After breakfast, where Kimber purposely stuffs herself until she can barely move, I make a big decision. Bee is at Oyster Cove having the time of her life with another dog. Brant and Jamie will be over for dinner later, and they’re bringing their two dogs. While she’s in heaven, I have a lot to work through. First on the agenda is getting the nerve to go into my house again. With the twins both working in the kitchen at the restaurant, I know I’ll have the place to myself and it terrifies me.
Kimber’s offer to go with me is almost a blessing. If anyone can understand what it’s like to see Brice’s things, it’s her sister. Besides, I think it would be good for her to see I’m not holding her responsible any more. It was a terrible accident. She’s suffered more than me in her own way. She’s lost more. Her whole life is in shambles.
We leave the restaurant and arrive at my house a few minutes later. I pull into the driveway behind my Virginia registered truck that my Dad went and got from the airport after I left last year. It’s been a while, and I take in the sight like it’s an old friend. Kimber gets out of her car and walks up the sidewalk to the front entrance. She’s watching me, waiting to see if I can manage this small first step.
I climb out and stick my nervous hands in my pocket. When I make it to where she stands I think it’s clear I’m not prepared for what’s inside. “I don’t know why this is so damn hard. I know she’s not in there.”
Kimber jingles her keys. “You can do this. Are you ready?”
I simply shrug and watch as she works the lock on the door. It creaks open but she doesn’t enter. I watch her hand extend for mine. “It’s going to be okay, West.”
Reluctant, I take her hand and allow her to guide me. My eyes stay fixed on the floor as we enter. It still smells the same. Breathing in deeply, I exhale while raising my eyes to take in the sight. Kitchen. Living room. Okay, it’s not so bad. Most pictures have been put in boxes because Jamie and Alice knew I couldn’t handle it. Kimber lets go of my hand and watches as I sit on a stool at the breakfast bar. I feel like I’m hyperventilating and I’ve barely made it two feet inside. My gaze goes to the kitchen sink. Above is a window where a mosaic piece of glass hangs. We found it at a local antique store and Brice fell in love with it. I’ve never been one to wear my heart on my sleeve, but this is torturous. My eyes are stinging as I fight back tears I don’t want to come. “It’s hard.”
Kimber touches my back. “I know. Baby steps. We don’t have to stay.”
I stand abruptly. “No. I need to do this. Otherwise I’m pathetic.”
“You’re not,’ she assures me. “You’re human.”
My hand is on the back of the couch. From this angle I can see the door to my bedroom. “When you were here did you go in my room?”
I think she’s hesitant to tell me the truth. “Well, don’t be mad.”
“I’m not. How bad it is in there?”
“It’s just as you left it, minus her clothes.” Kimber steps in front of me and forces me to take my eyes off the door. I’m looking at her and for the first time she seems so strong. “I want to be friends, West. I don’t have anyone else.”
“Why are you telling me this right now? Don’t I have enough going on?”
“That’s exactly why I’m saying it. You can pretend you’re okay with everyone else, but I know you’re not. Neither of us are. I’m not saying we should be besties and hang, but let’s face it, we need help. Right now you need me. You can hate me later.”
When she goes to turn around I stop her by grabbing her wrist. “I’m sorry for the things I said about you.”
“Why? They were true.”
I nod. “Maybe, but it wasn’t fair to judge you. Everything you did, I did worse. You just got more shit about it because you’re a girl.”
“I regret the way I was.”
She pulls out of my hold. I want to apologize for grabbing her, yet she doesn’t seem offended. “Me too. I could have been with your sister a lot sooner.”
“We both need to stop wishing we could go back. It’s depressing and doesn’t help move forward.”
“You sound like your sister again.”
“Sorry.” She scans the room to avoid looking at me.
“Don’t be. It’s nice to be reminded.”
She shrugs and offers her hand again. “You can do this, West.”
“In a hurry to get away from me?” I ask.
“No. I mean, I have to work tonight, but we’ve got the whole afternoon for this.”
I don’t want to admit I’m happy about that. A part of me knows I’m using her, but it’s not like she can’t use the company. I let her guide me to the door. There’s a lot of emotions building up when I pull the key out of my pocket and give it to her. “How did you get in?”
“Screwdriver.”
There’s no time to question it. The door slowly opens, a brightness hitting me immediately like an angel is standing in the room waiting for us. For a second it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, but a cloud must come and hide the sun because the beam of light disappears. Then I’m left looking at a room full of memories.
I have to turn around before I can manage to walk inside. Tears are welling up in my eyes. When I wipe them away and twist around I see that Kimber has already gone inside. She sits down on the side of the bed and waits for me. “It’s okay.”
I shake my head. “Not really.” It’s hard, but I take it one step at a time, focusing on her face instead of all the reminders around me. I take the seat beside her and close my eyes to calm my breathing. “I don’t think I can be here.”
Her hand comes over mine and she leaves it there as she talks. “Keep your eyes closed and I’ll walk you around the room. How does that sound?”
It’s the best offer ever. “That might actually help.”
Her hold remains as she begins. “We’re sitting on the bed. It’s half made, her side is still pulled down. There are a couple things on her nightstand, but nothing too personal. The curtains are the ones she got at that home show you went to. The flowers sort of match the bedding. There’s a hairbrush on the dresser. It still has some of her hair in it.” She squeezes my hand like she’s struggling herself.
“You okay?” I question.
“Yeah. I can do this.” Her voice cracks when she says it and I hear a sniffle. She’s crying and I’m being a pussy. I open my eyes and look at her. I can’t believe I didn’t hear it in her voice. “I’m okay,” she manages.
“This is stupid.” I pull away from her hold and stand. Before I’m able to say anything the picture on the wall grabs my attention. I’m standing frozen in time looking at the life that used to be mine.
Then I lose it.
Kimber comes up behind me and offers support. I turn and we weep together. There’s tears and snot and lots of hugging. Eventually we part and try to calm down. “I’m sorry for that,” I say.
“It’s okay. Really it’s fine.”
Kimber reaches up and touches one of the photo collages. “I remember this trip,” she mentions with a lingering sniffle. “We’d never been skiing before.”
“That was a fun weekend. You brought that little dickhead with the nose ring.”
We laugh in between the sadness. “He was a douche. Wow. Don’t remind me.”
Before I know what’s happening I’m standing beside her looking at each photo. It’s getting easier, and I know I wouldn’t be doing it if she wasn’t with me. “She was always happy. She could find the good in anything.”
“She could. I wish I had her focus.”
“There’s still time.”
She bursts into laughter. “Yeah right. Have you seen my current situation?”
“I didn’t say it would be easy.”
Kimber moves to the next frame. She touches a photo of me kissing her sister. “I have a copy of this one. It was taken that one Thanksgiving in our old back yard.”
“It was your sister’s favorite of us.”
My stomach fee
ls like it’s in knots. It was probably a mistake to eat before we came here. While Kimber makes her way around the room, I focus on the hairbrush. It’s in my hand before I can begin to consider what it would do to touch a part of Brice again. Her hair. It’s such a strange thing how it remains the same forever. I stroke the spokes of the brush and remember the way it smelled after a fresh shower. When I raise it to my nose the familiar scent leaves me breathless. It’s still there.
I’m sitting on the bed with a hairbrush against my chest, fighting back another bout of tears I refuse to let out. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t live every day and not be able to move forward. It’s been a year and a half and I’m still reeling. “I don’t know if I can stay here.”
Kimber turns and flashes a worried look. I’ve only been back for a day, but I know we’ve been bonding. We’re connected through Brice so the idea of me leaving again must hit a nerve. She’s so different than I remember her. Maybe I was in my own selfish little bubble and never realized there was another part of her. I feel bad for that. I said a lot of shitty things about Kimber, even before Brice passed away.
“Would you go back to Alaska?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“Take me with you,” she pleads without thought. “I …”
“I was living with someone else, Kimber.”
“Oh.” She looks away and I realize she has the wrong idea.
“A waterman. He’s from the island.”
“Of course. I get it. I shouldn’t have asked. I just thought I could start over too.”
I sigh. How long can I run? My whole family is on this little island. If I leave again I’m abandoning them. “I’m going to talk to Caleb and Coop when they get off work tonight. I think you should move your things into the third bedroom upstairs. Your sister wouldn’t want you staying at that motel. It’s not safe.”
“You act like I serve a bunch of criminals.”
I hold up my hands. “I just thought you’d want to be here in your sister’s house.”
“I do,” she corrects me. “I’d never ask though. I know how you feel about me.”
“Stop it, Kimber. I’m trying here.”
“I know. Sorry. It’s habit.”
I think for a second and come up with a good idea. “You can take the office if you’d rather have your own space. We’d have to add a bathroom, but there’s already plumbing out there for the little kitchen area.”
Her eyes light up. “Why? Why would you do this for me?”
“Because I need to do something.”
“No. You really don’t,” she reminds me. Kimber begins to cry. “You need to hate me for ruining your life that night. I want you to hate me for living when she died. I want you to loathe me for getting one of her organs. You can’t be nice like this. It’s not right. You and I were never friends. I know this isn’t what you want.”
She starts to leave the room, but only makes it to the kitchen before she crying too hard to continue.
She’s fragile and scared. She’s confused and broken. We have so much in common it’s sickening. I approach, but keep a good distance between us. “You’re right about a lot of things, Kimber. We weren’t friends. For a long time I hated you. You were always doing stupid shit. I blamed you for that night. I blamed you for taking her from me. It made me sick to learn you got her organ. I wanted nothing to do with you. For a while I wanted to die.”
She’s no longer crying. She’s panting and looking at me like we’re about to fight. “Finally.”
I hold my hands up. “But I was wrong.”
She pushes past me. “I’m out of here. This was a mistake.”
Instead of chasing after her I watch as she leaves. The sound of her car pulling away leaves me to realize I’m alone in my house, surrounded by a life I never got to have.
Chapter 24
Kimber
I’m so stupid!
Why would I think he’d be different? Did I really assume my stories would change the way Weston Wallace looked at me?
I spend the rest of the afternoon crying in my car, while it’s parked in a neighborhood so he’s not able to track me down. I made a fool of myself. I allowed someone who hates me to make me feel wanted again. I’m more pathetic than I thought.
When it’s time for my shift I head home, change out of my regular clothes and prepare to go to the job I don’t really mind. My boss gives me a warning to remember the customer is always right. I pretend to care until he leaves me alone to do my thing.
It’s still early and the bar is pretty slow. I’m leaning against the counter watching the television while drying some washed mugs when I hear the sound of a patron coming through the door. West extends his hand and holds up two fingers. “I come in peace.”
“If my boss sees you here I’m going to lose my job.”
“I’m sorry about earlier.”
“If you’re not going to drink you need to leave.”
“Give me something then. Whiskey and Coke.”
I make him a heavy drink and slide it in his direction. “That’ll be six bucks.”
“Can’t I run a tab?”
“No. Last time you were here I was stiffed from the fools you beat up. That had to come out of my pocket.”
“Damn. Sorry for taking up for you.”
I get back to the mugs while talking to him, even though I wish he’d leave. I’m not in the mood for more pity. “What do you want, West?”
“I want to be the man Brice would expect to be.”
“So doing things for me will get you there?”
“No.” He shakes his head as if I’m not understanding him. His face scrunches up and he rubs the bridge of his nose. “What I said earlier, I was being honest.”
“No shit. That’s why I left.”
“You’re not getting it, Kimber. Yeah, I felt that way about you when I lost Brice. I needed someone to blame. Even you said you blamed yourself.”
“That’s different.”
“Maybe. You asked me to be honest. I knew it would hurt your feelings, but I also know that part of healing is getting everything out on the table.”
I lean my hands against the counter. “You want everything out on the table?”
He nods. “Give it to me straight.”
I huff. He has no idea what he’s in for. “She was always too good for you. That’s why my dad hated you. You didn’t deserve her.”
Right away I know I’ve hit a nerve, but the problem is I don’t mean a word of it. I never agreed with my dad, because I always felt like West was the perfect guy. He’s great looking with the best sense of humor. He’s caring and patient. He put my sister first and loved her no matter what. He still does. I’ve just ripped him apart for my own personal amusement.
Before I can retract those awful words he stands and tosses money on the counter. Our eyes meet for a second and he half smiles before walking out.
It takes me a few minutes to stop crying. I tried to run outside, but he was already pulling away. When I go back inside I find a hundred dollar bill is on the counter. He’s paid for the tab the men left and then some. Now I feel like a complete asshole.
Watching the clock is like holding a gun to my head and pulling the trigger repeatedly, praying it won’t blow my brains out. I’m stressed to the max. I don’t know what to do. It’s only nine and I can’t take it anymore. I remove the apron I wear to serve drinks and ring the bell for the boss. He comes in looking like he was sleeping. “What do you need?”
“I have to go.”
He crosses his arms. “You’re not going anywhere until your shift is over.”
“It’s officially over now. I quit. The tab I owe you is in the register. I have a family emergency that’s more important than this job. I’m sorry.” I’m already walking out the door. I’ll figure something else out. For now I have to track down West and apologize. I’m an idiot.
He’s not at Oyster Cove, and I’ve already driven by his house twice. The la
st place I check is the restaurant. Sure enough his truck sits in the lot, but the restaurant has been closed for hours. I look up and see the tavern is open. Of course he’d end up drinking himself into a stupor, because it’s exactly what I would do.
I make my way up the stairs and take a deep breath. This isn’t like finding him in a public establishment. This is Wallace territory and I’m going to be intruding. There’s no telling the kind of hell I’m going to get for stepping foot inside, especially if he’s told them anything I said about him earlier.
I enter with fear. The music is loud and the bar is packed. Every single table is occupied. It’s not hard to find West. I scan the room for a Wallace and come up with them all. They must be celebrating his return and I’m interfering. Quickly realizing he probably doesn’t care what happened earlier, I try to leave before being spotted. I’m halfway out the door when someone is grabbing my shirt. It’s West. “Where do you think you’re going?” He asks with slurred words. It’s sound more like ‘wheredayooothinkyooorgoinnng’.
I spin around and come face to face with the guy I said such awful things to earlier. He pushes me out on the deck so we’re alone. “You’re late.”
“I wasn’t invited.”
“You’re my sister. Of course you’re invited.”
We stand for a second staring at each other. I want to tell him I’m sorry. I want to beg him to forgive me, but I doubt he’s coherent enough to understand. “Why’d you drag me outside then?”
“You have to say the password.”
“The what?”
He waves. “Oh forget it. Come on. Everyone’s waiting.”
He drags me along until I’m standing surrounded by his whole family. The twins and I go way back. We went to high school together and hung out with the same group of friends. They both acknowledge me, but I can tell everyone is a bit confused why I’m there. It’s obvious West told them we didn’t get along before.
I do my best to keep from freaking out. “Hi!”
Waves of Despair: Oyster Cove Series Page 14