"Boarding school encourages children to be independent, "said Dick.
"If a child is happy and loved by its parents, it will have a natural independence."
"Don't you believe it! Most parents try to smother their children with too much affection. Take Betty for example. She's always fussing over them."
"Because she does not have enough to do." Tanya stopped in embarrassment but Betty was not put out.
"You're right, Tanya, and Dick and I have been giving it some thought. In fact now seems as good a time as any to discuss it." She looked around the table. "We've decided to find a place of our own."
"I thought you'd put that silly idea out of your head long ago!" Mrs. Chesterton expostulated.
"Why is it silly?"
"Because you have as much privacy here as if you were living alone." Mrs. Chesterton gave Tanya a look of dislike. "This is your doing of course. Haven't you caused enough trouble for Adrian without interfering in my daughter's life?"
There was a stunned silence, broken almost at once by Betty. "Of course Tanya had something to do with it— not so much from what she said—but from the fact that she was here. It made me realize this is Adrian's home, and that when he marries Diana he's entitled to live here without his family hanging around his neck!"
"I'm sure Adrian doesn't feel we're doing that," Mrs. Chesterton replied.
"Do you?" Betty asked her brother.
"I haven't given it any thought," he said and, glancing at Tanya, knew he would infinitely prefer to have her to himself. "But actually you're right. Married people need their own place."
Betty looked pleased. "I'll start house hunting right away."
"So will I," Mrs. Chesterton said frigidly.
"The Dower House will be vacant in November," Adrian said to his mother.
"It's too big for me."
"Perhaps we could enlarge it for us?" Betty suggested, and talk ranged around the feasibility of doing this, with Mrs. Chesterton moving into another cottage on the estate.
Tanya was glad when dinner was over and they all went into the drawing room, for here she could seek out a distant chair where she would not feel overwhelmed by Adrian's proximity.
Watching her walk gracefully across the carpet, Adrian knew he had never found her more desirable and longed to kiss away the sadness that caused the curve of her mouth to droop. Remembering his earlier behavior to her, he knew it was only right that he should have to pay for it. And how high a price it was! Every moment that he had to pretend indifference toward her; every passionate urge he had to foreswear; every aching need he had to ignore, was a whiplash on his guilty conscience. Perhaps when he had paid in full for his guilt, he might more easily be able to tell Tanya how much he needed her.
Resisting the urge to sit beside her, he made an effort to engage Dick in conversation, not knowing that Tanya misinterpreted his distance as being one of dislike. He can't even bear to sit next to me! she thought miserably and, finding this knowledge stifling, decided to go to her room.
"Where are you going?" Betty asked.
"Upstairs. I have some sewing to do and—"
"How about a walk?" Adrian interrupted.
"I'm too tired."
He was at the door as she reached it, and he held it open for her. "Are you sure you won't change your mind?" he asked in so low a tone that no one else could hear. "It's a beautiful night. The moon's shining and there isn't a cloud in the sky."
"A night for lovers," she said involuntarily.
"Yes." He leaned closer. "Please come, Tanya."
"No. You have your women muddled. You should be asking Diana—not me!"
He drew back, he features tight, and she slipped past him and ran up the stairs.
Restlessly she paced her room, her earlier distress magnified by this last conversation with Adrian. What game was he playing that he dare suggest they walk together in the moonlight? She had found herself thinking many harsh things about him in the past months but she had never considered him a philanderer.
She gave an impatient shake of her head. She was being old-fashioned. He was obviously trying to make the best of a difficult situation, and no doubt thought that an amicable—even slightly affectionate—attitude between them would help things along. He could suggest it because he did not care for her, but she loved him too much to maintain a lighthearted affection when she ached for something deeper.
CHAPTER TEN
In the morning Tanya went to the library in the nearby town to look up some statistics for Adrian's secretary. Diana, who had some shopping to do there, drove her in.
As they bowled along in Diana's red coupe, passersby stared at them curiously, for the nine days' wonder of Tanya's identity had not yet died down. But as always, Diana was unself-conscious of the looks they aroused. It was as if she was determined to show she did not care about the gossip.
"Well?" Diana said in her cool voice. "What conclusions have you come to about me?"
Tanya could not help smiling. "Am I so obvious?"
"Let's say you'd not make a diplomat!"
"You like pretense, then?"
�"It's often necessary. It isn't always good to say everything you're thinking. Sometimes the only way one can keep oneself happy, is not to face facts."
It was the longest speech Diana had made to her, and Tanya was sorry she could not agree with it. "If you do not face facts, you are living a lie. And I have always considered you to be unafraid of the truth."
"I wasn't talking about myself," Diana said in surprise.
"I'm sorry. You spoke with such feeling that I thought you were."
They drove for a while in silence, and again it was Diana who broke it.
"I suppose it's understandable that you should be curious about me. After all, Adrian asked me to marry him…"
"Yes," Tanya said with composure. "I would like to know what he found in you that he did not find in me."
"I was here—and you weren't."
"You are also very beautiful," Tanya said, forcing out the words.
Diana made a disclaiming gesture. "It has nothing to do with my looks. I think Adrian wanted his second marriage to be less demanding."
"I never made demands on him," Tanya said stiffly.
"I used the wrong word," came the swift reply. "I should have said less emotional." The blue eyes were thoughtful. "And you are emotional, Tanya. There's no point denying it."
"I feel things deep down," Tanya agreed, "but I think you do also—deep down."
"You do love analyzing people, don't you?" Diana said lightly. "It must be a mid-European habit!"
Tanya took this as a sign to discontinue the conversation and talk between them lapsed until they reached the little market town and parked near the main shopping precinct.
"How long will you be in the library?" Diana asked.
"A couple of hours."
"Then let's meet at Procters Coffee Shop about eleven- thirty."
Tanya shook her head. "The British weather I can bear, but the coffee we are served in the restaurants— never!"
Diana chuckled. "Very well. I'll meet you back here."
It was midday before they set off on the return journey, bowling along the country lanes so fast that the hedges merged into a blur of green. It was interesting that Diana drove with such competence and once again Tanya was sure there were greater depths to the girl than could be divined from a surface acquaintance with her.
�I'm not driving too fast for you, am I?" Diana asked.
"No, no. You are a good driver. You drive like a man."
"I hope that's a compliment!"
"Of course. You are capable in everything you do. You never allow your emotions to walk away with you."
"Run away with you," Diana corrected. "It's amusing when—" She stopped as the car gave a jerk. It traveled a few yards and then jerked again before slowing down to a stop. Diana turned off the ignition and then switched it on again, but the engine refused to turn over, and a
fter fiddling with the choke, she slid out of the seat and walked around to the front to peer under the hood.
Tanya clambered out too. "Do you know what is wrong?"
"I'm afraid not." Diana bent farther over the engine, emerging again with her hair over her eyes and an oily smut on her nose. "I can't see anything loose, and all the leads seem to be plugged in properly."
"Perhaps there is no gas?"
"The gauge showed full when I left home." She went back to the driving seat and switched on the engine. "You're right," she called. "The guage is still showing full—which it shouldn't do because I've used a couple of gallons this morning. It looks as if we'll be stuck here till I can get some more gas. I'll walk back to the garage. There's one by the crossroads."
"I'll go," Tanya volunteered. "It is better if you remain with the car."
As Tanya set off, Diana closed the hood and, deciding it was too hot to sit in the car, leaned against the door and raised her face to the sun, closing her eyes at the same time.
"A funny place to have a doze," a voice said behind her.
It was a voice that had haunted her dreams and she straightened up quickly and looked at Roger.
"I've run out of gas," she said coldly and waited for him to laugh. Instead he looked sympathetic.
"Broken gauge, I suppose?"
Gratified that he had not—like many men would have done in similar circumstances—assumed she had forgotten to fill the tank, she nodded.
"I'll go along to the nearest garage and get you some," he volunteered.
"Tanya's gone."
"In that case I'll keep you company until she comes back."
"You needn't bother, thank you. I'm quite happy on my own."
"On your own and untouched."
Furiously she turned her back on him. Hardly had she done so when he pulled her around and, expecting to see him angry, was surprised to see perplexity.
"Why do we always quarrel, Diana? We never used to in the old days."
"When you were a boy you were always polite."
"I can't remain a boy for ever," he said thickly and with rough strength pulled her against his chest and pressed his mouth upon hers.
There was no tenderness in his kiss, only passion, and she struggled to free herself. But he held her more tightly and made it impossible for her to move.
"Don't fight me," he said huskily. "I'm too strong for you."
"Is that the only way you can get your women—by force?"
"It's the only way I can get you," His mouth lowered to hers once more. "Kiss me back and I'll let you go," he breathed. "Until you do, you'll remain my prisoner."
Knowing he was capable of doing as he said, she raised her head and closed her eyes, the movement of her lids clearly telling him to get his embrace over and done with.
"Oh no," he said. "Not like that! I want you to know who's kissing you."
Her lids lifted sharply. "Do you think I need to open my eyes to know that?" she snapped.
"Maybe not," he said, once more capturing her mouth.
Because she had given her promise not to resist him, she remained motionless and the firm grip of his arms relaxed. But they did not move away from her and one hand slid gently around her waist while the other caressed the swelling curve of her breasts. She trembled but knew it was not with revulsion. Her body was not under her control and muscles moved of their own accord as she responded to him. Again and again they kissed, their kisses deepening as their desire intensified. She had never known what it was to be wanted in such a wild and abandoned fashion nor guessed she was so wildly capable of abandoning herself to it. Her hands were inside his sweater, her fingers on the smooth flesh of his chest and the fine tangle of hairs that lay there. His body was hot to her touch and knowing she was the cause of it, she was roused to an even greater desire.
It was only the sound of a distant car that made them aware of their surroundings and Roger lifted his mouth from hers although he made no attempt to let her go.
"It isn't only in conversation that we strike sparks off each other," he whispered.
"Don't read more into it than is there." Diana's voice was thin, but she was relieved that she had at least managed to speak sanely when every part of her still insanely wanted to be held close to him. "You're an attractive man and—"
"Don't tell me that's all it was. You aren't the type to be turned on by pressing the right button! You want me to make love to you. Me!"
"You fancy yourself, don't you?"
"You fancy me too."
For answer her hand shot out and slapped him across the face. The sound was sharp but no sharper than the look in his eyes as he stepped back, the mark of her fingers on his cheek.
"I thought you said smacking a man's face was reminiscent of cheap novels?"
"Maybe a cheap man can only understand a cheap gesture," she said icily, and watched without expression as he turned on his heel and strode away.
Trembling, she climbed into the car and rested her head on the wheel, remaining there until steps behind her told her Tanya was back.
One look at Diana's face told Tanya something had happened to the girl in her absence. She had no need to ask what, for she had met Roger on her way back and the lipstick mark on his mouth was now giving her the answer. Silently she watched Diana pour in the gas, then they returned to the car and headed toward Park Gates.
"I saw Roger," Tanya murmured.
"So did I. He—he offered to get me some gas."
Tanya waited and then, when no further information was forthcoming, said abruptly: "I know you will think it very mid-European of me to ask such a question but—do you love Adrian?"
There was a lengthy pause before Diana said coldly, "Of course. I agreed to marry him."
"Perhaps the word I should have used was passion. Do you feel passion for him?"
"Really, Tanya!" Diana made no attempt to hide her irritation. "I'd rather we didn't continue this conversation. You're still his wife, you know."
"In a few weeks he will be free to marry you and—"
"Please don't say any more." A rabbit scuttled across the lane and Diana put her foot hard on the brake.
Tanya had forgotten to do up her safety belt and her head narrowly missed hitting the windshield.
"Sorry about that," Diana said swiftly. "I didn't want to kill the poor thing."
They continued to drive in silence and Tanya looked at the girl beside her, noticing the disheveled hair and the mouth that was still trembling.
"I am going to put my feet in it again," she murmured, "and tell you that I think Roger is in love with you."
"Tanya!" Diana's voice rose high. "Will you please be quiet? Roger and I mean nothing to each other. He and Adrian have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, but it's Adrian I'm going to marry. Now if you don't want me to stop the car and let you walk the rest of the way, I suggest you change the conversation.''
"We will talk about the weather, then," Tanya replied. "On that subject we are sure to agree."
For the next couple of days Diana avoided being alone with Tanya, but gradually their casual friendship was resumed and Diana, as if wanting to show she bore no resentment, was unexpectedly forthcoming about herself and her past. Her childhood had not been an easy one, for when her mother had died she had been sent to boarding school and, even when home for the holidays, had been looked after by an assortment of governesses.
"You had a great deal of attention," Tanya commented one afternoon, "but only a little affection."
"My father is not a demonstrative man. But he feels things deeply. He takes great pride in his heritage and— and the family as a whole. For many years he used to visit all our relatives, no matter where they lived."
"Who will inherit the title?"
"A cousin in Scotland."
"I suppose he must have minded very much that you weren't a boy," Tanya said.
"I minded it too." Diana picked up a pile of leaflets from the desk. "I
'm supposed to start canvassing at five. I'd better go down to party headquarters."
"Better you than me." Tanya knew Diana had plenty of time and was merely using her appointment as a means of ending the conversation. "I would hate having to knock on doors and talk to strange people."
"It isn't so bad talking to them," Diana replied. "It's having the door slammed in your face!"
Tanya was still smiling at this as Diana went out but, once alone, she thought over all the girl had said. Had Diana really wanted to be born a boy, and was this the reason she hid her undoubted warmth behind an air of coolness? She had not yet met Lord Biddell but knew he was a cantankerous man, made more so by his ill health.
She was still wondering about Diana when Mrs. Chesterton came in.
"There you are, Tanya," the woman said so graciously that Tanya wondered whether she—like her son—was beginning to think it might be a good idea for the marriage to continue. At least until Adrian's political career was stabilized.
"I've just been talking to Lord Biddell," Mrs. Chesterton continued. "He's been having treatment in Harrogate and only returned home last night. He's asked us to dine with him tomorrow."
Tanya digested this. "Does the invitation include me?"
"Naturally. You are Adrian's wife."
"Diana also happens to be his fiancée."
Mrs. Chesterton gave a faintly embarrassed laugh. "For the moment you are Adrian's wife and we all—we all expect you to be treated as such."
"I do not think I would like to dine with Lord Biddell."
"Don't be foolish, child. He's an important man and for Adrian's sake you must—"
"''Very well," Tanya interposed. "Then I will come."
"Wear one of your long dresses, my dear. And in one of those mauvy colors you like so much. They suit you so well."
"Do you want Lord Biddell to see that Adrian has always had good taste?" Tanya asked.
"Well he has, hasn't he?" On that parting shot Mrs. Chesterton retired.
Tanya half expected Adrian to make some comment to her about their forthcoming meeting with Lord Biddell. But that night he left the house early to speak at a meeting in one of the outlying villages some distance away, and even the next day he did not refer to it. Deciding that if he was not embarrassed to take along a wife to meet the man whom he had hoped—and no doubt still hoped—would be his father-in-law, then she herself was not going to be embarrassed either.
Rachel Lindsay - Unwanted Wife Page 10