LETTER LXVIII
MR. BELFORD, TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ.WEDN. MORN. EIGHT O'CLOCK, (6 SEPT.)
Your servant arrived here before I was stirring. I sent him to Smith'sto inquire how the lady was; and ordered him to call upon me when he cameback. I was pleased to hear she had tolerable rest. As soon as I haddispatched him with the letter I had written over night, I went to attendher.
I found hr up, and dressed; in a white sattin night-gown. Ever elegant;but now more so than I had seen her for a week past: her aspect serenelycheerful.
She mentioned the increased dimness of her eyes, and the tremor which hadinvaded her limbs. If this be dying, said she, there is nothing at allshocking in it. My body hardly sensible of pain, my mind at ease, myintellects clear and perfect as ever. What a good and gracious God haveI!--For this is what I always prayed for.
I told her it was not so serene with you.
There is not the same reason for it, replied she. 'Tis a choice comfort,Mr. Belford, at the winding up of our short story, to be able to say, Ihave rather suffered injuries myself, than offered them to others. Ibless God, though I have bee unhappy, as the world deems it, and once Ithought more so than at present I think I ought to have done, since mycalamities were to work out for me my everlasting happiness; yet have Inot wilfully made any one creature so. I have no reason to grieve forany thing but for the sorrow I have given my friends.
But pray, Mr. Belford, remember me in the best manner to my cousinMorden; and desire him to comfort them, and to tell them, that all wouldhave been the same, had they accepted of my true penitence, as I wish andas I trust the Almighty has done.
I was called down: it was to Harry, who was just returned from MissHowe's, to whom he carried the lady's letter. The stupid fellow beingbid to make haste with it, and return as soon as possible, staid notuntil Miss Howe had it, she being at the distance of five minutes,although Mrs. Howe would have had him stay, and sent a man and horsepurposely with it to her daughter.
WEDNESDAY MORNING, TEN O'CLOCK.
The poor lady is just recovered from a fainting fit, which has left herat death's door. Her late tranquillity and freedom from pain seemed buta lightening, as Mrs. Lovick and Mrs. Smith call it.
By my faith, Lovelace, I had rather part with all the friends I have inthe world, than with this lady. I never knew what a virtuous, a holyfriendship, as I may call mine to her, was before. But to be so new toit, and to be obliged to forego it so soon, what an affliction! Yet,thank Heaven, I lose her not by my own fault!--But 'twould be barbarousnot to spare thee now.
She has sent for the divine who visited her before, to pray with her.
Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 8 Page 69