LETTER XLVII
MR. BELFORD, TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ.TUESDAY NIGHT, AUG. 30.
When I concluded my last, I hoped that my next attendance upon thissurprising lady would furnish me with some particulars as agreeable asnow could be hoped for from the declining way she is in, by reason ofthe welcome letter she had received from her cousin Morden. But itproved quite otherwise to me, though not to herself; for I think I wasnever more shocked in my life than on the occasion I shall mentionpresently.
When I attended her about seven in the evening, she told me that shefound herself in a very petulant way after I had left her. Strange, saidshe, that the pleasure I received from my cousin's letter should havesuch an effect upon me! But I could not help giving way to a comparativehumour, as I may call it, and to think it very hard that my nearerrelations did not take the methods which my cousin Morden kindly took, byinquiring into my merit or demerit, and giving my cause a fair auditbefore they proceeded to condemnation.
She had hardly said this, when she started, and a blush overspread hersweet face, on hearing, as I also did, a sort of lumbering noise upon thestairs, as if a large trunk were bringing up between two people: and,looking upon me with an eye of concern, Blunderers! said she, they havebrought in something two hours before the time.--Don't be surprised, Sir--it is all to save you trouble.
Before I could speak, in came Mrs. Smith: O Madam, said she, what haveyou done?--Mrs. Lovick, entering, made the same exclamation. Lord havemercy upon me, Madam! cried I, what have you done?--For she, stepping atthe same instant to the door, the women told me it was a coffin.--OLovelace! that thou hadst been there at that moment!--Thou, the causer ofall these shocking scenes! Surely thou couldst not have been lessaffected than I, who have no guilt, as to her, to answer for.
With an intrepidity of a piece with the preparation, having directed themto carry it to her bed-chamber, she returned to us: they were not to havebrought it in till after dark, said she--Pray, excuse me, Mr. Belford:and don't you, Mrs. Lovick, be concerned: nor you, Mrs. Smith.--Whyshould you? There is nothing more in it than the unusualness of thething. Why may we not be as reasonably shocked at going to church whereare the monuments of our ancestors, with whose dust we even hope our dustshall be one day mingled, as to be moved at such a sight as this?
We all remaining silent, the women having their aprons at their eyes, Whythis concern for nothing at all? said she. If I am to be blamed for anything, it is for showing too much solicitude, as it may be thought, forthis earthly part. I love to do every thing for myself that I can do. Iever did. Every other material point is so far done, and taken care of,that I have had leisure for things of lesser moment. Minutenesses may beobserved, where greater articles are not neglected for them. I mighthave had this to order, perhaps, when less fit to order it. I have nomother, no sister, no Mrs. Norton, no Miss Howe, near me. Some of youmust have seen this in a few days, if not now; perhaps have had thefriendly trouble of directing it. And what is the difference of a fewdays to you, when I am gratified rather than discomposed by it? I shallnot die the sooner for such a preparation. Should not every body thathas any thing to bequeath make their will? And who, that makes a will,should be afraid of a coffin?--My dear friends, [to the women] I haveconsidered these things; do not, with such an object before you as youhave had in me for weeks, give me reason to think you have not.
How reasonable was all this!--It showed, indeed, that she herself hadwell considered it. But yet we could not help being shocked at thethoughts of the coffin thus brought in; the lovely person before oureyes who is, in all likelihood, so soon to fill it.
We were all silent still, the women in grief; I in a manner stunned. Shewould not ask me, she said; but would be glad, since it had thus earlierthan she had intended been brought in, that her two good friends wouldwalk in and look upon it. They would be less shocked when it was mademore familiar to their eye: don't you lead back, said she, a startingsteed to the object he is apt to start at, in order to familiarize him toit, and cure his starting? The same reason will hold in this case. Come,my good friends, I will lead you in.
I took my leave; telling her she had done wrong, very wrong; and oughtnot, by any means, to have such an object before her.
The women followed her in.--'Tis a strange sex! Nothing is too shockingfor them to look upon, or see acted, that has but novelty and curiosityin it.
Down I posted; got a chair; and was carried home, extremely shocked anddiscomposed: yet, weighing the lady's arguments, I know not why I was soaffected--except, as she said, at the unusualness of the thing.
While I waited for a chair, Mrs. Smith came down, and told me that therewere devices and inscriptions upon the lid. Lord bless me! is a coffin aproper subject to display fancy upon?--But these great minds cannot avoiddoing extraordinary things!
Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 8 Page 48