by F. P. Lione
It was about 5:30 now and getting a little cooler, so they brought out the candy cart. It was done up nice with stacked rows of every candy imaginable. Within seconds the kids were killing each other to grab the candy, and you couldn’t even see the cart.
“Get something for Gracie,” Donna was yelling to the boys. “A lollipop or something. Tony, I can’t see them!”
“They’re fine,” I said.
The bigger kids were walking away from the cart now, with the little ones picking up what they knocked on the ground. It looked like the locusts had gone through, and there were only scraps left behind.
From where I was standing I could hear how loud they were getting at the table. They’d been drinking steadily for a few hours now and were starting to really get hammered. Nick was back, and he and Denise were drinking their tequila shots, looping their arms through like you do with a champagne toast.
“I’m probably not going to stay too much longer,” Michele said.
“I don’t blame you,” I said. “I’m sorry, babe.”
“Not your fault. And thanks for yelling at Marie for me. I appreciate it. Uh-oh,” Michele said, looking toward our table. “Something’s going on.”
That’s the thing about walking away from the table—you never know what they’ll be fighting about when you get back.
Denise was drinking a mudslide, yelling at my grandmother, “What did he do to the cat?”
“Cut it out, Denise,” Grandma said. “You always have to start.”
“Anna, she’s asking a valid question, the least you could do is answer her, since you brought it up,” said my mother, the only person who calls Grandma Anna.
“Marilyn, you knew Vincent hated cats and you let her have it,” yelled Grandma, the only person who called my father Vincent.
“The cat stayed outside, he didn’t bother anyone. You could have dropped it off somewhere or taken it to the ASPCA.”
“What did they do to Snuggles?” Denise asked my mother this time.
“Ask your father, Denise. It had nothing to do with me.”
“You hated that cat too, Marilyn,” my father snapped. “You knew I was getting rid of it.”
“I didn’t tell you to throw it off the Verrazano Bridge, Vince. Don’t you blame me for that! I almost killed you when I found out about it.”
“You threw my cat off the Verrazano Bridge?” Denise asked, her voice dead calm.
“Mid span!” Vinny busted out laughing, drunker than I’ve ever seen him. “Meooooooow!”
“You know something, Dad, there is really something wrong with you,” Denise said. “You’re sadistic.”
“Oh, cut it out, Denise,” Vinny said. “It happened twenty years ago. What difference does it make now?”
“You know what, Vin, congratulations, you’re just like Dad. Take a good look at him and Marie and his life, because that’s gonna be you someday,” Denise said, her voice cracking like she was gonna cry.
“What are you looking at?” Vinny asked Nick, who was staring at him.
“I’m looking at you,” Nick said.
“Wait a minute, we’re getting off track here,” Pina cut in. “We’re supposed to talk about Vinny and Tony’s bachelor party.”
“Pina, this isn’t a good idea,” I said again.
“Tony, let me talk to her woman to woman,” Pina said sweetly. “Michele, the way I do it is I let Paulie have his fun and then I make him pay for it later. You see this?” She held up a diamond-encrusted gold watch. “This cost Paulie two grand for a three-day trip to Atlantic city when John Miceli got married.”
“Pina, that’s not the way I want my marriage to be,” Michele said.
I shook my head, “Please, Pina, not today.”
“Forget it, Pina,” Vinny said. “I don’t want my party to be with him anyway.”
“You see what you started?” Pina said to Michele. “Now there’s bad blood between Tony and his brother.”
I could see Fiore looked stumped. I guess me telling him and seeing this stuff up close were two different things. It’s not that he hasn’t seen my family before. He was at my engagement party, but that was in a catering hall, and being that it was a public place, everyone acted a little better. Donna took Fiore’s mother and the kids and hightailed it out of there, but Joe and Lou stayed, I guess to make sure things didn’t get out of hand.
“Wait a minute,” Paulie said. “Just let me explain it to her. At least let her know exactly what goes on and let her decide from there. Okay?” He looked at Michele.
“Fine, go ahead,” she said, mostly because everyone was staring her down.
I wish I could say that Paulie was tactful and left out most of the raunch, but he didn’t. He described in detail to Michele the equivalent of a live sex show. I guess I never gave much thought to the bachelor parties. It was just a crazy night before someone got married, and for the most part you never told the women. I was surprised that he told Pina, but like she said, they had a deal. He was stupid enough to think Michele would find it funny. At one point he said, “But that’s just for the party itself, the piece of resistance—”
“Piece of resistance?” Michele looked at me, her eyes colder than I’ve ever seen them.
“He means pièce de résistance,” I said. “You know, like in French it means the icing on the cake, the grand finale.”
Paulie always talked like that. He said things like “piece of resistance” and “for all intensive purposes” instead of “for all intents and purposes.” He was an idiot, and right then I could have killed him.
“Okay, however you say it.” And then he told her the piece of resistance, and I watched the color drain from her face.
“Come on, Michele, it’s hysterical,” Paulie said.
Michele looked sickened, and I wanted to crawl under a rock with her, knowing I actually used to go to stuff like this.
“I don’t want my husband doing something like that before he marries me,” Michele said, looking at me.
I know she was expecting me to say it wasn’t what I wanted either, and even though it wasn’t, I couldn’t seem to get the words out in front of my family.
She looked at me with such disgust that I said, “I didn’t even know you, and I was a different person back then.”
“Is this the way you were raised?” She looked at my father. “To think that’s what women were for? Or was it just women who were lost enough to think they were so worthless they had to sell themselves and guys like you took advantage of them? And you thought that was funny?”
“I did then. Now I don’t,” I said honestly, but it didn’t look like she believed me.
Out of the corner of my eye I could see Stevie and Josh running over, red faced and sweating.
“You are so whipped, Tony,” Marie said, shaking her head in disgust.
“Marie—” I started to say, but she cut me off.
“You know what, Tony,” she sneered. “Why don’t you pick up your dress and grab your—”
“You watch your filthy mouth around my son!” Michele half screamed at her.
“Who do you think you are?” Marie stood up and pointed her finger in Michele’s face.
Michele grabbed the finger and said, “Get your finger out of my face!”
Denise was on them in a second. “Get away from her, Marie.”
“Vince, do something,” my mother said.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Something!”
“Sit down, Denise,” Vinny said. “This has nothing to do with you.” And he gave Denise a shove backwards.
“Alright, enough!” my father yelled.
But Romano had already dived at Vinny, knocking him into the table, which knocked half the food off the table and onto Grandma and Lucy Dellatore.
Vinny came back swinging and clocked Romano with a hard right.
“Get Stevie out of here!” I yelled at Michele, who was standing there in shock. She picked up her pocketbook and gra
bbed Stevie’s hand.
“I want to stay with Tony,” Stevie said, starting to cry.
“I’m okay, buddy,” I said, furious at Vinny for doing this in front of Stevie.
Michele pulled Stevie with her, shaking her head as she walked away.
“Michele, tell Connie to keep Donna and the kids away,” Lou Fiore called out. Michele threw up a wave without looking back.
Paulie grabbed Romano by the arms to hold him back, and Vinny took another shot at him, this time hitting him in the nose. I jumped in front of Romano, and Vinny hit me in the jaw. Joe was on his feet, and then it was a free-for-all, with my father, Brother, Paulie, Lou, and Ron all trying to break it up.
Christie, Vinny’s fiancée, laughed when Vinny caught Romano in the face a third time while Paulie was holding Romano’s arms behind his back to keep him from going at Vinny. Denise came up and slapped the smile off her face, leaving a red mark on her cheek. The next thing I knew, the two of them were doing a slapping, hair pulling, scratching thing until Pina broke it up.
Romano leaned back into Paulie and picked up both his legs and kicked Vinny in the chest, knocking him into a chair and onto the ground. Now it was one big pile of people with Vinny and Romano on the bottom of it.
Someone took a bat to the table, sending food and dishes crashing to the ground. We all stopped and looked to see Sandy and Alfonse standing there, with Alfonse holding the bat.
“Get your hands off of Tony,” Alfonse said. I had no idea who had their hands on me, but they let go. “Break it up right now.”
Vinny yelled something foul at him.
“Shut up, Vin, don’t you yell at him,” I said, going at him.
Everyone scrambled again to hold each of us back. We were breathing heavy, eyeing each other down.
“There are children here, what’s wrong with you people?” Alfonse yelled.
“Good question,” Lou said, looking like he was having a stroke. He looked at my father and Marie. “This is terrible what you do to each other.”
“Mind your friggin’ business,” my father yelled at Lou. “Who do you think you are!”
“Don’t yell at him, Dad. I’m sorry, Alfonse,” I said.
“Don’t you be sorry, Tony. I saw the whole thing.” Alfonse was breathing heavy, still holding the bat suspended like he was gonna swing it.
“Are you alright, Tony?” Sandy asked. “Should I call the cops?”
“No, Sandy, it’s alright,” I said, feeling terrible that she had to see something like this again and humbled that she would put herself in the middle of it to help me.
“I can’t take this family anymore,” Marie said to my father. She threw a disgusted look to my mother and said, “You might have thought it was okay to raise your kids in this environment, but I’m not going to. And except for Vinny, look how they turned out.”
“Don’t talk about my kids, Marie. And it’s not like you’ll be raising any kids of your own,” my mother said.
“That’s what you think, Marilyn. It might have taken a while, but Vince and I are expecting our first child next May.”
“Is that true, Vince?” my mother asked him, looking confused.
He shrugged. “It’s news to me. Are you sure about this?” he asked Marie almost nonchalantly.
“I’m positive, honey.” She smiled at my father, but he was giving my mother a funny look.
“Oh, Vince,” my mother said, shaking her head.
“What’s the matter, Marilyn? Your last hope of getting Vince back didn’t work? I guess bringing your new boyfriend didn’t get the reaction you expected, huh?” Marie’s expression was pure evil.
I was too stunned to move, but Denise started laughing. She took big gulps of air and laughed until tears were running down her face.
“It’s not funny, Denise,” my mother said.
“Yes, it is,” she said when she could finally talk. “It’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Ron stood next to my mother. He was watching everyone, looking to make sure no one started up again.
“Are you alright?” Ron asked her.
“I’m fine. I think we should get going though.”
“Vinny,” my father said. “Take Marie and your grandmother home.”
“Why?”
“Because I asked you to.”
“Why aren’t you taking me home, Vince?” Marie said, not so sure of herself now. She was watching Denise laugh, and I could tell she was wondering if the joke was on her.
“Because I don’t feel like it.” He wouldn’t even look at her, and he walked away from us, down the street toward Greely Avenue.
Christie was staring Denise down. Her face was red, and her hair was sticking up in every direction, making her look like that statue from Trilogy of Terror.
Vinny shot me a dirty look, and then he and Christie left with Grandma, Lucy, and Marie without saying good-bye.
We were all quiet for a couple of minutes. Then Fiore said, “What was that all about?”
My mother and I looked at each other, and we both busted out laughing along with Denise.
“What?” Romano asked.
“My father . . .” Denise laughed hysterically, tears running down her face. “My father . . .”
“What?” Romano said louder.
“Marie deserves this,” Denise said.
“I don’t get it,” Fiore said.
“Vince had a vasectomy in 1982,” my mother said, holding her knuckle over her mouth, trying not to laugh. “And he obviously didn’t tell Marie.”
“Wow,” Fiore said.
13
The sun was starting to go down when everybody left. Donna came back down the street with Fiore’s mother and the kids, with Michele and Stevie nowhere in sight.
“Where’s Michele?” I asked.
“She left,” Donna said, looking worried. “She wanted to get home.”
“Was she alright?”
“She was a little upset,” Donna said with a nod.
I wasn’t sure what to do now. I dialed her cell phone, but it went straight to her voice mail, so I left a message for her to call me to let me know she got home okay.
Denise and Romano had gone down into my apartment to clean themselves up. Sandy, Alfonse, and Julia had started cleaning up the mess, picking up the food and broken glass and putting everything into the garbage pail. Joe and Lou started folding up the chairs and stacking them against the table.
“I’ll get that,” I said to Sandy and Alfonse.
“Tony, let us help you,” Sandy said.
“Listen, I’m sorry,” I said to everyone in general, shaking my head in disgust.
“Tony, there’s nothing to be sorry about,” Sandy said. “After what you did for me with Ralph, it’s the least I could do.”
“I’m so embarrassed,” I said.
They all chimed in at once:
“Come on, these things happen.”
“Every family has something.”
“Nothin’ to be embarrassed about.”
“After what you saw Ralph do, this is nothing.”
Yeah, all the things people say when you’re mortified and they’re embarrassed for you.
I realized I was gonna miss Alfonse and Sandy and the rest of my neighbors when I moved. I was pretty lonely when I moved here, and they made me one of their own. A lot of it was after I got Sandy away from Ralph that day when he went psycho, and now these people would throw themselves in front of a truck for me.
I thought about the Scripture in Proverbs that says, “Better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away,” and it reminded me of Sandy and Alfonse.
Fiore’s father was so upset he almost started crying. He kept hugging me, which made me feel worse. I actually felt myself getting choked up and sucked it back down.
“Lou, I’m really sorry,” I said.
“Tony, you got nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry for you and Denise. And your mother,” he said. “It’s terrible.”
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“You still want to come to my wedding?” I half joked. “If there is a wedding?”
“Of course there’ll be a wedding. And I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“You alright, buddy?” Joe asked, looking concerned.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just embarrassed, like I said.”
“You still up to going fishing?”
“Of course,” I said.
“Good. I’m gonna head home. Make sure you and Nick are at my house by 12:30. If you want I’ll drive out and you can get some sleep on the way,” he said.
“Sounds good.”
I was glad when they left so I didn’t have to talk to anyone anymore. I cleaned up the rest of the stuff, salvaging whatever food I could. I had potato salad, tomato salad, and some steak that was still good. The sausage and peppers got destroyed along with what was left of the eggplant. I wrapped up some leftover steak and put it on ice in one of the coolers with the potato and tomato salads. The pastry was gone, but there was a semi-crushed tray of cookies that I could take to eat on the boat. I transferred what was left of the beer and soda into one cooler and left them on the side of the house.
I heard a roar as the DJ fired up his equipment. Things would really start cooking out there now, and I just wanted to get out of there. I went inside and found Denise and Romano sitting at my kitchen table drinking wine.
“What’s that?” I nodded toward a tray in front of them.
“Figs. Julia made them,” Denise said, eating another one. “She wrapped them in proscuitto and put shards of Parmigiano Reggiano on them and drizzled them with honey.”
“Freakin’ delicious,” Romano mumbled around a mouthful.
At least the two of them weren’t so upset they couldn’t eat dessert. I picked up Denise’s wineglass and almost took a sip before I put it back down and grabbed a fig instead.