LETTER VII
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.SUNDAY, AUG. 13.
I don't know what a devil ails me; but I never was so much indisposed inmy life. At first, I thought some of my blessed relations here had got adose administered to me, in order to get the whole house to themselves.But, as I am the hopes of the family, I believe they would not be sowicked.
I must lay down my pen. I cannot write with any spirit at all. What aplague can be the matter with me!
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Lord M. paid me just now a cursed gloomy visit, to ask how I do afterbleeding. His sisters both drove away yesterday, God be thanked. Butthey asked not my leave; and hardly bid me good-bye. My Lord was moretender, and more dutiful, than I expected. Men are less unforgiving thanwomen. I have reason to say so, I am sure. For, besides implacable MissHarlowe, and the old Ladies, the two Montague apes han't been near meyet.
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Neither eat, drink, nor sleep!--a piteous case, Jack! If I should dielike a fool now, people would say Miss Harlowe had broken my heart.--Thatshe vexes me to the heart, is certain.
Confounded squeamish! I would fain write it off. But must lay down mypen again. It won't do. Poor Lovelace!----What a devil ails thee?
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Well, but now let's try for't--Hoy--Hoy--Hoy! Confound me for a gapingpuppy, how I yawn!--Where shall I begin? at thy executorship--thou shalthave a double office of it: for I really think thou mayest send me acoffin and a shroud. I shall be ready for them by the time they can comedown.
What a little fool is this Miss Harlowe! I warrant she'll now repentthat she refused me. Such a lovely young widow--What a charming widowwould she have made! how would she have adorned the weeds! to be a widowin the first twelve months is one of the greatest felicities that canbefal a fine woman. Such pretty employment in new dismals, when she hadhardly worn round her blazing joyfuls! Such lights, and such shades! howwould they set off one another, and be adorned by the wearer!--
Go to the devil!--I will write!--Can I do anything else?
They would not have me write, Belford.--I must be ill indeed, when Ican't write.
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But thou seemest nettled, Jack! Is it because I was stung? It is notfor two friends, any more than for man and wife, to be out of patienceat one time.--What must be the consequence if they are?--I am in nofighting mood just now: but as patient and passive as the chickens thatare brought me in broth--for I am come to that already.
But I can tell thee, for all this, be thy own man, if thou wilt, as tothe executorship, I will never suffer thee to expose my letters. Theyare too ingenuous by half to be seen. And I absolutely insist upon it,that, on receipt of this, thou burn them all.
I will never forgive thee that impudent and unfriendly reflection, of mycavaliering it here over half a dozen persons of distinction: remember,too, thy words poor helpless orphan--these reflections are too serious,and thou art also too serious, for me to let these things go off asjesting; notwithstanding the Roman style* is preserved; and, indeed, butjust preserved. By my soul, Jack, if I had not been taken thusegregiously cropsick, I would have been up with thee, and the lady too,before now.
* For what these gentlemen mean by the Roman style, see Vol. I. LetterXXXI. in the first note.
But write on, however: and send me copies, if thou canst, of all thatpasses between our Charlotte and Miss Harlowe. I'll take no notice ofwhat thou communicatest of that sort. I like not the people here theworse for their generous offer to the lady. But you see she is as proudas implacable. There's no obliging her. She'd rather sell her clothesthan be beholden to any body, although she would oblige by permitting theobligation.
O Lord! O Lord!--Mortal ill!--Adieu, Jack!
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I was forced to leave off, I was so ill, at this place. And what dostthink! why Lord M. brought the parson of the parish to pray by me; forhis chaplain is at Oxford. I was lain down in my night-gown over mywaistcoat, and in a doze: and, when I opened my eyes, who should I see,but the parson kneeling on one side the bed; Lord M. on the other; Mrs.Greme, who had been sent for to tend me, as they call it, at the feet!God be thanked, my Lord, said I in an ecstasy!--Where's Miss?--for Isupposed they were going to marry me.
They thought me delirious at first; and prayed louder and louder.
This roused me: off the bed I started; slid my feet into my slippers;put my hand in my waistcoat pocket, and pulled out thy letter with mybeloved's meditation in it! My Lord, Dr. Wright, Mrs. Greme, you havethought me a very wicked fellow: but, see! I can read you as good as youcan read me.
They stared at one another. I gaped, and read, Poor mo--or--tals thecau--o--ause of their own--their own mi--ser--ry.
It is as suitable to my case, as to the lady's, as thou'lt observe, ifthou readest it again.* At the passage where it is said, That when a manis chastened for sin, his beauty consumes away, I stept to the glass: Apoor figure, by Jupiter, cried I!--And they all praised and admired me;lifted up their hands and their eyes; and the doctor said, he alwaysthought it impossible, that a man of my sense could be so wild as theworld said I was. My Lord chuckled for joy; congratulated me; and, thankmy dear Miss Harlowe, I got high reputation among good, bad, andindifferent. In short, I have established myself for ever with all here.--But, O Belford, even this will not do--I must leave off again.
* See Vol. VII. Letter LXXXI.
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A visit from the Montague sisters, led in by the hobbling Peer, tocongratulate my amendment and reformation both in one. What a luckyevent this illness with this meditation in my pocket; for we were all topieces before! Thus, when a boy, have I joined with a crowd coming outof church, and have been thought to have been there myself.
I am incensed at the insolence of the young Levite. Thou wilt highlyoblige me, if thou'lt find him out, and send me his ears in the nextletter.
My beloved mistakes me, if she thinks I proposed her writing to me as analternative that should dispense with my attendance upon her. That itshall not do, nor did I intend it should, unless she pleased me better inthe contents of her letter than she has done. Bid her read again. Igave no such hopes. I would have been with her in spite of you both, byto-morrow, at farthest, had I not been laid by the heels thus, like ahelpless miscreant.
But I grow better and better every hour, I say: the doctor says not: butI am sure I know best: and I will soon be in London, depend on't. Butsay nothing of this to my dear, cruel, and implacable Miss Harlowe.
A--dieu--u, Ja--aack--What a gaping puppy (yaw--n! yaw--n! yaw--n!)
ThyLOVELACE.
Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 8 Page 8