by J. Andersen
Remember how I told you about the people in The Institute? All the supporters or Hidden City workers disguised as normal citizens?”
“Yeah.”
“I still have connections. I can still get to Brody, make sure he’s safe, and eventually get him out of there. I need you to trust me one last time. And I promise, if it doesn’t work, you can write me off forever.”
His hand slips under mine, and his thumb softly slides against my skin. When I close my eyes again, I can see what we were a few short days ago: a couple in love, fighting to protect our own. Now it seems like that love vanished, and we’re left with this crumpling shadow of a relationship. But the feel of his hand, his tenderness, and the way he’s so sorry for what happened remind me of the Micah I fell in love with. Then he says something else, and the determined flicker in his eyes brings me back to a time when I believed he could move mountains.
“I’ll find him, Kate. I love him like my own son, and I’m not gonna let Saul harm him. Trust me this once, and I’ll find a way to rescue Brody. I promise you.”
A jolt through my neck causes my head to twitch, and for an instant, I can’t see. The sounds of the hospital, including Micah’s voice, fade, and I hear sounds of a far off place. A familiar voice takes over my mind.
“Heard about Brody. Don’t worry. I’ll help Micah get him back.” The comfort of my dad’s words calms my spirit, and I’m able to focus.
Then, like being pulled through a tunnel, the quiet of my mind whooshes away, and I’m in the hospital room again, Micah in front of me.
“You okay? You kinda disappeared there for a minute. Need me to call a nurse?”
I shake my head and brush my hair away from my face. “No, I’m fine. Really. I’m fine.”
His eyebrows furrow and a look of worry is evident as he leans in closer. “What happened just now? You heard something, didn’t you?”
I stare into the vastness of his gray eyes. “My dad says he’s going to help you get my son back.”
THIRTY FOUR
SURGERY
(KATE)
The first thing I see through the cracked doorway is a striped bag followed by sinewy arms. I recognize them immediately. The way they used to wrap around me and give me peace and comfort. I miss that. What I wouldn’t give to go back in time to when things were simpler, and I didn’t feel the need to stand up for what I believe in and thus change the course of my entire life. I could’ve been content back at The Institute, living a normal life. I could’ve learned to deal with the downsides of being a Creation Specialist. Micah and I could’ve been together.
It’s a farce, I know. Even if I could’ve learned to be content, Micah never would have. He would’ve suffocated by allowing The Institute to remain the same. He thrives on changing the status quo. One of us had to sacrifice. Unfortunately, we both did. Me by giving up my comfortable life, him by giving up his body to be beaten on my behalf.
By the time I finish my internal monologue, he’s setting the bag on the bed by my feet.
“Hey. How’re you feeling?”
I’m getting really sick of him asking me that.
Pushing against my hands, I straighten myself into a sitting position.
“Honestly, I’m tired of being in this stupid hospital when I feel just fine.
I want Brody in my arms more than I’ve wanted anything before, and I’m nervous about this surgery.”
He wasn’t expecting that answer, and I realize I’ve hurt him. “I’m sorry, Micah. I’m stressed.”
“Don’t be. It’s fine.”
“It’s not. And I realize I’ve been a total witch about everything. It’s just …” Suddenly, the hangnail on my thumb looks incredibly interesting.
“Look, I get it. A lot has happened recently and—”
“I don’t want to go through with the operation.” My bluntness surprises even me.
Cocking his head to the side, he narrows his gaze at me. “I don’t understand. This is the only way to make sure you’re—”
Then it keeps going. It’s like a cork has been pulled, and I can’t stop the words from shooting out of my mouth. “My dad is speaking to me through the MIH. Taking it out could kill me, and it will definitely render any communication impossible. He says he’s going to help you get Brody. I can’t cut off communication right now. What if he needs to get a message to you through me?”
“Kate.” He sighs. “We’ll find another way. If you don’t go through with this surgery, communication will be cut off anyway. You’ll die if something isn’t done. Then who will be around to take care of Brody? It won’t matter if I get him back if you’re gone.”
Before I can stop myself, I slap his face. The shock of my own action causes me to gasp, and my fingertips fly to my lips in surprise. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean— I’m not myself.”
His eyes are a flurry of emotions. Pain, rejection, frustration, but underneath is a current of something calmer. He takes a deep breath before he speaks. “You don’t realize it now because everything you do is clouded by the fact that Brody’s not here. But one day soon you’ll understand why I do what I do. Why I push you so hard. I may say things that sound hurtful, but that’s never my intention. And even if you don’t like the idea of losing whatever kind of connection you have with your father, you’ll not be able to live with yourself if you lose all connection with your son. I’m not going to let that happen. So you can be mad at me, you can slap me, and hit me, and hate me. I’ve been through much worse, but I won’t let you risk your life just because you happen to hear a voice in your head.” He exhales slowly as he pushes the hair out of his face by raking his finger through the mass of waves. When he lets go, they fall back into place.
Leaning forward, he slides his hands on either side of my hips. “Look at me.” When I raise my eyes to meet his, there’s sadness waiting for me. “Everything I do is for you. Everything. Never forget that.” He brushes his lips against my forehead. It’s as light as a butterfly’s wings, but in that tiny touch, there’s more passion than I’ve ever experienced. I know he’s telling the truth about how he feels about me. And I know he’s right about this surgery. I have to go through with it. Have to give myself a chance to see Brody again. But there’s more going on in my head and in my heart. I’m terrified of losing everything: Micah, Brody, my dad, my life. And as much as I’d like him to, Micah can’t just kiss the pain away, not when he caused it.
Micah is quiet for a second. He rubs his hand on the back of his neck where his chip is, and I know there’s something else he wants to say. A few moments later, he shakes his head.
“Now, are you ready?”
It’s as if there was no question at all, no doubt as to my choice. Lifting the bag at my feet, he places it on my lap for me to check.
Ready. Not sure one can ever be ready for possibly life-changing surgery. Of course, he’s referring to whether Ally has packed everything I may need for the stay. I rummage through the few things in the over-night bag; it’s all here. Clothes, toothbrush, clean underwear. Well, al-most all here. The one thing I really need is back at The Institute. Brody. Quite possibly, these could be my last few moments on this planet, and I’d like to spend them with my son, to see him and hold him close. But that can’t happen.
The reason he’s gone is sitting beside me on the hospital bed with slumped shoulders and worry lines cutting corners to his eyes. He wants to take the pain away for me. I know he does, but it’s not that simple.
My heart sputters, not sure how to react. When I’m with Micah, I still love him. I want him to hold me, comfort me, and tell me we’re going to be okay. It’s like we’re drawn to each other, but at the same time, I can’t look at him knowing he couldn’t save Brody from Saul. He promised he’d keep my son safe, and now my baby’s in the hands of a monster. I’m scared and confused, loving Micah and hating him in the same moment. Needing him near me and wanting him gone. I love him for caring, but I hate him for making me go through
with this when I’ve just begun to hear my father’s voice. The stress of this surgery is difficult enough. Add being around Micah, and I’m utterly exhausted. My brain can’t handle much more, so I’m told.
Smiling lightly, he hands me a hair tie. Apparently, the heaviness of the previous moments doesn’t affect him like it does me. “Doctor says they need your hair out of the way for the surgery. They shouldn’t have to shave anything because the chip is lower in your neck.”
I grab the rubber band and pile my hair in a messy bun on top of my head. A few stray locks fall down, and Micah reaches out to tuck them behind my ear. In that moment, he examines my features. I shiver at his touch and lean into his palm, the need and revulsion rearing their heads again. For a moment, I stare at him, trying to figure out what to do with these conflicting emotions. I can’t allow my feelings to fester. I have to look at the situation and deal with it objectively. I will love Micah again. I do love him … His motivations are pure when he says he does everything for me, and I don’t doubt that he loves me.
He smiles and leans into kiss my cheek, attempting to erase the tension we just experienced. “I’m sorry about before. I shouldn’t be pushing you so hard when you’re about to go into surgery.”
I shift beneath the thin sheets covering the hospital bed and avoid eye contact.
“It’s just that I want you to know how much I love you. We’ve gone through hell and back trying to be together, and I won’t let this surgery get in the way of our relationship.”
He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a folded paper. While he talks, he fluffs the paper and hands it to me. It’s a rose. “I love you, Kate. I’d die trying to make you happy. I know we have a lot to work through, but I’m willing to put in the effort because I love you. And I promise you, we’ll get Brody back. I promise. Let’s get through this surgery and then we can work on us.”
I want that picture perfect life, loving one man for as long as I live. And here is Micah, the man I loved enough to run away with, the man I risked my own life for, waiting eagerly for my reply. He looks back and forth over my face, searching for what I’m thinking. I open my mouth to answer, but what I hear shocks me.
“I’m sorry. I just don’t know about us anymore.”
THIRTY FIVE
REJECTION
(MICAH)
Did i hear her right? “What? I …”
Kate tilts her head and clenches her eyes for a second be-fore she looks at me again, and for that moment, I think she’s just as shocked with her response as I am.
Her outstretched hand holds the origami rose. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just don’t know.”
Time slows as I pluck the flower from her fingers and place it in my pocket again.
She squirms, obviously not wanting to hurt me. Her shoulders shrug, and she bends into herself, trying to curl out of my sight. It’s her way of protecting herself. But she doesn’t need protecting from me. I wish she could understand that.
“Why? Don’t you love me?” Maybe I sound pathetic, but this is the same woman who spent her waking hours saving my life, who risked everything to be with me here in this underground city. She’s the one. She’s always been the one. Why would she not be willing to work things out?
“I do. I did. I—”
“Did?” This is like some terrible nightmare. I want to wake up, but I can’t.
“I mean. I—I do love you, but I’m so angry.” Her fists clench, knuckles white.
“That’s why we need to talk.”
She sighs. “Micah, can we talk about this later? I’m about to go into surgery.” She’s trying to hold it together, and I’m taking her places she doesn’t want to go. But the crumbs of our relationship are slipping between my fingers, and I can’t grasp onto a single one.
I narrow my eyes and stand, leaning over her with my hands on either side of her legs. I make her look at me. “No, Kate. Look, lemme give it to you straight. There’s a damn good chance you’ll die in this surgery. I’m not going to let my last words to you be in anger. I get that you’re pissed at Saul. Be ticked at him all you want, and maybe you’re ticked at me too, but what I do is because I love you and want the best for you. What he does is out of spite and revenge. So you can be angry all you want, but you can’t say you’re just going to give up. That’s not who you are. It might be how you feel right now, but it’s not who you are.”
She glances down at her hands, which are folded in her lap. Then she looks up at me through dark eyelashes. We’re close. Nose to nose. But she refuses to lean back. No way will she back down from a challenge. It’s exactly why I can’t understand her willingness to give up on us so easily. She speaks as she unfolds her hands and presses them into the mattress of the bed under her, giving her enough push to meet my stare.
“You promised me. Promised we’d be able to keep Brody from Saul. But he’s gone, and most likely I’m gonna die on that table knowing my son is in the hands of the worst kind of enemy. So, sorry if I’m pissy with you. Yes, I’m angry, livid actually, that you would trust Saul to keep my son safe. I have all these conflicting emotions, and I can’t straighten them out. I want to love you, but the things you’ve done make me hate you instead. Days ago, I’d have done anything to work it out. Part of me still wants to, but I can’t. Not now.”
She’s right. I did fail her. I promised her I’d keep Brody safe, and he’s not, at least not in the way she’d like. I open my mouth to speak, to beg her forgiveness, to talk reason, but at that very moment, the doctor opens the door.
“It’s time,” he says. Nurses rush around, gathering cords and unhooking the brakes on the wheeled bed. Moments later, they push her through the door and down the hall.
All I can do is watch as the love of my life is wheeled away from me, knowing she hates my guts. When she rounds the corner without looking back, I know what I have to do. I reach for my jacket, which is slung over the back of the chair in the corner and slip my arms into it. I grab my phone from the pocket and dial. It barely rings once when a voice answers.
“What do you want?” he says.
“We need to meet.” With that, I run to the nearest exit. “Right now.”
THIRTY SIX
A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL
(SAUL)
“This could get interesting,” I say to no one as I hang up my phone and slip it into my pocket. I suppose I should’ve expected some contact from the rebel bunch, but I never expected a civil phone call. Raiding The Institute and getting them-selves killed, yes. Civil conversation, no. But hey, I’ll humor them for now. You never know when an opportunity to totally destroy them may come. All the sweeter if it’s handed to me on a platter by the beloved rebel himself.
I still don’t understand the appeal of this guy. He seems like a weakling to me, all scrawny under his lab coat, but apparently, the under-ground women must go for that sort of thing. The nerdy scientist look rather than someone who can really take care of them. Someone like me.
I grab my keys and head out the door to the base where I check in with Jefferson. I have some filing to do later and drills for the low tiers are this afternoon, but for now, I have a bit of free time.
“I’m watching you,” Jefferson says as I leave his office. He’s been paranoid ever since he learned that I may have surpassed him and moved up to Tier One. That’s what happens when someone starts to get orders directly from Fishgold himself. It’s not official yet, but it will be, and the thought of me being his superior scares him.
I give Jefferson a respectful nod, but by the look on his face, he knows it’s all for show just as much as I do. Until it’s officially announced, he’s still my superior.
It’s been an hour since the phone call. Micah should be here soon. I traipse out the brick building and onto the wooded trail behind the military base. A ways out, I come to a fence that borders the Outerlands. Peering out into the forest, there’s movement a few hundred meters away. Then he appears on the path.
“Micah.�
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“Saul.”
“I have to admit, you surprised me by calling.”
The crunch of pine needles and twigs grows louder as he eases closer. “I need your help.”
“Again?” I scratch my clean-shaven chin. “This is getting to be a habit with you. Save your life, help you escape. What more could you possibly want?”
“I need Brody back.”
I laugh. “You’re a funny man, Mr. Pennington. Very funny. What makes you think after all I’ve done to get my son, I’d give him up so soon? Making you rebels suffer is so much easier now that I have him. You’ll all do anything to get the boy back. Can’t even deal with sacrificing one little boy to The Institute’s teachings.”
“I’m not going to play games with you, Saul. There’s no time for that. Right now, Kate’s fate is in your hands. She’s headed into surgery as we speak. Surgery that could kill her while trying to fix that stupid chip you people consider healthy. The same chip that’s killing her.”
“Well, now, whose fault is that? If she hadn’t run away from The Institute, she’d have her upgrade and would be all hunky dory. But you had to go and convince her to leave. So, if you think about it, you’re the one who’s killing her.”
Micah knows I’m right. But for now, he chooses to ignore me.
“If she can see Brody, feel him next to her, she might pull through. She’d have a chance.” He’s only a few feet away from me, and from where he stands, I can tell he looks tired. Dark circles hang under his eyes. His shoulders droop, and he looks disheveled. He’s been through his own personal hell. Too bad I wasn’t around to see it. Concern shrouds his face, but his eyes tell the most. I’m his last chance at saving the woman he loves. He’s desperate. Desperate enough to ask me for help.
“Why would I ever help you?”
“Because even though I love her, you love her just as much.”
My eyes narrow at him, and he takes a step back. But when I laugh again, he looks confused, angry.