by Olivia Lynde
"Hello, Summer," says the stranger.
How does he know my name?
"How do you know my name?" I blurt out and instantly want to bash my forehead against the locker door. I've broken my ignore-rule; now it'll be more difficult to get rid of him.
His sexy grin becomes wider. "I have my ways of finding out things I wanna know."
"Why would you want to know my name?" I mean, really. He's gorgeous and obviously a player; why would he be interested in me? I check to see if I'm still wearing my off-putting getup. Yep, I am.
And the thing with my "uniform" is: it doesn't just make me unattractive—the awkward clothes make me uncool besides, and cool kids don't mingle with uncool kids since they consider them inferior and possibly contagious. So why would this boy approach me?
Carter, yesterday... well, he clearly wanted to jerk Seth's chain but he wasn't really interested in me, I know that. I never draw the hot guys' attention when I'm dressed like this and makeup-free, only of guys who are maybe a small notch above unattractive.
Not to mention that the usual dark circles below my eyes look more like bruises today; I'm a complete wreck after last night.
"Maybe I wanted to know your name because I wanted to know you," Mr. Player replies, leaning closer to me. "And it fits you—a pretty name for a pretty girl. By the way, I'm Josh." Again with the sexy grin.
Okay, this encounter has now gone way beyond surreal. I know this guy can't really like me, so what is the true reason for him approaching me like this, out of the blue? And for flirting with me like mad? God, I'm so tired I can barely stand upright, much less think. I take a minute to fumble with my books in the locker, and my light bulb lights up at last. Of course. He was with Jessica earlier this morning, and in retrospect, I'm almost positive that they were talking about me.
"So," he finally says when I don't react to his compliment, "I was thinking we should have lunch today. We can go to a cool place off-campus."
Naturally. That way, nobody sees you with the dowdy frump and your cool reputation doesn't suffer.
All right, I've had enough of this. I don't know what Mr. Player wants from me but he's obviously in cahoots with Jessica somehow, so it cannot be anything good. Safest to nip this in the bud; it's time to make use of the ignore-strategy. Better late than never.
I finish organizing my books, shut my locker, and without deigning him with another look, head for class. Unfortunately, I hear him following me. Drat!
"Summer? What do you say? Where would you like to go?"
Where would I like to go? Gosh, he's modest! So it's a given that I'll go out to lunch with him, the only detail still to be decided is the destination. I walk faster.
"Summer!" I suddenly feel his hand on my shoulder, trying to restrain me, and I turn on my heels like a scalded cat, dislodging his hand.
"Don't touch me!" I hiss. Who the hell does this guy think he is? "You don't know me and I don't know you. You have no right to put your hands on me!"
"I just wanted to talk to you." He raises his hands a bit, in an exaggerated expression of innocence, and makes a confused face as if my reaction were all out of proportion. And maybe it would be, in the normal course of things and for another person, but I have a real issue with strange people intruding on my personal space and touching me without my permission.
So I tell it to him straight. "I have no interest in talking to you, and I have no interest in having lunch with you. I'm not interested in you, period. And you're making me late for my class, so back off!"
I stride away quickly, but up until the moment I turn a corner, I continue to feel his gaze on me. Drat, this guy won't be giving up easily!
Unfortunately, I'm not paying attention to where I'm walking, and just after I pass the corner, I bump hard into a muscular chest. On impact I bounce back comically, my books flying out of my hands in all directions, and I'm about to fall ignominiously on my butt when strong hands grip my upper arms and stop my fall.
By the butterflies going wild in my stomach, I already know against whom I've bumped, so it is with a resigned expression that I look up into Seth's deep blue eyes and say, "I'm sorry. I was walking too fast and didn't see where I was going."
He's not alone but accompanied by his jock friends, the two from World History and one other, and they've all stopped and are staring at us.
Seth is still holding me, almost in an embrace, and his touch is making me giddy. Great, Summer, way to be a hypocrite about people touching you without permission! Truthfully though, Seth is the exception. I've always liked his touch and the feeling of complete security it's given me. Right now, I feel just as safe as I always did in his arms, but paradoxically, at the same time I get a sense of danger.
Well, that's new! Maybe it's because of the fierce intensity with which he's watching me? God, when he looks at me like this, it's like he can see straight into my soul. Fiery arrows of pure sensation shoot through me, dissolving with a burst of sparks in my belly. Yes, he's definitely dangerous to me.
Still, it takes the voice of one of his friends to release me from under his spell. "Seth, dude, let's go! We're gonna be late for class."
For a moment longer, Seth's body leans toward me, corded with a terrible tension. "You should take better care where you're going," he tells me huskily. "So you don't get hurt." Finally, in a slow motion I'm tempted to misconstrue as reluctance, he steps back from me.
The jock with coffee-colored hair and, I see now, green eyes, advances to hand me my books. I didn't even notice him picking them off the floor.
"Here you go, Summer; these are yours." His lips are curled in a pensive smile and he's regarding me as if I'm a curiosity he hasn't quite figured out yet.
I accept the books, chagrined. Great, now all the popular people suddenly know my name and want to figure me out! This is so not good.
"Thanks," I whisper, then walk away from the group as fast as my legs can carry me.
* * *
My already shitty day turns to complete crap after Algebra 2 (to which, thanks to my encounters with Josh and Seth, I've arrived late, earning myself a glare from Mr. Werner). As I exit the classroom, who do I find but Josh leaning against the wall opposite the door. The moment he notices me, his sizzling grin surfaces.
I ignore him and head for the cafeteria. I have a standing invitation to sit with Marcie's friends, so I'll go eat my sandwich at their table. Heck, I've already broken most of my rules—lay low, stay invisible, don't get noticed by the popular and powerful crowd—so why not break another one? It beats spending lunch period hidden in some dusty corner of the library, with only my thoughts for company. I'm not willing to acknowledge even to myself that my sudden interest in the student cafeteria may have something to do with my wanting to see Seth again.
I realize that Josh has fallen into step with me.
"I think we've started off on the wrong foot." He sounds contrite, but all I want is to snap at him that there is no "us" and there is definitely nothing to start. With difficulty, I manage to refrain from doing just that.
"Truth is I noticed you this morning and wanted to meet you. Sorry if I came on too strong, I just wanted a chance to get to know you better."
Yes, I know the exact moment when he noticed me this morning—it was when Jessica pointed me out to him. Jessica, my declared enemy, who already hates me with the blazing fire of a hundred hell planes! But he sounds completely open and truthful, which makes me even more suspicious. If he's capable of conveying this amount of sincerity when he's clearly playing a game with me, then he's a devious boy indeed.
Or am I completely misjudging him?
"So please let me make it up to you. Have lunch with me," he says with compelling puppy eyes and a smile that embodies pure temptation. I know his game (or think that I do), and still I succumb to a momentary flutter. He's really pouring on the charm and if I weren't so wary of his intentions, I would probably find him attractive.
Not that I'd do anything about it.
Luckily, we've reached the cafeteria, and I enter with Josh still close on my heels. Instantly, I feel Seth zeroing in on me. He's already sitting at his table, only he's changed his former seat for one that leaves him facing the door.
Josh gets closer to me and lowers his head to make himself heard over the din. "What do you say? Wanna sit together?"
So he's upgraded his strategy and playing hardball if he doesn't mind being spotted with me now. My eyes still on Seth, I recognize the exact moment when he notices Josh beside me; his jaw turns to stone, his gaze frigid. A chill passes through me and I check my arm in curiosity. Yep, that boy's glare is definitely goose bumps–inducing!
I ignore Josh again—come on, take a hint already!—and walk to Marcie, who's waving at me. I feel Josh's eyes digging into my back but he doesn't follow me this time.
I sit down at the table, murmuring a weary, "Hello".
Then I notice that there are only three people there. "Where's Robbie?"
Will grins. "He's got band practice. But jeez, Summer, don't overwhelm us with your enthusiastic greeting and all!"
I shrug. "Sorry. It's just been a long day, and it's not even over yet." Though feeling Seth's eyes on me does perk me up considerably. My usual seat now puts me in his direct line of vision and him in mine.
Marcie gives me a sympathetic smile. "Yep, you look really tired. You had trouble sleeping last night?"
Wow, that's a major understatement!
Well, if I'm going to be spending any time with these guys, they're going to see me often sporting my trademark puffy eyes and bruised look. I should probably tell them something now, to avoid later questions.
"I sometimes have a bit of trouble with insomnia," I say, "so I don't always get enough sleep at night." Then, at their kind glances: "It's okay, guys, really! I've gotten used to it." I smile weakly and hope they'll let it go.
They do, for Dana has another bone to pick with me. "Wanna tell us what you were doing with Josh Hendrix just now?" she asks me with a frown.
I furrow my brow. "Honestly, I have no idea what his deal is. He approached me earlier today out of the blue, invited me to lunch, and won't take no for an answer."
"So you refused him. That's good." Marcie nods approvingly.
"Who is he, anyway? Care to impart any secrets about him?" I need to know with what I'm dealing here.
I notice that Josh has sat down at the popular table, though at the opposite end from Seth's group. I want to keep looking at Seth, but the sound of laughter draws my attention back to my own table. Will and Dana are outright laughing, and even Marcie is grinning.
"What is it?" I ask in bemusement.
Will shakes his head. "Sorry, Summer, but 'impart secrets'? Who talks like that?"
"High school kids—not so much," says Dana, smirking.
I frown. "Well, I'm in high school and I talk like that; therefore, your statement is inaccurate."
Dana's grin becomes wider. "Hey, don't get mad! Having a big vocabulary isn't a bad thing—especially with the SATs and all."
"What I've noticed, Summer, is that you have an amazing voice," says Marcie. "Usually when you're talking, your words... Well, they sort of flow, like in a melodic rhythm or something. And even when you use old-fashioned words, like earlier, they sort of feel natural coming from you. Anyways, I like it and you should just ignore the haters." She shoots a reproving glare in her boyfriend's direction.
I feel both flattered and mortified by her comment.
Will, though, seems to only feel mortified. "Come on, I'm not a hater! Summer, I'm not! I was just wondering, you know, because the way you say things sometimes... It makes you seem older, somehow."
Jeez, I'm a dork! I mean, I knew that I was a total geek, but nothing beats having others confirm it. Embarrassed, I say, "I read a lot of books." There's little else to do at night when I wake up from a nightmare and don't want to risk falling asleep again.
Plus, during the last five years I've hardly ever talked to my age peers, so it's not as if there was a lot of opportunity for teen language to really rub on me. But I don't tell that to the others.
I also don't tell them about Grandma; that the way I speak now was greatly influenced by her because it was she who raised me. I—and Seth too, for that matter—just naturally absorbed Grandma's old-school vocabulary and even some of her old-fashioned speech patterns. Seth could even, by the time he was thirteen, sound as eloquent as a grown-up (quite aside from being able, at a much younger age than thirteen, to curse like a sailor—though never around me). But then he's always been brilliant. How I used to envy him that he constantly got Bs and Cs in school with practically no effort! I had to work much harder to keep my grades up.
I refocus on my table companions and luckily they seem satisfied even with my shortened explanation; my disclosure that I am basically a book worm must have acted like some kind of magical charm, clarifying everything in everyone's mind. Time for a change of subject.
"So you were going to dish on Josh?" I nudge playfully.
"Hendrix plays wide receiver for the football team," says Will. "He's all right, but nowhere near the level of Lewis or even Bradford."
"Who's Bradford?"
"Jacob Bradford. He's a linebacker and one of Lewis' friends."
"He's the tall yummy one with curly hair," Dana adds smilingly. Ah. The guy who picked up my books this morning.
"So the football players are all friends with each other?"
"Well, no," says Marcie. "Jacob and Nick and Seth are pretty tight with each other, and they also hang out with Alex and Carter, usually." She points them out to me discreetly. "But they don't really get along with Josh and a couple of his friends. They sit at the same table because they're all in the football team, I guess, but everyone knows there's not much love lost between them."
"And why was it good that I refused to go out with Josh?"
Marcie seems to hesitate. "Well, the thing is there've been some pretty bad rumors about him, and you know what they say: there's no smoke without a fire."
"Agreed," says Dana. "Like, Josh had a girlfriend who, after they broke up, said that he had gotten violent with her a couple of times. But she's not here anymore, she graduated last year. Plus, there were rumors that he was using drugs."
"There's no proof of that," Will says with a frown.
"He's never been caught at it, that's true enough," Marcie clarifies. "But I'm pretty sure that's the reason why Seth and the others don't like him. Seth especially is really anti-drugs."
He would be, I reflect. He's had firsthand experience with the consequences of drug abuse by watching his mother and bearing the brunt of her rages.
"Besides," continues Dana, "Josh is tight with Jessica Anderson. That's enough reason for any normal person to be seriously wary of the guy. They've been together on and off since, hmm... their Sophomore year? Even if Jessica's never given up on lassoing Seth one day."
"I think Josh and Jessica are friends with benefits," whispers Marcie with a glint in her eye.
"Jessica's hot." Will nods sagely.
"Will!" the girls shout.
"What? It's true!"
"Jessica's a bitch," says Dana.
"Yes, she is," agrees Will. "Doesn't mean she's not hot."
I grin at the exchange and dare to look up again, toward Seth. He's talking to his friends now but I know with my special sense of him that a moment ago he had been looking at me. He's been watching me all through lunch. I just can't figure this boy out. Why does he do that? What does he want from me?
But God, how I miss him! Somehow it's even harder now that he's so close than it's been in the five years when he was hundreds of miles away from me—and even then it was exceedingly hard. But at least, at that time he was completely out of reach. Now though, he's in physical reach yet completely unattainable in all other ways.
He said that our past together was gone, and the way he said it, it meant that he didn't want me in his life. And why wou
ld he?
He's the most popular guy in school, the other guys' object of envy and the girls' object of desire. He's smart, he's a star athlete, he's headed for a brilliant future. He's the hottest guy I've ever seen; I honestly think that if he were to somehow decide that he doesn't want to play college ball, he could become a male model and shoot to instant wealth and fame.
So I read it well, the first time I saw him again: he's unreachable now—especially to someone like me. I mean, not that I lack self-confidence (though I totally do) but come on, let's be honest. He's so far above me—in terms of looks, popularity, prospects, and everything else, really—that it's not even funny.
I'm heart-broken because of this, but at the same time I'm so darn proud of him! This is Seth, the boy with whom I spent my childhood, my former best friend and the person whom I loved most in the world. Whom, to be completely truthful, I still love; I don't think that love as powerful as that, once felt, can ever entirely disappear.
He's had such a hard life but somehow he's managed, from the most inauspicious beginnings, to set the foundations for a good future. I just wish I could be a part of that future, no matter how small. There's nothing I wouldn't do to have him back as my friend.
Nothing at all.
Chapter 8
I'm in my second week at Rockford High and I'm a wreck, mentally and physically.
At the house, Jessica keeps sticking me with her poisonous barbs whenever she sees me. I try to stay out of her way as much as I can, but I do have to eat, unfortunately, so at breakfast and dinner at least, Jessica manages to get her claws into me.
Lately she's even upgraded to coming into my room so that she can continue tormenting me. I can't stop her from entering since my door doesn't have a lock, and though I begged Greg for one, he told me that he doesn't believe in locking doors inside his house—not even the ones attached to bathrooms, I might add. Un-freaking-believable, right?