“I am—,”
“No, not quite. You’re ready for the easy stuff, but not the hard stuff. The messy bits. The things that make you uncomfortable. You know what I need, what I’m waiting for. Believe me, I know it goes against every one of your instincts to ask for my forgiveness, because it goes against every one of my instincts to give it to you.”
“Wren—,” he began with a sigh. I could see the internal debate he was having playing out over his features from the corner of my eye. The things he wanted to say, but didn’t know how to articulate yet.
“Honestly, it’s okay. There are things I’m not ready for either.” Like everything relating to pack life. “So maybe this can be enough. For now.”
Archer frowned, like he wanted to protest, but before he could the gray wolf emerged suddenly from the bushes, padding toward us quietly, deciding that I wasn’t a threat to her. She paused to affectionately nudge Archer’s legs with her snout before coming around to my side, nuzzling insistently at my shoulder. Comforting me. The gesture was so beautiful, so unexpected, that the tears I didn’t realize I’d been holding back slid down my cheeks. Mandy made a mournful sound, roughly licking the side of my face.
“Mom hates seeing you cry as much as I do,” Archer chuckled, reaching out to wipe the tears away from the other side of my face, rubbing his thumb over my cheekbone with devastating gentleness.
“I’m not crying. You’re crying,” I grumbled, looking at the tree canopy above me and blinking rapidly to get rid of the fresh wave of traitorous tears that were threatening to fall.
Mandy butted my arm again with her head before moving back to Archer and laying down at his side, rumbling contentedly when he buried his hand in the thick fur around her neck.
“She’s lonely,” I told him softly. “It’s unnatural for wolves to be alone like this.”
Archer made a strained sound of agreement in his throat, but said nothing. Minutes passed in silence as Archer gave Mandy the attention she’d been missing.
“I don’t think she’s ever coming back,” he said hoarsely. Archer looked at me with so much pain in his eyes. He seemed so young suddenly. Lost and overwhelmed with the enormity of what he was facing.
“I don’t think she is either, Arch. So, you need to figure out what to do next.”
Chapter 19
Archer
It was mid-morning by the time we arrived back among the main pack buildings, hand-in-hand. I walked purposefully to the Alpha House, Wren easily keeping pace next to me.
She’d forced me to acknowledge some hard truths this morning, and it was time for me to man up and do something about them. Starting with standing up to my dad.
Wren’s step faltered as we approached the door to Dad’s study, just off the great room of the house.
“Shouldn’t I wait out here?” she asked, surprised that I was pulling her towards the room with me.
“I’d rather you came in with me,” I said, studying her face to see how she’d react. Privately, I thought I might need her to come in with me, but I didn’t know how to articulate that thought without seeming weak. Wren was like an endless pool of strength. I felt invincible when she was around.
“Okay,” she replied simply, straightening her spine and tilting her chin up, ready to take on an Alpha at my side.
I rapped my knuckles against the door and waited a couple of moments for Dad to call us in.
“Son,” Dad said, standing from behind the enormous oak desk. “Wren. To what do I owe the pleasure?”
He took his seat and gestured at the two chairs in front of his desk for us to do the same. I kept our fingers intertwined as we sat, soothed by the contact. It calmed my agitated wolf, too. He was eager to prove himself, if the discussion came to that.
“We just visited Mom.”
Dad’s eyes flicked to Wren, a hint of nervousness in his eyes. I doubted he meant for me to keep any secrets from her, but his instinct would always be to protect his own mate.
“How was that?” he asked carefully.
“Heartbreaking,” I said honestly. “She is lonely, though I don’t need to tell you of all people how she’s feeling.”
Dad’s eyes narrowed slightly, as if he was assessing the situation, deciding how best to handle my insubordination.
“This is a good pack, Dad, full of good wolves. Kind wolves. If they knew their Luna was lonely, they’d go out of their way to spend time with her. Trust them. It’s been long enough.”
“And if I disagree? Are you challenging me, son?”
My wolf bared his teeth, hackles raised. He wouldn’t relish fighting Dad, but he would if he felt he had no choice.
“You’re a good Alpha, Dad, the best Alpha for the Audax Pack. But Mom’s a member of this pack, too, and you’re not doing right by her. If you won’t act on her behalf, then you’ll force my hand.”
This was a fucking gamble of epic proportions because I wasn’t actually sure I could beat him. I was younger and quicker, but Dad had defeated his fair share of challengers of the years and was no slouch in combat.
Dad leaned back in his chair, elbows propped on the arms of the chair and fingers steepled, contemplative. “Eventually, the pack will malfunction without a permanent Luna. Claudia will fill in where she can, but her duties are foremost as part of the Beta pair.”
Eventually, you won’t have a choice but to challenge me. Eventually, the pack will need you and Wren to step up to the plate.
Fates, I hope I could convince her to seal our mating. First, because I wanted to. Second, because the pack would need us one day.
“But in the meantime?”
“They have a right to know,” Dad sighed. “If someone challenges me, then they challenge me. It wouldn’t be the first time.”
Relief crashed over me like a wave, and Wren gave my hand a supportive squeeze. Mom wouldn’t be all alone anymore.
“I’ll tell the pack at dinner. In the meantime…” Dad hesitated, glancing at Wren. “It might be nice for your mother to have a family run with Flynn too.”
“Please don’t worry about me, sir. I’ll be fine here on my own,” Wren assured him, shrugging nonchalantly.
“What? No, I’m not leaving you here,” I practically growled. How was I supposed to leave her here, in a pack of wolves, without a claiming mark on her neck? That was bullshit.
“Arch, it’s fine,” Wren soothed, using my nickname again without realizing she’d done it. It gave me a brief buzz of happiness every time she did it. “I’m a big girl, I can handle myself.”
“It’s not you I’m worried about,” I muttered.
“Don’t be dramatic.” Wren waved her hand dismissively and my dad stifled a grin. “I’ll wander around, maybe hang out with Miles.”
We followed my dad’s lead as he stood, my chest rumbling in displeasure the whole time as we followed him out of the Alpha House.
“I’m sure you’ll want a long, soppy goodbye, so I’ll give you two a moment. I need to find Flynn, anyway,” Dad chuckled striding away.
“Don’t talk to any unmated pack members. Or mated ones. Ugh, maybe just hang out with the kids. Or the Elders.”
“Keep telling me what to do and see how well that turns out for you,” Wren said wryly, arching her brow imperiously at me.
Before I could reply, Wyatt emerged into the clearing, his eyes bleary. Reflexively, I moved closer to Wren, letting him know that she was taken. It was totally irrational — Wyatt was one of the best guys I knew, he’d never look at Wren as anything more than my fated mate — but the claiming urges were making me see threats everywhere. As an unmated male, my wolf was practically howling threat on repeat in my head. Wyatt was older than me, in his mid-thirties, with fine lines around his eyes and forehead and a deep tan from all the time he spent outdoors.
"Wren, this is Wyatt Scriven. He leads up the centurions at Audax Pack. Wyatt, this is Wren. My fated mate." There was a warning edge to my words and my arms banded securely around Wren’s wai
st, pulling her tightly against my chest. She shook a little and I think she might have been silently laughing at my little burst of jealousy, the minx.
"Nice to meet you, Wyatt," she said, tipping her head cordially but not reaching out to shake his hand. Maybe she knew I’d totally lose my shit if he touched her.
“Likewise,” he said, maintaining a respectful distance, but also looking like he wanted to laugh at me.
"You look tired," I observed, feeling the shift within me from paranoid mate to worried Alpha.
"Long patrols during the heat cycle," Wyatt rasped, scrubbing a hand over his stubble. "Half the centurions are with their mates." There was a hint of bitterness in his voice that always slipped in when Wyatt talked about mated couples. He was hanging out for his fated mate, but each year the likelihood of him finding her grew smaller.
"When did you last sleep?" Wren said, a hint of dominant Luna seeping into her voice.
"A couple of days ago?" Wyatt guessed, shrugging his shoulders.
"Go, sleep. Dad, Flynn and I are going to join Mom at the northern border for a bit, I'll let the other centurions know to cover the rest," I instructed, not leaving any room for argument in my tone.
Wyatt nodded, giving me a curious look. He probably knew more than most about Mom, given the time he spent in his wolf form patrolling, but he’d wisely never mentioned it.
"We'll be making an announcement at dinner," I added, answering his unasked question. "Get some sleep, make sure you're in the dining hall tonight. You probably need a decent meal, anyway."
"I'm not sure I'll get one of those in the dining hall these days, but you're right," Wyatt chuckled, tipping his chin at both of us before heading off to the edge of the clearing, his shoulders slumped in exhaustion.
"Wyatt hasn’t found his fated mate," I explained quietly, resting my chin on Wren’s shoulder. "He'd rather be alone than with anyone else. Though he's pretty much mated to his job now. We couldn't ask for a more diligent centurion."
She nodded, watching Wyatt's retreat. Just like at dinner when we’d talked about Kye and Zoe’s first heat, I could feel Wren’s concern for them. She looked at the Audax Pack members like she wanted to wrap them all up, keep them safe, fix all of their problems. She also looked like she had no idea why she felt that way.
Wren may be on the fence about being a Luna someday, but her wolf definitely wasn’t.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay without me for a few hours?” I asked, nuzzling the crook of her neck, leaving my scent all over her.
Wren twisted around so she could give me a chastising glare. "Obviously."
“I’m not questioning your strength, little bird. I’m sure you can handle yourself.” The corners of my mouth twitched as I tried to suppress a grin. “You just don’t know anyone. Miles is probably running patrol with Joe. His mom’s nice though. You could go hang out with Claudia.”
“I really don’t need you to organize play dates for me, Arch. I thought I might go help in the kitchen since they’re short of hands at the moment,” she suggested lightly, though I could see it meant more to her than she was letting on.
“That’s a brilliant idea, baby,” I replied, letting a wide grin take over my face. Wren shoved me away, probably because I was making her feel weird about it.
"Go see Mandy. I'll see you at dinner," she called over her shoulder, moving towards the industrial kitchen attached to the dining hall. Wren made it about two steps before I snatched her up, holding her off the ground under her ass and pressing our chests together.
"Where's my goodbye kiss?" I teased.
She growled like it annoyed her, though there was no real heat in it. Sometimes I think she only acted irritated with me because it seemed like the right response. Like she was letting me off the hook if she enjoyed herself. I smirked into our kiss, moving my lips determinedly against hers until she relaxed into it, greedily accepting up all the affection I was offering her. I’d give her everything, if she’d let me.
"See you soon, little bird," I mumbled against her lips, leaning forward to rub my nose softly against hers before letting her slide slowly down my body until her feet touched the ground.
"See you soon, Archer," she breathed as I walked away. I knew the centurions would keep an eye out for her — not that she was in any danger around my pack — and I wouldn’t even be gone that long, but any amount of time away from Wren was too long. Especially so soon after her heat when she didn’t have a claiming mark on her neck.
This had to be done, though. We’d put it off too long already, and we needed to return to campus tomorrow. It couldn’t wait until my next trip home.
I wound my way between the scatter of pack buildings in the clearing, heading north to the slope that would take me back to where Mom was hanging out. I slung my arm around Flynn’s shoulders as I caught up to him. He gave me an affectionate shove, ducking under my arm.
“Congrats on finding your fated mate, Arch. Wren is awesome.” Intellectually, I knew that he was just being a supportive brother, but with the claiming instinct riding me hard, I had to suppress the urge to clock him in the face.
“Gorgeous, too,” he added, preemptively dodging my fist with an uproarious laugh.
“That’s a dangerous game you’re playing, Flynn,” Dad said mildly, watching in amusement as I lunged for my little brother again, taking him to the ground.
“As far as you’re concerned, Wren’s your sister,” I grumbled irritably, pinning him in the dirt.
“I know that,” Flynn chuckled. “I just meant you’ll have pretty babies one day. What did you think I meant?”
“You’re a pain in the ass.” I stood and extended my hand to pull Flynn up. He gave me a you can’t be serious face before jumping to his feet, brushing the debris off his sweats.
“Flynn, why don’t you run ahead and find your mother. I need to talk to Archer for a minute.”
“Sure. You’re not giving him the birds and the bees talk, right? Because based on the smell around his cabin, I’d say that ship has sailed.”
Dad fisted the back of my shirt as Flynn darted off ahead, moving himself out of striking distance before he shifted. Little shit.
“Leave him,” Dad instructed, holding back a laugh. “You can get your revenge when he finds his mate some day.”
“It won’t be the same,” I groused. “He probably won’t have to wait to claim his mate. It’s the claiming urge that’s driving me crazy.”
“What are you waiting for?”
“Wren, I guess. I feel like I’m ready, but she thinks I’m only ready for the easy stuff,” I muttered, not accustomed to having heart-to-heart chats with my dad.
“You know, son, we’ve always talked a lot about strength,” Dad sighed, running a hand through his graying hair. “The importance as an Alpha of demonstrating strength so the pack always feels safe in your charge.”
I nodded my head silently. It’s almost all we’d ever talked about since I was old enough to understand what he was saying.
“Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is to humble yourself in front of the one you love and beg for their forgiveness when you’ve hurt them. It takes strength to make yourself vulnerable. Especially to someone who has the power to cause you more pain than anyone else.”
“Dad,” I breathed, stunned.
“That girl loves you. Her eyes seek you out constantly. She visibly relaxes when you touch her. She isn’t a naturally smiley person, but you, Archer, make her smile. Really smile.”
His words eased some of the tangled knot of emotions that ached in my chest.
“But she won’t let herself love you, let herself be truly vulnerable with you, unless you do the same. Sometimes you’ve got to take a leap, son, and hope for the best.”
“That goes against everything you’ve ever taught me,” I pointed out with a wry smile.
Dad’s lips twitched in amusement, though his eyes were sad. “Your mom and I agreed that I would handle the Alpha stuff and s
he would handle the love stuff.”
My throat tightened uncomfortably. “Mom would have torn a chunk out of me for the way I treated Wren.”
“She would,” Dad agreed solemnly. “Probably loudly bemoaning the fact that she had raised such a moron. Then she’d have sat you down and put together a game plan on how to fix the mess you made.”
“Her and Wren would have gotten on great,” I chuckled sadly. “They would have ganged up on me all the time.”
“You would have let them. Wren’s mother let her down something chronic, and your mom always wanted a daughter.”
“She got one,” I said decisively.
“Yes, she did,” Dad agreed.
We crested the rise and found two wolves already playing, leaping up, trying to pin one another. Dad and I stood back, watching them for a while and giving Mom a moment to adjust to our presence.
“How does she feel now?” I asked quietly.
“The happiest she’s been in a while,” Dad admitted. “She may not know who we are to her, but she trusts us. She enjoys having us around.”
I nodded, feeling some tension in my muscles ease. She was happy. If she was happy, maybe I could be too. I could at least be less unhappy. I wished Wren had got to meet Mom properly, before… all of this. I’d never see them share a private joke, or gang up on me, or watch the way my mom would love on Wren like she was her own daughter. That would always sting. But Dad adored Wren, and Flynn would be the annoying little brother she never had.
We may not be the family we were a year ago, but we were still a family. A good one.
“Let’s shift, son.”
I nodded silently, stripping out of my clothes and letting my wolf free.
✽✽✽
I could practically feel the excitement in the air, vibrating off the pack members, as Dad, Flynn and I approached the dining hall. We’d spent hours playing as a family in our wolf forms, chasing each other around the territory, and play-fighting. I was the first to shift back — about two seconds before my wolf lost his shit and went to find Wren himself — only to find it was already dinnertime.
Fire & Gasoline: A Shifter Romance (Audax Pack Book 1) Page 22