Learning to Lean

by Mildred Colvin

  Not wanting to start a fight, Heather stepped aside and let her oldest son leave the room. She turned to find Matt watching her, searching her face. She didn’t need his sympathy and refused to recognize it. She smiled. “Well, I guess he thinks he’s too old for ice cream.”

  “Probably.” Matt carried a stack of plates to the sink. As he rinsed, Becka stacked the dishes in the dishwasher. Heather couldn’t help noticing how easily they worked together and felt a touch of envy. If only Brad acted more like Becka, how wonderful her life would be.

  Heather wiped the table and counters and swept the floor while her helpers finished the dishes. She’d never seen the kitchen cleaned so quickly before and felt as if she hadn’t done her part.

  “Say, Heather?” Matt turned from the sink with a sheepish grin on his face. He reminded Heather of Gary when he’d done something he shouldn’t have but knew he had to tell.

  She stretched over to look in the sink. “You didn’t break anything, did you?”

  He laughed. “Of course not. Where’d you get that idea?”

  She smiled. “You have guilt written all over your face.”

  Becka giggled and closed the dishwasher.

  Heather turned it on.

  Matt leaned against the sink with his arms crossed over his chest.

  Heather raised her eyebrows. “Well, are you going to confess?”

  When he glanced toward Becka and back to her, her breath came in quick spurts. The intense expression in his eyes suggested something had been left unspoken. Were they playing a game they couldn’t win?

  He grinned and shrugged. “Okay, I confess. I invited you for ice cream, but I don’t have room in my Bronco for everyone.”

  “Is that all?” Heather laughed in relief. “We can take my van. It seats eight, and without Brad there’s plenty of room. Transfer Kristi’s car seat and we’re ready.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Matt pushed off the sink and headed out the door.

  Heather laughed softly. Matt wasn’t anything like Darrell, but she liked him.

  ~*~

  Matt let Becka sit in front with Heather while he squeezed into the back seat with the two boys. Inside the store, he stood with a hand on each boy’s shoulder as they looked through the slanted glass into the long freezer with over twenty different flavors of ice cream. Both boys fairly vibrated with energy and excitement as they discussed the best flavors. Becka lifted Kristi so she could see, and Heather held Candace.

  “I want chocate, Mommy.” Candace pointed into the bin.

  “Just like a woman,” Matt muttered as he grinned over Gary’s head at Heather.

  Heather laughed. “With all the choices, you would think she’d want something exotic. But, no, she has to have the very one we always try to avoid.”

  She turned back to her daughter. “Look, Candace, There’s vanilla with chocolate candy pieces in it. Wouldn’t that be yummy? I think I’ll take some. What are you getting, Becka?”

  Becka grinned. “Dad’s right about women, you know. I want some of that chocolate brownie delight. But, maybe I shouldn’t since the little girls would probably make a real mess with that much chocolate.”

  “Not to mention a stomachache,” Matt said.

  “I’ll tell you what.” Heather either didn’t hear or chose to ignore him. “Let’s take care of Candace and Kristi first. Matt and I will keep them at one table and you can have your chocolate fix at another table with the boys. Does that sound okay?”

  Becka’s eye sparkled with mischief. “Sure, it sounds great. Besides getting what I want, I can torture Ricky and Gary.”

  Matt chose a pineapple flavor while the boys got a weird bubble gum concoction. Heather and the two little girls took chocolate chip. He enjoyed watching Heather with the kids as much as he enjoyed his ice cream. She seemed so natural with them. Where Eva had been laid back and casual, Heather carried an air of sophistication as if she couldn’t be ruffled, either physically or emotionally. Although he sensed more lay beneath the surface than she let the world see, he liked her calm, in-control demeanor.

  “Did you finish your job?” Heather broke into his thoughts.

  “Yes, I did. I owe you big time. Maybe we can slip away some evening for dinner.” His gaze swept over their five children, and his heart sank. How could they get away from the kids? He looked back at Heather and let his mouth droop. “Without chaperones?”

  She laughed. “You don’t owe me anything. However, I’ve been wondering if I could get you to bid on a job for me. I’d like to build onto the daycare so I can accept more kids. Since I’ve been turning several away, this may be the time to expand.

  “That could be.” Matt averted his gaze. She’d brushed his invitation aside so easily. Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? The verse in Second Corinthians came to his mind. She wasn’t the woman for him, anyway. God knew what was best.

  “I’ll take a look when I pick up the kids on Monday and apply for a permit. Maybe Brad could help for some spending money.”

  “Great. I’ll talk to him.” Her smile enhanced her natural beauty. “Also, I’ve decided to let Gary go with you to church Sunday if you still want him.”

  “Of course we do.” Matt smiled, letting his gaze again linger on her face. If only she would return to the Savior who loved her more than His own life. How could he continue to have contact with Heather without losing his heart to this amazing woman?

  ~*~*~*~

  ~Eight~

  Heather sipped her water and set the glass on the table. Howard sat across from her, his posture erect and his manners impeccable. They shared a smile. She looked away. Last night she’d worn tennis shoes and blue jeans to an ice cream parlor with a man and five children. Tonight she wore two-inch heels and a navy blue dress with a strand of pearls—the only real jewelry she had other than her wedding rings.

  The restaurant’s gleaming floor and pristine white tablecloths caught her attention. China place settings with a candle burning in the center of each table spoke of elegance and wealth. She was an imposter, just like before when she and Darrell had gone to the fancy restaurants of his choice.

  A tiny smile lifted the corners of her mouth as she thought of the evening before. She’d been herself, laughing with the children, and talking to Matt.

  “Are you happy?”

  She focused on Howard’s voice. “Oh, yes, of course.”

  “You look happy. You were smiling.” His lips curved. “I thought you would like this place. I’m sorry the children didn’t come. No PG-13 entertainment or alcohol this time.”

  She smiled with him. “Thankfully. But I’m not sure my children are ready for breakable plates and cloth napkins.”

  “Didn’t Darrell ever take the family out?”

  “Yes, of course, but he reserved the nicest for the times we went alone.”

  “Ah, no doubt being seen by his peers with his beautiful wife benefited his business. I don’t blame him for wanting to keep you all to himself.” Howard winked at Heather.

  How did one respond to such underhanded flattery? She wasn’t sure she appreciated his insinuations about Darrell, so she kept quiet.

  When their food arrived, they ate in silence while Heather’s mind drifted to her children. She wondered how they were getting along with Toni. She’d hated to ask one of her employees to babysit, but she didn’t trust just anyone.

  “I don’t know if you’ve heard of Sinclair Investments. It’s a company I’ve been looking into that should be a good place to…”

  Heather couldn’t concentrate on Howard’s voice. She tried to listen, but he scarcely stopped talking long enough for her to nod encouragement before he continued. How much like Darrell he sounded, so caught up in business and in making money.

  She hadn’t realized how little she cared for money. Of course money served a purpose. She couldn’t support her family without an inc
ome, and she needed her savings for a new home, but she had very little interest in investments and such. A girl born and bred in the country didn’t fit in with high society. She hadn’t expected to feel so out of place tonight when Howard picked her up in his luxurious midnight blue Buick. Their first date had been fun after they’d gone for pizza. Probably because of the children. Last night at the ice cream parlor had been for the kids, too. Had she become so wrapped up in her children that she couldn’t enjoy a man’s company? She would probably be as bored with Matt if he took her out alone.

  Heather’s mind drifted to Matt’s kids while she ate the tender steak and creamy potatoes the waitress set before her. She scarcely heard Howard’s voice droning on. Yesterday she’d caught Candace and Kristi in her office with a roll of tape. As she paused in the door watching the two little girls, Candace pushed the tape at Kristi and said, “C’mon, let’s make it long.”

  Kristi clapped her little hands in approval, making her pigtails bounce. She repeated Candace’s words, “Make long.”

  Although she would have enjoyed watching them play, Heather couldn’t let them make a mess or waste her supplies. She laughed under her breath at the surprise and guilt she’d seen on the little girls’ faces when she stepped into the room.

  “Heather.”

  A distant voice called her name. Howard! A rush of warmth covered Heather’s face. “I’m sorry. I was just… Oh, I can’t believe how rude I’ve been.”

  “Nonsense, I’m the one who is rude. I’ve been talking business nonstop, and this is a social evening. Let’s talk about something you’re interested in now.”

  Howard’s indulgent smile brought a memory of Darrell to her mind. How much alike the two men were! Except Howard didn’t profess the strong faith in God that Darrell possessed. Howard attended church, but did he consider church attendance a necessity for his business? She didn’t approve of using God’s house for profit. Did she want a relationship where business came before her and her children?

  Heather shoved her concerns aside and smiled. “I don’t know what we could talk about other than kids and bills. Those seem to be the two things most on my mind these days.”

  “Maybe that can change.” Howard reached across the table and took Heather’s hand in his. “Someday I’d like to help you with all those pressing bills. Heather, I’d like for you to consider me as more than a friend.”

  Heather stared at Howard. Wasn’t this what she’d been working toward? Why then, did she feel like jumping up from the table and running to the door? Anything to get away from Howard and his implications of marriage. For surely he meant marriage, didn’t he? But they had scarcely begun to date.

  She looked at their clasped hands and said the first thing that came to mind, “I don’t know, Howard. I haven’t known you long enough to think about turning my bills over yet.”

  A giggle escaped at the innocuous words she’d just uttered. “I mean of course I’d be willing to turn my bills over to a perfect stranger if he wanted to pay them, but that’s not what I mean.”

  She giggled again and couldn’t seem to stop. As laughter bubbled from her, she wondered what was wrong. She had thought this evening might be a turning point in her life. Howard probably thought she was crazy. She freed her hand from his and grabbed the cloth napkin then held it against her lips as a barrier against the laughter. Willing herself to stop before the tears came, she breathed deeply and brought herself under control.

  “I am so sorry, Howard.” Now fighting tears, Heather shook her head. “See what happens when you mention money and bills around me? I turn into a basket case.”

  Howard, always the gentleman, smiled indulgently. “You are a beautiful woman, Heather. You are smart and capable, a businesswoman in your own right. Not every woman can take a run-down house and turn it into a thriving business the way you have.”

  Is that why he wanted to marry her? Because he admired her business ability? Because he thought she was beautiful and smart? Did he look at her as some sort of prize, some sort of benefit to him? Surely not. A nicer, wealthier man than Howard would be hard to find. Unless Matt had a pot of gold stashed away someplace he hadn’t mentioned. The thought brought the threat of more laughter Heather quickly squelched.

  She looked at her half-eaten food and longed for home and a sleep of oblivion. Only then could she escape the confusion of her life. She lifted her fork to her mouth, determined to see the evening through and to keep Matt from her mind.

  ~*~

  Sunday morning Matt stopped his Bronco in front of Heather’s. He followed Ricky to the door and knocked. Almost immediately the door opened, and Gary shot through. Ricky and Gary ran to the vehicle leaving Matt behind. He started to turn away from the open door when Heather appeared.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi.” Matt wanted to stay, sit beside her on the porch and talk. Watch the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed. Trace the red highlights in her hair. If only— No, there was no room for if only in his life. “Gary’s already loaded.”

  She smiled. “Yes, I know. He’s pretty excited. Thanks for inviting him.”

  The horn tooted behind Matt. He grinned. “No problem. Guess I’d better get going.”

  He jogged to the SUV with a wave toward Heather.

  At church, Matt left Kristi in the nursery while the older kids scattered to Sunday school. Matt slipped into the back row of the single adult class moments before the teacher stepped to the front. After prayer and scripture reading, the teacher began a discussion on faith.

  Sarah Smith, a woman in her upper twenties, read in Hebrews, “‘Now Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.’” She lifted her head to ask, “Doesn’t that mean no matter what happens, as Christians, we should trust God to supply our needs?”

  A discussion followed as the class brought up examples of when they or people they knew had trusted God and He brought a miracle into their lives. Heather worked hard to save money for a house. If she trusted God, he couldn’t tell. Something about Heather drew him as no other woman had since Eva. And if he could be honest with himself, maybe not even Eva had held this same intense attraction for him that kept him coming back to Heather.

  Matt took a second look at Sarah Smith. Although a professed Christian and not bad looking, she simply did not appeal to him.

  He moved on to Judi Thompson. Probably in her early thirties, Judi was pretty, slim, and divorced. He needed to do some serious Bible study on the subject of divorce and remarriage before even thinking of dating her.

  A third woman caught his eye. He only knew her by Sharon, but he’d overheard her talking to one of the other women about her boyfriend. No sense looking there.

  He turned back to his Bible but couldn’t concentrate on the lesson as an image of Heather with the two little girls filled his mind. Did a more maternal and loving woman than Heather exist? She included Kristi with Candace as if they were both her children. She made no difference between Ricky and Gary. And Becka already looked up to Heather as a mother figure. He’d be hard pressed to find a better stepmother for his children.

  He shook his head, scattering his thoughts. He didn’t need a wife. He’d done all right for two years. He’d continue as both mother and father to his kids. He hadn’t hurt them yet. Heather thought they were pretty good kids, and he agreed. He shut out the persistent image of Heather surrounded by kids and concentrated on the remainder of church.

  Ricky and Gary ran to catch up with Matt and the girls as they reached the door leading outside. Matt shook hands with the minister and stepped back while the older man ruffled Gary’s hair. “Gary Conway, isn’t it? You were a little fellow when your family filled a pew here. I didn’t see your mom this morning.”

  “Nah, she didn’t come.” Gary shoved his hands in his pockets.

  “Well, you be sure and tell her we missed her. We’re certainly glad to see you back in church, though. Now you come again, okay?”

  “Yeah,”
Gary grinned and nodded.

  As soon as Matt stepped into the late summer sunshine, Ricky shoved a paper at him. “Dad, look what we got in children’s church.”

  “What’s this?” Matt took the paper.

  “Can we go? It’s School Night Festival here at the church next Saturday.”

  “They’ll have clowns,” Gary added.

  “Yeah, and games and prizes,” Ricky bobbed up and down.

  Matt laughed as he handed the paper back to Ricky. “No need to read the flyer now. You’ve already told me everything.”

  “But, can we go?” Ricky persisted. “Gary wants to go too. We can take him, can’t we?”

  “I don’t know why not.” Matt looked at Gary. “You’ll have to talk to your mom, though. I don’t know what she’ll say about this.”

  “Maybe she’ll let me come if you ask her.” Gary looked up at Matt with wide, hope-filled eyes.

  “Why don’t you invite Gary’s whole family?” Becka asked. “That would be even more fun. The puppeteers are going to put on a show.”

  Matt frowned. As if he could make Heather do whatever he asked. She’d turn him down flat if he tried. Probably wouldn’t let Gary come back to church with them again, either. Maybe shun him and his kids from the daycare, too. Certainly never go out with him.

  Whoa! He put on mental brakes. Dating wasn’t part of the bargain. He didn’t date women who refused to attend church.

  Putting a lid on his runaway wishes, he turned to Becka with a shrug. “Tell you what. The way I figure it, you kids have more influence with Gary’s mom than I do, so I’ll let you ask her.”

  He dug coupons from his pocket and handed them to Becka. “Here, see if you can bribe her with these. We’ll take her out to eat and soften her before we ask.”

  “All right.” Becka grabbed the coupons and ran to the car ahead of the boys. Matt followed with Kristi.

  ~*~

  As soon as Gary left, Heather started cleaning house. Brad stepped out of his room when she turned the vacuum cleaner on. She shut it off. “You want breakfast or lunch?”