“Let’s start with something small. A worm? Would you be OK with that?”
“You want me to eat worms?” I asked, screwing my face up in a gesture that said, “yuck.”
“I figure that will be the easiest on your conscience for the moment.”
“I guess you’re right. Though I’ll still feel guilty. Couldn’t we try a large animal, one I won’t kill?”
“I’m afraid you might not have the control for it, Atty. If you killed it, you’d probably feel worse.”
He was right, so we began looking for worms. I could feel them in the ground but was still apprehensive about getting one. Ben moved a small rock and grabbed three earthworms from underneath. They squirmed in his hand, and I focused on not gagging. I knew I wasn’t going to eat them, but they were still pretty gross.
“Now what?” I asked, knowing he probably wanted me to touch them.
He smiled patiently. “You’ve done this before, Atty. You just didn’t realize it. You’ve pulled at energy before unconsciously. Not to mention you’ve pulled it from me consciously, too.”
I blushed. He meant I’d taken from him when we had kissed. I’d probably done it when we held hands, too, without even thinking about it. “That was different though; I didn’t really think about that, it just happened when I touched you.”
“It’ll happen when you touch them too; you just have to release the focus you have on your own energy. You don’t automatically drain people when you touch them because your body knows to guard you, you have a shield protecting you, but if you release that shield you can take energy in. Try it. Touch them and open yourself to receiving.”
I reached for them slowly, not really certain that I wanted to do this. I willed myself to make contact and let go of my control. At first nothing happened but as I stood there, touching a wriggly worm, I felt its energy, and I wanted it. I could feel what Ben was talking about. It was as if I was enclosed in an invisible force field that needed an opening so that the outside source of energy could come into me. I focused on freeing my fingertips and felt the quick pulse of one of the worms flow into me. It stopped wriggling instantly, and I felt a pang of guilt.
“Ugh. I killed it,” I said as I pulled my hand away.
“You did, but it’s OK, Atty. It’s what we do. Like the food chain, it’s just the way nature goes. Try again.”
He was right, of course. It was ridiculous for me not to feed this way. I touched the second worm and felt its tiny pulse flow in as it went still. Then I did it again with the third.
“It seems pointless to kill them; I don’t feel that much more energized right now,” I pouted.
“That’s because these are very small creatures, but I didn’t want you experimenting on something bigger just yet. It would have just scared you.”
I nodded in agreement. “So is that all for now? Is it enough for me to go back to the hospital?”
“Not really, but I’ll take you back if you promise to eat more. How about we stop by a restaurant? Maybe it would help to not eat in the cafeteria,” he suggested. I agreed.
We stopped at a sports grill that was on the way to the hospital. As we were sitting down, I noticed the date on the TV directly in front of us. “Ben! Weren’t you supposed to go back home yesterday?”
“Don’t worry about it, Atty. I already spoke to my family; they told me I should definitely stay with you. There’s nothing more important right now.”
“But your plane tickets. The hotel. This has to be costing you a fortune!”
“Seriously, Atty, you don’t need to worry about that. It’s not a problem at all.”
“You’re too good to me, Ben.”
He just smiled and told me to focus on my menu. After eating he asked me, “Do you need me to call your professors for you? Are you going to class tomorrow? The break’s over, right?”
“I hadn’t thought of that. I had completely lost track of time.” Suddenly, I was anxious again. How long could I miss class? Nana would freak if she found out I had stopped going to school because of her. “I’m going to have to talk to Dolores. I don’t think Nana would want me to miss class, but I don’t want to leave her alone either.”
“Dolores will be fine if you want to go to class. It’s not like she’s really alone. I think I’ve met at least 20 of Nana’s friends in the past week; there’s always someone coming to visit.”
“You’re right. She won’t be alone. I should go to school; Nana would feel awful if she thought I quit the semester because of her.”
Two more weeks passed and nothing changed. Nana’s condition was still exactly the same. I tried my best to focus on school. Christy and Ana insisted I eat lunch with them on the days I had to stay for afternoon classes. They said I looked thin and wanted to make sure I was eating. Ben was concerned about me too. He convinced me to start sleeping at home again, so I could regain my strength. I hadn’t really been sleeping well at the hospital. He helped me practice with more bugs from the backyard every day; he said I was getting good and that we could move on to something bigger.
“So what will make you feel least guilty? How about a frog or a lizard?”
I must have looked disgusted because he started to laugh. “Come on, Atty, you have to try something bigger. I know you feel bad, but this is how we survive. Soon your system will require a lot more direct energy than what you’ve been giving it.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m going to feel guilty either way. Just get whatever you think I should try.”
He rustled through the bushes and came back with a small lizard. It looked terrified and had gone completely still in his hand, probably hoping he’d let it go. It was looking at me with little black eyes, and I hesitated.
“Come on, Atty, just try. You can do it.”
I gave him a dubious look but reached for the little lizard. I could feel its energy and knew it wouldn’t take much to drain it. Maybe I should think about transferring from trees, but I knew I’d feel guilty about that too because I would feel the energy leave them, and they wouldn’t really do me much good. Plant energy didn’t convert as well as animal energy, and it didn’t make me feel as strong.
I touched the lizard tentatively and let its energy come to me; it was collapsing on Ben’s hand. Suddenly I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to hurt it. Instead of taking energy from it, I transferred it back. The lizard startled to consciousness and jumped back into the bushes.
I felt Ben’s energy fluctuate oddly as if his shield had dropped a bit and when I turned toward him, he looked awestruck. “How did you do that?”
“I don’t know. What just happened, exactly?” I asked him.
“I could feel its energy going to you, then it reversed. Like you were giving energy to it instead of it to you. Did you transfer to it?”
“I think I did.”
“Wow. I need to call my father,” he said and took out his phone as he walked toward the back of the yard. I stood there, confused, and waited for him.
I watched as he paced in the yard, back and forth, gesturing forcefully as he spoke. I wondered if I had freaked him out. I got the impression that transferring energy out rather than in was not a normal occurrence.
After about 10 minutes he hung up and ran back to where I stood. “Atty, do you have any idea what your mother looked like?”
“No. I don’t remember her at all. Nana says that I have her build, but her coloring was different.”
“My father thinks he might know who you are.” He paused and just looked at me.
I waited in suspense for a few seconds but couldn’t help asking, “Who?”
“About 20 years ago, the oldest of our kind was killed.”
“I thought you said your father was the oldest,” I interrupted.
“He is. Now. But he used to be second-oldest. The oldest person he knew was Eugenius, his best friend. Eugenius was murdered.” I let out a small gasp. He had mentioned that we could be killed; I just hadn’t wanted to think about mu
rder.
“He was living with a woman named Viveca at the time. She was relatively young, maybe 100 years old. She disappeared when he was killed. We never knew if she was killed as well or if she fled. My father thinks that perhaps she was your mother.”
It occurred to me that I should tell him about my mother’s letter, but what if he thought I hadn’t told him about it because I was hiding something? He’d told me how nervous his father was that people would try to hurt him. What if he thought I was some sort of spy or someone out to get him? He wouldn’t trust me if he thought I’d been keeping it from him. I just couldn’t tell him then. I couldn’t risk losing him; he was the only thing keeping me sane through all of this.
Other crazy thoughts ran through my head too. When he said “fled,” did he mean because she murdered Eugenius, or because she was scared? Why did someone murder him to begin with? And if she was my mother, was he my father? I finally got a question out, “Why does he think that?” and tried to focus on Ben’s reply.
“Viveca was special, Atty. Unique among our kind. She could transfer energy both in and out. She could help things—help humans. She could give them strength when they were on the brink of death. We thought that whoever murdered Eugenius was trying to get to her. Her power was highly coveted.”
“Help humans?” I was already thinking of Nana back at the hospital. “Do you think I could too?”
“I don’t know, Atty; you’d have to practice first. I don’t think it would be a good idea to just walk up to a person and transfer energy to her. I know what you’re thinking,” he said, and I knew he had thought of the same use for my talent as I had. “If Nana felt you doing it, she’d start asking a lot of questions. Not to mention the doctors would investigate what had happened. I’m not saying you can’t do it at some point, but we’ll have to figure it out. We need to be subtle about it.”
“I know. I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble. And I definitely wouldn’t want to scare Nana, but if I can help her I have to try.”
“And you will, Atty, but let’s take this slowly. How about you do it again on a small animal and see what happens?” I nodded in agreement.
He found the first thing near us, another earthworm, and held it out to me. “OK, try doing that again.” I reached for it slowly and let down my guard, focusing on draining the worm. I went too far and couldn’t manage to restore its energy. Ben discarded it in the bushes and tried another. This time I managed to stop before it was completely drained, but when I tried to give the energy back I must have done it too fast. The worm seemed to spasm and then wiggle frantically before going still. I sighed in remorse and frustration.
“Guess you got lucky with the lizard,” Ben said, the corner of his lips pulling up a second after he said it. I couldn’t help myself and started to laugh before rolling my eyes at him.
“Sorry,” he said, “just trying to break the tension.”
“Maybe I should try something bigger. It’s really hard to be so precise with such small beings.”
“OK, what do you think you can handle?” he asked.
I had no idea. He was asking what I could kill. Nothing really, but I had to try. If there was a way for me to help Nana, I would have to chance it.
“How about a cow? That should be big enough, right?” I asked.
“Atty, where are we going to find a cow in Miami?”
“I know where, but maybe we should buy it.”
“We can’t buy a cow; where would you put it?”
“Then we’ll have to go at night. I doubt there are any ranchers around here who won’t mind us messing with their cows.”
“Uh-oh. I think I might be a bad influence on you,” he said with a grin.
“Possibly.”
That night, after visiting Nana, I directed Ben to the cows. They were about an hour up the Turnpike, almost to the northern end of Broward County. We pulled over near the fence that surrounded a large field where I had seen them grazing many times. I wasn’t actually sure whether they’d be out at night, but they were, sleeping in the far end of the field away from the noise of the highway.
We carefully climbed over the fence and started walking toward the herd. “Are you sure about this, Atty? What if we freak them out and they stampede?” asked Ben, but he was smiling. He was amused that I had this reckless streak. I was a bit dumbfounded myself. I’m not usually the type of girl who goes chasing other people’s cows in the middle of the night.
“You got something better for me to test this on? Maybe we should go to the zoo and try an elephant. I’m sure no one would notice,” I replied. He smiled and rolled his eyes as we made our way nearer our goal.
Quietly, we worked our way to the edge of the herd. I expected them to be sleeping standing up, but Ben said that was just an old wives’ tale. I looked at him as if to ask which cow I should try, but he just shrugged, so I picked the one that seemed closest. I knelt next to it and reached for it slowly; I didn’t want it to startle awake. Once I could feel its soft side, I tried to focus on the energy inside it. I started to drain it, and it felt really good. The “taste” of it wasn’t as appealing as Ben, of course, but I felt so strong. I had never taken in this much energy. It was exhilarating. I could feel that the animal was almost drained, but I didn’t want to stop.
“If you’re going to stop, Atty, you need to do it now,” I heard Ben say behind me. It made me jump and break contact with the cow. I had been so focused on the transfer. I looked at him and back at the animal I had just been touching. It was breathing erratically. In a panic, I realized that I’d almost killed it. I put my hand back on it to revive it, but the energy came in a rush and the cow woke up. It looked at me for an instant before letting out a startled low and jumping to its feet. The other cows felt its panic and jumped up as well. They started to run in different directions, all in a mad rush. The cow I had been nearest ran opposite of me but another one ran toward me. Ben grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet.
“Time to go!” he yelled and I ran with him. We dashed to the fence and jumped over before turning around to watch the cows. They were still lowing and running all over the field. In the middle, one collapsed to the ground.
“Is that the one I was working on?” I asked Ben in between heavy breaths.
“It might be,” he said with a nod.
“What’s wrong with it?”
“I don’t know, maybe you short-circuited it,” he said.
I started to giggle hysterically. The giggles evolved from laughter to tears very quickly and soon I was hunched on the ground crying. Ben sat next to me and hugged me to his side. He stroked my hair until I calmed down.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s the matter with me.”
“Don’t worry, you’ve been under a lot of stress. And that was a major transfer you just attempted.”
He kissed me then, and I felt so much better. I could feel his defenses down and for the first time in a while I allowed myself to take a little of his energy. He smiled at me before standing and offering his hand to help me up.
“Let’s get some rest. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
Chapter 15
The next morning Ben came over early. He knocked about 30 seconds after I got out of bed.
“Were you waiting outside?” I asked him with a smirk. I had only given myself enough time to brush my teeth before running to the door in my pajamas.
He laughed and shrugged. “Sorry, is that creepy?”
“I’ll get back to you on that,” I said with a smile before kissing him hello. “How did you know I was up?”
“I felt your energy move, figured you must have gotten out of bed.”
“Right, of course. I forget you can feel me, too.” I realized we were still standing in the open doorway, so I motioned that he should come in.
“Yes, we’re going to have to work on your defenses. Make sure you’re not so easy to spot.”
I nodded, knowing he was referring to other people li
ke us finding me. I didn’t want to think much of it though, so I kept walking into the house.
“Do you want anything?” I asked over my shoulder as I led him toward the kitchen.
“Just to see how you’re feeling this morning.”
“I’m OK; you were right about feeling better in the morning. I guess I was just overwhelmed last night.”
He nodded and I turned toward the refrigerator to fill my cup with water from the dispenser. As I turned back toward Ben, I caught him staring at me and blushed at the same time he did.
“I’m sorry, Atty, I didn’t mean to ogle. Those PJs become you.”
I was wearing soft pants that hung low on my hips, kept up by a tie gathered into a bow at the front. The pajama top was strappy, cami-style, and, though it covered everything critical, there was still a lot of exposed skin.
I blushed a little harder before smiling and saying, “Maybe I should get dressed. Do you mind waiting a sec?”
“If you must change, I will wait as long as it takes.”
I ran to my room and looked for something easy to put on. I was still a bit flustered. I hadn’t thought about how little chance or motivation we’d had for anything romantic. I wondered where he would usually be after this much time with a girl, certainly further than he was with me. All the stuff going on with Nana, not to mention my new talents, had left me distracted and feeling like I must make a really bad girlfriend. I was glad he’d ogled me; it reminded me that he still liked the way I looked even if he wasn’t getting much response. I decided I should try to be more romantic and less dependent and needy.
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