by T. L. Haddix
When the time came for him to go back to school, John didn’t want to leave. He told Zanny as much when he walked her home the night before he had to go.
“I’m going to miss you so much. Talking to you every day, talking about how our days went, watching movies or TV together. I’ve gotten used to that.”
The moonlight illuminated Zanny’s sad smile. “You’ll get to Richmond and get so busy with things, you won’t even remember my name until Thanksgiving.”
They’d reached the trailer, and John tugged her to a stop. “You don’t seriously believe that?”
Her hesitation told him she did. “I don’t want to believe it. But I know you’ve got an entire life up there.”
“Not like you think. I thought we settled that.”
When they’d gone up to register, John had taken her to the house his roommate had rented for the school year. It was the first time John had seen the new house. They’d walked up to the porch, only to be greeted by a half-naked girl coming out the door, clad in short shorts and a bikini top two sizes too small. John’s roommate, Chris, was trailing behind her.
“Johnny! And a girl. Hey, chick.” He winked. “Check out the location, man. Right across from Sorority Row. Party every night.”
John was humiliated, and he knew his face was beet red. “Chris, this is my girlfriend, Zanny.”
Chris leaned against the doorjamb. “Oh, Zanny. From back home?”
“Yes.”
Only Zanny’s hand clenched tightly around his stopped John from wiping the lascivious grin off the other man’s face as he looked her over from head to toe.
“Then forget what I said about a party every night. Johnny will be a good boy, sugar. I promise you.” The wink he sent John said he believed otherwise. John knew that also meant Chris would try everything he could to get him to fail. A very bad breakup the previous spring had left deep scars on the young man, and he’d gone from seeing women as deserving of respect to having a more misogynistic perspective.
Zanny’s face was closed down so tightly that it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know she was hurting. John knew he had a decision to make. All said, it was relatively simple.
“Chris, I don’t think this is going to work for me.”
He seemed genuinely puzzled. “Why not?”
“You know I hate the parties. I thought we were getting someplace a little farther off campus.”
“Dude, the only place I could find was living with a little old lady in a boarding house. I didn’t get up here until last week. Everything else was taken. I only got this at the last minute when a couple of the other guys dropped out.”
“I’d rather be at the little old lady’s, to tell you the truth.”
Chris shook his head and looked at Zanny. “That’s how it is, then?”
“Yeah, it is. I’m sorry.”
“Nah, I get it. If you hurry, you might be able to get the room at the boarding house.” He rattled off the address and held out his hand. John shook it gladly. “You’ll still be around for classes and stuff?”
“Of course. We’re still friends. I don’t think you’ll have any problems finding roommates here. Do you?”
Chris’s grin was cheerful. “Oh, no. I’ve had to beat ’em off with a stick, practically.” He held out his hand to Zanny, more respectfully than before. “This one’s a good guy. I’m more fun, but he’s as solid as they come.”
Zanny laughed. “I don’t think I could handle ‘more fun,’ but yes, John is a good man.”
They hurried across campus to the boarding house, and John easily secured the room. That had put Zanny’s mind at ease, he knew, but apparently not fully.
“How many parties did I drag you to this summer?” he asked her now.
“Just one.”
“Yeah. And it was Rick’s birthday party. My parents were there.” Stepping close, he pulled her into his arms. “I don’t get the whole party thing. I don’t enjoy it. I never really have. I thought you believed that.”
With a sniffle, she rested her face against his shoulder. “I do. I don’t know why I’m being so sensitive. I’m going to miss you, and maybe I’m spoiling for a fight so I don’t get a ‘Dear Zanny’ letter.”
“Yeah, well, I’ll be getting ‘Dear John’ letters every time you write,” he teased. “I wish I didn’t have to go. I wish I could stay here with you.” He kissed her deeply, with a desperation driven by the knowledge that he wouldn’t get to feel her in his arms for quite some time. With the tension of his impending departure looming, desire quickly ignited into passion. She reached down and cupped him lovingly. When she squeezed, he groaned into her neck.
“Zanny… I was trying to be good, but you’re making that hard.”
She laughed softly. “I know. Come inside?”
John tried to think rationally. “I don’t know if I can walk away from you tonight.”
“I don’t want you to walk away from me tonight. Please, John?”
His hand shook as he touched her face. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I love you, and I want…I want you to stay here tonight.”
All the blood had drained out of his head and pooled between his thighs, making thinking clearly difficult, but John had to try. Things had gotten very heated, very passionate between them during the previous couple of weeks, but even though they’d spent the night together in a motel room in Richmond, they hadn’t yet consummated their relationship. John had fought desperately to keep things on a level where Zanny knew he wasn’t just after sex. But he didn’t think he could bring himself to say no. He wanted her too much.
He didn’t have to worry about hurrying home because his parents had been delayed in Georgia over a glitch with Emma’s enrollment at school. Zanny’s father was in Utah on a trucking run. Even Jack and Gilly’s brood was out of town, getting Michelle settled at school. The trailer’s position on the curve of the mountain gave them nearly complete privacy from all the neighbors. No one would know, and Zanny’s reputation wouldn’t be hurt if he did stay.
“You aren’t on anything.”
“I bought condoms.” She bit her lip and ducked her face. “When we were in Richmond, while you were busy registering. I went to the store across the street.” She worked her hands under his shirt and scraped her nails across his abdomen.
John laughed, though the sound was ragged. “I picked some up in Hazard a couple of weeks ago.” He didn’t trust the old ones he’d already had, but he wasn’t about to admit that to her and open the door on the discussion of his previous encounters. As far as he was concerned, that was in the past, and now there was only Zanny.
“I’m ready for this. And I want this with you. But I won’t pressure you,” she told him softly. “That works both ways, you know.”
“Are you sure?”
Her smile was serene. “I am. I really am.”
“Then I’ll come in.”
Much like the experience in the barn loft, none of John’s previous encounters had prepared him for the night with Zanny. The haze of lust was tempered by love and a deep, heart-felt affection. What followed wasn’t a desperate race for completion, but an all-encompassing need that by far surpassed the sheer physical.
The night wasn’t without complications. They’d gotten careless the second time around, and John had gotten too hot, too fast. They’d taken a shower together—his first with a woman—and donning a condom had been the last thing on his mind. He’d slid into Zanny without thinking. It was also the first time he’d ever had sex without a condom, and the sensations heightened his arousal to the breaking point almost instantly.
He apologized profusely as they got out of the shower and dried off. He was afraid like he’d never been before. “That’s a problem. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I’m so
rry.”
She bit her thumb, a tiny line appearing between her brows, as she stammered, “I don’t think so. My p-period is a few days away. I don’t think I’m fertile right now.”
“But you could be?”
“I shouldn’t be. Today’s Saturday, and I should start by Tuesday.” She covered her face. “I can’t believe we’re talking about this.”
John tugged her hands down. “No matter what happens, I love you. Okay? And if you’re that close, I think we’re okay. I think it’s only the middle of the month when you have to worry about…” He couldn’t bring himself to say the word. The feeling that they’d just screwed up badly made him shake inside.
“I think so, too.” She relaxed visibly relaxed, and John felt some of his own tension ease.
They spent the rest of the night wrapped in each other’s arms, squeezed onto Zanny’s tiny twin-size bed. They dozed off a bit, but mostly, they just talked. His time with her was precious, and he would hold it close to his heart while he was away from her.
“You’ll write me at least twice a week, right?” he asked for the third time as dawn was breaking.
Zanny goosed him. “Yes, silly. And you’ll write me and call when you can. When Dad isn’t home. I’ll keep you apprised of his schedule in my letters.”
John had been bothered that Zanny hid their relationship from her father, but when he’d mentioned it to her, she’d become so distressed that he hadn’t pushed.
“I wish I’d been able to finish teaching you how to drive. Then you could come see me.”
She laughed. “First, I don’t have a car. And second, I’m going to have to drive quite a bit before I’d feel comfortable hitting the interstate.”
“You stick with me, kid, and I’ll have you driving like a pro in no time.”
They fell asleep for a few hours. When they woke up, John made love to Zanny one last time. It was slower and more tender than the first two times had been.
“I do love you,” he whispered after it was over. “It scares me how much you mean to me. And I don’t know if you realize how much you hold my heart and soul in your hands.”
With tears in her eyes, Zanny pulled him in for a soft, lingering kiss. “If it’s anything near what I feel for you, I do.”
Knowing he had no choice, John used every bit of his willpower to get dressed and leave. He stopped on the back porch for one last kiss. “I can’t let you come up to the house with me. I won’t be able to go if you’re there. Although, you could still come with me.”
“You know I can’t do that. Our parents would kill us.”
He sighed. “I know.” He gave her one last kiss. “I love you, Suzanna D’lores.”
“And I love you, John David. Drive safely? Call me when you get there?”
“I promise.”
The whole time he was climbing the mountain, packing the last of his bags, and driving the road to Richmond, he wanted to turn around and go home—back to Zanny. But he had to keep going. He had to finish his degree. With only one year left, he couldn’t quit. The stakes were too high.
He had every intention of coming back for Zanny and building a life with her. And he knew that the next few months would be difficult for them to be apart, but since it was a sacrifice necessary to their successful future, they had to do it. No matter how much it hurt.
Chapter Eight
By mid-October, Zanny was in a quiet, full-fledged panic. She’d missed two periods, and the home pregnancy test she’d managed to get her hands on had been positive. If that wasn’t enough evidence for her, she was also as sick as a dog, especially in the mornings, and her breasts were so tender that she was putting bags of frozen peas on them at night after work.
It was a cruel irony. She and John had been so careful, except that one time. She hadn’t thought one time was enough of a risk that she had to worry, but she supposed that thinking just showed how foolish she really was. She’d even had a light period, which she’d told John about in a letter, to assure him she wasn’t pregnant. But not only was she pregnant, she also wondered if he would even believe the baby was his.
She didn’t know how to tell him. What if he demanded she get an abortion? Zanny had a hard time killing poisonous snakes that came into the yard. She would die herself before killing a child they’d created with love.
Luckily, her father was on the road and had been for a few weeks. According to the letter she’d received from him the week before, she had at least another ten days before she had to worry too much about him coming home. That gave her ten days to figure out what in the world to do.
Jewel suspected she was pregnant, Zanny would have bet money on it. She’d been looking out for her more at work, insisting she take more frequent breaks and not do any heavy lifting. The unexpected consideration broke Zanny’s heart.
Dog-tired from not having slept well since John went back to school, Zanny took a fast shower and was in bed almost before it was dark outside. At some point during the night, she heard a vehicle pull into the driveway. She registered her father knocking on her window, telling her he was home and to not shoot, but she was so tired that she just rolled over and went back to sleep.
When she got up the next morning, she was pleasantly surprised to not be feeling any nausea. She didn’t have to go in to work that day, and she’d slept late.
“I wonder if that has anything to do with it.”
Her happiness was quickly eclipsed by panic, however, when she heard her father moving around in the kitchen, singing in a low, off-key voice. Not sure what to do, she took her time getting dressed and ready for work in her bedroom before scurrying down the hall to the bathroom.
“You can do this,” she told her reflection in the long mirror on the back of the bathroom door, studying her image carefully for any sign of pregnancy. Seeing none, she let out a long breath and opened the door, then headed down the hall as casually as she could.
“Hi, Dad.”
“Hey, Zanny. You were in bed early last night.”
She shrugged, trying to play it off. “I’ve been working a lot of hours. How—”
Before she could finish her sentence, the smell of the frying bacon wafted over to her, and nausea rushed up in her throat without warning. Hand clamped over her mouth, she fled down the hall to the bathroom. She hung over the toilet for what felt like hours, retching. The normal morning sickness was exacerbated by her racing heart. Her father wasn’t stupid. He would know what her nausea meant. The only question left in Zanny’s mind was how he would respond.
She got her answer when she opened the bathroom door, only to have him backhand her across the face. “God damn it, you’re pregnant. Aren’t you?” He didn’t wait for an answer, but slapped her again. While she was still reeling, he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her down the hall to the living room, where he pushed her onto the couch. “Whose is it? Do you even know?”
Stunned, Zanny tried to find her voice, but couldn’t speak. Her arm ached where he’d dug his fingers into the soft flesh, and her face was stinging with pins and needles. Usually when he hit her, he hadn’t hit hard enough to leave a bruise. Zanny knew that wouldn’t be the case this time.
“Answer me, damn it. Who is the father?”
“John,” she whispered. “John Campbell. But, Dad, he loves me. It will be okay. As soon as he knows, he’ll make it okay.”
“You really believe that? You really believe he’ll want to be tied to you any more than I have wanted to be? You’re more stupid than I thought you were. God damn it.” He stomped off, hands clenched at his sides. “Did he tell you he loved you? Whisper sweet nothings in your ear so you’d spread your legs for him? Stupid girl. He doesn’t want you! He got what he wanted, and you’ll be lucky to get the time of day out of him or his family now. Well, guess what? I don’t want the likes of you in
my house. You’re his problem now, his and Owen God-Almighty Campbell. We’ll see how long it takes them to turn you out on the street.”
Grabbing her arm, he hauled Zanny to her feet and out the door. He didn’t bother being gentle, just shoved her into the passenger seat of the truck. She barely had time to get her feet out of the way before he slammed the door. She thought about getting out of the truck and running up the mountain to Sarah and Owen, but before she could, Dennis was behind the wheel.
“We’ll just see what they have to say about all of this.” Cursing and muttering the whole way, he drove much too quickly up the narrow, winding road. All Zanny could do was hold on to the door handle and pray.
Sarah was giving serious thought to the idea of seducing her husband when the red pickup came roaring up the driveway. She and Owen were in the yard, getting the flower beds cleaned up for fall, and they stopped what they were doing at the sight.
“What in the world?”
They stood, shocked, as Dennis Franks got out and hurried to the passenger side of the vehicle. He jerked open the door and yanked Zanny out with one hand. He pushed her in front of him, causing her to stumble.
Sarah was horrified at what she was seeing. “Owen!”
“I’ve got her.” He rushed over to get Zanny away from Dennis, who shoved her in his direction as Owen approached. He barely managed to catch her before she hit the ground.
Sarah was on his heels and quickly wrapped Zanny in a tight hug. “I have you, sweetie. I have you.” She moved them back out of the way, toward the front porch, keeping Owen between them and Dennis.
“She’s your problem now, Campbell. Good riddance.”
Zanny’s father moved quickly, getting back in his truck via the passenger side. He backed out of the driveway so fast that Sarah thought he was going to end up in the ditch. When Owen turned to face her, his eyes were hot with anger, the pupils half-changed into a wolf’s, and Sarah understood why the other man had been so eager to leave.