“That’s very kind of you.” She slumped down on the wooden crate Joe had vacated earlier. “I know we didn’t get off to a good start, but please, call me Annie.”
What had happened to the high-spirited woman Cora had met in Independence? Annie looked much like a racehorse that had been ridden hard and put away wet. Her red hair looked dull and lifeless, hanging limp and matted; her green eyes had lost all their sparkle. Cora felt sorry for her. Life on the trail clearly hadn’t treated the Irish woman very well. “Then you must call me Cora.” She handed Annie a tin cup of warm coffee.
Annie took the cup. Her fingernails were broken, and her hands looked dirty. The dress she wore hung off one shoulder, indicating she had lost weight. “Thank you.” She took a long sip and sighed.
“Is everything all right at your wagon?” Cora asked as she sat down, too.
The other woman shook her head. “No. Harold is furious with me, and with good cause, I suppose. So I had to go somewhere.”
Shocked, Cora asked, “He kicked you out?”
“No, he’s just angry and needed some time to cool down, so I came to see you. I don’t know what else to do.”
Cora sighed in relief, happy that Annie had not lost her home in the wagon, though still confused as to why the woman had come to her. She would have thought Annie would have gone to see her friend Mrs. Grossman. Obviously not. Cora poured herself a cup of the strong coffee, took a sip and asked, “What can I do to help?”
Annie set her cup on the ground by her feet and leaned forward with her head in her hands. Her shoulders shook as she silently wept.
Cora stood and walked around the campfire. She gave Annie a handkerchief, placed her arms around the woman’s shoulders and simply hugged her until she quit crying.
What had her husband done to her? She hated to think Annie’s husband was abusive like Grace’s had been. Before she judged Harold, Cora decided to wait out Annie and see what the real problems were.
Once Annie’s sobs seemed to have paused, Cora went back to her seat and asked, “What’s happened to make Harold angry?”
Fresh tears began to slide down Annie’s cheeks, but she managed to answer, “Everything I do is wrong. When he married me, Harold said I’d never have to work another day of my life, and now he calls me lazy for not being the perfect wagon train wife, like you.”
“I am far from perfect, Annie. If Sarah Philmore hadn’t taken me under her wing, I’d still be burning our meals and not getting enough rest.”
Cora had heard that the Clarksons were having problems. Both Sarah and Flynn had mentioned that they had been moved to the back of the wagon train. Sarah had accused Annie of being lazy, and later Flynn had mentioned Annie might could use a friend because the other ladies had rejected her, disgusted by the way Annie stayed in the wagon and slept most of the day away. Rumor had it that Harold and Doc took care of their campsite, fixed their meals and washed their own clothes.
It sounded like Harold had had enough and wanted his wife to take on her responsibilities. But Annie didn’t act indignant about being asked to pull her weight. Instead, she seemed confused and sad. Cora continued to wait Annie out.
“Well, perfect or not, I want to be like you.” Annie picked up her coffee cup and took another sip. “Harold says he should have kicked me out of the wagon and kept you.” More tears made their way down Annie’s face.
“Men say things sometimes that they shouldn’t. I will be happy to help you, Annie. What did you fix for supper?” She watched the other woman wipe the tears from her face.
“Beans from a can and coffee.”
Cora forced herself not to cringe. That wasn’t a meal for a man who had worked all day. Instead of showing her feelings, she asked, “What did you fix for lunch?”
“I gave Harold a bag of beef jerky.” She sniffed as fresh tears threatened to spill over. “He grabbed the bag and said I hadn’t put any effort into this trip. That’s why I opened the beans and warmed them up for supper. And he still wasn’t happy.”
Cora couldn’t stop the sigh that passed her lips. She understood Harold’s frustrations, and she also understood Annie’s. She couldn’t fix Harold, but maybe she could help Annie. “Annie, when I first started trying to cook, Flynn wasn’t very happy with the results, either.”
Annie interrupted her. “But your man loves you. It didn’t matter that you couldn’t cook. He didn’t get mad. Harold married me for a jewel to hang on his arm, but who can look like a million bucks in this dreary sandstorm we face every day?” She wrung her hands and moaned. “So much for thinking he’d fallen in love with who I am and not what I represent.”
Cora’s heart had stalled at Annie’s first words. Flynn did not love her. But if she were really honest with herself, she had developed feelings for him. She was not sure they were love, because she hadn’t let herself analyze them, but the feelings were of some foreign nature, for sure.
She chose her words carefully. “Annie, what concerns you most about what you’re going through at the moment?”
Annie thought for a few minutes, then sighed heavily. “That I’m no better off now than I was at the saloon. I am still alone with no one to love me.” She pleated the dress in her lap and sniffled. “I jumped out of the frying pan, into the fire.”
Annie had been a saloon girl? A soiled dove? Cora’s first reaction was surprise and a little discomfort, but she quickly shoved the thoughts down. So what if she had been a saloon girl? She’d left that life behind and chosen a new path, which was commendable. Realizing she’d been quiet for too long, Cora said, “Well, there’s one thing you’re wrong about. You are not alone. I am here for you and I feel sure Sarah will be, too, if you open yourself up to us.”
Annie looked hopeful for a moment, and then her countenance fell. “It’s not been my experience that other women want to be friends with women like me. Especially respectable women like you and Sarah.” She focused on her clasped hands.
“Annie, look at me.” Green eyes full of hope, pain and unquenchable sadness stared back at her. “Only you can change what people think about you, be it Harold or the other ladies.”
“But how can I do that?” Annie spoke in a broken whisper.
“My grandmother told me one time to draw a circle and get inside it and say, ‘This is the person I need to work on.’ She said for me to try with every situation to do to others what I’d like them to do to me.”
Confusion shone in Annie’s eyes. “I don’t understand.”
“If you don’t want to be viewed as a saloon girl, then don’t act or dress like one. If you want Harold’s love, then love him and do things that will please him. Those are the things you need to work on.” Cora placed her hands over Annie’s. “But, Annie, the most important person you need to please is God.”
Her voice matter-of-fact and tired, Annie answered, “God doesn’t want anything to do with the likes of me. I have broken almost every one of His commandments. The only one I haven’t broken is ‘Thou Shalt Not Kill.’ I’m sure He wants nothing to do with me.”
“That’s where you are wrong. The Lord loves you and gave His son for you. He wants to make your life complete and whole. He wants to love you and be with you.”
“I don’t know, Cora.” She stood, raised her chin and stared at Cora. “But I’ll study on what you’ve said. Thanks.”
Before she left the camp, Annie turned back around. “Cora, Harold doesn’t want anyone to know that I worked at the saloon.”
“I won’t tell anyone.” She smiled at Annie. “Everyone deserves a second chance.”
“Really?” Annie tilted her head sideways and studied Cora’s face.
Cora answered, “Really. I won’t tell, but I do have a question.” At Annie’s nod of agreement, she asked, “How long have you been married?”
Annie sighed. “Oh, we got married the night before the wag
on train left Independence. We have been together for a while, but Harold decided to actually marry me the night before.”
“Because you both wanted to start over.” It was a statement that Cora instinctively knew to be true.
Annie nodded. “Yeah. I thought if I got married, I could leave my past behind.”
Cora smiled. “You will. I’ll help you as best as I can.”
“How?”
“Well, first off, you have to change your sleep pattern. Sleep at night, stay awake all day.” Cora grinned. “Maybe when you master that you can teach Noah how to do it.”
Both women laughed. Cora prayed she could help Annie change her habits and teach her to cook, like Sarah had taught her.
Cora followed her away from their wagon. “Annie, if Harold is there when you arrive, tell him you are sorry and that tomorrow morning things will be different.”
Annie nodded. “Are you going to help me?”
“I am. Get up when you hear the shots go off, fix your hair and fry up bacon for the men,” Cora ordered. She looked Annie right in the eye and said, “Do not go back to sleep.”
“I won’t, but I don’t know how to fry bacon.” She wrung her hands in the folds of her dress.
Cora smiled. “I do, so come here as soon as you are dressed, and we’ll fry up a skilletful that you can take back to Harold and Doc.”
Annie hugged her. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Cora hugged her back and then watched as the other woman headed back to her wagon. Annie had a happier bounce in her step as she left.
Cora continued to watch. She hugged herself, massaging her arms that were so full of love when they surrounded little Noah or when she handed Flynn his coffee each morning.
Suddenly, she felt blessed to have the people around her in her life. She would be thankful today. She would make an extra effort to be kind to Annie.
Chapter Eleven
After three days of Flynn avoiding her, Cora had had enough. She asked Martha to watch Noah and then sat down on the back of the wagon and waited for him to come in for supper. While she waited, her thoughts went to Annie and how much she had changed since the woman had reached out for help.
Annie now got up at the crack of dawn, put a hot breakfast before Harold and Doc, broke up camp and walked with Cora to learn more of what to do on the trail. Annie was lucky that she didn’t have any children; Cora loved Noah with all her heart, but he added work that she knew Annie wasn’t ready for yet.
Flynn walked into camp and looked about. “No supper tonight?” he asked after not seeing his usual plate.
Cora smiled pleasantly. “Have I let you go without supper yet?”
Wariness filled his voice as he seemed to sense a trap. “No, but there is always a first time for everything.”
She shook her head. “Well, tonight isn’t the night for no supper.” Cora walked to the stewpot and dished him up his meal. She added a hot buttered biscuit to his plate and handed it to him. Then she did the same for herself.
Flynn sat down and poured coffee from the pot. He handed her a cup and then picked up his plate once more. Without saying another word, he proceeded to eat.
Cora set her cup on the ground and asked, “Are you going to tell me what I’ve done that has displeased you?”
He swallowed before answering, even managing to look surprised, if not a little guilty. “You haven’t done anything.”
“All right. Then why are you avoiding me? And ignoring Noah?” She waited, watching him struggle with what to say.
After several long minutes of silence, Flynn seemed to reach a decision. He sighed heavily. “Look, I don’t want the boy to get too attached to me. It messes with children’s minds when people they love and count on up and disappear. You and I agreed we’d go our separate ways after we reach Oregon. I just didn’t realize how fond I would become of the little tyke and he of me. It tears me up inside just to think about it.”
“You don’t want to hurt Noah?” Torn by conflicting emotions, Cora wished she could hide the pain his words inflicted. On the one hand, she felt extreme joy that Flynn loved Noah. But on the other hand, her heart ached because her own feelings for him apparently were not reciprocated. She had thought she might mean more to him, but it appeared she had been wrong.
“No, I don’t want to hurt Noah.” He looked down at his plate. “Nor do I wish to hurt you.”
Cora didn’t know what to say, believe or feel. Had he heard the anguish in her voice? Seen it on her face? Was he now trying to make her feel better? She forced herself to settle down and hear him out.
When she didn’t say anything, Flynn continued. “I worry that because we’ve become close friends it will grieve us both when we have to say goodbye and move on with our lives.”
She took a deep breath. “Flynn, when we get to Oregon, Sarah, Abigail and Annie are going to each go their own ways. We all know this and yet we continue to build strong friendships on the trail. Getting to know people is a part of life and my ma used to say that sometimes people enter our lives for a season and then they move on. That’s just life. And though we’re sad to see them go, we can cherish the time we got to have together. I want us to cherish this time. We can’t keep going like we’ve been the last few days. It’s breaking my heart.” Cora looked deeply into his eyes. “I can’t continue this journey watching you shut us out of your life.”
His eyes narrowed and he studied her face. “You want me in your life, Cora, knowing the pain it will cause when we separate?”
Cora decided honesty was the best medicine.
“If at the end of this journey, we still wish to annul our marriage, I will do so with a grateful heart that I had the privilege to know one of the greatest men I’ve ever met. And I will tell Noah until he is grown, of the man that loved him and protected him during part of his first year of life. But one thing I don’t think I can face is spending what little time we have left not enjoying the very friendship that makes me feel glad to be alive.”
A muscle flicked in Flynn’s jaw and he set his plate on the tongue of the wagon. He seemed lost in thought for a moment. Then he drew his shoulders up and put both hands in his pockets. She couldn’t tell if her speech made him happy or right the opposite.
He finally spoke, his voice husky and apologetic. “You’re right. I have missed you both something fierce. I’m sorry, Cora. I just didn’t want to hurt you or the boy.”
Cora’s smile was a little shaky. She wasn’t well versed in how to understand men; she just knew honesty usually paid off. But she couldn’t blurt out that her feelings for him had changed or that they continued to grow each day she was around him. She looked straight at him and hedged the best way she knew how. “That is sweet. You are so kind and tenderhearted, Flynn. Like I said, I will always think of you as a friend, even after we part. We will all be fine. You’ll see.” Even as she said the words, she knew she would not be fine. Her feelings for him were certainly becoming more than friendship. When their journey came to an end, would she truly be able to accept not ever seeing Flynn again?
Chapter Twelve
Flynn stood with his hands on his hips, watching each wagon as it lumbered across the river. By this point, his was the fifth wagon back. The first hundred or so had already made it across, but only by the grace of God. Wheels had broken midstream and had to be changed right there in the water. Items had been passed off to other wagons in order to lighten the load and tilt the wagon enough to slide the broken wheel off. One wagon had flipped on its side; another had lost a water barrel in the current. They were on the second day of crossing, and so far, there had been no fatal accidents. But he had witnessed the water change, the current swirl in a different direction, and he dreaded this crossing.
The last river they crossed, they had lost one of the wagons and one of the drivers in the fast-running waters. It had held the train
up several days while they held a memorial service and arranged for another family to take in the widow. The water here was much deeper and the current a lot stronger.
“Heave ho!”
Flynn heard the shout as he watched the driver maneuver one of the longer wagons up the bank on the other side. He took a deep breath and tried to relax. He had watched carefully and he believed he knew the path to take. The wagons that stayed to the deeper water on the north side fared better than those that took the shorter route plagued with unseen rocks, which had caused many broken wheels.
Flynn watched Joe drive the wagon up to the bank and then traded places with the boy. “Joe, take my horse and ride on the south side of me,” he instructed as he handed him Winston’s reins. “I’m going to take the wagon through the deeper waters.”
Joe nodded and kept the horse to the side as Flynn slowly urged the oxen into the water. He felt the blood drain from his face as Cora climbed onto the seat beside him. “What are you doing!” he yelled.
She lifted her chin and boldly met his gaze. “I’m riding beside you. I saw you pacing back and forth studying the river on both sides of each wagon, and I heard you say two people were needed on this seat so one could spot the dangers on each side.”
Even as she spoke, he felt the tongue of the wagon begin to float. He prayed the wheels would stay on the riverbed. He tightened the reins, calling encouragement to the oxen. “Good girls. Come on, now. Just a little farther. Confound it, woman! My nerves were bad enough already.”
“You talking to them or to me?” Cora asked, making light of the situation.
That sass. Normally, he loved it when they teased each other—but now was not the time.
“There’s a boulder. Can you see it?” Cora pointed ahead. “Just there.”
Wagon Train Wedding Page 12