He takes me in the back room. “How much was that tab?”
“I’ll pay it.”
“I know you will. Don’t think you can thin the amount either. I’ll go back and count the beers.”
“I get it. I won’t stiff you.”
“Go count out for the night. Whatever is short comes out of your pay. I’ll close tonight.”
“But I need the hours,” I argue.
“Kimber, I just lost three customers. They came to the desk and told me I needed better help. You’re lucky you still have a job.”
“They were threatening me. That guy was taking up for me.”
“Business is business. You’ve got a bat if things get out of hand. You could have buzzed me at any time. I’d take care of the misunderstanding. Go on and get out of here tonight. Tomorrow is a new day.”
I’m pissed, but resolved I still have a job and a place to live. After counting the register in the now empty establishment, I say my goodbyes to my asshole of a boss and walk in the direction of my room. Across the street I see a guy resembling West with a huge white dog. They’re walking in the direction of the bridge to Assateague. I watch them, first to make sure it’s really West, and then because I want to apologize for ruining his first night back. In the parking lot I see a truck with Alaska plates. He must have driven here, which I know is one heck of a long drive. Before I know it they’re walking back. West sees me before I can duck in my room and hide. I return the wave and wait for him to get closer. “Sorry, West.”
“Shit, it felt good to pound on some flesh again. It’s been a while. It was therapeutic.”
“I appreciate you taking up for me.”
“Brice would kick my ass if I didn’t.”
When he says it we both realize he’s speaking like she’s still here with us. Then it’s quiet. I don’t know what to say, so I use the dog as a way to change the subject. “Is it a girl or boy?”
“Girl. Her name is Bee.”
I immediately laugh. “I wrote a story about a dog once.”
“I know. I have that one.”
“You have it? You kept them? I wasn’t even sure you were getting them.”
He kneels down with Bee and watches as I pet her. “I kept all the ones that I read. You’re a good writer.”
I’m not used to compliments. “Thanks. It’s more like therapy though. I write what my heart and mind tell me to. It’s how I keep her close, ya know?”
He nods. “Yeah.”
It’s weird again. I swing my arms around as I stand. “I better let you get back to your life. I’ve been given the night off.” I motion to the room behind me. “This is me.” Before I turn to leave I say one more thing. “It was nice to see you, West. Take care of yourself.”
“Kimber, wait.” My hand lets go of the doorknob when he says it.
“You don’t have to say anything. I get it. We were never close. I’m the reason she’s gone. I really do get it.”
“I wasn’t going to say that.” He shakes his head. “Look, I didn’t think I’d run into you like this. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Like I said before, I’m peachy. I have a job and a roof over my head.”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”
I shrug. “I woke up today. That’s as good as it gets for me.”
He scratches his head. “I miss her too, Kimber. I miss her so damn much it kills me, but I have to keep living.”
The mention of my sister has me all choked up again. “Thanks for what you did for me in the bar. It was good seeing you again.”
I have to go inside. It’s been months since anyone wanted to have a real conversation with me, one that didn’t involve a drunk person’s problems. I don’t want his pity or to look him in those eyes and know he blames me for all of this.
Chapter 20
Kimber
I’m crying by the time I hit the mattress. My life is in shambles and I’ve once again been reminded of it. “Why? Why did everything have to be so messed up?” I ask no one.
It takes a while to calm down. When my stomach rumbles I realize I should probably eat. My only options are something from a box or McDonalds across the street. I wipe the smeared makeup off my face before venturing outside for my next meal. I eat here so frequently that I might be the one keeping them in business during the off season. God knows it’s like a ghost town tonight. It’s eerily quiet.
His truck is still in the parking lot. It’s parked in a spot for a designated room. I look up and see the lights on where the number is labeled on the outside door. Why would he check into this crap place when he owns a house on the island?
I get my food to go, because I can’t bear to eat at a table alone. When I was younger I used to feel so sorry for people sitting by themselves. I’d picture them having no one to share their life with. Now I’m that person.
With a large drink of Coke in one hand, and a bag of food in the other, I make my way across Maddox toward the motel. I see the dog before he comes into view. That canine is hard to miss. She’s humongous.
West climbs down the flight of stairs and arrives in the parking lot in front of me. He has a bag over his shoulder and her leash in the opposite hand. “Don’t tell me you’re staying here.”
“I’m not. We got sandy, and to be honest I wasn’t exactly ready to go to the house. I tried.” He peers in another direction as if to keep me from seeing his pain expression.
“It was hard when I went there the one time.”
He searches my face for a second. “Brice wouldn’t want this.”
“What?” I question. “Us talking?”
He shakes his head with a guffaw. “No. She’d probably want that. I’m talking about the way we’ve been living. I tried to start over. Not even the distance helps.”
“I don’t have the means to leave. I wish I did.”
He points to my room. “So this is your life now?”
“It’s what I deserve, West. You don’t have to stand here and pretend you care. You and I both know we were never friends. I’m the reason she’s gone. I walk around every single day with a apart of her inside of me. I ruined the lives of too many people. It should have been me that night.”
He nods like he’s agreeing, but what comes out of his mouth is surprising. “You’re right. I used to blame you. If you hadn’t called that night she’d still be here, but she didn’t die because of you. Brice died because a drunk driver drove his vehicle into yours without headlights. It’s not your fault.” He pauses. “Look, a part of me will always wish she never left that night. I wish you didn’t call, but if the circumstances were different and you were one of my siblings, I would have done the same damn thing. That’s what you do for your family.”
“Yeah, well maybe someone should tell that to my parents.”
“That’s bullshit that they’ve pushed you away. You’re their only living child.”
“I’m a constant reminder.”
“Yeah, maybe, but sometimes reminders are important. When I saw you at the bar earlier I felt like you were Brice. You reminded me so much of her. Without all that black shit around your eyes you really look alike. It took me off guard, because I never expected to run into you.”
“Again, I’m sorry.”
“Kimber, I don’t hate you anymore. Even if I wanted to, I can’t because of Brice. She may not be here, but I live my life like she is. I don’t want to disappoint her.”
“All I am is a disappointment,” I manage with a sniffle. “I’d do anything to change things. I’d gladly take her place.”
“Me too.”
It’s quiet again. Not a single car has passed since it’s gotten dark. The town is quiet, because tourists haven’t begun rolling in yet. We have a few more weeks before things become hectic and our little town starts making money again.
“Do you plan on staying, West?”
He’s quick to reply. “I don’t know. It’s been one day and I’m already struggling.”
His back is to me for a few seconds. He stares, like he’s reminded of all the good times he shared with my sister. Their special place can be seen from almost all of the island, so he won’t be able to avoid it. I sigh and say the first thing I think will help. “She loved that lighthouse, West.”
He keeps his eyes on the ground in front of him as he answers. “I had no idea she talked to you about our life. Until I got those letters I thought you only stopped by when you had drama. Brice was so good about keeping conversations to herself. She had a habit of forgetting she could tell me anything. When I started getting your letters and reading those personal details I understood how important she was to you. I thought you were a selfish kid, but you’d been listening all along.”
“She was my idol. I looked up to her. I hung on her every word, and when the two of you got together I was jealous. I knew she loved you from the beginning, because I got pushed to the side. It wasn’t your fault. You deserved to be happy. I guess I wished one day I could have what the two of you did. Maybe in another life it could have happened.”
“You’re still young,” he reminds me.
“I don’t need your pity, West. My heart can’t take anymore. It’s permanently broken. Even if someone wanted to love me, I couldn’t love them back. It’s too precious. Whether it was my fault or not, I still hold myself accountable for that night. This is my punishment.”
“I get it.”
“Yeah,” I pat the sides of my pants and continue. “I hope you can stay here and be happy again, West. I’m glad you were able to appreciate the stories. They mean a lot to me.”
“I wish I’d read them all. I’m sure there was a lot more I would have enjoyed.”
“Well, when you get a large amount of spam from someone you can’t stand it’s acceptable to toss it in the garbage.”
“Or burn them in the fire,” he corrects me.
“Wow, burned. That’s pretty mean.”
“I never said I was a nice guy. Maybe your dad was right.”
I cackle. “Shut up. He’s an asshole.”
“We can agree on that.” His dog is trying to go somewhere. She’s tired of sitting still while we talk.
I hold up my now cold dinner. “I better get going. My stomach is ready to give up hope on being fed.”
He watches as I walk away, but says nothing more. There’s nothing left to say. Being around West is like stabbing myself in the heart over and over again. It kills me to see what he looks like now. He’s broken and it’s all because of me.
I pick at my food, while peeking through the crack in the curtains to watch him pull out of the parking lot. West is gone. It was good to see him again. He’s like a burly lumberjack now, but it looks okay on him. He’s better looking without it, but he’s never had to work hard for it. His whole family looks like they belong on the cover of magazines. From their tan skin to those shining white teeth, they know how to draw in the ladies. No wonder my sister played hard to get. She knew she’d have competition and didn’t want to deal with it. West proved to be different. He still loves her. It’s beautiful and sad. It makes me cry again when I think about it. Unlike me, he left this life behind. Now coming back after so long, it’s like he’s going through the devastation all over again. I’m sure seeing me first didn’t help. If I’m not a reminder then I don’t know what is.
The cold food sits on my lap as I flip through the channels on the television. Not finding anything to occupy me, I pull out my journal and start to write. I need to get some thoughts on paper, especially after tonight. With all that transpired with West, I feel the need to write another story. As the pen starts to glide across the lined journal I let my mind take control. This is where I find solace. It’s the only place I can escape to.
Chapter 21
Weston
My run in with Kimber has left me all sorts of disturbed. If her sister could see her living in that flea bag motel she’s turn over in her grave. It saddens me to know her parents turned their back on her. I get why she wants to hide away from the townsfolk. People can be mean and judgmental, especially when they all loved Brice so much. She was a big part of the community. She donated money and her time to every event or fundraiser. She volunteered for walks and other ways to help the local kids. She made a name for herself, and because of that Kimber has always been in the limelight. It’s unfortunate how life goes sometimes.
I’m not going to lie. I hated the girl for a long time. She was selfish and spoiled. When I think about it now I feel sorry for her. If her parents had paid more attention to her she would have made better decisions. She may not have even been out the night of the accident.
Looking into her blue eyes and seeing nothing but heartbreak was tough. I’ve spent every day hurting. I know from experience how difficult it is to move forward. There’s a hard line between forgiveness and compassion. Before I wouldn’t have given a shit if some guy was roughing Kimber up at a bar. Now I have to consider what she’s been through, and how Brice would want me to help her. She’d want me to find a way to forgive her, but it’s not as easy as I’d like it to be.
There’s a hole in my heart, and getting close to Kimber for any amount of time only reminds me it’s there. Returning to the island wasn’t supposed to start this way.
I’m agitated when I pull up at Oyster Cove. The lights are on so I know at least one person is home. Judging by the amount of vehicles parked outside, I’d say there’s a house full.
Bee gets out and begins smelling around. I have no idea if she’ll get along with the other dogs, but we’re about to find out. With my focus on her, I watch the front door open. Dad peeks his head out and one of the labs darts through the opening. Bee tucks her tail between her legs when they meet, but soon begins wagging it again. They sniff each other’s butts and instantly become friends. If only human contact was so easy.
Dad comes out on the porch and crosses his arms. “Look what the cat dragged in. You look like shit, West. Get your ass in this house and shave that crap off your face.”
I rub the hair on my chin. “I’m a lumberjack now. Live with it.” It’s a joke to show him I still have a sense of humor. In fact, I’m a lot better then the way I was when I left. The things I couldn’t figure out for myself, I talked to Nick about. He offered good advice and was never partial to sugar coating things. If I was being a stubborn asshole, he was the first person to let me know.
“Have you been home yet?”
I give the old man a strong hug. “I am home.”
“You know what I mean. Have you stopped by your house yet?”
“I drove past.” Pointing to Bee, I continue. “I took her to see the ocean. She’s familiar with lakes, but nothing with waves. She went a little crazy. I gave her a bath afterwards.”
“She’s a big girl,” Dad says when she comes up to meet him. “And friendly too.”
“She likes people. Her name is Bee.”
Dad gets it. He knows what the B in her name stands for. He understands how much her companionship keeps me going. “It’s real good to have you home, son. I’m sure everyone is going to be glad to see you.”
“Who’s inside?”
“Your beautiful step-mom, your sister, and your stepbrother. They’re actually playing a board game.”
“What?” I can’t believe it. Chris and Bristol usually fight about everything.
“Alice is trying to get us to have a weekly game night. We make them partners so they have to work together.”
“Sounds like cruel and usual punishment to me.”
“Yeah, well it makes your step-mom happy so I go along with it.” He puts his hand on my shoulder as we walk inside the house. “You hungry? We can heat up some leftovers. Alice made pork chops and homemade stuffing.”
“I’m good for now.
I might grab something in a bit.”
As soon as my sister hears my voice she’s racing toward me. “Oh my God, West. It’s really you.”
We embrace for a long, much needed hug. “I missed you too.”
“Tell me you’re home for good. The guys are going nuts without you.”
I chuckle. “I bet.”
Chris waves, while his mother waits her turn for a hug. She pulls at my facial hair. “I like it.”
Dad shakes his head. “She would.”
“I’ll probably cut it tomorrow. It’s cold in Alaska. The extra hair prevents a lot of frostbite.”
“You should join us,” Bristol offers.
“I’ll pass. I’m kind of tired.”
Dad takes my defense. “Why don’t you guys finish without us. We have some catching up to do.”
He leads me into the kitchen where he pulls two beers from the refrigerator. “How was the drive?”
“Long. Beautiful, though.”
“How long did it take?”
“Almost two whole weeks.” The creak of the old chairs brings me back to the times Dad got on us about leaning back in them. It’s good to be here again. I’m not used to being surrounding by a house full of people, but I’m sure I’ll readjust.
“I’m assuming you made a lot of stops.”
“Every night. I didn’t want to make it too rough on Bee. She needs to be able to run.”
“I see you’ve found yourself a loyal companion.”
A guffaw thrusts. “She’s a bed hog.”
Dad gets a kick out of the comment. “You planning on staying at your house tonight, or do I need to put you in one of the vacant bedrooms?”
I shrug. “I’m going home. I’m just working my way there.”
“It’s going to take time, West.”
If anyone knows about losing the person he loves it’s my dad. I believe him when he says it, because if he can do it, so can I. “Yeah, I get it.”
“Where did you go to wash the dog?”
“That motel right off the bridge. Figured it wouldn’t matter if we made a mess there. It wasn’t as bad as I figured. She’s usually good about getting a bath.”
Waves of Despair: Oyster Cove Series Page 12