by Nicola Rose
“Zac! Please!” I cried.
He pushed against my knees, opening me back up. In an instant his tongue was there, licking right where I needed him the most. I screamed out at the pleasure and grabbed his hair, eager to keep him in place. He obliged and slid a finger inside me as his tongue continued to flick over my clit.
Slowly, so slowly, he added another cool finger, delving deep inside me, making me feel like I needed to pee and explode with ecstasy at the same time. The rhythm increased, harder and faster. His tongue lapped at me with unrelenting rhythm, along my opening, and then inside, roaming where his fingers had been.
I was a slippery mess. I struggled to keep myself from kicking him away and demanding his cock. It wasn’t enough. Because it was too much. Too intense. Too patient. Too fucking amazing.
He found my clit again and sucked. My body arched upwards, yearning to be whole with him. Images flashed behind my eyelids, all the things that I wanted him to do to me. The hard fucking I needed.
“Jess,” he groaned against my opening, my name leaving his lips with heated urgency.
He bit me. There. I didn’t know if it involved fangs. I didn’t even care.
I screamed his name and it seemed to echo back to us through the garage.
“Come for me,” he growled, nipping, sucking, licking. His movements’ swift, precise, brutal in their assault on my clit.
The submissive in me just loved being ordered to come. That authority, the masculinity of his big hard body against mine, owning me… I climaxed loudly against his mouth, my whole body bucking and quivering.
He rose and loomed over me, pressing his hard cock into my wetness, straining in his jeans. Through his panting he was groaning and growling, all at the same time. A carnal noise. He didn’t look like a beast; he looked so fucking hot that I could think of nothing other than having him inside me. His tongue roamed every part of my mouth, tasting different, with my own flavours.
I gripped his biceps, bulging and solid. He was huge, as if he’d somehow grown even bigger in that moment, advancing on me and dwarfing my small frame. Fisting a handful of my hair, he growled in my ear, his cock pressing between my legs with ever increasing need.
He shoved my top up and sucked mercilessly on my nipples.
“Zac!” I screamed.
He knew what I needed. He stepped back and unbuckled his belt. The look on his face froze my heart. Angry and needing. Was he going to hurt me? My pulse quickened.
His forehead crumpled and he stopped himself. Instead of filling me with his cock, fulfilling my every need, he stepped back.
No! No…
I reached forward desperately and pulled him into me, burying my face into his shoulder.
“I need you,” I whispered, grabbing his ass.
He pressed his lips to the soft spot between my neck and shoulder, and my body sung with satisfaction. His tense posture said that he wanted to retreat, but his lips told a different story.
Suck it. Please. Suck me.
I drifted further away on the ecstasy, when I was rudely brought round by a raging shout and the sound of crunching metal.
My eyes opened cautiously to find that he was standing beside the car, his body convulsing in gasping breaths. I tried to take in all the little bits of information that my brain didn’t want to read; the huge dent in the car next to me, his bleeding knuckles and, holy shit, his fangs.
“Did you just punch the car?” I squeaked, my voice having left me.
His face was so sombre that I didn’t know what else to say. He had taken me to heaven, but now he was scaring me. Not because I didn’t feel safe, but because I knew what this meant. He thought he was losing control and he was going to pull away.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered.
“Why? I was having the time of my life before you decided to trash your very expensive car. Please continue. How do you want me? Like this?” My thoughts stopped coming in the right order, the way they did when I was exhilarated. I was still lying over the car with my jeans at my knees, fully exposed. “Or like this?”
I scrambled around onto my knees and wiggled my backside at him, giving him full access. I peeked under my arm to look back, and heard him groaning as he left the garage.
“Both,” he moaned, not looking back.
“Before you open your mouth, would you please try thinking about it first for a change? Really think about it before you let those words come out. This is not a game, Jess.” Zac was so full of angry tension that little veins had risen around his temples.
I paused, playing along, even though we both knew I wouldn’t. It was all I could think about.
You could be one of us…
“I know it’s not a game,” I said. “You’ve obviously heard me thinking it so is there any point in me even saying it?” I only hoped he hadn’t managed to pick up on anything in my head that would remind him it was Alex who suggested it.
“No, there isn’t, so don’t do it. Once you say it out loud it’s real. I’m begging you not to. We can forget about this and you can say something else, like let’s go for a ride or did you see that thing on the news today about blah blah. I don’t care, just make it anything but that.”
I studied his face hard. The perfect angles, strong jaw, dark piercing eyes that were pleading with me for the impossible. Desperation.
How could I change my mind about what I wanted more than anything in the world? Sure, I knew he was right and that I ought to change my mind, but how could I? I needed to be with him more than I’d ever imagined possible. It was simply incomprehensible to imagine life without him, and yet I was sure that he would soon slip away from me.
I’d thought about this over and over. I tried not to, I tried to forget the whole idea, but those words kept ringing through my head. So loud, so clear, as if Alex was right beside me, whispering them into the heart of my conscience.
I wasn’t afraid of what I was going to ask him. I was only afraid of his answer.
I took a deep breath and took the plunge. “Make me a vampire.”
37
Jess
He cracked his knuckles in exasperation and marched to the sofa, where he perched on the edge, head held in his hands.
“You’re insane,” he said quietly, after an eon of silence.
“I know,” I replied, sitting next to him. “That’s why you like me, right?”
He didn’t answer, so I waited patiently until he was ready. Well, I say patiently, really I think I was just too scared to say anything more. The gap between us was widening when I so desperately intended for it to get smaller. It was too late now, he knew what I wanted and he was going to have to deal with it, one way or another.
“You can’t ask me to do this.” He took my hands into his.
“Why? Are you afraid of something so permanent and committed? You’re used to being a bachelor after all.” I tried to laugh.
“Don’t be ridiculous, this isn’t like marriage. I wish it was, that would be easy. I’m bound to you in ways not even human. Saying yes to this would be selfish. I would be taking away your humanity because of my own desires to have you.”
“How can it be selfish if it’s what I want? I’ve chosen this. Me. I need to be with you, but I feel I’m losing you. We fight every day over the same thing. Something that can be fixed.”
“You don’t understand what you’re asking for. It’s not glamorous, it’s not fun.”
“Unrivalled good looks, immortality, strength and power? What’s not to like about that?” I slapped myself as the words came out. It hadn’t sounded that naive in my head.
“Burning hunger, eating through your veins every day like acid. The darkest monster inside you, tearing to be let out.” His hands had tightened around mine and I shifted uncomfortably. He released me with a start and sat back.
How could I explain that I still wanted it, after what he’d just said?
“Myself, my Cell, we hide that part of ourselves really well. You think
I’m perfect and that I have it all. Please understand, what I am on the inside is not pretty. I’m only good at keeping it under control because I’ve had so many years of practice. You’d be raw and new and wild. The hunger would drive you to things that you can’t comprehend.”
“But you’ll be there for me. You’ll help me to become like you. I don’t care about the pain, it cannot be as bad as the pain of losing you.”
“That’s absurd.”
“Losing me won’t cause you pain?” I retorted.
He wrinkled his face, “More than I could handle.”
“Well then. We both agree that we can’t stand to be apart, so let’s be together. We’ll be together, so we’ll be alright. More than alright… we’ll be happy.”
“We’re not having this discussion any longer. I just need to get a better grip on myself so that I can stay in control, and you can stay human and alive. Give me more patience and time, I have to keep pushing back at the demons.”
“It won’t work. And even if it does, let’s say we do manage to be fully intimate without any risks, I’m still going to grow old and ugly and you’ll stay beautiful. You’ll leave me, eventually.”
“That’s what this is about? You think I won’t still want you when you’re old?” His saddened eyes burrowed into my soul.
“Partly. Don’t patronise me by telling me differently. I can’t see you – a gorgeous twenty something year old – making out with a haggard fifty year old woman.”
He stroked my face, wiping away the tear that had slipped out. “You could never be haggard,” he said. “And I’m not twenty-something, I’m a hundred and something, so actually you’re the one dating an old man.”
This shit was getting too much for one girl to deal with. I needed to talk it through, let it out, cry, shout, I don’t know. Something. I needed to vent it somehow. Eva appeared to be my new girly friend, but she’d side with Zac in an instant. Could I go to Anna with it? Could I tell her?
My heavy legs carried me up the steps at the firehouse for my first shift in well over a month. Danny had insisted there would be no going out to attend calls, and nothing too strenuous whilst my leg was regaining strength.
I plastered a grin on my face to hide the anxiety and breezed through the doors, instantly relaxing as the crew rushed over to make jokes at me. Meat gave me a bear hug, lifting me off my feet, until the guys told him to watch it with my ‘twatty leg’ and put me down.
Dumping my helmet and leathers in my locker, I turned to find Meat back in my face again.
“Straight back in the saddle, like a badass bitch,” he clapped my shoulder. “I think I’m falling in love with you, Jess.”
“No, you’re in love with the junk between your legs and eager to stick it wherever you can,” I smiled sweetly.
“Shit! That’s why you asked me to come over to your place last night?” Clark bellowed, before doubling over and pretending to retch.
“Nah, I just wanted you out the way so I could sneak in and fuck your wife,” Meat deadpanned.
Clark lunged for him and a wrestling match commenced in the apparatus bay.
I picked my way past them and asked out loud, to anyone listening, where the Chief was?
“In his office… with Anna,” Johnny answered, passing me a suggestive look and making a crude gesture to another firefighter who was helping him check apparatus.
I passed down the corridor and found the door to Danny’s office closed. I hadn’t paid any attention to the crew’s lewd suggestions, but standing before that door, it suddenly seemed like they might be right.
Were they in there screwing each other? I paused and listened behind the door. Talking? How disappointing. Unless they were about to get going…? I pressed my ear harder to the wood. If I caught them in the act I could taunt them over it for weeks.
“I haven’t seen her since we went to Port Isabel. Those guys were acting extra creepy. I think she’s in some serious shit,” Anna said.
“You didn’t see the state of her all those weeks ago when she turned up at MoJoe’s and broke down in the restroom. She was a total wreck. I’ll fucking kill them if they hurt her anymore,” came Danny’s reply.
“William saw her one night too, said she was a mess. I should have been there for her.”
Guilt slammed down onto me. I should have made more effort to see my friends, to put their minds at rest. Here they were, worrying about me, while all I cared about was getting into Zac’s pants. And possibly becoming immortal.
“It was a mistake encouraging her to come here, with all the indulgence. I should have known she’d fall right into the arms of an Elwood, they’re right up her alley. I just thought if she was closer to me, then I could help her,” Anna said so softly that I almost couldn’t hear.
“So did I. And look how well that’s going. She needs help. They’ve brainwashed her.”
Fuck you! They have not done anything to my mind. You’re the one who’s been brainwashed!
The absurdity of that thought made me clutch my head. I was taking the piss out of him, because they’d messed with him? Like I stood on some higher platform?
“I know. But how do we get her to leave now?” Anna asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t want her to leave. I need—”
“She can’t stay,” Anna cut him off, and then added, in a softer tone, “You don’t stand a chance with her here.”
“You don’t say?! I feel like I’m being watched, too. Shit is going to go down, I can feel it.”
They didn’t know the half of the shit that had been going down. I should have thought of them instead of running to Isabel. What if Luna had hurt them?
But what was this crap that they ‘should have known he’d be right up my alley?’
That shit might be true, but it still hurt that they thought so little of me. I wasn’t a fucking child that needed looking after. Why couldn’t everyone stop telling me what to do? It started with my teachers, then my Dad, now my friends. They all try to fix me. But what if I’m not broken, they are?
They were only mad because Danny wanted me and Anna thought he was the perfect match. They’d love that, wouldn’t they? The happy MoJoe’s crew.
Well, fuck them and their little matchmaking plans.
I avoided talking to Danny as much as I could during that shift. When Anna left his office and saw me she instantly flushed, looking startled at me being there. I gave her a tight greeting and carried on with my work.
When the shift had almost finished and I was dead on my feet, Danny pulled me into his office.
“Chief,” I said.
He ran a hand over his stubbled chin. He looked tired. “You’ve joked with the crew all day, but barely even granted me eye contact.”
“Stay out of my personal life.”
“What? I’m talking about here, today—”
“I know. And I’m just warning you to keep your opinions on Zac and my fucked-up head to yourself. I suppose you’ll want to keep venting them to Anna, though.”
He scrunched his face up before realisation dawned across it and he blew out a long breath.
“We’re not allowed to worry for you?” he asked.
“I don’t need your worry.”
“I’ve found you in a wrecked state several times. Panic attacks. You slept with me, then left the island without a word. Crashed your bike. Then went and holed yourself up at his place for weeks on end. We barely heard a word from you…” he threw it all out in a rush, like the words might not come unless he did it quick. But I’d picked up on the nuance, on how the words ‘slept with me’ had come out harder, with more force.
“You told me it was OK… that we would be OK, afterwards… if I didn’t want…” I shook my head.
“Yeah, well maybe I lied. Or maybe I just hadn’t anticipated your actions and behaviour after.”
“Yes, you did. You’re the one that said I would be back in his bed.”
He stood angrily and opened the door, an inv
itation for me to leave. “Don’t forget who your real friends are, Jess. The ones that will be there to pick you up again.”
For once the atmosphere at Zac’s place was actually more pleasant than anywhere else I could want to be. These guys were starting to accept me. They were becoming my friends.
Something I don’t have many of, because I don’t tend to let anyone get close. For one thing, people generally can’t take my up-and-down mood swings, but mainly because I’m afraid of something happening. That they will see I’m not normal, or worse, they’ll discover that when it blows up and I hurt them.
But these guys – Zac, and his gang – they could be friends. Maybe I didn’t need to worry about hiding anything from them.
Anna and Danny would have to deal with that or move along. I knew they meant well, I knew I was being too hard on them. They worried for me. With every good reason. But that didn’t erase the reflexive irritation under my skin from all the years of people telling me what to do, how to change, how to be a better person.
Zac was playing the perfect, if slightly sombre, host; providing me with drinks, food (well, cookies and crap)… normality. Perhaps trying a little too hard on the normal front. His efforts reeked of ‘let’s make Jess forget about that whole vampire discussion by completely ignoring it and pretending I’m a normal boyfriend.’
“I’m pleased you’re more relaxed here now, Jess. Sorry if things were awkward for a while,” Leon scooted himself in between me and Zac on the sofa, putting an arm around each of us and squeezing. “Happy families, right?”
“Right,” said Zac flatly.
“Don’t be mistaken by the moodiness of His Lordship, Jess,” Leon replied. “All he ever bangs on about is how soulless his existence is, all these girls and none that matter. Then he met you and now he’s all poetry and rainbows.” He ruffled Zac’s hair and they jostled with each other.
“Wow, if this is the happy, light version then I daren’t think about what he was like before!” I laughed.