LETTER XXVII
MISS CL. HARLOWE, TO MISS ARAB. HARLOWETUESDAY, AUG. 22.
Write to me, my hard-hearted Sister, in what manner you please, I shallalways be thankful to you for your notice. But (think what you will ofme) I cannot see Mr. Ackland and the counselor on such a business as youmention.
The Lord have mercy upon me indeed! for none else will.
Surely I am believed to a creature past all shame, or it could not bethought of sending two gentlemen to me on such an errand.
Had my mother required of me (or would modesty have permitted you toinquire into) the particulars of my sad story, or had Mrs. Norton beendirected to receive them from me, methinks it had been more fit: and Ipresume to think that it would have been more in every one's charactertoo, had they been required of me before such heavy judgment had beenpassed upon me as has been passed.
I know that this is Dr. Lewen's opinion. He has been so good as toenforce it in a kind letter to me. I have answered his letter; and givensuch reasons as I hope will satisfy him. I could wish it were thoughtworth while to request of him a sight of my answer.*
* Her letter, containing the reasons she refers to, was not asked for;and Dr. Lewen's death, which fell out soon after he had received it, wasthe reason that it was not communicated to the family, till it was toolate to do the service that might have been hoped for from it.
To your other proposal, of going to Pensylvania; this is my answer--Ifnothing happen within a month which may full as effectually rid myparents and friends of that world of cares, and fears, and scandals,which you mention, and if I am then able to be carried on board of ship,I will cheerfully obey my father and mother, although I were sure to diein the passage. And, if I may be forgiven for saying so (for indeed itproceeds not from a spirit of reprisal) you shall set over me, instead ofmy poor obliging, but really-unculpable, Hannah, your Betty Barnes; towhom I will be answerable for all my conduct. And I will make it worthher while to accompany me.
I am equally surprised and concerned at the hints which both you and myuncle Antony give of new points of misbehaviour in me!--What can be meantby them?
I will not tell you, Miss Harlowe, how much I am afflicted at yourseverity, and how much I suffer by it, and by your hard-hearted levity ofstyle, because what I shall say may be construed into jingle and period,and because I know it is intended, very possibly for kind ends, tomortify me. All I will therefore say is, that it does not lose its end,if that be it.
But, nevertheless, (divesting myself as much as possible of allresentment,) I will only pray that Heaven will give you, for your ownsake, a kinder heart than at present you seem to have; since a kindheart, I am convinced, is a greater blessing to its possessor than it canbe to any other person. Under this conviction I subscribe myself, mydear Bella,
Your ever-affectionate sister,CL. HARLOWE.
Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 8 Page 28