“No. I already told you I wouldn’t do that.”
“No, not to save your family from being drug through the mud you won’t, but for your own selfish desires, like buying a Bentley you would spend money that you owed a friend.”
“No, I wouldn’t. Not anymore. Look, Cassandra, you asked me to not just be a man but to be God’s man. You can’t have it both ways. I can’t take what doesn’t belong to me to get me out of a fix I put my own self into in the first place.” When she didn’t respond, he inhaled deeply and then changed the subject. “Lamont is doing great. He almost has full use of his left arm back. He thinks he might be able to move down here in about two weeks.”
“That soon?”
“Yeah, he’s ready to get away from his old surroundings and start fresh in a new city.”
She cut a piece of her meatloaf with her fork and then told JT, “This might not be the place for him, because the past has sure caught up to us. Maybe the same thing will happen to him if he moves in with us.”
JT put down his fork. Cassandra’s attitude had made him lose his appetite. And for a man used to shoveling his food in his mouth like he was trying to make the world record for eating the fastest; that was an accomplishment on Cassandra’s part. “Will you please look at me?”
“What for, JT? What am I going to see that I haven’t already?”
JT stood up, he grabbed Cassandra’s arm and walked her into the living room. His children were napping in the family room, but he didn’t want to run the risk of waking them up if he and Cassandra started arguing in the kitchen. They stood in front of each other, between the couch and love seat; Cassandra’s eyes were averted. She looked first at JT’s chest, then at the walls.
“I am not the enemy, Cassandra. And I promise you that I’m going to do everything I can to keep this lawsuit from affecting our family.”
She was non-responsive as she continued staring off. If she had been lying down, JT would have called 911 so the paramedics could help him bring his wife back to life. But he didn’t need paramedics, he needed Jesus. JT put Cassandra’s hand in his and asked, “Would you pray with me?”
That got her attention. But only a little. She said, “Whatever.”
They sat on the couch together, still holding hands as JT called on the Lord to help them through this situation. He began by thanking the Lord for his family and telling Him how grateful he was that he’d been blessed so by God. He then called each child’s name out to God and prayed a special blessing for each of them and then he prayed for Cassandra. “Lord, I know that things have not always been easy for Cassandra. She’s had to deal with a lot of things that no one should have to deal with; like discovering that her mom and dad had lied to her for so many years. Cassandra has lost a child and then she had to deal with a cheating and neglectful husband. I will never be able to mend her heart from all that has happened, but Father, I do believe that You are the mender of broken hearts. So, I ask You to walk with Cassandra through this difficult time. Open her eyes so that she can see me clearly, and know that with as much as is in my power, I will never break her heart again. Thank you Jesus.”
“Amen,” Cassandra said and then pulled her hands out of JT’s.
He opened his eyes and looked at his wife. She appeared to have softened some. She had built that wall back up overnight, but he and the Lord would knock it down. “I wasn’t finished praying, honey. If you don’t mind, I wanted to pray for Diane and Margie also.”
Cassandra stood and backed away from him. “No. no, pray for them yourself. I don’t want to hear it.”
He reached for her, pulling her into his arms. “I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t want to upset you.” They stood there holding each other. Although JT did not say the words out loud, he did silently pray that God would give him the strength to ask Margie for forgiveness and that he would soon be able to forgive Diane for the things she had done to him.
But forgiveness for Diane would prove to be harder than JT expected. The doorbell rang as he and Cassandra moved apart. When he opened the door, a white man he didn’t recognize stood in front of him, looking like a bill collector.
“Jerome Tyler Thomas?” the man asked.
“That’s me. Can I help you?” Jerome replied.
The man lifted the envelope he’d had in his hand. He handed it to JT and said, “You’ve been served.”
“I’ve been served what?” JT asked as the man scurried off his porch.
Cassandra came up from behind him and closed the front door as JT opened the envelope. “What’s that?”
He pulled the documents out of the envelope, quickly scanned them and then told Cassandra, “Documents concerning Diane and Margie’s case against me.”
“Didn’t they already send these documents to the church? Why do they have to come around our house?”
“Don’t you get it, Cassandra? Diane wants to punish me. And she’s going to use every weapon in her arsenal to make sure we don’t get custody of Lily.”
“She already slept with you. Why does she need to humiliate me by telling the world about all your dirty deeds? And why does she want to take Lily from us? She didn’t even want that baby.” Tears formed in her eyes and her voice elevated as she said, “What’s next, JT? Will Children Services walk up in here and take the rest of our kids too?”
“No, baby. Diane isn’t going to take Lily and no one else is going to take Jerome or Aaron either.”
“I don’t believe you.” She looked at JT as if examining him. She plopped down on the couch and said, “Maybe Diane isn’t punishing you at all. Maybe God hasn’t forgiven you for all your wrongdoing, and this is just His way of standing back and allowing you to get everything that’s coming to you. And if I continue to stay with you, then I’ll keep going through right along with you.”
JT stood behind the couch. He wanted to bend down and envelope Cassandra in his arms, but he figured she would just reject him. So he simply told her, “You’re wrong, Sanni. God has forgiven me for everything. I can feel it in my soul. When I pray, God is listening. But it’s not God’s fault that I fooled around with Diane, so I can’t blame Him for the things she’s doing to us right now.”
Tears streamed down Cassandra’s face. “I’m tired, JT. I can’t take anymore. I thought I could come back home, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I don’t belong here anymore.”
JT walked around the couch and sat down next to his wife. Her head was bent, shoulders slumped as she sobbed. He lifted her head, causing her to look at him as he said, “You belong right here. You’ve always belonged with me.”
She pushed his hand away from her face.
“Trust me, Sanni. We’ll make it through this.”
“Shut up, JT. Just get out of my face,” she said as she shoved him.
“What do you want me to do, Sanni? Tell me and I’ll do it.”
She wiped the tears from her face, stood up and walked away without responding to him.
JT jumped up and followed her. He grabbed her arm and tried to turn her back toward him. “Don’t do this, Sanni. Be reasonable and stop running away from me.”
Cassandra swung around and hit her husband in the face with her fist. “If you wanted a reasonable wife, you should have been a faithful husband.”
“I am faithful,” JT protested as he held his jaw.
Cassandra’s hands went to her hips. She had a smirk on her face when she said, “You’re a day late and a dollar short on that trick.”
“I’m sorry, Sanni. But we will get through this; just have faith in me.”
She rolled her eyes and lifted her hands in exasperation as she said, “Just go pray, JT. Pray that God gives me the strength to forgive you, Margie and Diane before I go buy a gun.”
Seventeen
Cassandra needed her mommy. But she had thrown mommy out of her house because of the way she talked about JT. Today, she would give anything to sit on the couch with her mom and listen as she ripped into her husband. But she knew her mo
ther all too well. Mattie would go way too far, saying things against JT that Cassandra knew weren’t true, and then she would end up defending him. She didn’t want to defend JT, so she was going to stay away from her mother for at least another week. Then she would call and let the boys talk to her.
Right now, she was sitting in Dr. Clarkson’s office, waiting on him to tell her that she was being ridiculous and that she should go home and help her husband through this difficult time. But he didn’t do that. Dr. Clarkson got up from his comfortable listening chair, which was positioned next to the couch his clients sat or laid on. He sat down behind his desk, opened his desk drawer and pulled out a business card. He walked back over to Cassandra and said, “I think you should contact Dr. Sandra Neumann.”
Cassandra looked at the card Dr. Clarkson handed her with confusion in her eyes. “I was just telling you that I’m thinking about leaving my husband. What does this woman have to do with my decision?”
“I want to be honest with you, Cassandra. You came to me for help, but I have come to care for you a great deal.”
“Whoa, wait a minute. Hold on,” Cassandra said as she held up her hands, trying to halt this conversation.
“It’s the truth, Cassandra. I realized when I met you for lunch and held your hand that I wasn’t handling our relationship professionally. Even now, I want to encourage you to divorce your husband, because I’m hoping that I might have a chance with you. And that’s not professional and it’s not right.”
“I don’t understand.” Cassandra was totally caught off guard with this one. Yeah, JT had told her that Dr. Clarkson had a thing for her, but she hadn’t believed that. She was a mom after all. She wasn’t some diva who turned heads as she walked down the street. But now that she thought about it, she’d been surprised when JT, who looked more like a male model than a pastor, had been attracted to her.
Dr. Clarkson pointed at the card in Cassandra’s hand. “Dr. Neumann is a much better therapist than I am, and she won’t have ulterior motives.”
Cassandra stood up. Anger was overtaking her again. She was conflicted. She had come in Dr. Clarkson’s office wanting to bash JT’s head in, but now she wished she had that iron skillet she fried chicken in, so she could knock Dr. Clarkson upside the head with it. “I’m your patient. I came to you for help. You shouldn’t have ulterior motives either.”
He lowered his head and told her, “I know. This has never happened to me before. I have always maintained a professional relationship with all of my clients.” He raised his head and looked into her eyes as he continued, “The bottom line is this… I want to be with you. So, I’m leaving the ball in your court. If you decide to divorce your husband and if you’d like a friend; I’m here.”
Cassandra stared at this man seated before her. This was the first time she’d bothered to notice him as a man and not just her doctor. He was handsome – that is, if you considered Boris Kodjoe handsome; and Cassandra did. She allowed her mind to drift as she wondered about life after JT. Could she have a happy life with Dr. Clarkson even though she’d failed in her marriage to JT? Or would she just end up right back here, preparing for another divorce?
“Look, Dr. Clarkson, I’m flattered by the fact that you are attracted to me. But I’m not interested in ending one relationship just so I can begin another.”
She walked out of his office and got in her car. As she sat behind the wheel, she slowly exhaled and looked to heaven. If she was honest with herself, she had been tempted by Dr. Clarkson’s proposal, but God had made a way of escape for her. “Thank you, Jesus.”
She drove home feeling as if she had more insight into how JT had sunk into adultery. Things were going bad at home, and so when the opportunity presented itself, he went for it, assuming that the grass would be greener. Cassandra had only imagined that her life might be better with Dr. Clarkson for a moment. She now could see how someone could be tricked by the devil. But she needed to hear it from JT’s own lips. She now wanted to know how each affair began.
She knew this knowledge would hurt, and didn’t know for sure whether it would be the thing that helped her move forward in her marriage or the thing which dotted all the i’s and crossed all the t’s in her divorce decree.
“Are you sure you want to know this?” JT asked Cassandra when they were alone later that night.
“I don’t want to know, JT. I need to know. See, when Dr. Clarkson propositioned me this afternoon, I was tempted, but by the time I reached my car, I knew for a fact that God had helped me resist that temptation. So, I need to know why God hadn’t been able to help you, and can I trust that you will allow Him to help you in the future?”
“Okay, well have a seat, because I can guarantee you’re not going to like my answers, but I promise to be truthful.”
Cassandra sat down on the couch in the family room and waited for JT to begin his saga.
“The first time I cheated on you was after our first child, Sarah, died. I was in so much pain and so angry with God that I didn’t take time to think about what my actions would do to you. I just wanted the pain to go away. So when I started working with Margie on one of our church programs, I noticed how lonely she seemed.”
“So you took advantage of her just like Dr. Clarkson tried to take advantage of the turmoil I’m going through? Maybe I should cut a page out of Margie’s and Diane’s playbook and sue Dr. Clarkson.”
“I don’t think you can, babe. As much as I hate to admit it, he was honest about his feelings and even recommended that you see another therapist. That’s more than I did for Margie. I lured her into an affair by playing on her emotions.” He saw Cassandra wince at his words and wished that he could take not only his words back, but also his actions. “I’m sorry honey, but it’s true. If I’m going to face facts, the truth is, I wronged Margie more than either of the other women I slept with.”
“O-kay,” Cassandra said slowly. “What about Diane. How did your affair with her begin?”
JT sat down across from Cassandra. He didn’t want to sit on the couch next to her in case she decided to haul off and punch him like she did last night. “You see how she dresses in those short skirts and tight shirts that leave her breast exposed for all of the world to see, right?”
“Yeah, I noticed that she looks like a hooker. But are you saying that I need to be worried about every scantily clothed woman that comes into the church?”
JT waved that suggestion off. “I’m not dressing it up, defending it, or trying to make it look like something it’s not. I have more self-control than that. But Diane would come into my office bending over so I could see everything the Lord blessed her with. Then she started whispering in my ear. I told her time and time again that I wasn’t interested.”
Cassandra twisted her lips as if she didn’t believe a word JT was saying. “Why weren’t you interested?”
“I was trying to keep my word to you. After you found out about Margie, I promised you I wouldn’t cheat again. And I really tried. But my relationship with God still wasn’t repaired, so after months of telling Diane I wasn’t interested, I finally gave in. It’s been down hill for me ever since. The affair with Vivian even started as a result of Diane.”
“And how was that?” Cassandra asked snippily.
“I told you that you weren’t going to want to know all of this.”
“Just keep going.”
“All right, but I’m begging you to keep in mind that you asked me to tell you this stuff.”
Cassandra rolled her eyes, but said nothing else.
“All right, the simplest way to say this is, Diane told Vivian about our affair so Vivian approached me. She wanted to know if I was through with Diane and if I wanted to start something with her. I was way off God’s path by then and didn’t know if I even wanted to find my way back, so I just let it happen. And now Bishop wants me to say that Margie came on to me just like Diane and Vivian did.”
Cassandra scoffed. “He’s probably still angry because you
admitted that Lily was your child. We all know how he handles situations like that.”
JT put his hand over his wife’s in an attempt to comfort her. “He loves you, Sanni. Why won’t you give the man a chance to prove it?”
Rolling her eyes, she removed her hands from JT’s hold. She sat in silence for a moment then turned back to JT with another question. “Can I ask you something, JT?”
“Are you going to throw anything at me?”
Cassandra laughed. “Not tonight. I think I broke up enough of my stuff the other night.”
“Laughter looks good on you, Sanni. I wish I had been able to put a thousand more smiles on your face.”
In spite of herself, she blushed. “Don’t try to charm me, JT.”
“Okay. What’s your question?”
“Do you think that since Diane and Vivian came onto you, that you are a victim? Or can you tell me who the real victims are?”
“If Diane hadn’t pursued me the way she did, I never would have cheated with her. So in a way, I want to say that I’m the victim. But I can’t let go of the fact that I was her pastor and therefore should have raised up the standard that she needed to follow.” He shook his head and then looked to Cassandra with questioning eyes. “I don’t know, Sanni. Can we both be victims of the same crime, or does there have to be one victim per crime?”
“Wrong answer,” she said as she stood up and walked out of the room.
Eighteen
Margie was distraught. Things were spiraling out of control and she didn’t know how to stop them. She wanted to talk to her mother and just sit and listen as she imparted wisdom like she did when she was a little girl. But her mother had told her not to call until she had come back to her right mind. The thing was, she couldn’t call her mother anyway. Margie’s phone had been turned off. And when she and Marissa arrived home today, she discovered that an eviction notice had been taped to her front door. She pulled it off the door and went inside.
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