“Because you’re writing a movie about my life,” he says, hands folded neatly on top of his desk. Then, looking me dead in the eye he says: “What, you didn’t think I’d find out?”
And, no, the truth is: I didn’t think he’d find out. A tiny little part of me (the very, very stupid and naïve part, I’m now figuring out) thought that Trip and his wife could just make their little movie about my life quietly and no one would ever be the wiser. Not Douglas, and certainly not Trip.
But the more I think about it, I realize that this is all because of that clip on Entertainment Tonight. If Ava hadn’t gone on Entertainment Tonight to announce plans of this film, none of this would have happened! Douglas wouldn’t have found out that my ex-boyfriend was making a movie out of my life and he would never have sued me. This is all Nancy O’Dell’s fault! Damn you, Nancy O’Dell! Why do you have to be so damned perky and report the entertainment news so well?! That’s it—from now on, I am boycotting that show. Yes, from now on, I will only watch Access Hollywood! But, I digress.
“I’m not doing anything. How would I write a movie and get it produced? Why would I write a movie? I’m a lawyer,” I say. “It’s Trip. My ex-boyfriend Trip is writing the movie as a star vehicle for his wife, Ava. Remember Trip? If you’d just come with me to his wedding last spring, none of this would have ever happened.”
“Well,” he says, “according to Entertainment Tonight, it seems that I did come with you.”
“About that—” I start to say, only to be cut off by Douglas.
“I knew it! Trip still doesn’t know, does he?” Douglas asks. “He actually thinks that that silly American colleague of yours is me?” Douglas throws his head back and laughs with a deep throaty thunder, as if this concept is the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. Which is ridiculous in of itself. You see, Douglas is laughing because he thinks that Jack is no match to impersonate him—that he, himself, is so fabulous that Jack isn’t fit to shine his shoes, much less pretend to be in them. When in reality, the opposite is true. Jack is the best thing to ever happen to me. Douglas, as it turned out in the end, was the worst. And Jack was my best friend through all of it. Through the fights and the heartbreak, Jack was always there for me. I’m just lucky, that after all these years, Jack and I finally ended up together.
“Jack,” I say to Douglas. “His name is Jack.”
“Well, whatever,” Douglas says, a sly smile creeping onto his lips. “I wonder what Trip will say when he finds out that Jack’s not me?”
“If you drop your lawsuit, I promise that I’ll tell Trip,” I say, and Douglas’s sly smile becomes a full blown grin.
“Well, I was hoping to get to court at least one time to see you in one of your cute outfits,” he says. Even though I never figured out exactly what it was that Douglas did for a living, he always found a way to diminish what I did for a living. Cute outfits for court? I’m a big time lawyer, for God’s sakes! Sometimes being so devoted to fashion really has its drawbacks.
“I’m leaving,” I say, getting up out of my chair.
“Wait,” Douglas says. “Sit down. Are you really going to tell Trip everything?”
“Is that what you want? To humiliate me once again? Dumping me mere minutes before my ex-boyfriend’s wedding wasn’t enough for you? Now you want me to confess to my ex that I was so desperate to keep my dignity ever so slightly intact that I made my best friend dress up and pretend to be you?”
“Well, yes, actually,” he says, leaning back in his chair. “That’s exactly what I want.”
Hmm…. Risk public humiliation at the hands of my ex-boyfriend or face a two million dollar lawsuit? The sort of quandary single girls everywhere must face on a daily basis.
“Fine,” I say, trying to plaster a fake smile onto my face. “If I tell Trip everything and completely humiliate myself, will you then drop the lawsuit?”
“Sure, Brooke,” he says, putting his hands behind his head. “Sure I will.”
“Shake on it?” I ask, thrusting my hand out for him to shake.
“I have a better idea,” Douglas says, and pulls my hand so that my body goes flying across his desk. I fall on top of his desk and try to use my other hand to get back up. “Now, this is more like it,” he says, leaning over me. “This is what I call a negotiation.”
“You disgust me,” I say, pulling away and struggling to stand upright. I straighten my suit and spin on my heel.
“You’ll come back, Brooke,” Douglas says as I walk out of his office. “You always do.”
Chapter Eight
“Trip,” I say to my ex-boyfriend, “we need to talk.”
We’re on the set of his latest film. You know, the one that’s starring his movie star wife about a woman who goes to her ex-boyfriend’s wedding? Yes, that’s the one. The one that’s all about my life.
Long story.
“I don’t have time to talk, Brooke,” he says, ever the uber-agent to the stars. “If you haven’t noticed, we’re trying to make a movie here.”
“About that,” I say. “There’s something you need to know.”
“Oh no,” Trip says, “has the screenplay been leaked on the internet?”
“No,” I say. “Trip, listen to me. It’s about Douglas. Well, not Douglas, but…. Okay, let me start over. Douglas—I mean, the person who you think is Douglas—isn’t Douglas. That’s why the real Douglas suing us.”
“What are you talking about, Brooke?” Trip says, putting down his clipboard and giving me his full attention.
“Well, there was a Douglas. A Scottish guy I was living with. But we weren’t engaged when I told you we were—in fact, we were never engaged—and he broke up with me just seconds before your wedding. I didn’t know what to do. I had nowhere to live—thank goodness for Vanessa—and my life was turned upside down. You see, I thought that I had to go to your wedding with some gorgeous Scottish guy just to show you up, but now I realize that none of it really matters.”
“But you did bring a Scottish guy to my wedding,” Trip says, furrowing his brow. “You mean to tell me that you were able to find another Scottish guy to come with you to my wedding?”
“Right,” I say, “about that. That was Jack, a friend of mine from work. He faked the accent. And the Scottish back story. And we rented the kilt. We even bought a fake engagement ring at a costume shop.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” Trip says. “This has got to be a joke.”
“It’s not,” I say, wishing that it was, in fact, a joke. “I brought Jack and Jack pretended to be Douglas. Everything worked out in the end, because Jack and I ended up getting together and now we’re engaged for real, but that’s why Douglas is suing us. All of us.”
“You’re serious about all this?” Trip says.
“Yes,” I say slowly. “And now you know everything.”
“Okay,” he says back just as slowly. “but, what I don’t understand is why you did it? Why couldn’t you just tell me that you and Douglas broke up? I would have let you bring Jack to the wedding anyway if you wanted to.”
“Well, we have always had a competitive relationship,” I say.
“No, we didn’t, Brooke,” he says, grabbing my hand. “You could never really compete with me.”
“Yes, well, anyway,” I continue, releasing my hand from his grasp. “The point is, I was trying to keep my dignity ever so slightly intact. I felt humiliated. And I thought that if I showed up alone, I’d be even more humiliated. Do you understand?”
“Yes, of course I understand,” Trip says and throws a compassionate arm around my shoulder. “I would never want you to feel humiliated or like a loser.”
“Just humiliated,” I say. “I said I’d be humiliated. I didn’t say loser.”
“The point is,” Trip says, “you know I love you, Brooke, and I would never do anything to embarrass you or hurt you.”
“Really?” I say. “That’s so sweet of you.”
“Really, Brooke.”
&nbs
p; “That’s great to hear,” I say. “So, then the movie’s off?”
“Oh, hell no,” Trip says and my mouth drops to the ground. “Are you kidding me? I finally have my hook. We’re going to make this thing a hilarious romantic comedy. I’m going to have my people put a call into Sandler.”
“What?” I ask.
“Adam Sandler in a kilt,” Trip says. “Non-stop hilarity!”
“You’re still making the movie?” I say. “After everything you just said?”
“Of course I am, Brooke.”
“But what about not humiliating me?” I ask. “About never doing anything to hurt me?”
“Well, Brooke,” Trip says, furrowing his brow as if he’s on an after school special and is about to tell me the lesson I should have learned. “My grandfather always said that the only person who can embarrass you is you.”
“Your grandfather was wrong,” I say.
“Now that I know everything,” Trip explains, “the movie finally has what it needs! So, it doesn’t even matter that there’s a massive lawsuit against us. It’s okay, because now I have a killer plot. And since this thing is going to be a huge blockbuster, the production company’s lawyers will even represent you, since you gave us all of this great material.”
The lawsuit. I’d totally forgotten. In addition to the fact that I’ve been totally humiliated, there’s also a two million dollar lawsuit hanging over my head.
I walk away from Trip and call Douglas from my cell phone.
“I told him,” I say in the place of ‘hello.’ “I told Trip everything, so now you can call off the lawsuit, just like you promised.”
“You finally came clean?” Douglas asks. “Well, fuck me, I didn’t think you had the backbone to do it.”
“Well, I did,” I say. “So, now it’s time for you to hold up your end of the bargain and call off your lawsuit. I want it called off against Trip, the movie studio, and me. Just drop the whole thing.”
“Well, darling,” he says, “it’s not really that simple.”
“Yes, Douglas,” I say. “It is. You simply call your lawyers and tell them to drop it. Then, they simply call the judge and it’s over. Simple.”
“Well, I’m not going to drop it,” he says.
“What do you mean?” I ask. “You promised.”
“Well, I’ve had a change of heart,” he says. “The suit stays on.”
“Then, I’ll sue you for breach of contract,” I say. “You made me an oral promise. I then acted in reasonable reliance on that promise and did something that I wouldn’t do otherwise. That makes what you promised me a legally binding contract.”
See, I told you I was a good lawyer.
“Save the legal mumbo jumbo, Brooke,” Douglas says. “I really couldn’t care less. And, anyway, I’m sure Trip will be delighted that the lawsuit’s still on. After all, it will be great publicity for the film.”
I hang up the phone without saying goodbye and run over to the hair and make-up trailer to go find Jack and Vanessa. Walking through a film set is a surreal experience. And it’s not just because they have a mock-up of a New York City street right next to a mock-up of an elegant Los Angeles hotel. It’s because this film set is my life. Right across from the hotel, they’ve got my old office at Gilson, Hecht and Trattner (which is accurate down to the little stress ball that was always perched at the edge of my desk), and the Soho apartment I used to share with Douglas. How different my life is now. I’m sure that by tomorrow, they’ll be constructing a set of Vanessa’s Upper East Side apartment now that Trip knows the truth about what happened between Douglas and me, and how I had to move in with Vanessa after he kicked me out of our apartment.
I walk through the wardrobe department and see that they have a vintage Halston dress, one that’s exactly like the one that I wore to Trip and Ava’s wedding, just waiting to be worn. They also have a wedding dress hanging, ready for the actress who will be playing the bride. I walk over to the dress to get a closer look. It looks nothing like the actual dress that Ava wore to her wedding, but it’s beautiful all the same. The bodice has intricate double embroidered lace, covered in little pearls and tiny crystals. As I reach out to touch it, Vanessa calls out my name.
“We’re going to find you a wedding dress that will be even more beautiful than this,” Vanessa says.
And I know we will—Vanessa and my mom are taking me dress shopping next week and I can hardly wait.
“Trip is still making the movie,” I say, “and Douglas isn’t dropping the lawsuit like he promised.”
“Oh, who cares? Let Trip make his stupid movie and let Douglas have his stupid lawsuit. Your life will go on,” she says, and I actually believe her. For the first time since this mess began, I realize, my life has nothing to do with this movie or the lawsuit. My life is about the people who love and support me most. The people who think that I’m fabulous no matter what. The people I feel the same way about. Vanessa motions to the hair and make-up trailer. “Let’s go.”
“Hey,” Jack says, as he sits in a director’s chair, getting make-up airbrushed onto his face. Yes, after all he’s been through, I managed to wrangle him a little cameo in the movie. He’s playing wedding guest #5 and I must say, he’s looking rather dashing today in his tuxedo. The one bright spot in the fact that Trip’s still making the movie.
“Hey yourself,” I say, as Jack leans in for a kiss.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a box. “I think you forgot something.”
I open the box and see that Jack’s brought me my engagement ring. Not the fake one I wore to Trip’s wedding, but the real one. The ring that his grandfather gave to his grandmother when he came back from World War II.
An ascher cut diamond with regal trillions flanking it on either side and channel set diamonds around the rest of the platinum band, I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my whole life. I slip my ring back onto my finger. Where it belongs. And as I do, I realize that I never should have taken it off in the first place. And I never will again.
“Are you sure that you want to marry a girl who’s going to be publicly humiliated next summer when SCOT ON THE ROCKS hits a theater near you?” I ask Jack and he smiles back at me.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Acknowledgements
Thank you my editor, Jason Pinter. Thank you for believing in me. Brooke has found such a happy second home with you at Polis Books.
Thank you to my lovely and talented agent, Mollie Glick. You are an amazing agent, but also a great friend.
I can never thank my family enough: Bernard and Sherry Janowitz, Judy Luxenberg, Sammy and Stephanie Janowitz, Jen and Lee Mattes, and Stacey and Jon Faber.
Shawn Morris, Jennifer Moss, Danielle Schmelkin, and Tandy O’Donoghue, my friends since my hair was still curly, through the ups and downs of life. Thank you.
And to my readers. Always to my readers. Thank you.
The biggest thank you goes out to my husband, Douglas Luxenberg. I love you more than words can say. And to my children, Ben and Davey, I love you infinity times infinity.
About The Author
A native New Yorker, Brenda Janowitz has had a flair for all things dramatic since she played the title role in her third grade production of Really Rosie. When asked by her grandmother if the experience made her want tobe an actress when she grew up, Brenda responded, “An actress? No. A writer, maybe.”
Brenda attended Cornell University, earning a Bachelor of Science in Human Service Studies, with a Concentration in Race and Discrimination. After graduating from Cornell, she attended Hofstra Law School, where she was a member of the Law Review and won the Law Review Writing Competition. Upon graduation from Hofstra, she went to work for the law firm Kaye Scholer, LLP, where she was an associate in the Intellectual Property group, handling cases in the areas of trademark, anti-trust, internet, and false advertising. Brenda later left Kaye Scholer to pursue a federal clerkship with the Honorable Marilyn Dolan Go, Unit
ed States Magistrate Judge for the Eastern District of New York.
Brenda is the author of Scot On The Rocks and Jack With A Twist, featuring Manhattan attorney Brooke Miller, both available from Polis Books. Her third novel, Recipe For A Happy Life, was recently published by St. Martin’s Press. Her work has also appeared in the New York Post and Publisher’s Weekly. Her latest novel, The Lonely Hearts Club, is also available from Polis Books. You can find Brenda on Facebook or on Twitter at @BrendaJanowitz.
Also by Brenda Janowitz
Available now from Polis Books
Manhattan attorney Brooke Miller must concoct an outrageous plan to survive her ex’s wedding and win the man of her dreams, all while keeping her dignity ever-so-slightly intact.
“(A) rollicking debut novel…A breezy romantic comedy with plenty of laughs.” —Booklist
When she’s pitted against her fiancé in the biggest case of her career, Brooke Miller may have to choose between the case of her life, or actually having a life.
“Nothing less than stellar…What else can I say? Get this book, read it, and love it!” —Fresh Fiction
When aspiring singer/songwriter Jo Waldman finds herself single and unemployed, she becomes an unwitting spokesperson for an ‘anti-love’ movement—but when she meets the man of her dreams, will she give up her path to fame for a shot at true happiness?
"“This sweet story from Janowitz is about growing up, letting go, and figuring out what your future should be. (Jo Waldman is) a heroine worth following. Recommended for new adult romance fans.” —Library Journal
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