath of relief, making turn after turn until she came to Ms. Wykes office once again.

  Of course, it was locked. She removed the pin from her bangs and went to work. This time it only took her about thirty seconds. At least she was keeping her breaking-and-entering skills sharp. Kandace slipped into the room, shutting the door quietly behind her and locking it from the inside.

  Her gaze landed on the now-empty birdcage. She wasn’t going to let herself guess at what had happened to the remaining bluebird.

  She headed directly to one of two file cabinets behind Ms. Wykes’s desk, using the pin to open the lock at the top left of the first cabinet. Then she slipped the pin back in her hair and opened the top drawer.

  A noise sounded outside the office and Kandace froze, holding her breath and listening intently. Nothing. She turned around and started rifling through the files, each clearly labeled with a girl’s first and last name. They didn’t appear to be in alphabetical order . . . but instead, arranged by year. Yes! It was what she’d hoped for. Though he appeared younger, the kid had told her he was fifteen, which meant his mother would have been there sixteen years before or so, which meant . . . she was probably in the first filing cabinet? She bent down to pull open the next drawer when another small noise met Kandace’s ears and again, she froze, her ears straining to pick up any sound that might indicate someone was coming closer. But after a moment, she turned back to the cabinet, opened the second drawer from the top and saw that the dates on those folders were of the correct—she hoped—year.

  She pulled the first one out, rifling through it. A whole list of the girl’s offenses was at the front along with her picture. The rest of it was . . . class assignments, work detail information, and . . . date of discharge. Damn. She pulled out the next one. There had to be thirty files from that year. Lilith School didn’t house that many girls, but perhaps some had only served a short sentence, with the rest being full-time students like Kandace, and her roommates. She had hoped—

  A key rattled in the lock and before Kandace could even fully whirl around, the door swung open, banging against the wall and bouncing back with a piercing squeak. Ms. Wykes stood in the doorway, her beady eyes locked on Kandace.

  Kandace’s heart drummed with sudden panic, her mouth going dry. Oh God.

  “Well, well, well,” the woman singsonged, moving forward in that inhuman glide.

  Kandace swallowed heavily and then slammed the cabinet door closed. “Where’s my marijuana?” she demanded, pretending self-righteous bravado she didn’t feel. “It’s mine and I want it back.”

  Jasper, Ms. Wykes’s constant shadow, entered the room, coming to a standstill near the door. There was something predatory in his eyes, some sort of . . . excitement. It caused a deep tremor of fear.

  She knew men like him. He got off on pain. Even in her most self-destructive moments, she’d always avoided that type. She’d kept a wide arc between her and Jasper since that first day, but now? There was no avo
iding him.

  Kandace knew then she’d been lying to herself about the bluff. The bird had been a warning, and she had not heeded it.

  “Drugs are a tool of the devil, Ms. Thompson. Do you think I would store such a thing in my office? Do you think I would keep such a thing at all?” Ms. Wykes moved closer as did Jasper. “I’m severely disappointed, Ms. Thompson. Severely.” She put a finger on her lips. “Now what to do with such dishonesty. Such sinful behavior.”

  Fear zinged through Kandace like a downed live wire. She threw her head back and let out a shrill scream that surely the whole house could hear.

  “Jasper,” Ms. Wykes hissed. “Restrain this girl now.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Jasper said, his thick lips turning upward as he drew near. Kandace upped the level of her wails, flinging herself away from Jasper so that her back hit the file cabinet behind her. She tried to duck, to move under his grasp as he came at her, but he anticipated her move and went low, grabbing her around the waist and spinning her around. He was like a boa constrictor. All muscle coiled around her so that she could hardly breathe.

  Kandace thrashed in his arms. She had no real plan. But maybe if she fought aggressively enough, they’d throw her in a room by herself rather than be bothered with the theatrics.

  Or maybe they were enjoying it. Maybe she’d taken the wrong tack. Maybe begging for her blackened soul would have appeased them.

  No, something inside her whispered. Nothing will appease them. It’s too late.

  Jasper dragged her out of the room, quite literally, Ms. Wykes following behind. She was reciting something, a religious incantation, as though they were heading for an exorcism, and she was the one possessed of a demon.

  “To the showers, Jasper,” Ms. Wykes said. “I see this one needs a cleansing. We will wash the evil from you, girl.”

  Kandace thrashed harder, to no avail. “Help!” she screamed. “Somebody help me!” But from the way it seemed, Lilith House was very suddenly abandoned, the other girls and the rest of the staff sitting still and silent behind the closed doors they passed.

  Hers were the screams echoing through the hallways now.

  She’d never come to anyone else’s aid. Why should anyone come to hers?

  Jasper carried her effortlessly through the corridors and up the main set of steps, and though she fought mightily, it did no good. She seemed to be the only one exhausted when he finally set her down on the tile of the large communal bathroom floor. Cold tile. Kandace glanced down, noting that somewhere along the way, she’d lost both her shoes.

  She cried out when her uniform was very literally torn from her body, the fabric splitting down the back with one hard yank of Jasper’s hands, as though they’d been constructed to do so. Kandace grabbed for the cover of the material, but Jasper ripped it away. “Stop it. Stop it!” she screamed, crossing her hands over her chest to cover her bra. “You’re all sick! My mother’s going to hear about this! My lawyer is going to hear about this!”

  Ms. Wykes’s laugh was a scratchy, unused sound pulled out of the mothballs in the storage area of her shriveled heart. She turned on the shower with a quick flick of her wrist. They were going to make her bathe? While they watched?

  Kandace could hardly catch her breath. Her eyes darted to the doorway of the bathroom and quickly back to Jasper who moved toward her. She attempted to duck around him but, despite his size, he moved like lightning, going low and grasping her by the legs, hurling her up and over his shoulder. Kandace kicked at him and pounded at his chest, letting out an ear-shattering shriek directly into his ear.

  Jasper flung her off his shoulder and her back hit the tile wall of the shower, sliding down the hard surface before her butt smacked into the floor. Kandace let out a choking scream. It felt like her tailbone had cracked in two.

  “Careful now, dear, you’ll hurt yourself,” Ms. Wykes said in a calm, soft whisper, somehow all the more horrifying for the serenity in her tone.

  Kandace moaned, her sobs echoing around the large, open room. The water pounded on the floor just in front of her where Kandace was curled against the wall, unwilling to move. Oh God, this hurt. Something was broken, it had to be. “Please,” she moaned. “Please.”

  “That’s better,” Ms. Wykes said, steam curling around Kandace and wafting into the air where Ms. Wykes and Jasper stood staring mercilessly down at her. “Some obedience. That’s it. You want to be saved, don’t you, sinner? You want redemption from the Lord, you just don’t know how to achieve it. That’s why we’re here. To assist you. To help you atone. Jasper, the brush, please.” She put out her hand and Jasper handed her a pair of long, rubber yellow gloves and a scrub brush.

  Kandace’s pulse leapt, fear drumming within to the same tempo as the pounding water on the tile floor. She brought her hand up, attempting to push off the wall as Ms. Wykes donned the gloves. Kandace’s lower back screamed in agony and she let out another sob, tears pouring down her cheeks. Ms. Wykes reached up and redirected the showerhead so the water was directly on Kandace. Kandace screamed again, raising her arms and turning her face from the scalding water that suddenly rained down over her mostly nude body. It burns, oh God, it burns. Somebody help me, help me. Pleasepleaseplease.

  She flailed, then when more of the burning water hit her skin, she tried to roll into a ball, then push upward, using her hands for leverage against the wall, but Jasper pushed her back down. Ms. Wykes reached in with her bright yellow gloves and began scrubbing mercilessly at Kandace’s scalded skin.

  It was agony, red-hot, indescribable agony.

  Kandace screamed and thrashed, slipping and flailing as Jasper used his place of higher ground to keep her from gaining traction on the slippery tile while Ms. Wykes used the wire scrub brush to scour every inch of Kandace’s burned and blistered skin.

  It lasted forever. Kandace drifted in and out of consciousness, the pain of what was happening to her never allowing her to escape for long. Just when she thought she might go crazy from the pain, from the cruelty these two monsters were inflicting on her, the scrub brush was suddenly lifted, the pounding noise of the water ceasing. Kandace dragged her shaking legs into her body, her arms coming around her legs, but yelping as soon as raw skin met raw skin. Her moans continued, one after the other, short pulses of sound that she couldn’t manage to stop.

  Half-conscious, she was dragged upward, her moan erupting into a scream as some fabric was wrapped around her ruined skin.

  Ms. Wykes’s voice sounded directly against her ear. “Now then, Ms. Thompson. There will be no more sneaking into my office? Will there?”

  In response, Kandace could only manage another moan.

  Jasper picked her up and, with the contact, Kandace sobbed brokenly. The world around her faded in, then out. She was being carried somewhere. Her bed? The infirmary? Home? Please, please let me go home. I’ll do better. I’ll do anything you want. Please, Mom. Mom. I just want to go home. I’ll be good. I’ll be so good.

  The world went black.

  She came to slowly, attempting to move her limbs. Her body burned. Oh God, it burned. And it ached. A shudder ran through her as she attempted to crack her eyes open, but it was too bright and she drew back, trying again. Reality swam in front of her and for a moment, she wondered if she was simply having a horrific nightmare. Her brain grasped to understand, to put her reality into context.

  She was in the chapel, her arms strung up to each side of her, feet just touching the ground. Twelve students all sat in the pews in their red uniforms, heads bent. The teachers sat stoically in chairs against the opposite wall. Some stared at her nervously, others with contempt.

  Her back burned so badly she didn’t think she could bear it, the light from the window behind her streaming in and heating her already scalded skin.

  Kandace let her head loll forward, another deep shudder running through her body, nerve endings zinging with intolerable pain. Tears coursed down her cheeks and she let out a barely perceptible cry as the salt of
her pain ran over her raw skin. Her gaze moved over the girls. Please don’t look up. Don’t see this. She could only imagine what she looked like, strung up like some alternate version of Christ, wearing only a bra and underwear, skin bloody and ruined. But she knew they’d be made to look. After all, she was there as an example for the rest of them. Repent. Obey. Or this will be you. Apparently, whatever injuries the other girls who’d been disciplined had sustained while she was there, hadn’t been enough of a show. This though? This was plenty.

  “Please rise,” came Ms. Wykes’s voice. She was standing somewhere on Kandace’s right but Kandace didn’t bother trying to lift her head to see her. She didn’t have the strength. The girls rose slowly, lifting their gazes to her, some visibly drawing back, others standing in shocked silence while tears rolled down their cheeks.

  The heat from the window beat into her injured flesh and a memory enveloped her, causing the pain to recede momentarily. Light had streamed into the attic where she and Scarlett used to play. It’d been beautiful, like a spotlight God had made just for them, not the god Lilith House described, but the one she’d felt in her spirit, and she and her friend had danced in its glow, twirling and whirling and dreaming the dreams of little girls whose lives stretched before them—wide open and full of possibility. She’d been innocent then, no mistakes, no failures. No regrets. Just unending grace. Why had she let go of that? Why had she given it up so willingly?

  Kandace closed her eyes and pretended she was there now. She heard the words Scarlett had said, so long ago, when she’d found Kandace crying after her mother had rejected her once again: You’re stronger than you think you are, she’d whispered, taking her hand.

  You’re stronger than you think you are. The words repeated in her head now, like a mantra, like a life raft in a sea of misery and pain.

  Because the thing was, Scarlett had offered her that same grace even after she’d fallen. She’d reached out her hand but Kandace hadn’t taken it. Not that time.

 

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