by Jaymin Eve
Before I could combust right there on the spot, a couple appeared, striding in together from the side of the pod we had not explored.
“Xander!” the woman exclaimed, hurrying forward to hug her son. “We have been worried about you.”
He returned her hug with force, and then moved on to shake hands with his father. “We found the last keeper, and now we need to find the map,” Xander explained after he’d greeted his parents. “Come and meet the girls.”
He led them toward us and I tried really hard not to fidget. His mom was stunning, taller than me by a few inches, and looking not much older than us. Her hair was white, and unlike a lot of the Royales I’d seen, it was short, hanging only to her shoulders. Her skin was a creamy brown color, and I could see where Xander got his bronze skin tones. Actually, both of his parents were bronze-skinned.
Xander crossed to me first. “This is Avalon,” he said when he reached my side, both of us facing his parents, who had stepped forward. “She’s the Royale secret keeper.”
I stood still, waiting for one of them to indicate what sort of protocol was expected of me. Xander waved a hand at his father. “Tristall,” he said, before turning to his mother. “And Lettie, overlord major of House of Royale.”
Lettie held a hand out to me and I placed mine in her cool grasp. She shook firmly, and I relaxed somewhat. “We’re so pleased to finally meet you,” she said, sounding as melodic as her daughter.
She dismissed me pretty quickly after that, moving on to the other girls in the room. I really wasn’t sure how to take her, because she held herself very formally … almost coldly. But I had to remember who she was. No doubt it wasn’t the easiest task being a ruler. The level of responsibility resting on her would be titanic.
Tristall captured my attention when he captured my hand. “Absolute pleasure to meet you,” he said, much more warmly than his mate. “We will assign you a pod so you can come and go from Royale as much as you’d like. Would you prefer it be here, in the overlord village?”
His request was so random and unexpected, I froze up. My eyes darted to Xander’s, even though I told myself not to look his way. This decision had nothing to do with him, except for the fact that it would be easier when our “thing” was over if I wasn’t living in close proximity to him.
I tore my gaze away before he could influence my decision. “That’s a very generous offer,” I told Tristall, letting my gratitude seep into my words. “I’ve dreamed about being able to live under the water … to sleep under the water, for my entire life. But … I need to breathe oxygen from above, and I’m not sure I’d be able to make it this deep without some assistance. So a pod is probably not worth wasting on me.”
It hurt me to say that, because my own pod would be akin to my own home, and as a double bonus, it was under the water. All of my dreams could come true.
It was probably for the best, though.
“Get her one,” Xander’s deep voice cut through. “In this village. I will make sure she’s able to come and go as needed.” He wasn’t looking at me, facing his father directly.
“As you wish,” Tristall said. He turned away, but not before he threw a wink in my direction. I wasn’t quite sure what that wink meant, but it made me feel a little more comfortable.
“Are you sure?” I said, turning to Xander, stepping closer to him. “It might be easier … you know … if I don’t live so close by.”
His shoulder trembled slightly, and I ached to touch him. I just wanted to press my hands against the broad planes of his back.
“This is right,” he murmured, and just as I lost the battle with my control, reaching out for him, he walked away. Frozen, I sent out a prayer of relief that at least he hadn’t been facing me.
You’re a goddamn idiot.
I had been kidding myself that I could stay objective to Xander. I was already in way too deep. Dammit. My heart was going to get annihilated, and I’d walked right into the disaster zone thinking I had all my protective gear on.
I had nothing.
“Are you okay?” The soft voice startled me; I let out a little shriek.
Emma chuckled, reaching out to grab my arm. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were quite that far away.”
I shook my head, letting out a small, forced laugh. “No, it’s my fault. I was thinking hard enough to hurt myself.”
“Anything you want to talk about?” Callie asked. She’d also drifted closer after finishing her turn at greeting the Royale overlords.
“Uh….” I wasn’t used to sharing secrets with girlfriends. These particular friends, though, felt more like family. Sisters.
“Actually, I could really use some advice,” I whispered, leaning in closer to them. “But it’s about Xander, so….”
As I trailed off, they both nodded, like they weren’t surprised at all. Maya joined us too, the guys remaining on the other side of the pod, talking with Tristall, Lettie, and Dawn.
“They’re discussing the warriors and plans for taking back Astoria,” Maya offered, leaning against a wall near Emma. “Chase said as soon as they sort through that, we’ll head to the sacred waters.”
Emma and Callie both whipped around on me. “Go,” Callie said, her eyes still bright from the swim through the water. “This is your chance.”
I sucked in a deep breath. “Okay, so … Xander and I … we had sex and—”
“What?” Emma shouted so loudly that silence fell over the pod, and all heads turned in our direction. I willed my face not to go red, staring at her like everyone else was.
Emma gave her head a quick shake, relaxing then and laughing. “Oh sorry,” she said, waving a hand at Lexen, who was already heading in her direction. “I didn’t realize that would be so loud. I just found out my favorite movie was at the theaters and I missed it.”
All of the Daelighters looked slightly perplexed by this, except for Lexen who just shook his head at her, his concerned expression fading into a smirk. When the overlords turned back to their discussion, the girls crowded around me again.
“Sorry,” Emma whispered in a rush. “You shocked the shit out of me with that one.”
I snort-laughed; she had made that very clear. “It’s fine,” I said, waving my hand at her. “I know it’s a surprise, especially with the way he acted when you first found me.”
“So … what happened?” Callie asked. Of the three, she looked the most concerned. I lifted one eyebrow in her direction and she let out a long breath. “I’m just worried about you, because I sense that in some ways you had an upbringing like me. Emma and Maya had loving parents, but we were very alone. And … I know how Daniel makes me feel. I’m scared you’ll do anything … accept anything from Xander, for just a small sliver of home.” She shook her head fiercely. “You deserve so much more than that. Don’t let him use you for sex.”
I sucked in a sob, and she softened her tone. “You deserve more, Ava. As your sister, I’m telling you right now that you deserve everything.”
I dropped my head and squeezed my eyes shut. Callie had known straight away what my situation was, because she was right—we were much more alike than Emma and Maya.
“Is that what happened?” Emma asked, sounding upset. “Xander is using you for sex?”
My head shot up as I shook it. “No, absolutely not. I mean, okay, yes that is pretty much our deal, but it wasn’t all Xander. I thought … I thought I would be satisfied with it as well. I’ve never been so attracted to a guy before, and I figured that this would get him out of my system.”
“I’m going to guess you’re in way deeper than you ever expected,” Maya suggested, and I sucked in another sob.
“Pretty much.”
Callie crossed her arms, her eyes shiny. “It’s okay,” I told them. “I knew what I was getting in for when I signed up. I thought I was strong enough to handle it. That the Royale part of me that doesn’t like to settle would get sick of Xander. And … maybe I still will. It is very new, you know.”
I was kidding myself, and I could tell by their expressions they also knew that. No one called me out on my bullshit though, and I loved them even more for allowing me to hold on to whatever delusion I had right now.
“I’m going to stop it,” I decided, trying to gather up my shaky resolve.
“Stop what?” Xander’s deep voice took me completely by surprise. He didn’t give me a chance to say anything. “Are you okay? You look a little … upset.”
The other guys were still talking with the overlords, which meant that Xander had crossed back on his own … because he thought I looked … upset?
“I’m fine,” I told him quietly. “It’s just been a crazy few days, you know.”
My words didn’t appease him; he turned to the others. “Do you mind if I borrow Avalon for a minute? I’d like to show her the styles of pods she can choose from. My father wants to start hers immediately.”
It sounded like a weak excuse, but no one called him out on it.
“If it’s okay with Ava, it’s okay with us,” Emma said, smiling in her friendly way.
Maya nodded. Callie just tightened her crossed arms.
“It’s fine,” I said, promising myself that I’d just take this one last moment with him.
Xander captured my hand pulling me closer. “We’ll be back in about ten minutes, if anyone asks,” he said over his shoulder as we walked away.
I expected him to lead me back the way we entered, because that’s where the other pods were. But he didn’t. He veered to the right, wrapping an arm around me as he dragged me into a nearby room. The door whooshed closed behind us, and when my head stopped spinning, I let out a gasp. The entire far wall of this particular room looked to be made of glass. Just the thinnest of barriers separated us from the water outside.
“This pod,” I said, breathless. “I want one just like this.”
I pressed my hand against the glass, lost as I stared out at the water world. After some time I realized Xander had remained back near the door, one leg propped up against it. “Weren’t we supposed to be looking at pods?” I reminded him.
He straightened, and my stupid heart skipped a beat. “You lied to me outside,” he said, voice low and rumbly. “I need you to tell me exactly what’s wrong. I can’t fix the problem if I don’t know what it is.”
“Why do you even care?” I shot back, and for a moment it almost looked like that hurt him.
“Just tell me what it is, Avalon,” he said, ignoring my childish jibe.
I swallowed hard. “I’m … I don’t think we should continue our agreement. It just feels…. We’re already in really close proximity and it’s going to get messy.”
Half of me expected him to flip out. Or, more truthfully, hoped he would because that would mean he cared. Instead he looked contemplative, taking a step closer to me. “Why do you want to end it so quickly? I’m free for many more years. We don’t have to put a short expiration date on it.”
Years. The thought of having Xander for years was like a dream come true.
“What if I care more than you?” I murmured. “I’m not sure I have enough Royale in me to let go, even after a few years. And the longer it goes on, the more it will hurt me when we separate. I just can’t do pain anymore.”
His hand wrapped around the back of my head and he applied pressure, pulling me forward until our bodies were touching. “I won’t hurt you,” he said seriously. “I will treat you right.”
“But you don’t want me forever.”
The moment the words were out, I wished I could take them back. Xander stilled, the heat flaring in his eyes, slowly morphing into something dark. “I can’t.” His expression was heavy. “And you shouldn’t want to be in my world.” His hand fell back to his side. “My life is ruled by politics. My sister … she’s a prisoner to a piece of shit caramina because of politics.”
“Why?” I asked.
Xander ran a hand through his hair, stepping around me, finally moving closer to the glass. “There’s a monster that lurks in the deep, one of the only beasts in our water that does not respond to the command of the overlord. We can’t control it. Donovan, he grew up in the same waters, and he keeps it under control for us. In return…”
“He got Dawn as a mate.”
Xander slammed his hand against the glass, shaking it. “Yes. And he’s a domineering, violent bastard. I found out recently that he hits her when she won’t do what he wants. She kept it from me because if I kill him, the beast will come and attack us all.”
He swung his head to meet my gaze. “I’m almost ready to take our chances with it.”
Donovan’s vibe made a lot of sense now. Assholes always had to asshole. It was in their DNA. “We have to help her.” Just the thought of his gentle sister being hurt was enough to have my hands clenching.
Xander let out another frustrated sound. “I’ve been trying to figure out what I can do. I literally found out right before we left to find you. There’s been no time, but he’s hurting her.”
“Tell your parents,” I suggested.
Xander let out a bitter laugh. “Dawn made me promise I wouldn’t, because she knows there is nothing they can do. Politics tie their hands. Politics rules our world. Forced to go to school on Earth. Forced to mate. This is the life of overlord children.”
It all made sense then. Every single thing clicked into place and I understood.
Xander had always confused me, because he’d said one thing, but the way he touched me suggested another. “You’ve been warning me off because your mother would never allow our bond, right? You’re not free to choose your own mate.”
Xander closed his eyes for a brief moment, and I had my answer.
“I’m betrothed to a caramina already, one from a very influential family. They control the shell mines to the north seas. This is where we get a lot of our structural material for the pods.”
Somehow I managed to control my reactions to his answer, even though the thought of him being with another woman, touching her the way he had me, made me want to go out and find her so I could rip every strand of hair from her head while repeatedly punching her in the face.
The poor chick probably wasn’t even at fault. No doubt she was being forced into this as well.
“Guess that’s why your mom was such a cold bitch to me,” I said with a harsh laugh. “No doubt this bond between secret keepers and overlords has her a little worried.”
Xander captured my hand. “I don’t care what my parents want, but I have to think of my people. They need change, and my mom is not going to be the one to bring that about. If I walk away from her control now, I walk away from my future as the ruler.”
“I would never ask you to do that,” I said sadly. It was too much to take away the very thing that made Xander who he was. He’d resent me one day for sure.
He reached up to cup my chin, brushing a finger across my cheek. “I’ve bargained for a few more years of freedom. I can offer you that much.”
A single tear escaped from my eye. I lowered my head so I could wipe it away without him seeing. “It’s not enough for me,” I murmured when I had my emotions under control. “I’m sorry, but … I deserve more than that. I’m not going to be the mistress while you wait for the wife.”
Xander shook his head, a rough, angry movement. “It’s not like that. This is why I tried to stay away from you, why I told everyone from the start that I was not the Daelighter for you.”
“So why are you doing this?” I asked. “Why even start anything with me under the pretense of it being a casual fling?”
He didn’t answer straight away, and I was pretty sure that was the end of the conversation. I turned to move toward the door, done with this heartbreaking moment. Xander wasn’t free to be with me, not ever. At least I could comfort myself with the fact that I’d found out now, and not years down the track. I’d only known him a short amount of time. My heart was surely strong enough to recover from one afternoon with him.
; Right?
“Because you’re perfect,” he said, voice low and vibrating with emotion. I paused, desperate for him to say more. “I thought I was strong enough to resist you, but … there was no way.” His voice got louder as he moved closer. “I hoped we could have a casual relationship and eventually I’d get you out of my system.”
His heat pressed along my spine and I fought the urge to lean back into him.
“But … one afternoon with you is not even close to being enough. I want so much more … I crave you.”
I squeezed my eyes tightly closed, biting my lips to stop the tears from pouring free. “Why do you call me Avalon?” I asked, because that random question was the only thing I could think of in that moment that wouldn’t make me cry.
His breath brushed across my neck. “You don’t know this, but an avalon is a revered animal in Royale. Your parents must have learned about them here, or otherwise it’s a huge coincidence. This creature is rare and is considered the most beautiful of all. When I first heard your name, it struck me that you are as rare and incredibly breathtaking as our avalons. You’ll always be Avalon to me.”
So much for that question keeping the tears at bay. Hot streams ran down my cheeks, and we both stayed in that position for many aching minutes. “We have to get back,” he murmured. “My mother will come looking for us soon.”
In that moment I hated Lettie, overlord of House of Royale.
She might not know it, but she had crushed one of my dreams—it turned out that the home I had been searching for was not a place at all … it was a person.
And he was out of my reach.
16
I tried not to kill Lettie with my gaze when we returned to the main room. Emma, Callie, and Maya all shot me worried looks, and when I met their eyes, the concern in their faces only increased. I guessed I wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding my feelings.