by T. L. Haddix
He captured her hand and kissed the palm. “I think it sounds nice, actually. What else? Is there a man in your life, or are you happily single?”
“There’s a man. He’s a good man. A good father—those babies I mentioned, you know. I do want babies.” She couldn’t keep up the act any longer. “You know I love you, too, John. I’d walk to the ends of the earth and back if you asked me. You know you’re the man in my dream world. But in that dream world, you’re there because you want to be. Not because I got pregnant when we slipped up one time.”
John tugged on the backs of her knees, and she let him pull her off the bed and into his lap. He touched the bruised side of her face, his mouth tightening with anger, but he didn’t remark on the bruises. Instead, he sat back much as he had that day in the barn and settled her comfortably across his legs.
“Look, I know you’re not ready to have a baby. I’m not ready to have a baby. I wanted a couple or three years with you first, to get to know you, to enjoy playing with you. To enjoy playing house with you, if you want the truth. I have this fantasy about you and an apron…” He grinned when she laughed. He tipped her chin up so that she was looking at him.
“But the fact that we’re having the baby first? That doesn’t change the fact that I love you, and I want to be with you. Sure, it won’t be easy, but I’m actually starting to get excited. I’d planned to ask you a certain question at Christmas. I’d hoped you’d say yes, and by this time next year, we’d be finding our first house. Instead, I might just get to claim the right to call you my wife sooner. That’s more time I’ll have to hold you, to love you, to tease you. How is that a bad thing?”
Zanny’s heart ached with longing. She wanted to believe him, but her father’s words came back to haunt her. “How do I know you won’t get tired of me in a few years? Get tired of our family? It’s not the first time it’s happened, John. My mother left, and my dad…” She turned away and closed her eyes, unable to watch his face and see the disgust there. “He’s told me more than once over the years that he only let me stay because Gran needed me. That if it hadn’t been for her, he would have sent me off to whoever he could find to take me. I grew up with that, John. I’m used to it from him. If you ever said something like that to me, I don’t know if I could survive it. And if you left our child? Our children?”
Instead of the anger she’d expected, John just pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her. He held her and didn’t push her away like she’d worried he would. She took strength from his quiet support.
He waited until she lifted her head again to speak.
“I love you. And I love this baby,” he said softly, resting the back of his hand against her pelvis. “And I’m going to ask you to think about us, about me. Think about everything you know about me. Not emotionally, but logically. Think about my family.”
John looked away. He had to stop for a second and clear his throat, and Zanny rubbed her hand up his arm. “I would very, very much like to ask you if you would become my wife. Marry me and let me be that man in your dreams. Because I can do it. I want to do it. And I will do it, Zanny, but you have to trust me. There’s no way that I can prove to you that I’ll still be here five years from now. Ten years. You just have to trust me.”
“I want to, John.”
“I know. And I understand why it’s hard for you. That’s why I’m not going to press you to give me an answer right now. But I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to marry you, because I do. I want you to know that, to believe that. And maybe I need to know that you want it, too. That you aren’t marrying me because of the baby.”
Zanny had never thought of it that way—that he might think she didn’t want to be with him. “You’re so damned handsome and so funny, so kind. I’d be stupid to not want you.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m an okay catch, I guess.”
“Silly, silly man. I love you.” Full of emotion, she pressed a kiss to his lips. “We’d better go downstairs. I need to get dressed first. Your parents are going to be wondering what we’re up to.”
She got to her feet, but John only rose as far as his knees. “Can I see?”
“See what?”
He touched her belly. “You. I’ll keep my hands to myself, I promise. I just… I’d like to see.”
“There really isn’t anything to see,” she told him, but she started unbuttoning the pajama top. After he’d been so gentle with her, she was powerless to deny him the simple request. Letting it hang open, she pushed the bottoms down, along with her underwear, so he could see her belly. She held a hand out to him, and when he gave her his hand, she placed it over where their child grew.
John’s eyes teared up, and he blinked rapidly, trying to clear them. Seeing that response, Zanny stepped closer, cradling his head against her. She stroked his hair, making soothing noises as he pressed his cheek then his lips, to her. The temptation to accept his proposal right then was strong, but she resisted. She knew she owed him—and herself—no less than a little time for deliberation.
After she was dressed, Zanny excused herself to use the bathroom, leaving John behind in Emma’s room to collect himself. He was glad. He needed the time.
He’d examined her arm when she changed out of the pajama top into her own clothes. He’d been very careful to not touch the bruised skin, but Zanny had winced when he’d gotten close.
John would have loved the opportunity to do the same thing to Dennis Franks’ neck as the man had done to Zanny’s arm.
Once she was ready to go downstairs, she tapped on the doorframe. John set his anger aside and went to her.
“What are we going to tell your folks?”
“The truth. That you’re considering my proposal. They’ll understand.”
And they did. Owen sent him a severe look, but John gave a pointed look at Zanny and a slight shake of his head to indicate that she wasn’t ready. His father got the message and let it go.
Sarah had supper ready, though no one seemed to be overly hungry as they sat down in the kitchen.
“Since it’s just the four of us, I figured this would be sufficient,” she explained as she dished up the chicken soup. “And since you kept this down at lunch, I thought we might have it again. I hope that’s okay.”
Zanny smiled. “It’s wonderful, thank you.”
“You’ve had morning sickness?” John asked.
She nodded. “I guess that’s normal. Right?”
Sarah hmmm’d. “I was always worse with the boys than with the girls. Well, with John particularly. I couldn’t eat anything for about the first six months. The nausea wasn’t so bad with Emma and Ben, and then the girls were a breeze after the first two pregnancies.”
“Gee, thanks, Mom. I’m sorry.”
His mother’s smile was soft and full of love. “Sweetie, you were worth it. Worth every minute. Now, not to raise a sore subject, but Zanny, we need to get your stuff out of the trailer.”
John and Zanny both froze for a couple of seconds. She lowered her spoon and grimaced. “I don’t…” She looked to John. “I don’t know what to do about that. I mean, I can’t just stay here indefinitely. Not if we aren’t…”
When her lip started to tremble, John slid an arm around her shoulders.
His father stepped into the awkward silence and handled things. “Zanny, remember what I told you earlier? That no matter what, you’d always have a place here?”
She nodded.
“I meant that. ‘No matter what’ includes whether you’re married to my son or not. We have plenty of room, and you can stay here as long as you like.” He grabbed another half of a grilled cheese sandwich from the plate in the middle of the table, and John knew the casual move was a facade, probably designed to make Zanny feel more comfortable. He’d never been more grateful for his pare
nts in his life.
“Mom brings up a valid point,” John told Zanny. “We do need to get your stuff.”
“But it’s Dad’s trailer. I just live there.”
“I’ve thought about that,” Sarah told them. “Since Jack’s the service manager at the Ford dealership and they have the contract for the sheriff’s department, he knows a lot of the guys. I explained a little bit of the situation to Gilly earlier when I called to send the girls down there. I think Jack would be more than happy to call one of his buddies and see what we can do, legally speaking.”
Zanny’s voice was hesitant. “This sounds awful, but I feel like we need to move fast.” John still had his arm around Zanny’s shoulders, and he could feel the tremor that went through her as she spoke. “If it occurs to him, Dad will destroy my things. Most of it can be replaced, but some of it can’t. Pictures, letters from you,” she told John.
“I’ll call Jack now.” Sarah stood and went to the phone on the wall to dial the number. Very succinctly, she explained everything to her brother. “Can you see what you can find out?”
As he answered, she looked at Zanny, her eyebrows raised. “Oh, that’s interesting. Think we could sneak in? Okay. Call me back.” She hung up and came back to the table, a speculative look on her face.
“Jack says the trailer’s dark, and Dennis’s truck wasn’t there when he got home from work. Any idea where he would have gone?”
“There’s a bar down in Wabaco he likes to go to when he comes home. I guess he could be there,” Zanny said.
“The Red Owl?” Sarah asked.
“That’s the one.”
“Good.”
Owen started clearing the table. “What did Jack say? Why is that good?”
“Because Jack has a buddy who’s a deputy sheriff. And he moonlights at the Red Owl sometimes as a bouncer. Jack said he’s heard Dennis mention going there a time or two, and he thinks his friend is working tonight. He’s going to call and find out.” The phone rang as she finished her sentence, and they all waited with bated breath as she hurried to answer it. When she turned around to face them with a thumbs-up and a big smile, Zanny let out a relieved breath.
“Okay, kids, here’s the deal. Jack’s friend is at the bar, and so is Dennis. He’s drinking, and Jack’s friend is going to keep him there. The angels are smiling on us tonight. Let’s get every box we can find and haul butt down there to the trailer. We’ll get your stuff out, and if Dennis has a problem with that, he can come tell us face-to-face.”
From the hard light in his mother’s eyes, John knew she was wishing that would happen. As much as his father was a wolf, literally, his mother was just as fiercely protective of those she loved. Even without the baby to consider, John knew she loved Zanny.
They moved fast, leaving the food and plates where they sat. Even though John trusted Jack, he knew things could get out of hand very quickly if Dennis managed to get home before they were finished.
“Do you feel up to going?” he asked Zanny as they grabbed shoes and coats. Sarah found one for Zanny, and handed it to her as they gathered in the hall.
“Yes. I need to go. I want to.”
They took Sarah’s station wagon as well as Owen’s truck. John rode with his father, and as soon as they were on the road, Owen asked the question John had been expecting.
“She’s not ready?”
“No. And I understand the urgency, Dad, but I can’t push her. She has to come to it herself.”
Owen reached out and patted John’s shoulder. “She will. And I’m proud of you for handling it so well.”
John shook his head. “It’s simple. I want her to be happy. Pushing her into marriage is not going to make her happy. As I was driving down here, I pretty much figured what was going on. But I guess I didn’t expect her to not want to marry me. At least, not like this.”
“You’ve heard your mother and I talk about how badly I screwed up right before we got married. It will work out, John. You just have to believe in her and let her know you love her.”
They made the rest of the trip in silence, while John replayed what he knew about his parents’ courtship. Through a series of unavoidable events, Owen and Sarah had been separated during a time when they least needed to be. It had very nearly put paid to their relationship.
Surely, given that John hadn’t done anything as boneheaded as his father had done, Zanny would come to the answer he wanted—and needed—her to.
“Guess I need to find some of that faith and trust I was telling her about,” he muttered as they pulled up to the dark trailer. He got out and headed for Zanny, focusing on what they were about to do instead of what was hopefully to come. Staying busy was the only way he could stay sane and not take his father’s truck to Wabaco and commit mayhem.
They managed to get all of Zanny’s belongings out of the trailer in under an hour. The resulting collection wasn’t much, Sarah thought, to reflect the young woman’s life—about ten boxes, and two garbage bags full of clothes, all told.
“We’ll put this in Ben’s room, and you can sleep in Emma’s room for the time being,” she told Zanny as they closed the door behind them and got ready to head back up the mountain.
“I can never thank you all for this,” Zanny told her. She had her arms wrapped around herself, and Sarah realized that she was leaving, for good, the only place she’d called home since she was a young child. The loss was another emotional burden in a day that had been filled with them.
“Sure you can. Live a happy, fulfilled life. That’s all the payback we need.”
They thanked Jack and his son, Rick, who’d come to help, then Sarah bundled Zanny into the car. She heard her sniffling as she drove down the holler to the main road. Without speaking, Sarah handed her the box of tissues.
“You must think I’m awful, not answering John.”
“No. I understand. I’d like to see you two married because I think you’re a good fit for each other, but that’s not my decision. And I’m glad you’re not rushing into it and are taking a little while to think. It bodes well for your future.”
“How can you be so understanding, so forgiving? What if I don’t have an answer for him tomorrow, or this weekend, or next week? What if I’m starting to show and people are starting to talk? What then?”
“Well, then we tell those people to go screw themselves.” She could feel Zanny’s startled gaze on her face, and she smiled. “And then we know who to avoid in the future, because anyone so perfect they can judge you and John for being young and in love? Condemn you without a hearing, so to speak? We don’t want to associate with them, in any event.”
She wasn’t surprised when Zanny’s tears increased. The poor girl was exhausted mentally and physically. Between stress and the pregnancy hormones, that she’d kept it together as long as she had was a miracle.
“Someday, when that baby you’re carrying is grown, you might have the opportunity to have a very similar conversation with him or her. And you’ll think back to this day, this night, and hopefully, you’ll say the right things. As a parent, it’s all you can hope to do sometimes. That, and have grandchildren whom you can spoil and send back to their parents to tame.”
When Zanny laughed, even through her tears, Sarah had the feeling everything was all going to be all right.
Chapter Thirteen
In the end, an episode of a popular nighttime TV drama helped Zanny make her decision. She and Sarah were on the edges of their seats that Friday night as they watched the dysfunctional family from Texas sort through lives complicated by the evil machinations of the male lead. Even though John and Owen teased them mightily about their interest in the show, Zanny thought they had paid awfully close attention to the episode.
Watching the Ewings, Zanny thought about people she knew from school who were stuck in sim
ilar, if less dramatic, situations. Her own father would have made an excellent bad-guy character. But the Campbells? They were about as genuine as it got. They weren’t perfect; they were far from it. But they were good people. They were the kind of people Zanny wanted to be around and wanted her children to grow up with.
She didn’t tell John until the next day. Amelia had a basketball game in Leslie County, and knowing they needed privacy, Sarah coaxed Owen and Rachel into going along. Owen was clearly reluctant to leave them, but after leveling a dark warning look at John, he pointed a finger at him. “Mind your manners,” he said in a low voice that had John and Zanny both blushing, then let Sarah drag him to the car.
“That wasn’t awkward at all.” John was standing beside her, his hands in his pockets, the cool wind ruffling his dark hair. The day had dawned bright and sunny, despite the cool air, and as long as the wind wasn’t blowing, the air was pleasant enough.
Zanny leaned against him. “Think we could take a walk? Maybe go down to the pool?”
“Sure.”
They grabbed a heavy blanket and a thermos of crushed ice, which Zanny was elated to find kept her nausea at bay, and headed down the hill. On the boulder overlooking the pool, John spread out the large blanket and sat down. He held his arms wide. “Come sit?”
“In a minute.” Walking to the edge of the boulder, Zanny looked down at the water. The trees had changed into their fall colors, and bright-yellow, red, and orange leaves littered the pool. They’d dammed up at the lip of the pool where the water cascaded over the edge.
“Your dad hasn’t been out yet to clean the pool.”