by Nicola Rose
I should stop calling and let her go. I told myself that over and over, but the phone was always back in my hands a few minutes later. I didn’t know what I was going to say to her. I just knew that I had to say something. I had to try and explain before she left my life forever.
Don’t let her go. She mustn’t escape.
Left me. Forever. My will began draining away, the darkness moving in, ready to pounce into the empty space where some sort of happiness had been forming. Like a black hole sitting in my core, sucking all other emotions towards it. Consuming, devouring, relentless. I was going to spiral out of control and I didn’t even care, it didn’t seem to matter. So long as I could hear her voice once more. Tell her I was sorry.
Alexander snorted loudly for my attention, “Are you going to cry?”
“You saw the guy put that note there and you didn’t think to go and take it off before she got to it?”
“Are you kidding? This one was the jackpot,” he grinned.
“She’s freaking out. She’s going to leave. Satisfied?”
“I’d be more satisfied if I could see her freaking out with my own eyes. Maybe I’ll pay her a little surprise visit before she goes, just to really put the heebie-jeebies up her.”
“Stay away.” My muscles contracted so hard they hurt.
“I’m starting to like her, you know, she’s got some damned big lady-nuts at times. If you speak to her you might even talk her round. Once she realises what a kitten you are, I mean, there’s really nothing to be afraid of where you’re concerned, is there? She’ll probably be none the wiser as to my dangers.”
“You really want to test me on this? I won’t tolerate you going anywhere near her.”
“You say that as if I haven’t already?”
He flashed some memories on to me and my blood just about reached lava state.
“Anyway, enough teasing,” he said. “Aren’t you going to ask me who the note leaving loser is? Don’t you want your revenge on him?”
“Considering he knows what we are I’m guessing a hunter. The same person that’s been targeting us? Is he alone?”
“He had a weird fuzziness in his head, but I’m pretty sure he was alone. And a complete novice. We were his first job, he had no idea how in over his head he was. He thought he was the man, the real Van Helsing. He actually believed he could come in and wipe out not one, but two Cells, all by himself.”
“He’s doing a pretty good job, he got near us several times, undetected. How did he do that?”
“Witchcraft, I guess. His energy was all over the place,” he shrugged.
“Was? Past tense?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
He was grinning that insanely irritating, happy smile at me. The smirk that made me want to pound his face in.
“Sorry, when I asked if you wanted your revenge, I should have let you know that I’d saved you the job.”
“You can’t stop yourself, can you? I wanted answers from him first,” I spat.
“He burned down my bar. Someone fucks with me like that, they die. Instantly. No trial required.”
“It’s always that black and white for you, isn’t it?”
“It should be for you, too. You’re so meek it’s depressing. Running around after a human girl like a pussy-whipped bitch. And let’s not talk about your denial of the Legacy. You’re supposed to be an Elwood. Being related to you should be an honour, instead it’s humiliating.”
He had manoeuvred himself right in front of me, inches from my face. Provoking my reactions was a favourite game of his.
“Nothing you can say bothers me. It’s playground stuff. Go ahead and let it all out, it only amuses me.” I pushed him aside.
“Oh yeah? What about your weakness killing our father? Is that amusing?”
My head fogged instantly as his words cut through me. Without a second’s hesitation I was on him, pinning him to the ground and pounding his face. Blood poured from his lip and nose. He was still smiling, making no move to protect himself, purely to annoy me further.
I let the rage wash over and consume me, taking its place, settling firmly in my core. From there it could grow and spread its tendrils into every part of me. I would feed off it, embrace it, follow it into the darkest depths of depravity. The release would be so blissful, so pure and primal.
Taking my time about it, I pulverised his face, each smashing blow bringing a fresh surge of relief. He continued to resist the temptation of fighting back, lying limply and laughing wildly as blood splattered around us. He was trying to push me onto the slope, as if I needed any help with that now.
I closed my eyes, the darkness swallowing me entirely, and somewhere from the depths of my tortured soul her big goofy smile flashed up under my eyelids. Her flushing pink cheeks, her sinful ass. Her witty tongue and lack of fear.
Jumping up, I started my Harley and clutched on to the images, using them as a lifeboat, holding me afloat.
He spat blood onto the floor and called after me, “You know what doesn’t add up? Why a vampire slayer would leave lame as shit notes like that in the first place? Why ignore all the girls I feed from, but warn the one dating a vegetarian vampire?”
“Vegetarian? If you’re going to try and insult me, at least make it factual. And the answer is probably because she’s not like any other girl. She’s not like your blood whores. She’s different.”
“You got that right,” he grinned.
“I’m going into your territory to see her at the motel. Tell your goons to keep away from us, and you stay away, too,” I said. “You want to see me in the darkness? Fine. I’ll show you exactly how fucked up I can be, after I’ve seen her and she’s safely off the island. Then we can play. Then the war begins.”
The sound of his delighted laughter was still ringing in my ears as I hit the highway.
22
Jess
After shakily stuffing clothes into my backpack, I sat on the bed and stared at my feet. What was I going to tell Anna? I couldn’t stick around, I had to go. But how could I leave her here? Knowing what he was? What if he was mad at me for leaving and he killed her? I should warn her, get her to leave, too.
I should do it in person, though. I would go and see her, give her the news. She’d think I was crazy, but when I upped and left maybe she would think about it and take me more seriously. It was the best I could do.
Zac had given up calling, but Danny had taken up the role. I couldn’t answer it. I couldn’t tell him before Anna. I’d be letting him down too when I left. Would he understand? He knew Zac wasn’t normal. Maybe he even knew what he was already? He’d tried so hard to warn me away.
Sirens wailed outside and the next thing I knew I had paramedics at the door. Dammit Danny. They ran some tests and satisfied themselves that I wasn’t having a stroke. Then they pulled out a few fragments of glass and patched me up. They were insistent I should get checked out at hospital. I refused, assuring them I’d go straight there if anything got worse.
If anything got worse. What did that mean now? Puncture wounds in my neck? In a body bag? Turning into a vampire?
I knew as soon as I heard the tentative knock at the door that it was him. In fact, I knew before the knock because I’d heard the engine as he pulled up outside. The knocking continued when I didn’t answer, slow and gentle tapping, like he was trying not to scare me! I stood as far from the door as I could, wishing that I was staying self-catering and would have had a knife on hand.
The patient tapping didn’t last long before it turned into banging and thumping.
“Jess, please. I need to talk to you.” He sounded like a normal, anguished boyfriend after a fight. Not a blood-curdling monster.
“Stay away,” I shrieked. “I’ll call the police.”
Why hadn’t I called them already? OK, so I couldn’t tell them I had a vampire banging on my door, but I could tell them I had a madman out there. I got as far as pressing the 9 before the door flung open with a loud crack and I
dropped the phone. He flew into the room, grabbed it, and then backed off with his hands up in the universal ‘I mean no harm’ gesture. He quietly shut the broken door and put a chair in front to keep it closed.
“Sorry,” he muttered, still holding his hands up.
I guessed this was what it felt like when you face your death and people say your life flashes before your eyes. My mind raced over things that had happened to me in the past, irrelevant things that it didn’t make sense for me to think of. I thought of my mother, her beautiful face and the smell of the cookies she baked when I was little. I thought of my father, of his disappointment in me. The explosion. The guilt. I remembered the night that I’d pulled a little boy from a burning room, fire blazing all around me. His mother’s face as I handed him to her outside. Then there were some relevant thoughts, like those of Anna and how it would be my fault when he killed her, too.
“I’m not going to kill either of you.”
“So what are you going to do?” My whole body was shuddering like a maniac on speed.
“Nothing. I needed to apologise.”
“For what?”
“For leading you on. For letting you think there could ever have been anything real between us. I knew it would have to end. I was planning on that happening before you found out. I’m sorry.”
“Before I found out,” my voice sounded distant, my head fuzzy.
“I couldn’t keep it hidden forever. If it wasn’t the hunter’s notes, it would have been something else. You’d have pieced it together eventually.”
“Hunter.”
“The vampire hunter, he was targeting us,” he said matter-of-factly.
That was it then. The word vampire had left his lips and the bile rose in my throat. I wanted to laugh out loud at the silly prank he was playing. Instead I sank to my knees and cried.
“This isn’t real. Please tell me it’s a sick joke,” I wailed. “You’re just one of those sad freaks from the internet who dresses up and pretends to be the undead, right?”
Except I knew you couldn’t fake the attributes he had.
His arms wrapped around me. Had I noticed how cold he was before? He definitely seemed colder now. My whole being was screaming at me to run away, defend myself, but his contact sent those little tingles through me and for some unfathomable reason I felt safe. I didn’t want him to let go. I buried my face into his shoulder and sobbed.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, kissing the top of my head. “This should never have happened. I should have left before, disappeared. I kept trying, but I had to keep coming back for more.”
Further panic engulfed me. “You were trying to leave me?”
“Of course. I shouldn’t have been putting you in danger. But the more I was around you, the more your hold grew on me.”
I pulled back. “You said you’re not going to hurt me. Why was I in danger? I feel so safe with you, it doesn’t make sense.”
“I don’t think I’d ever hurt you, but I can’t be certain. It’s too risky trying to have such a close relationship. I didn’t mean for it to get this far. Once you’re gone I promise my stalking will end. I won’t follow you. I’ll stop myself… somehow.”
“But, I don’t want to be without you,” I sobbed.
He pushed me away this time and held me where he could see my face. “What are you saying?”
“I’m… I’m saying I can’t be without you.”
Was I? How did I let those words leave my lips?
“Yes, you can,” he said deliberately. “You have no choice. This is non-negotiable.”
My sobbing increased into great, wracking howling. “I can’t just forget you. I can’t go on with my life, go about the normal business of living, knowing that you exist and that I’m not with you.”
“What you feel for me isn’t real. You only want me because of the power we have over humans. You have no choice but to want me.”
“Don’t patronise me!” I screeched. “It doesn’t matter what the reason for it is. Blame it on your magical powers if it makes you feel better. The fact remains that I can’t be without you and nothing will change that.”
I’d not realised just how much I needed him, until he was sitting next to me threatening to leave. Buzzing and panic began whirling around me.
“Distance would change it. If you didn’t see me for long enough the power would gradually fade and you’d wake up one day wondering why you even liked me.”
“No.” I swung my head in denial.
“I’m a vampire, Jess. Do you know what that means?”
“You said you won’t hurt me and I believe you.”
“I said I didn’t think I would hurt you, but that I couldn’t be sure.”
“You’d already have done it by now if you were going to.”
“Really? And you’re an expert on vampires, are you?”
“I’m… I feel safe when you hold me.”
“That’s my power, it’s not real,” he said slowly, like he was talking to a three year old. There, there, little girl, stop being stupid and come to your senses. “Deep inside you’re terrified, the way you should be. That’s why your heart is hammering and your muscles are locked. Vampires are masters at disabling their prey, we’re alluring and seductive. We make you want us.”
“Prey,” I said the word out loud and lurched forward to be sick. Nothing came up, just painful heaving.
“I’m sorry,” he said, rubbing my back as if consoling a drunken girlfriend. “I need to make you see reality.”
“There is no reality, not since I found out a vampire has been kissing me.”
“Look into my eyes and tell me what you see,” he said.
I didn’t dare. I held my gaze on the floor until he took my chin gently. “Look at me, Jess.”
The tears blurred him. I blinked a few times and focussed on his eyes. My heart crushed under the weight of their beauty. Golden, glowing, deep.
“What do they say to you?” he asked.
“They say don’t come any closer, don’t touch me, don’t fall for me… run.” I reached out and cupped his face in the palm of my hands, those beautiful eyes haunting my soul. My lips were so desperate to melt into his. I leaned in and whispered, “Yet my body says to go closer, touch you, fall for you… stay.”
“I rest my case. Fucked up, right?” He averted his gaze and avoided my kiss.
I let myself slump forward. After a while I realised he was no longer holding me. He’d sat himself back against a chair. My mouth felt clogged with sawdust and fluff, gluing it shut. Words refused to come. Slowly my mind cleared, or at least de-fogged slightly, and my hands trembled again.
He was right, why on earth was I trying to stay with him? He wasn’t even human. I could see it now, when I looked in his eyes, that formidable glaring look that I could never work out before. It was evil. It was hunger and lust. They were predator’s eyes and they were preying on me.
Without allowing myself another thought I grabbed my backpack and left. I was half expecting him to stop me, for my life to be ended, but he didn’t move. I thought I saw a flicker of despair when I chanced a look back at him on my way out.
I rode for hours, tears streaming down my face, in no fit state to be on the road. I kept urging myself to stop at the next motel, but they came and went. I didn’t want to have to think.
I narrowly missed a head-on collision when I found myself on the wrong side of the road, unsure as to how long I’d been there. Eventually, after I realised that my eyes had been closing by themselves, I had to stop. The running was over. My body was still in flight mode, though. It didn’t want to stop running. I paced up and down the motel lot, hands shaking. Shaking so much that I couldn’t undo the zip on my jacket.
The motel was modern, compared to my last. Nicely painted walls, good furniture, even some fresh flowers dotted around the place. The clerk was a cheery lady in her forties, overweight, with bobbed hair and too much makeup. She was watching a comedy on the television
and laughing away to herself when she noticed me at the counter, and her face dropped.
“Oh dear, sweetheart, are you alright? You look like you need to sit down. Come, sit over here while I make you a drink, what would you like, my love?” She removed a Chihuahua puppy from her lap and put it in a basket.
“Nothing, thanks. Just a room.” I tried to hold my voice steady and wiped my tear-smeared face with the back of my hand.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like someone to talk to?”
“I’m sure.”
She begrudgingly fetched some keys and led me to my room, insisting on carrying my bag for me. Fretting around the place, she found as many things to do as she could – straightening out the already made bed, showing me the coffee pot, showing me how the shower worked. When I just nodded absently at everything she went and hovered in the doorway for a while, before I kicked her out.
My knees buckled under the weight of it all. I collapsed on the bed and something dug into my hip. I reached into my pocket and fished out a syringe, followed by a small bag of heroin. That was a surprise, I didn’t remember getting it, but small flashbacks came to me of a dingy bar along the way. I had stopped after all.
I held my hand over my mouth and sniffed my breath. Great. I was drunk. No wonder I’d been on the wrong side of the road. I didn’t feel that wasted though, not enough to forget the last few hours like that. What if something more had happened? Last time I had a blackout it was after my family home burnt to the ground.
Something might have happened in one of those bars on my journey. My heightened emotion, it could have caused something. Something inexplicable. Something bad.
Fear clawed over my skin, making me shiver. I sank deeper into the bed and let the silence settle over me, breathing it in, calming the anxiety. I hadn’t sat in silence for weeks. Even alone, in your own room on South Padre, there was still always noise from this bar, or that bar, fireworks or pool parties, people fucking or pissing and puking in the street.