by Nicola Rose
“So let’s go!” I downed the rest of my drink. One wouldn’t hurt. OK, two, if you’re counting that blue shit. “I hope you’ve still got that spare helmet and leathers?”
“Nowhere is further than a few minutes away round here. Don’t you think we should walk or get a cab?” she frowned.
“Humour me. It’s my new baby, I’ve only had him a week and I want to take every possible opportunity to ride him.”
“Him? It’s a motorcycle, Jess!”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll fetch him back tomorrow.”
She sat in rigid hesitation, fiddling with her glasses.
“Come on! I’m a good rider, you’ll be safe.”
Begrudgingly, she grabbed her gear from the back of a cupboard and dusted off the cobwebs. Her jaw dropped when she noted the huge, red bike outside.
“I’d like you to meet my Ducati Streetfighter. Isn’t he beautiful? I’ve named him Loki, after the God of Mischief.”
“Fitting. It looks fast… and dangerous,” she frowned. “Shouldn’t you be more careful with money? Danny said you’re only going to be working two shifts a week.”
I flapped my hands at her silliness. “They’re twenty-four hour shifts, the pay is pretty good. Anyway, I still have a shit tonne in the bank that my parents left me. Benefits of being an only child with rich folks.”
“Oh yeah, their deaths were really fortunate for you,” she said sarcastically, immediately clasping a hand over her mouth in horror. “Shit, Jess, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”
“It’s fine,” I lied, as she cautiously settled herself onto the bike and the engine roared to life.
Truth was, that really was the opinion of most people after the event. Suspicious explosion, daughter suffering amnesia about what happened, very convenient. I shouldn’t be here, I should be dead. It was my fault. I didn’t know how, but I caused that explosion. Somehow.
And that suspicion and guilt still followed me around years later. It wasn’t going away. Ever.
I wheelied away and chuckled as Anna nearly fell off the back, frantically clutching at my jacket. She directed me to the beach with taps on my shoulders — as if it was hard to get lost in this place — and I cruised over to the parking lot. A group of guys hovered around their bikes. One of them watched us approach, no doubt appreciating the thundering machine heading his way. This would be fun.
Pulling up next to him, I dismounted slowly, trying to act casual, even though his gaze on me had my heart fluttering. A quick sideways glance told me that he was gorgeous, in a ‘is this guy actually real’ kind of way. Dark, spiked-up hair, lean and muscled, dressed casual. I removed my helmet and let my red hair fall around my shoulders in a dramatic cliché movie moment, shaking it out before looking up to return his smile.
He wasn’t smiling though; he was giving me some sort of twisted, murderous look. I was used to guys being surprised when they realise it’s a girl on the bike, but they love it, they don’t look at me like that. It quickly became awkward. I tried to look away and found I couldn’t. So I stood there gawking at him, his eyes burning through me in weird hatred. Just as I threatened to crumble into ash under the heat of his glare, he screwed his face up in disgust and turned his back on me.
The world snapped back into focus. Noise filled my ears and drowned out the sound of my heart, which had gone from fluttering to all-out thudding. I hesitated with the key in the ignition. Should I approach him? Anna was dithering, trying to undo the strap on her helmet and looking embarrassingly flustered, so I yanked the key and pulled her away down the beach.
“Darn it!” she mumbled beneath the helmet, still fumbling with the release.
“Calm down, would you?” I batted her hands aside and pulled her free.
“Can’t breathe in that thing!”
“Not around hotness like that.” Curiosity had me glancing back over my shoulder.
“That was Zac Elwood,” she said the name with hushed awe, but her face turned sour. “Hotness doesn’t even cover it. He’s also a complete A-hole.”
“Is that why he was looking at me like I’d just insulted his mother?”
“Don’t take it personally. His group are always around here, everyone idolises them. Zac’s in his own little world though, he never notices anyone.”
“Typical. Always the best looking ones that have issues.”
“You should know.” She gave me a disapproving look and I shoved her playfully.
“Ta-dah,” she said suddenly, sweeping her arm in a grand gesture as we arrived at a beach bar. “This is MoJoe’s. Best party on the island!”
“Oh yeah?” I glanced around at the fading paint and a girl puking her guts up into the sand outside the door.
“Danny owns it. His little sideline. That means half price drinks, and that means it’s the best!” She slapped my shoulder.
“Shit, Danny? Is he going to be here?”
I wasn’t ready to see my new boss. Last time I saw him was about four years ago, when I’d fucked him and then ignored his texts. It didn’t escape me that he may have given me this job out of a twisted urge to watch me squirm. Or maybe with the hope of more fucking, which, actually, wouldn’t be so bad.
I don’t know why I’d ignored him, what’s not to like about a fit Fire Chief? Even if he was ten years older. He was ageing in total style, his steel grey hair always spiked-up and his sharp, bright eyes always full of mischief. At least, that’s how he was then. I wondered – half hoped – he was still as I remembered.
Danny’s parents were close to Anna’s and, as a result, they were close, too — right from when Anna was born and he would help look after her, play with her. He was practically her big brother, which meant I’d encountered him numerous times since Anna and I became friends at college. He was impressed when he met me and found I was studying fire science.
Anna and I were studying different things, but hit it off right away, from that first crazy night at the student bar. We all fell into an easy, casual friendship. Anna was the only person in the world that saw past my ups and downs, the mood swings, the quirky shit, the weird occurrences. She stuck around, when no one else did.
I guess now I could officially class Danny as a supporter, too. Following a massive fuck-up and suspension at my previous fire department, I’d miraculously landed this job. Either my old Chief fluffed up my reference in an eager bid to finally be rid of me, or Anna had done some pleading with Danny to take a chance on me.
We found a table outside on the beach, with the parking lot not far away. Thankfully, Danny wasn’t around. I could avoid that first greeting for a little longer. Anna rambled on about what we were going to do over the coming weeks. Should she get her hair cut to celebrate my arrival? Should we try out bungee jumping?
I was only half listening. I kept glancing back toward the motorbikes where Zac sat poised and moody, glowing under the floodlights like a smouldering apparition, whilst his friends laughed and joked around him. He toyed with an airgun and was idly shooting cans across the parking lot with remarkable accuracy. I heard them ping away with each shot fired. Was it even legal to do shit like that in a public space?
I told myself I was only looking to make sure my Loki was alright. If one of those bullets hit him, he’d be a dead man. But the truth was, he fascinated me. Each time I glanced up I was sure that he’d been watching me, but within a second he wasn’t anymore, and he’d shot down another can. Always so quick that I couldn’t be sure whether he’d really been looking at all.
I turned to look once more and the hair on my arms sprang up like I’d been dumped in ice. My breath caught in my throat. I coughed to try and cover up the gasp that had sneaked out. This time he was definitely staring at me, his head tilted. In fact, he seemed utterly transfixed. I had to clutch the table as a dizzy wave ran over me.
“Jess… Jess… Jess! Are you listening?” Anna poked my arm.
“He’s kinda staring at me.”
“Huh!” s
he said with surprise. “I’ve never seen him show interest in any of the girls, but he’s certainly interested in you right now.” She jabbed another finger into me, harder this time, with a suggestive edge to her tone.
“I don’t think it’s that sort of look. He’s not eyeing me up, it’s kind of menacing, don’t you think?” I spoke out the side of my mouth, as if he could hear me all the way over there. Alarm bells vibrated through my head, making me feel anxious and excited at the same time.
He looked away and carried on shooting like nothing had happened. Then he laughed at something, but there still seemed to be uneasiness about his posture. With his gaze averted I was released from a strange pressure inside my head, and immediately longed for more.
“And there you have it,” Anna muttered. “Weird A-hole.”
3
Jess
Rolling over in bed, I was relieved to find an empty space in the crumpled sheets where Mr. Goatee had been snoring a few hours ago. I rubbed my head, trying to remember if I’d even bothered to find out his name. Memories from the whole of last night were vague.
He couldn’t have been particularly earth-shattering, given that my most vivid memory was when he’d pulled out of me too far and rammed himself back in with, to his credit, a great deal of force – but had misjudged his aim and went halfway into my ass. After an initial squeal of shock, I tried to reassure him that it was fine, he could stay there if he wanted, but maybe we’d need some lube.
The poor boy was mortified. It had gone downhill pretty fast from there. Thank goodness he’d had the decency to creep out whilst I slept, avoiding all that unnecessary and awkward ‘morning after’ talk.
I made my way to the shower, clutching at my throbbing head. Leaning my face back into the spray I closed my eyes with an image of Zac forming behind them. I hadn’t seen much more of him, he’d disappeared soon after the glaring incident. His expression had been so intense that it kind of frightened me, and that took some doing. It also made me eager to see him again.
A familiar thrill had me putting my hand between my legs. I stroked and rubbed, thinking of that gorgeous, brooding face and imagining the kind of body made for sweet dreams. I grabbed the shower head and massaged my breasts, delving my fingers up inside myself. Fantasies danced around me, ideas of that foreboding stare bearing down on me as he pinned me to the ground, hands held up over my head, taking me roughly—
My cell phone rang in the other room. I tried to ignore it, but it was so persistent, and the shrill ringtone went right through my head like a dagger. “Yes, Anna, what’s the emergency?”
“Nice to speak to you, too.”
“Sorry. I was a little busy in the shower, if you know what I mean?”
“Eeeew, too much info!” she groaned, and I imagined her cheeks going red.
“Anyway, what’s up?”
“It’s two o’clock already. We have to hit the town and get drinking. It’s the only way to cure our hangovers. We’re still celebrating your arrival, right?”
“Hell, yes.” I pulled on yesterday’s underwear with one hand. All my gear was still at her place. I should have just agreed to stay there. If only I didn’t have so many anxious emotions around sharing living space with loved ones. The burn scar on my back itched at the thought.
“I’ll meet you at the parking lot,” I added. “I need to check my baby is unharmed. If any drunk twat has touched him, I will hunt them down.”
Zac was everywhere. The bars, the beaches, the fair, the grill where I ate most days – though he never ate, just watched me in a psycho-stalker way. He paid extra close attention each time he found me kissing another man, but annoyingly, not enough to make him come and claim me for himself. He was even loitering across the road of the garage in Port Isabel when I took my bike for a service.
He had to be following me. It couldn’t just be coincidence all the time. But if I tried to go and talk to him, he’d disappear. Anna said I should call the cops before he kidnapped me or something, but I figured he’d already have done that if he wanted to. Plus, the little dirty and irrational voice in my head (the one that always gets me into trouble and should never be listened to) decided that being whipped away by this ridiculously attractive man didn’t seem so bad.
My first week on the island had disappeared in a blink. A blur of alcohol, laughter and sex, just as planned. Only one more week to go and then I’d have to start working and behaving. I really ought to start looking for an apartment.
“Enjoying the vacation, Jess?” Danny appeared at my side in MoJoe’s, taking a barstool next to me. I’d been so lost in my Zac daydreams that I hadn’t noticed Anna vacate the seat. She returned from the restroom and gave Danny a hug over his shoulders. A bartender provided him with a beer and, all of a sudden, the staff looked a lot more attentive.
Someone elbowed me in the back as they pushed past. “I sure am, although, I think I’m getting old. I don’t know how much more of these crowds I can handle.” I left my seat and pushed into a bikini-clad girl, attempting to create a little bubble of space where I could actually breathe. The heat and smell from so many alcohol-fuelled people in the small bar was overpowering.
“Take it from me, there isn’t anything old-looking about you. In fact, you haven’t changed a bit from when I last saw you, what… four years ago?” he flashed me an amorous smile.
“Thanks, nor have you.” I hoped the heat burning in my cheeks wasn’t visible like it always was on Anna. He was certainly a fine specimen of older man, as he stood there rubbing the grey-flecked stubble on his jaw. He had a body that most twenty year olds would kill for, let alone forty-somethings. It was hard not to blush when he gifted you that smile.
He motioned to a barman and spoke in his ear. A moment later I was presented with a cocktail glass full of something bright pink, complete with slices of fruit and the little umbrella thing.
“Happy Birthday, by the way,” he grinned, leaning across to kiss my cheek.
“Anna!” I scolded. “You promised you wouldn’t tell! You know I don’t celebrate.”
She shrugged and blew out a whistle, picking at some invisible fluff on her skirt.
“Thank you,” I said to Danny, who was still beaming and clearly enjoying my discomfort.
“I’m really excited to start work soon,” I added, shifting in my seat. “Thanks for giving me this chance.”
“Don’t thank him,” Anna scoffed. “He made me work for it. I totally had to suck up to him to get you a position.”
He coughed and a knowing, suggestive smirk passed between them.
“You didn’t?!” I gasped.
“Of course not! I’m just kidding,” she laughed. “You got the job square on your own, because you’re awesome and deserved it.”
“Absolutely. I expect the very best out of my crew,” Danny said. “Which reminds me, I have your patches at the station, come get them before you start if you like.”
“I will, thanks. Carnage Crew, right? Where does the department name come from?”
“Look around,” he sighed. “On certain days during spring break this island can have up to fifty thousand people on it. All wasted, all looking for a good time. It’s carnage. And we have to play a big role in managing that. Like I said to you on email, we don’t get many fires round here, it’s mostly beach patrols and mopping up the mayhem. You’ll be pulled over to Port Isabel Department sometimes, too.”
“Sounds great.” Limited work on actual fires sounded beyond great, it was perfect. I’d lost my nerve somewhere along the line in the last few years. Less responsibility might help to lift the pressure that weighed me down all the time.
“I look forward to seeing you at the station soon, then. Have a wild birthday, you’re at the perfect place,” Danny wandered off to join some friends. I watched him leave, admiring his smooth confidence as he approached them and slotted into the group.
“I’ll be right back,” Anna said, scooting off after him.
A girl in
leopard-print hotpants flew towards Danny’s vacated seat, desperate to grab it before anyone else. She got hold of it, but at the same time as another, larger, girl. They floundered into me, arguing and bitching, and Miss Pert-Cheeks-in-Hotpants spilled her vodka all over the bar.
Lord, help me. I needed air.
The stench of beer, sweat and testosterone assaulted me as I pushed my way through the mass of bodies. A couple of dudes took advantage of the tight squeeze and ‘accidentally’ grabbed my ass. Whatever. My ass was like a juicy peach, so who could blame them.
I made it to the decking area outside on the beach, which was relatively calm compared to inside. A laser show from a nearby rave sent purple and blue beacons of light soaring upwards into the night.
From here I was reminded of the main reason I loved MoJoe’s so much, and it wasn’t the half price drinks. The sight of Zac pulling into the parking lot, with that engine roaring between his legs, shattered any Danny-fucking thoughts in an instant. Often he would just stare at me, although occasionally he’d give me a lazy half-smile that made my heart skip.
Whenever I decided it was getting ridiculous and that I was just going to talk to him, he’d be gone. Was he some weird figment of my imagination? I could have been having that relapse breakdown the shrink warned me about.
Dammit, his smouldering vibe left me breathless with desire – dark hair, shorter on the sides, spiked up on top… faded jeans with a hole in one knee, sculpted around lean legs… a tight fitting white vest skimming his torso, giving a teasing glimpse at the heart-stopping inked muscles underneath. He leant against his black chopper like James Dean. I’m pretty sure if you Googled ‘stereotypical hot rockabilly guy’, he’d come up.
He was never alone. He always had this little following with him, whom I could easily recognise now because I’d been studying him so scrupulously. There was the surfer dude who he seemed closest to; blonde haired with a friendly, boyish face. And a guy with a shaved head, inked up to the high heavens, not an inch of skin uncovered.