by Nanea Knott
“I’m sorry for what happened between you and me.” Christopher apologized. Keoni shook his head.
“That has nothing to do with what’s happening now. Treat her right or someone else will.”
“And I suppose that someone is going to be you?”
“It’s possible. She likes me, she trusts me, and I treat her better than you do. And unlike other people, she doesn’t want to leave me.” It was mean to say and Keoni knew it, but he couldn’t help it. The way Christopher left him hurt him and what happened afterwards was even more painful. It had been five years and the memories didn’t affect him much anymore, but they still did.
“You would like it if she left me, wouldn’t you?”Christopher accused.
“I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. There is nothing more painful as having someone you love more than life leave you. You wouldn’t know what that’s like, but I do. Anna is a great girl and she deserves someone who appreciates her. If it isn’t me, it will be someone else.” Keoni got up to leave.
“If I could change things, I would make different choices.” Christopher confessed. Keoni rounded on him and practically got in his face.
“Funny thing about choices, once you make them, you can’t take them back. Anna and I are friends right now, but if she wants more from me, I will give her whatever she wants, just letting you know.” Keoni finished off his water bottle, tossed it into a nearby recycling bin, and walked away. He knew Christopher was watching him. He purposely stopped to pull his shirt off and hang it from his back pocket. It was an old habit he had. He wanted Christopher to see what he was missing. He stretched, pulling his arms back and flexing. He knew what watching him did to Christopher and he felt some small measure of satisfaction from doing it.
Keoni walked back into the hall and a few of the others stopped working. He was a good-looking man and he knew it. He was ashamed of himself for the display he had done for Christopher, but he knew he would take any opportunity to remind Christopher of what he lost. Christopher looked good and Keoni knew when he looked into those damn gray eyes of his, Keoni still loved him. It was different now. Somehow in the brief time he spent with Anna he had feelings for her too. He wasn’t sure he could ever forgive Christopher, but he cared for Anna.
He walked back over to where his friends were and picked up his brush. He turned around to find a space to work when Christopher came up behind him.
“I need to ask you something else. Can you come back outside for a minute?”
“I think we’ve said it all don’t you?” Keoni moved away from him. Christopher followed him.
“Did you tell her about us?” Christopher whispered.
“No, I didn’t. I told her to ask you. If you love her, tell her.”
“I want to, but I don’t know how she’ll take it.”
“Afraid she’s going to leave you? She might anyway, you have nothing to lose.” Keoni said climbing up the ladder. Christopher stood there staring at him before turning away and going to look for Anna.
Anna was outside digging in the trunk of her car. She was getting out the Christmas decorations she brought over from the music room to store in the hall. She and Dana thought it would make things go faster when they ready to decorate if the boxes were already there. Anna leaned in to get a box and stepped back for leverage. She stepped right into Zachary who was standing too close.
“I’m sorry Anna. I came over to see if I could help.” He steadied her by putting his hands on her hips.
“Fantastic, here you go.” She shoved the box at him forcing him to let go of her or risk dropping the box. He grabbed at it clumsily. She reached in for another box, she had to really stretch. It was way far in.
“It’s interesting to see Christopher and Keoni talking after what happened.” Zachary said. Anna said nothing. She was still wondering what was going on between them, but she wouldn’t have to wonder for much longer.
“Keoni was a mess when Christopher left him, but what do you expect when your lover leaves you?” Zachary commented.
“What?” Anna hit her head on the ceiling of the trunk turning to look at him. Not once had she considered that their relationship had been romantic in nature. Some of the things she noticed now made sense to her.
Christopher thought she didn’t know he masturbated in the bathroom with the dildo, but she did. For months he talked in his sleep whispering what sounded like a name and now she knew recognized what he had been saying.
“I thought you knew. Christopher is gay, he and Keoni were lovers. They used to live together. Christopher left Keoni without a second glance when he had to go back to the mainland. Keoni was a mess afterwards. He was drinking and sleeping around, it wasn’t pretty. Although it’s good to see they are still cordial with one another.” Zachary stopped talking and walked away from Anna who was standing there with her mouth open.
When Anna came back inside, she had a strange look on her face. Keoni had seen Zachary come in carrying a box and smirking. Anna walked in shortly after. Keoni glanced at Christopher who noticed Anna at the same time. Both men approached her. She turned to both of them and said, “I can’t discuss this now. Keoni, you need to come to our house tonight and we can talk then.”
“I don’t understand.” Christopher said.
“Zachary told her.” Keoni said. Anna nodded, “Yes, Zachary told me.”
12
The group finished painting the hall completely and Dana thanked everyone for coming to help out. Zachary took off quickly, which was smart on his part, both Christopher and Keoni wanted to beat him. Anna gave Keoni their address and he followed them back to their place. Anna unlocked the front door, and walked in leaving it open behind her. Both men were hesitant to follow. They knew it was a conversation they needed to have, but both of them wished it had happened in a different way.
Keoni worried in the car all the way over. Anna knew, and she would have questions. I should have walked away from her the minute I knew she was with Christopher, he thought to himself. Then he realized if he had never met her he would have missed out on being with a woman so passionate, just her smile could make him hard. “I’m not giving her up. If she rejects me after this, at least I told her the truth.”
Christopher’s thoughts were going a mile a minute on the way home as well. As if she needed another reason to leave me. I’ve managed to hurt two people I love. He was sad remembering what Keoni said earlier. Christopher never meant to hurt him. He would find a way to make it up to him. He would make it up to both of them.
Anna’s thoughts were a jumble. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say to them. If what Zachary said was true, neither of them would have looked twice at her. Not once had they made her feel she wasn’t enough for them. When she slept with them, she had no doubt she had their full attention. She wasn’t sure what to think or how to feel.
For her, sexual orientation or preference was never an issue. People were what they were. They loved who they loved, period. As long as everyone in the relationship got what they needed from their partner, there was nothing wrong with it. She searched her heart for an answer and she found it. She was in love with both of them. This was going to make things interesting.
When she got in the house, she opened all the windows to let the air come through and cool the warm house. Christopher offered Keoni a beer then went to go get it while Keoni sat down on the couch. Christopher got a beer for himself and a glass of water for Anna. They all sat down and Anna said, “Start talking.”
Keoni and Christopher looked at each other and Keoni pursed his lips together. Christopher took it as a sign that Keoni wouldn’t be speaking.
“I don’t know where to start.” Christopher said.
“Are you gay?” Anna asked outright getting swiftly to the point.
“I’m bi, I like both men and women.” Christopher replied calmly watching her face for a reaction. There really wasn’t one. He was hoping it meant she was keeping an op
en mind.
“And you Keoni?”
“I’m the same.” He admitted.
“Were you two lovers?” Anna asked Christopher.
“Yes.”
“How long were you together?” She quizzed.
“Four years.” Christopher answered.
“For god’s sake man, don’t make her have to ask every question under the sun.” Keoni scolded. ”Anna, this must be a shock and I’m sorry you found out this way. I would have told you, but I wanted you to ask him.” Keoni then explained that they started dating in college, and moved in together after they graduated. He abruptly stopped talking after he told her Christopher left.
“Why didn’t you keep in touch after he moved?” She asked. Keoni stared at the floor.
“That was my fault.” Christopher said and explained his reasons for cutting Keoni off.
“I understand,” Anna said. “When you left him, did you love him?” She asked Christopher. Christopher looked at Keoni who was still staring at the floor.
“Yes.” Christopher kept glancing at Keoni who looked everywhere else except at Christopher.
“And you left anyway.” Anna said.
“Yes,”
“Keoni you loved him didn’t you?” Anna glanced at Keoni’s face. He looked stricken. A lot of time had passed, but there were things he remembered from then and they still hurt. He was reluctant to answer. His heart wanted him to tell the truth. He still loved Christopher, but he wasn’t going to give him the chance to break his heart again. He almost didn’t survive it the first time.
“Yes, I loved him then.” He answered.
“Christopher what did you do when you got home after breaking up with Keoni?” Anna was going to ask all the questions she wanted to get to the heart of the matter.
“I went home, did what I was supposed to do. Then I met you.”
“Did you think about him?”
“Every day,” Christopher muttered. Keoni looked away trying to keep his emotions in check.
“Keoni what did you do after the break up?” Keoni was anticipating the question but he wasn’t going to answer. Breaking up with Christopher had been horrible, what came after was a hundred times worse.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Keoni’s expression said the subject was closed. Anna left it alone. He would tell her when he was ready, if ever.
Christopher changed the subject by asking Anna how she felt knowing both men were bi-sexual. He half expected her to tell him to pack his bags and get out.
“I’m surprised, and I wish you had told me sooner, but it doesn’t change anything. I still love you and I’m starting to fall in love with him,” she said tilting her head toward Keoni. “Being with both of you has made me feel you both care for me. Your sexual preference doesn’t matter to me.” The men breathed a sigh of relief.
“With that said, I‘m still not sure how I feel knowing you two were lovers in the past. I wonder how it might affect our future, but that’s a question for another day. I am beat, I’m going to bed. Keoni, can we go to the Pali Lookout tomorrow? I’ve never been there and I want to go.”
“Sure call me tomorrow, and tell me what time you want to go. I will pick you up.”
“Thanks, goodnight. And by goodnight I mean I’m leaving you two alone to talk. Obviously there is unfinished business between you. It’s time to finish it.” Anna stood up. She walked over to Christopher and kissed him then walked over to Keoni and did the same.
Christopher was confused when Anna told Keoni, “You can tell him about dinner and what happened afterwards,” she said leaving the room. Christopher looked at Keoni. He was still as good-looking as ever. His face was more mature, but still handsome enough to take Christopher’s breath away.
“You had dinner together?”
“Yes, in Hawaii Kai.” Keoni was being careful with his words. Christopher seemed annoyed. The last thing Keoni wanted to do was fight with him.
“What happened after dinner?”
“She and I had sex in my truck.” Keoni stated expecting Christopher to start yelling. Christopher worked his jaw and Keoni could tell he was holding back. Keoni didn’t know Christopher was angrier at himself than he was at them.
“I supposed I had it coming.” He muttered. He surprised himself. The thought of them having sex hurt him, and excited him. The two most passionate people he knew having sex? He wished he had been there to see it and or be a part of it. His ultimate fantasy made real.
“Look I don’t know what she expects us to say to each other, but I think we’ve covered it.” Keoni said. “Anna and I had sex, and then we agreed we weren’t going to pursue it until or unless she makes a decision about where she stands with you. That’s all.”
“What happened after I left?” Christopher asked. Keoni yawned in response.
“Did something happen?” Christopher pressed.
“I said I didn’t want to talk about it. What happened is in the past. Let it stay there. I loved you once and I still have good memories of you, but what we had is gone. Let’s try to get along for Anna’s sake.”
“I want to know, tell me.” Keoni was tense. Christopher knew something bad must have happened.
“Sometimes it’s better not to know. I have to go. I’ll see you later.” Keoni stood up. Christopher couldn’t help himself. He stepped in front of Keoni and put his arms around his waist and drew him closer.
Keoni closed his eyes and just let Christopher hold him. After so long of wanting and waiting for this and then finally having it, it was almost too much. Keoni could smell Christopher’s favorite aftershave lingering in the air between them and he missed having the scent of it on his body.
Keoni hadn’t pulled back so Christopher pulled him even closer and kissed him. He murmured to Keoni’s shoulder. “I still love you.” Keoni stepped away then and said, “And I still love you, but if you think I’m going to let you hurt me again you’re crazy. We might be able to be friends, we might not, but you and me, we’re done.” Keoni said. Christopher hugged him tightly once more hoping Keoni would wrap his arms around him, but Keoni kept his arms stiffly at his side. Christopher let him go and Keoni walked straight out the door.
13
The next few days while Christopher worked afterschool, Anna and Keoni drove around the island. They went to the North Shore and watched the winter surf. They went to the Pali Lookout and Tantalus Drive. He took her to Waimea Bay and Yokohama. They flew kites at Sandy Beach and went swimming together at Ala Moana Beach Park. During that time, they had gotten closer. Anna looked at Keoni and couldn’t help but smile. He was becoming important to her. Keoni felt the same way about her. Just the sound of Anna’s voice was soothing to him.
On Friday afternoon, he took Anna to a local swimming pool. He was planning to start teaching her how to surf. He needed to see how strong a swimmer she was. He made her do laps and tread water to check her strength and stamina. He was satisfied she would be able to keep herself afloat long enough for help to get to her.
It was time to have a little fun. There was no one else at the pool with them. Keoni had taken her out to the deeper end of the pool and told her to tread water again. Keoni dived underneath and pulled off her board shorts. Anna shrieked scrambling to get away from him, and ended up swallowing water. She got herself under control and watched Keoni come up laughing holding half her bathing suit.
“Now for the other half,” He said moving closer to her. She yelped and swam for the side of the pool where her towel was. Keoni was a much more powerful swimmer. He caught up to her, pulled the strings of her top with one hand and grasped the front of it with the other. Before she knew it, she was totally naked in a public pool during daylight hours. She kept swimming for her towel, but he grabbed her, and pulled her close to him.
“This is how I want you, naked and wet.”
“Someone could see us.” She said looking around.
“Don’t worry I won’
t let anything bad happen to you.” He smoothed the hair back from her face with one hand and held her close to him with his other arm around her waist. She draped her arms around his neck and he kissed her. He could feel her nipples getting hard against his chest. He moved one of his hands to run over her distended nipple and she jerked against him. She trusted him and he wasn’t ever going to let anything bad happen to her. He ran his fingers over her other nipple happy to find it as responsive.
He was standing in the pool, but it was too deep for her to touch bottom yet. He told her to put her arms over his shoulders and he moved hands over her body. He wrapped one arm around her waist, the other went between her legs. He couldn’t help himself, she was naked and he was horny. He lazily ran his middle finger over her clit and she moaned against him. He kept running his finger over and over it feeling it plump up against his fingers.
He reached further back and slid a finger into her wishing it was his cock. She laid her head on his shoulder and he knew he could do whatever he wanted to her and she would let him. He stroked her harder and she gasped. She lifted her leg underwater to wrap it over his hip to give him better access. He began to finger fuck her hard. He knew he shouldn’t do it, anyone could come by any second, but she was too fucking hot and he wanted her coming apart in his arms. He rubbed her clit harder.
“Come for me baby, right here, right now. I want to feel your pussy clench here out in the open.” He flicked her clit and shoved two fingers insider her. Anna overloaded groaning against his shoulder. Keoni felt her clamp down on his fingers. His cock was hard and aching. He needed to get her out of here or they were going to get arrested. The only thing he wanted to do right then was to carry her to the side of the pool, lay her down on a towel in the sun, and bury his cock in her until she screamed his name.
“Let’s get you dressed and out of here before you get arrested.” She smacked his chest with her hand and he laughed. He pulled her bottoms out of his waistband and held them for her to step into. She held onto his broad shoulders while he pulled them up. He helped her put her top back on then swam with her to the edge of the pool. He lifted her out of the water and sat her on the side of the pool before pulling himself straight out of the water using only the strength of his arms. She loved that he was so strong.