Luckily, Mila had met several of her favorite celebrities today. Between meeting Shayne and Kyle at the party, and running into Karina at Sue Ann’s diner, at least she had some cool pictures to show for the day trip.
“You guys are more than welcome to stay tonight. Get a good night’s rest.” Evan had planned to stay at Mountain Ridge tonight, with Shayne, but since they hadn’t spoken since bursting into her trailer and springing the news of her brother on her, he didn’t think he’d be using the cabin after all. “I’ve got plenty of room.”
“Nah. I like driving at night. She sleeps and I don’t have to listen to what she calls music.”
“Damn, you sound old.” Evan chuckled, remembering when he was a teenager his own father complaining about him and his brother’s musical taste. He was constantly yelling at them to “turn down that noise.”
“I am old.” Troy tilted his head forward so Evan could get a good look. “You see these gray hairs? Raising a kid will do that to you.”
Evan glanced over at Mila, who was busy speaking animatedly to Shayne.
“Well, you’re doing a good job. She seems like a sweet kid.”
“She is. Hey, thanks again for today. She keeps saying it was her best birthday ever and I don’t think it’s because she met Mickey Mouse.”
“Of course. Any time.”
“And if you’re ever up my way, you better let me return the favor. We don’t have movie stars but I’ll kick your ass on a round of golf.”
“Golf, huh? Sounds good,” Evan chuckled.
Evan and Troy had always been competitive. It was their thing. Whether it was ping pong, pool, or eating hot dogs, they battled it out over anything and everything. They loosely kept score for the overall competition that would probably never end, and if he remembered correctly, they were tied.
“All right, then.” Troy started to leave but turned back. “Hey, did you get what you needed from Clark?”
Evan was wondering if his friend would bring up the private investigator. “Yeah.”
Troy waited, but Evan didn’t elaborate.
“Is everything okay with you? You seem…distracted.”
He was distracted. He was more than distracted. He felt completely at loose ends. “I’m good, man.”
“You’re a shitty liar.” His friend deadpanned.
Evan didn’t try to deny it. “I know.”
“I’m here if you need to talk. I still owe you, remember?”
“You don’t owe me shit,” Evan said the same thing he always did when his friend tried to say he owed him.
When Troy had lost his parents, Evan had been there for his friend and supported him when he’d made the difficult decision to step away from professional baseball and move back home to raise his sister.
“Bubbas!” Mila ran up to them bubbling with excitement. “Shayne just followed me on Snapchat! Riana and Tinsley are going to freak! I can’t wait to get home and see their faces when I tell them I met Kyle Austen Reed, Karina Black, and Shayne Fox!”
Evan grinned. Shayne spread joy everywhere she went. She was truly a star that brightened people’s lives. He’d sure as hell felt like the sun was shining on him whenever she was near. And now, he felt the cold darkness of separation.
He had no one to blame for it but himself. He’d fucked up.
Evan always thought things through before acting. He was deliberate. His actions were premeditated and planned. But around Shayne, he was impulsive. He acted first and thought later. Turns out he was really bad at spontaneity.
After Troy and Mila said their goodbyes, Evan considered leaving as well. He really had no reason to stay here. He’d made an appearance and being near Shayne and not being able to touch her and kiss her was killing him. Slowly and painfully.
He’d texted her several times, apologizing and asking her if they could talk. But he hadn’t gotten a response. He’d called once and it went to her voicemail.
Tonight he’d kept his distance, but he’d been watching her closely for any sign, any signal, any hope that she wanted to speak to him.
There’d been nothing. She hadn’t so much as glanced in his direction since that day. Once, she’d turned a corner and hadn’t expected him to be there and their eyes met and he thought, for a split second, that he’d feel that same connection, that same unspoken bond, but there was nothing. No spark. No recognition. Nothing.
She looked at him as if he didn’t exist. And maybe she wished that he didn’t.
As much as he didn’t want to leave without talking to her, she’d made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with him. So, he chose to respect the boundaries that she’d clearly drawn and resist the urge to say goodbye.
He was heading out the door when he heard her laughter ring out. The sound still reminded him of the wind chimes that had hung outside of his window growing up. His heart cramped in his chest knowing that he wasn’t going to hear that sound again.
Evan handed the valet his ticket and waited for his truck to be pulled around. The pain in his chest was increasing and it felt like someone had sucker punched him in his gut.
“Really?!”
Evan turned to see Nolan standing beside him, arms crossed with his left brow rose so high it almost looked like it was touching his hairline. He’d developed an unlikely friendship with Shayne’s friend and stylist. Evan didn’t usually forge new friendships but since the two men both had a lot of downtime on the set, they’d ended up talking about everything from politics, to sports, to family, to religion. They disagreed on about ninety percent of everything they discussed but both shared a dry sense of humor and it was clear to Evan that Nolan loved Shayne almost as much as he did.
“That’s it? You’re just going to leave it like that? You’re gonna bounce like Wendy Williams’ tatas on a trampoline?” Nolan threw his hands up in the air as he lowered his voice so quiet that Evan had to strain to hear him. “How are you just going to drop the Benji bombshell and blow up her life like you did and then walk away? Who do you think you are, Denzel in Man on Fire?”
“She doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“You might be pretty but, damn, are you dumb.” He shook his head in disgust.
“I’ve tried to talk to her but she doesn’t want anything to do with me,” he explained.
“You’ve tried to talk to her.” Nolan’s disbelief was evident in his condescending tone.
“Yes. I texted her. Several times.”
“A few tired-ass texts is you trying to talk to her?” He shook his head in disgust. “If that’s you trying then I was wrong about you. About the man that I thought you were. I thought you loved her.”
“I do. I do love her,” Evan admitted out loud for the first time as he scrubbed his hands over his face in frustration. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re right. I don’t. If that’s what you call love, I don’t understand.” Nolan turned on his heels and left Evan staring after him and feeling more confused and agitated than ever.
The valet arrived with his truck and as Evan reached out to take the key, he froze.
He loved Shayne and he couldn’t let her leave without telling her.
“Sir?”
Evan heard the valet call out to him as he turned and went back into the restaurant. He didn’t look back or stop to explain. He was on a mission.
He stepped into the main dining area and scanned the room, searching for her. His eyes tracked the faces of the cast and crew three times and was about to do another scan when he heard Nolan’s voice beside him.
“She’s out on the patio.”
Evan looked out the windows and saw her standing against the railing, her blonde hair blowing lightly in the wind, the moon shining down on her like a perfect spotlight as if Mother Nature was her personal lighting tech.
He beelined it out the double doors. He stilled a few feet away from her, not wanting to startle her.
“Shayne.” He said her name with raw emotion.
She ju
mped slightly, surprised by his voice. When she turned around and saw him, there was a flash of recognition, a tiny spark of what they used to share, but then it was gone.
“Damn, I miss you.” He hadn’t meant to say that, it was just what came out. He’d wanted to open with another apology, but he couldn’t help himself.
Her head shook back and forth in tiny movements and he saw her eyes look past him at the door he’d just come through. He could tell that she was plotting her escape route. He figured he’d better say what he needed to say and quick.
“I’m sorry, Shayne. For the way I handled things. It was careless and inconsiderate but I never meant to hurt you. I would never hurt you. I could never hurt you, not intentionally, because I love you.” He took a deep breath and repeated the words he’d been holding in for what felt like forever, “I love you, Shayne.”
Her eyes rounded to the size of saucers and the color drained from her face. It wasn’t exactly the reaction he’d hoped for, but he was too far in to back out now.
“Last week, before…everything, I booked the cabin at Mountain Ridge for us tonight. Our last night together in Hope Falls. I’m going to be there. Waiting. And I hope that when you’re done here, that you’ll come. But if not, if this is the last time that I see you, I just had to tell you that I’ll always be grateful for the time that we got to spend together. You opened up a part of me, a part of my heart that no one ever has. Being with you, these past few weeks, has been the best thing that ever happened to me. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Falling asleep with you in my arms, waking up with you beside me, it was like finally coming home. Your smile, your laugh, your heart, your eyes…you…you are my home.”
“Evan…I can’t…I don’t know….what to say…” Shayne’s eyes began watering and his heart sank.
“Then don’t. Don’t say anything. I’ll be at the cabin. If I see you, great. If not, just know that I love you, Shayne.” A sad smile tilted on his lips. “I’ll always love you.”
Evan turned and walked away from Shayne for what might be the last time in his life. If it were, at least he could walk away knowing that she knew how he felt. She knew that he loved her. And he always would.
Chapter 23
‡
Shayne’s entire body was shaking as she stood a few yards away from the cabin. There was a light on inside and she knew that Evan was there. Her palms were damp and she wiped them on the high waist of her skirt.
Two hours had passed since Evan had come out on the patio at the restaurant and declared his love for her. She’d thought that the most romantic thing she’d ever heard was that she wasn’t out of his system, but hearing that she was his home might’ve just taken the cake. And he loved her, so there was also that.
As much as his words meant to her, she wasn’t sure it changed anything. The past few days had given her some time to find clarity. As much as she wished things were different, she just didn’t see much of a future for the two of them.
Did she love him? Yes. Was she happy that he loved her? Yes. But what did that mean in the real world?
She might play make-believe for her job, but in real life she was practical. If love hadn’t been enough for Evan and Noelle to work, with the solid foundation they’d built from years of being in each other’s lives, how in the world could it be enough after a whirlwind romance?
Tomorrow night, she’d be in Los Angeles. Evan would be heading up to Humboldt County with his crew to help with the wildfire. And then that one would end and he’d be on to his next location, and so would she.
Sure, they could talk on the phone. Facetime. But what kind of future was that, really?
Her phone buzzed and it made her jump. She quickly grabbed it from in her purse.
It was a text from Nolan.
Stop stalling.
She smiled at how well her friend knew her.
After Evan left the patio Nolan had gone out to make sure she was okay. Since Ruby had gone back the day before to be with Ty, leaving Nolan to handle sounding board duties all alone. She’d downloaded everything that Evan had said to her, told Nolan that she loved Evan but because they didn’t have a future she thought it was better to leave things how they were. He hadn’t missed a beat and said that she’d never been a coward before and it was not a cute look on her.
He had such an amazing way of cutting through the bullshit and getting right to the heart of the matter.
She was stalling.
She took a deep breath, walked up to the door, and knocked.
When it opened, Evan stood in front of her wearing the same black slacks and white button up shirt from the wrap party. But now his shirt was untucked, his tie was gone, his sleeves were rolled up, and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone. He looked…hot.
“Hi.” The low vibration of his deep voice radiated through her.
“Hi.” She lifted her eyes to his as she walked past him into the cabin and it was all she could do not to throw herself into his arms and forget all of the mature, rational, not-emotion-based conclusions that she’d come to over the past few days. Somehow, she kept a level head.
“I came by because I wanted to talk to you before I leave.”
He closed the door and turned back to face her. “Okay.”
“First, I wanted to say that I’m not mad at you for finding Benji. Your timing could’ve been better, but thank you for doing that. I have watched all of his videos and just seeing that he’s doing well and is happy has filled this empty void that I’ve always had. I don’t know if I ever would’ve been brave enough to find him on my own, so again, thank you.”
He nodded but remained silent.
She grinned. He was back to being a man of few words. “Also, I wanted to thank you for telling me how you felt. I know that’s not easy for you and it means so much to me that you did, but…”
“There’s a but?” he questioned.
“There is. I just don’t think it would be a good idea for us to kid ourselves into thinking that there’s a future for us. What we’ve had for these past few weeks has been amazing and I don’t want to ruin it by dragging it into the real world—”
“This isn’t the real world?”
“No.” She shook her head. “Sets are suspended reality. It’s like being at summer camp. I can’t tell you how many actors I’ve known that started a relationship on location that crashed and burned in the real world.”
“I’m not an actor.”
“I know but, I’m saying that I don’t want to ruin this. I’ve hated the sick feeling that’s been in my stomach for the past few days that things have been strained between us. I don’t want to feel that anymore.”
“I don’t either.” He took a step toward her.
“Evan, what I’m trying to say is…” He was so close. She could see the ridges of his biceps through the thin cotton shirt, she could smell the woodsy, clean scent of his cologne, she could feel the heat of his body. All of her senses were being hit at once and it was causing her brain to short-circuit. She walked toward the fireplace and tried to focus on the flames as she gathered her thoughts. “Love isn’t always enough. We would never see each other, which might sound doable now but what about in three months from now, or a yea—”
Her words were cut short by Evan’s strong hands on her upper arms, spinning her around to face him. The suddenness of the movement and the strength in his grip caught her off guard.
“Do you love me?” he asked.
“It doesn’t matte—”
“Of course it matters. It’s love. Do you love me?”
He made a good point. “Yes, but—”
“Say it,” he commanded roughly.
“What?”
“Say it.”
His stare was locked with hers, holding her captive.
“I love you.”
He closed his eyes and exhaled. “Say it again.”
Not able to resist the temptation any longer, she stepped forward into t
he warm circle of Evan’s arms and closed her eyes as he wrapped them around her, encircling her trembling form in the strength, comfort, and safety that his muscles provided.
“I love you,” she sighed and leaned her head against his chest. God, there was nothing in the world like being held by Evan. Every time he held his arms out to her and she stepped into them, it felt like…well, it felt like exactly what he’d said she was to him, like home.
She tilted her head up, craving the connection that they had when they looked at each other. He was looking down at her and she saw the same hunger that was building in her, reflected in his eyes.
“Stay with me. Tonight.” There was a finality in his request. He was asking for one more night with her.
They may not be able to have forever, but they could have tonight. And that was something she could give him.
She lifted up on the balls of her feet and pressed her lips softly to his. Kissing Evan was every bit as mind-blowing on the hundredth time as it had been the first, and she was pretty damn sure that—if she’d been allowed to keep doing it throughout their lives—it would pack the same punch on the thousandth and the millionth.
She started to feel the melancholy pulling at her but she shoved it down.
Tonight she was going to live in the moment, and at the moment her body was pressed against Evan and their tongues were tangled together, and she could feel the heat radiating out from his skin.
This moment was perfect. And she was going to enjoy it.
Shayne lifted her hands and anchored herself on his shoulders. As her fingers brushed along his muscular masterpiece, she felt the rippling under his skin that told her that her touch was having just as much of an effect on him as his had on her.
She couldn’t take it any longer. She needed to be naked, and so did he.
With trembling fingers, she undid the buttons on his shirt one by one, as fast as she could with movements made clumsy by arousal. She felt like a kid at Christmas, tearing at the bright packaging that hid the true gift inside.
With each opened button, new territories of his chest were exposed to her. The rippling and twitching packs that had turned her on so much every time she’d seen them had the same effect on her now. Her core tightened and it sent an aching through her lower belly that drifted down between her legs like ice cream slowly melting over the side of its cone.
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