by Nicola Rose
“No… yes… I mean, if you think about what you want, not what that other part of you is saying you need.”
“The two are so intricately linked, it’s hard to separate them.”
“Am I in danger from you right now?”
“No,” he said instantly.
“Then you’re separating them, and this is what I want.”
I jumped into his lap, wrapping my legs behind him, and kissed those sexy lips.
25
Jess
Let’s face it, if the old me had been told, “Soon, you’ll discover that vampires are real and find yourself lusting after their attention, craving the excitement of their life, with little regard for your own safety,” what would I have said? Would I have laughed at the ridiculousness of it? Would I have been steadfast in my belief that even I would never go that far?
No. My response would have been something like, “Well, duh? Sexy, badass vampires on the loose, craving and wanting me? Of course I’m going to want a piece of that action!”
This was where I belonged. A place I’d spent my life searching for without realising, always just beyond my reach. Something more, something deeper. Now I’d found it and no way in hell was I letting it go.
Which was why I’d let him take me back to his house after kissing me on the beach. It was why I had spent the evening gazing into his eyes and hoping with all my heart that he would always look at me that way. Like I was his whole world.
His fingers brushed tenderly over my lips, his touch unlike that of any other man. It was so good that I kept frozen, in feigned sleep, in case he stopped.
“Humans need to breathe,” he said softly. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to disappear, not until you tell me to.”
“I won’t ever tell you to.” I sat up with a start and took his hand, holding it firmly to my cheek.
He pulled me back down, snuggling me into his chest. His bedroom was sparse. Nothing more than a bed, a chest of drawers and a guitar. I made a mental note to ask him to play for me. But not right then, I didn’t want to move from his touch.
“What else do you think is out there?” I asked.
“Not much. A little voodoo. I don’t think werewolves and zombies are real, if that’s what you mean.”
“No, I mean after death. Out there in the rest of the universe. There’s loads we don’t know about, don’t you think?”
“No.”
“The vampire, someone not even human, refuses to believe in anything else extraordinary?”
“What would be the point? If there is something there, I’ll never reach it.”
“Vampires can’t ever die, at all?”
“They can, but I don’t intend letting that happen to this vampire.”
I thought on that for a while. What it meant, having eternity stretched out before you. And thinking of all the ways the movies depict vampire death.
“Those won’t kill us,” he said. “Only way is decapitation, or by being drained of all blood and not having a chance to feed for a good while after. We might look dead at that point, but a drop of blood and we’re back in action. Takes a long time to actually die like that. It’s slow and degrading, the worst way to go.”
His arms had tightened around me, I think subconsciously.
“So if you ever find yourself in danger and you manage to stake them,” he went on. “Don’t you give yourself the luxury of collapsing into a ball and thinking it’s over. This is one part the movies get right. They’re never fucking dead. Even if they seem dead, you run. Even if that vampire is me, OK?”
“Yes, sir”‘ I said, without meaning to sound so husky. The strength of his arms had stirred the wanting, stoked the fire. I rubbed his chest, disappointed that he was wearing a shirt. Come to think of it, I was fully clothed, too.
“This is the second time I’ve slept in your bed. How come we’re still dressed?” I pulled at the irritating material that was forming an unwelcome barrier between our skin.
“You fell asleep on the sofa, it’s been a busy week.”
“What time is it?”
“Evening. You didn’t fall asleep until morning.”
“I slept all day?! Damn, are you sure you haven’t secretly turned me into a vampire?” I laughed.
“Not yet,” he smiled, and my stomach flipped.
“So, if I fell asleep on the sofa, how come I’m in your bed?”
“I did the gentlemanly thing and carried you up here. I thought undressing you in your vulnerable state would be wrong, though.” He’d been looking awkward, but now he gave me a devilish grin. “You’re always vulnerable to me anyway, weakened with sleep and confusion just made it way too easy. I wanted you awake before I made my move, so you could at least try and put up a fight against the vampire advancement.”
He rolled me onto my back and hovered overhead, pinning my hands down.
“I’m sorry to disappoint, but there’s no way I’m going to try and stop you, Sir.”
My nipples tingled, yearning to be free with his delicious mouth around them.
“Come on, Jess,” he said. “It’s more fun if you struggle.”
Yes. Yes it was.
Yet, in that moment, with my hands pinned so hard they hurt, and his strained face so close to my neck, I realised that this struggle might not end so fun. Alarmed, I could hear the hammering of my heart thundering in my ears. Fear mixed with wanting. My nipples grew even tighter.
“Perfect,” he groaned his approval, kissing me hard. With my hands released, I found myself thrusting them under his shirt, seeking out the smooth contours of his chest, his muscles tight. Somewhere in my mind I was thinking about what a bad thing that was, that he felt so coiled and rigid, but his lips had moved to my neck and it was so sensual.
I pressed closer and dug my nails into his back, dragging them downwards. His neck tasted slightly salty as I kissed and nibbled along his throat.
He grumbled and inched back, straining over me. “What was that?” he asked coldly.
“What? What did I do? You didn’t like it?”
I felt stupid, but I didn’t know why. Then it hit me. Why would you bite a vampire’s neck, one who also had his lips at your own neck, and was so tense with restraint that it appeared he may combust at any moment? Oh dear.
With a long groan he kissed me again, hands roughly tugging at my top. I couldn’t get enough of that cold, minty tongue. Then his hands were on my jeans, pulling them down and spreading my legs urgently. His ragged breath whispered past my ear. I sought out his cock, to stroke and rub, and the panting stopped; in fact, I think he stopped breathing altogether.
The next thing I knew, Eva had thrown herself down languidly on the bed beside us. I shit you not.
“Great,” she trilled. “I see you two have made up. What shall we do to celebrate? There’s a kite-boarding competition at the beach?” Her tone and body language was over-casual for the awkward situation. Zac stared long and hard at her before silently thrusting himself backwards off the bed with a catlike grace. His mouth was clamped shut as he disappeared into the bathroom.
Eva and I observed each other in silence, until she flitted off, leaving Zac to face me alone once he returned from the bathroom. Some of the tension had eased from him.
“Oh my Lord, did you just finish yourself off in there?” I laughed.
His eyebrows rose, but he didn’t deny it. Instead, he shrugged and said with a smile, “Eva’s right. We should join the others on the beach. I need some time-out from your heat.”
He didn’t even give me the chance to respond, before sprinting off like he couldn’t wait to get away. I trailed after him, my heart still hammering in my ears, the feel of his lips still lingering on my fevered skin.
As was often the case during my time on the beach, the sun was just beginning to set, the sky ablaze in red and orange which reflected in little sparkling jewels over the ocean. The sea itself was relatively calm as it flowed into the shoreline, yet the wind was strong. The o
pportunity for serenity was there, if the beach had been deserted it would have been beautiful. As it happened, the sand was rammed with several hundred or so college boys and girls.
Most of the bikini-clad girls sat around on their towels in the sand, catching the last rays for their tans. Sucking in their stomachs and offering themselves up to whichever boy could impress them the most.
And try to impress they did. Loud scuffles broke out along the shore, mostly playful banter, an occasional real fight. The waves filled with people on their kiteboards, trying to catch the biggest hang time in the air. Some of them were pretty good. I enjoyed watching them fly up into the sky and land back down skilfully.
Until Leon entered the scene, and they suddenly looked like amateur little boys. He rode the waves and sky like a sleek animal, sneaking in a couple of mega loops where he was at least sixty to seventy foot up in the air, level with the kite.
It was fascinating to watch. It looked terrifying being up that high, at the mercy of the wind, waves and a kite. I ought to ask him to teach me.
After a while he left the surf and walked back towards us with water dropping from his tangled blond curls, onto his shoulders and down his broad chest. His charming boyish face fitted right in with the frat boys, yet he was worlds apart from them in all other ways. Something that every girl on the beach was aware of by now, as we all watched him saunter along.
I wondered how good it would feel to have those huge muscles pinning me to a wall, forcing me to bend to his will…
I fell out of the daydream when I realised that he’d reached our group and was staring at me, eyes wide. As I returned his shocked gaze he gave me a quick wink and a cheeky grin.
Sweet Jesus. Never mind the blood-sucking vampires, this world was a dangerous place when your own private sexual thoughts were no longer your own!
He pinched his fingers together and brought them across his mouth in a ‘my lips are sealed’ gesture, before turning his back to me and grabbing a beer from the coolbox.
Zac grabbed my hand and pulled me down into his lap, lacing his fingers through mine. The tingling pulsing was still there, just like the first time he’d held me. If I was a cat I’d have purred.
“Are you flirting with my men?” he asked.
“It’s not flirting if they let themselves into my head. That’s cheating.”
He laughed and squeezed me.
“Jess?” he said sombrely, since we clearly weren’t allowed too much light-heartedness.
“Mmmm,” was about all I could manage in reply.
“I desperately wanted things to progress further in my room.”
“Tell me about it, that was random. What’s up with Eva? We could always sneak back up there and carry on?”
He rested his chin on my shoulder with a sigh.
“Oh… you didn’t mean progression in that way? What exactly did you want?”
“You want me to say it? Really? Because you won’t like it when the sound of those words hits your ears,” he said.
“I see.”
Did I see though? I kept pushing aside all the thoughts that I ought to be having. Dismissing the danger like it was nothing. That was the only way to deal with it – by not dealing with it.
“Eva interrupted because she was worried for where I was about to go. She was right to be worried. We need to set some boundaries,” he said. “This is a new journey for me too and it isn’t going to be an easy relationship. I’m going to have a hard enough job controlling myself with you as it is, that’s without you even doing anything. So doing things that are likely to send me even wilder with desire are not allowed. Calling me Sir is borderline. We’ll have to see about that. But biting my neck is a hard line. No way.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“I know. That’s why I need you to understand how your scent is so overpowering and irresistible to me. The way your heart beats, you’re so alive. It’s like you’re in a constant state of excitement. It’s intoxicating.”
“You’re drunk on my heartbeat?” I asked dryly.
He nodded gravely, frowning, “Life was a lot simpler when guys only hungered for your tits and ass, right? I’m totally powerless to your lure.”
“That’s a good dramatic answer. I guess you already know that I feel the same about you. Not so much the smell and heartbeat, but I’m totally addicted to you.”
“Yeah, well I cheat. You do it naturally.”
“How do you cheat?”
“I told you, enchanting humans is easy for us.”
“That must be a crap talent if you can’t have sex with those you’ve ensnared!”
“We have sex.” His forehead wrinkled with a look that said ‘You dummy, vampires have a shit-load of sex.’
“We’re a promiscuous species. Scent is pretty closely tied to the more human urges of lust, but they can be differentiated. Each vampire only lusts after a certain type of scent. So long as it isn’t too strong for us then we can have sex and control ourselves. If we wanted to. Most vampires don’t bother trying with that part.”
No description needed for what that meant.
“So,” he still had more for me. “The most beautiful woman in the world might only have a mediocre scent to me, but of course I’d still enjoy fucking her.”
I didn’t care too much for the way he’d switched to first person in this description. Me instead of ‘us – the vampires’. The thought of him being intimate with anyone else made me feel nauseous.
“Great. So what you’re telling me is that you’ve fucked loads of gorgeous women, but you don’t want to fuck me.”
I’d been watching Leon kissing the face off a lucky girl that he’d selected from the beach offerings. As if to prove their point, he took her hand and led her away. Irritation pricked my scalp.
“Personally, I don’t bother sleeping around,” Zac said, following my gaze to Leon disappearing with his toy. “And I’m saying I want to fuck you more than any other woman in the world, because on top of being shit-hot, you also appeal to every other sense I have. Unfortunately it’s also for that reason that I can’t. Cruel, isn’t it?”
“Let’s go back a few minutes. I thought you wanted me to struggle and play the victim, wouldn’t that have been too exciting for you? What did you think was going to happen?” I wasn’t going to take all the blame for my little neck nibble having upset the balance.
“I knew you wouldn’t do it.”
“Did you? If you’re so good at reading me then you’d know that’s precisely the sort of request I would follow.”
“You’re right,” he frowned, shaking his head. “It was a dumb move, I got carried away. It won’t happen again. Because the truth is, if you struggle and say ‘No’, I’ll enjoy it more. And if I enjoy it too much, there isn’t a single safe word that could stop me.”
“So, what then? I just have to lie there, not allowed to touch you in case you get too excited. Hoping you don’t kill me?”
“To a certain extent, yes. For now.”
“That doesn’t sound like much of a relationship to me,” I huffed.
“If you have a problem, you know where the door is.”
Ouch. That one hurt. Where the hell did that come from? I wanted to laugh at the fact that technically there was no door, since we were on the beach, but unfortunately tears began to leak out. A guy pushing me away for being too passionate? That had never happened in my normal life, but was happening way too often with him. And yes, actually, I did have a problem with that.
Fuck him, with his flashy magic eyes and abs of steel.
All the reality of the crazy situation came back to slap me in the face as I traipsed away, finding my way back to my new ‘safe’ motel on the North side. The bastard didn’t try and stop me.
26
Jess
Were we ever going to have a single day that didn’t end with him either disappearing or us fighting?
I wondered again how many vampires were out there, lurking in the s
hadows… no, that wasn’t right. They didn’t lurk in shadows, they were right there mixing with everyone else. Letting you fall for them.
What was it Zac said to me the other night? “We don’t live on the fringe of society, hiding in the shadows and secretly stealing your blood like vermin. We walk amongst you; seducing you, fucking you, toying with you. All the while you’re captivated, enthralled, blissfully unaware of the monsters in your midst.”
Could it really be true that my need for him was all down to his fucked-up magical vampire powers? That I had no control over my own feelings?
I tore at the beer label in my hand, scrunching the pieces into little balls and flicking them across the room. He had lured me into his arms when he was supposedly so worried about the threat he posed me. What bullshit. I bet he loved playing me.
Still, I couldn’t deny the tenderness when we were close. And his haunted eyes. It was rare to see him smile and laugh, at least, to see genuine ones. A heavy burden always hung over him.
There was no question of me leaving. It didn’t seem to matter what he was. The idea of being without him sent spasms of pain through my chest. Luckily, (or not), tempestuous relationships were my speciality. Euphoric highs followed by desperate lows seem to be as much a part of my nature as my need for a buzz. I’m not saying that’s right, or healthy, but it’s what I know.
I tipped the rest of the beer into the sink and tossed the bottle. My motel room seemed different. Something I couldn’t put my finger on, but I wasn’t comfortable there. Uneasiness settled in my stomach. I’d rather go and face Zac’s weirdness than sit there another second in a room that felt like it was going to consume me.
Waltzing into the night, unfazed and ready for more, I flung the door open with certainty. I wasn’t expecting to see him standing rigidly in the parking lot. I blinked and he was beside me, holding my face in his hands.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, kissing my cheek.