by Noelle Adams
Alice sighed in relief as she finally climbed out of the car and walked around to the driver’s side.
Micah was leaning against the car, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. He looked exhausted, defeated somehow.
Despite her annoyance just the moment before, she felt another pull of sympathy. She reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s going to be all right.”
“Is it?” he asked, opening his eyes and meeting hers.
“Yeah. We’ll figure this out. We don’t know anything yet.”
“But what if she’s mine? What if her grandparents really don’t want her? What if I’m the only parent she has? I can’t even manage to get her strapped into the car.”
“You’ll figure something out. Something that’s good for her. First, figure out what the whole situation is. Then you can go from there.”
He let out a sigh and straightened up. “Yeah. Thanks. I’m not sure how long I’ll be.”
“That’s fine. Just give me a call if you’re going to be a long time. I’ll be at your place.”
He handed her the bag he’d dropped to the ground. “She has some stuff in here. Bottles and stuff.”
She nodded, relieved the grandparents had thought of at least that much. “Okay. We’ll be fine. Just do what you need to do.”
She got in the car, and Micah stood there watching until she started it and pulled out of the lot.
He was still standing there, by himself in the otherwise empty church parking lot, tall and strong and handsome and somehow lonely, when Alice turned the corner and lost sight of him at last.
***
Five hours later, Alice was sitting on the couch in Micah’s house, waiting for him and wanting very much to strangle him.
He hadn’t called. She’d called him three times, but he hadn’t answered. She had no idea what was happening. When he’d be back. Whether he’d found out any answers about Cara. If he even remembered they existed.
What was wrong with the man, anyway?
She’d fed and changed Cara twice now. She’d played with her a little bit, and Cara had watched her fix a sandwich from the very slim pickings in Micah’s refrigerator. Now Cara was sound asleep on a blanket on the rug, and Alice was sitting and stewing.
If Micah didn’t get back or at least call her soon then she would…well, she didn’t know what she was going to do. She’d like to storm out, but she could hardly storm out with Cara, since, whomever the baby belonged to, it definitely wasn’t her.
She was a really sweet little girl, though. And really pretty with her perfectly shaped little head, chubby cheeks, and shaded eyelids, like they’d been applied with lavender eye shadow.
But Micah was an insensitive ass for just abandoning both of them like this for hours without a word.
Alice had called and complained to her mom, since her mom would otherwise be wondering where she was. But she didn’t have anything else to do. There was a television, but nothing good was on, and all of Micah’s books were about espionage or carpentry, neither of which was her cup of tea.
She was working herself into a high temper when she finally heard the side door bang.
She jumped off the couch and was standing to meet him when he came into the room, looking even more tired than he had earlier.
“It’s about time you managed to show up,” she said in a harsh whisper, so as not to wake up Cara.
He blinked in surprise. “I’m sorry. I—”
She shushed him, indicating Cara sleeping not far away.
“I’m sorry,” he said, in a low murmur. “It was a fiasco, but I didn’t realize it was so late. Did you have somewhere else to be?”
He looked genuinely contrite, which stifled her temper slightly. “No. But I asked you to call, which you didn’t do. The least you could do was call me back after I called you.”
His eyes widened and he pulled out his phone. “Shit,” he said. “It was silenced. I didn’t know you’d called. I’m sorry.”
Now, she felt like she’d been unreasonable and pushy, since he looked so taken aback. That just made her more annoyed. “Okay. But it would have been nice if you could have given a thought to me and Cara, waiting here.”
He’d walked over to where Cara was sleeping and was peering down at her, reaching out like he would touch her but then stopping himself. But at her words, he turned back to Alice. “I was thinking about you. I just…” He groaned and collapsed onto the couch. “I made a mess of this whole thing, but I should have done better by you. I should have done better…” He trailed off, his eyes fixed on the sleeping baby.
Alice went over to sit next to him on the couch. “It’s okay. I’m sorry if I was grumpy. I was just sitting and worrying and had no idea what was going on. What did you find out?”
“Well, it seems like she might be mine. I’ll need a paternity test to be sure, but her folks say that Heather always said that I was the father. It’s on the birth certificate.” He handed Alice a folded document.
She unfolded it and saw that it was indeed Cara’s birth certificate, with Micah’s name as father. “Heather,” Alice said, reading the name on the line for the mother. “So she really died?”
“Yeah. It was that accident on 77 last week. Did you hear about that on the news?”
“So the grandparents want you to just take her?”
“I guess so. It sounds like they’ve done most of the childcare up to this point anyway, since Heather was kind of wild, but they’re not in good shape physically, so they just can’t raise a kid full time. They said they’d help out however they can, but they seemed to assume that I would…”
“You—” Alice stopped and cleared her voice. “You didn’t know about Cara before?”
“Heather never told me. They live in Dalton, so it’s not like I would’ve just heard it through the grapevine. I had no idea she got pregnant.” He wasn’t looking Alice in the eye. He was staring at the empty fireplace.
“You dated Heather?” She asked the question delicately, feeling uncomfortable about the topic but like she needed to know.
Or, at least, she wanted to know.
Micah didn’t look surprised by the question, but he still didn’t meet her eyes. “Not…really.”
“It was a one-night stand?”
“Yeah.” His eyes shot to hers quickly. “We used protection. At least, I think we did. But I was drunk.”
Alice didn’t comment on any of it. She had no idea what to say. She knew what Micah’s lifestyle had been for many years. She knew all that time he hadn’t been living out what he believed. Sometimes choices came with serious consequences. She knew all about consequences.
According to the birth certificate, Cara was five months old. According to Alice’s mom, Micah had started coming to church again around fourteen months ago. Which meant he must have started turning his life around shortly after his night with Heather.
“You can say it,” Micah murmured, his eyes resting on her face with a look she couldn’t begin to interpret.
“Say what? Cara’s here now, and she needs to be taken care of.”
“I know. I’m going to make sure that happens.”
“You probably should do the paternity test, just to make sure there’s not someone else out there who is really a father. Then you should probably talk to a lawyer. Even if you decide you can’t raise her, you’ll need a lawyer to handle the adoption.”
“Yeah. I know. It’s going to be a long process, and I’ve got to decide what I should do. What’s really best for her.” He sighed and looked over at Cara again, and Alice could have sworn his expression softened. “In the meantime, I’ve got to figure out a way to take care of her. I’m afraid if she’s left to my devices she won’t survive.”
Alice almost laughed at his dry tone, feeling better now that the conversation had turned to practicalities. “You wouldn’t do that bad. With babies, you learn quickly. You should probably get a temporary nanny or something. I wonder wh
o…” She trailed off, wracking her brain for someone who would want to watch a baby for a length of time that might be a few days or several months.
Or longer, if Micah decided to keep her.
“I had an idea.” Micah spoke slowly, as if he weren’t sure of her response.
She frowned. “What’s that?”
“I don’t know if you’d be interested in this at all, but you were talking earlier about wanting more work and wanting to get out of your parents’ house, so I thought…” He cleared his throat. “This house has a little apartment over the garage. It’s separate, not part of the house at all. But you could have it, if you wanted. It’s really small, but it’s actually pretty nice. Rent free, of course. And I’d pay you, whatever you’d want. If you could help me out with watching her. Daniel said you could take her to work with you at the church, if you think you could get your work done with her there. And my schedule is flexible, so we could work around your hours at the library.”
“You want me to watch her?”
“Yeah. You seem to know what you’re doing. And I trust you. And it would save me the trouble of a nanny search, since I don’t even know how long I’ll have her. And maybe it would help you out too. Temporarily, I mean. I would never expect for you to do it long-term.”
Alice swallowed and looked over at Cara. It actually sounded wonderful to her. Extra money. The apartment. The feeling of having a real place in the world again—even if it was just a garage apartment. Cara. Micah.
Even temporarily.
“I know it’s not the work you really want to do, but—”
“No. I like babies. I really do.”
Micah’s face transformed with relief. “So you’d consider it? You have no idea how grateful I’d be. I’m not sure I’d have even made it through today without you.”
She could tell he meant it. It made her feel warm, close to him.
Closer than she’d ever thought to be again.
“Are you sure you don’t want to rent out the apartment? You could make a bundle on it in Willow Park.”
“I’m only going to be in this house for a few more months, so it’s not worth the trouble of finding a tenant.” He rubbed his face with his hand, his stubble scratchy against his palm. “So you’re good with it? You’re agreeing?”
“Yeah.” Alice smiled, feeling kind of excited herself. “I think so. We’ll need to work out the details, but I think we have a deal.”
He smiled, widely, warmly. It was the first time he’d smiled at her in years. She had to remind herself vehemently of her first rule about never assuming a guy liked her as he said, “Great. It’s a deal.”
Three
“Does she really need this many diapers?” Micah asked the next morning, gazing in awe at the huge pack they’d just loaded onto the bottom of their cart.
Alice glanced at her phone, on which she’d pulled up “shopping for baby” advice for their trip to the store early that morning, to make sure she’d done the math correctly. “That’s just about a month’s worth, assuming she uses six or seven a day. She’s going to need them eventually, no matter what happens.”
Cara had grabbed onto Micah’s sleeve when he’d reached down to adjust her carrier in the main part of the cart, and now he was playing a little tugging game with her, making her smile and babble. He was obviously distracted by the baby, gazing down at her with pleased bewilderment.
When she felt a swell of something soft at the sight of his face, Alice made herself look away and gave herself a mental lecture. Yes, he was very cute, this big rugged man trying to figure out how to interact with Cara in her purple sleeper, but indulging in those feelings would only get her in trouble.
Her fifth rule might be her most important. Absolutely no daydreaming.
“The formula is right here too,” she said, gesturing down the aisle a little way.
Micah retrieved his arm and pushed the cart. “How much of this do we need?”
“We’ll need a lot. And it says that five-month-olds can start eating solid foods. But we don’t know what she’s been on, so maybe we should just get a little formula until we take her to the doctor this afternoon. Then we can do whatever he says.”
“Sounds good. What kind do you suppose we should get?”
“I have no idea. I wouldn’t get the cheapest kind, in case it’s not as good.”
“Well, let’s just get the most expensive for now, just to be safe.” He grabbed a smaller container and put it in the cart. “What’s next?”
She looked at the list on her phone. “We need diaper cream and baby wipes. They’re right here. This list is really long. She’ll need blankets and more clothes and a better car seat and a crib or something to sleep in and maybe a changing table and maybe a swing or bouncy seat, if you want to buy her that, and…” She showed him the list on her phone.
He swallowed visibly but just said, “All right. We don’t know what’s going to happen, so we better get her what she needs.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to go shopping with your mom or someone who actually knows about babies?” Alice had woken up last night worried about this, that she was taking advantage of the situation to get what she wanted and not thinking about what was best for Micah and Cara. “I really don’t have much experience with babies, so I have to look up everything. I know we worked it out last night, but you might do better with someone who knows more of what they’re doing.”
“No. I’d rather it be you.” He was looking at Cara, instead of at her. “I definitely don’t want to do this with my mom.”
Alice couldn’t really read his expression, but she suddenly realized he might be embarrassed. Given how Cara was conceived, maybe he felt awkward with his mother. He came from a family of preachers. His brother was a preacher. His grandfather was a preacher. At least one of his uncles was a preacher too. And Alice thought she remembered he had some cousins and other relatives who were also preachers.
Children from one-night stands were probably not very common in their family.
“Okay,” she said lightly, stepping over to peer at baby wipes. “As long as you’re okay with me looking stuff up or asking my mom for advice, then we’ll just go with it.”
“That’s fine with me.” He gave her a quick look. “Unless you’re having second thoughts.”
“No. No. I was just afraid you would—” She cut off and gave him a sheepish smile. “It sounds like we’re both good with the arrangement.”
“Yeah.” His eyes met hers, and there was something deep in his expression, but he wasn’t smiling.
They were getting along better now, maybe because they had to, but he still didn’t smile and laugh with her the way he did with everyone else. He must still not like her very much.
He’d seemed to like her once, back in high school, during that summer. He’d held her hand as they walked. He’d kissed her once in the moonlight, running his hand down her hair and murmuring her name like it was precious. But that was a long time ago.
***
A half-hour later, they’d loaded up two carts and were looking at the cribs, which was the last item they needed to buy.
“Look at this one,” Alice said, leaning down to read the information tab on one of the smaller ones. “It’s portable and won’t take up much space and converts into a playard.”
Micah bent over to peer at the picture on the corresponding box. “What’s a playard?”
Moving closer to peer with him at the box, she said, “It looks like a playpen.”
“Then why don’t they just call it a playpen?”
“Maybe it’s not politically correct—penning up babies like animals, I mean.”
He gave of short burst of laughter as he straightened up. “Let’s get this one. You think it looks like it would be comfortable for her and everything, don’t you?”
“Yeah. It looks good.”
She watched as Micah reached down and hauled the box off the lower shelf. She tried not to notice how s
trong and masculine he looked in his jeans and t-shirt. The breadth of his shoulders. The firmness of his thighs. The way his biceps tensed and relaxed as he moved.
“Micah!” a voice came from down the aisle. “Micah, is that you?”
They both turned toward the voice in surprise, Micah still holding the box.
A beautiful redhead was hurrying toward them, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt but still managing to look well-dressed and elegant. She was grinning at Micah.
Alice recognized her immediately. Lydia Morgan. She’d dated Micah for several months in their senior year of high school, the school year before that special summer Alice spent with him.
“Hi, Lydia,” Micah said, his face brightening with his characteristic grin, the one he used with everyone but her. “What are you doing in town?”
“I’m trying to raise support to go to India, so I’m here for at least a few months.” Still smiling, Lydia turned to Alice. Her face changed. “Is it Alice? Wow, it’s great to see you.”
There was no reason why Lydia would have remembered Alice, since they were two years apart and had never been friends, so Alice was vaguely surprised that she did. Lydia had always been popular, outgoing, and athletic—everything Alice was not. She’d gone on to law school, if Alice remembered correctly. “Yeah. It’s good to see you too.”
Lydia’s big green eyes had been busily looking at Micah, Alice, Cara, and all the baby stuff in their two carts. “I had no idea you two were married,” she breathed at last. “And you have a baby?”
Alice felt a sudden rush of embarrassment, although there was no good reason for it.
“Oh, no,” Micah said quickly. “We’re not married.”
Naturally, they needed to explain the true situation to Lydia, but Alice wasn’t sure he needed to do it in such an urgent rush.
“Oh.” Lydia looked confused, as well she would.
“I’m helping him with Cara,” Alice put in softly.
“It’s a long story.”
Lydia’s face cleared with another smile. “Okay. I’m in a hurry, so you can tell me some other time. I’m sure I’ll see you all around, since I’ll be in town for a while.” She reached to give Micah a big hug. “It’s so good to see you again.”