In order to ease the discomfort, Faith told them they could leave, and that she was going to stay there.
Neither wanted to leave, but Faith insisted. “There’s really nothing either of you can do here. Believe me, if I need anything, I’ll call you.”
Susan took Faith’s face in her hands and told her, “If you need me for anything, just call me, I don’t care what time it is. You hear me?”
“Loud and clear.”
They left her standing in the middle of the hall. When they were no longer in sight, Faith pulled out her cell phone. she dialed a number, it was only right to make this phone call.
When a female’s voice answered, Faith said, “Hello? Lace, this is Faith. Are the kids around?”
An hour later, Faith, Lace, and Raheem’s children were gathered around the bed. They were all holding hands in silent prayer when Faith felt her phone vibrating.
She knew it was probably Siddiq.
“Amen,” someone said.
When everyone let go of each other’s hand, Faith excused herself. Not wanting to take any chances, she stepped just outside of the hospital doors and called Siddiq up. Preparing herself to let him know they probably couldn’t talk for a few days, if not longer, she was surprised to hear his voice mail click on.
“Siddiq, it’s Faith, you just called me. I’m here at the hospital. Raheem is in ICU and he’s uncon—”
Faith stopped in mid-sentence because the other line on her cell phone beeped. She removed it from her ear and saw the name Siddiq.
She couldn’t decide if she wanted to discontinue the message or hang up and speak to him. The decision was made for her when Lace came running out the doors.
“Oh, there you are, I’ve been looking all over for you. Come on.”
Hearing the excitement in her voice, Faith rushed inside with her. “What is it? What’s wrong?” She feared the worst.
“He’s waking up, Faith. He’s waking up.”
Faith and Lace entered Raheem’s room and he was surrounded by doctors. Before Faith could reach his bed, Lace beat her to it.
“Raheem, we’re all here, your family is here.”
The doctors moved out of the way and started speaking to Lace as though she were the wife. “Mr. Banks is going to—”
Lace directed them toward Faith. “She’s his wife.”
One of the doctors noticed that the room was full and suggested they go out to the lobby and talk. “Plus, I have some papers that require your signature.”
“I’ll be right out, just give me a minute.”
Faith went over to the bed and couldn’t help but notice that Lace sat at the foot of the bed and was caressing Raheem’s legs and looking at him with pure love. Faith almost didn’t want to interrupt the moment.
“Raheem,” Faith said.
He looked up at her.
“I’m glad you’re okay.”
Lace looked at Faith like, That’s all you’re going to say?
“I have to go speak with the doctors, I’ll be right back.” She headed out the room but stopped at the door. “You’ll be here, right?” she asked Lace.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Lace answered.
After she spoke with the doctors and signed the papers, Faith headed back toward the room. She stopped at the door when she noticed the children had left and that Lace was sitting at the top of the bed, holding Raheem’s hand. It looked so natural and intimate that Faith decided not to interrupt, especially after Lace bent over and kissed Raheem on the lips.
Faith turned and walked down the hall as she wondered, Is that how I should be acting? Lace’s response is more wifely than mine. She wondered if anyone else noticed this.
Faith went outside to call Siddiq and once again his answering service came on. “I just called to let you know I’m okay. Call me. I really need to talk to you.”
The second she hung up the phone, Lace came up behind her and said, “Nothing like a smoke when in time of despair.”
“And this is one of those moments, huh?”
“That it is. That it is.”
They leaned back against the wall while Lace smoked her cigarette. She took a drag and asked Faith, “Have I ever thanked you for taking care of my kids?”
“There was no need to, they were with their father.”
Lace put her cigarette out and faced Faith. “No, they were with you. I know the type of man Raheem is and was, I also know that work comes before anything and I just wanted to take this moment to let you know that I have the utmost respect for you and I do need to say thank you.”
Faith was touched by her words and had been waiting to hear them for a long time. “You’re welcome.”
They stood next to one another in silence while Lace smoked her cigarette until Faith blurted out, “Do you still love Raheem?”
Caught off guard by her question, Lace asked, “Why do you ask that?”
“I can see it in your face and I also noticed how gentle you were with him in the room.”
“Well, he is the father to my three kids and I’ll always love him.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
Before they could go any further with the discussion, the nurse came out and said, “Ms. Banks, your husband is requesting your presence.”
Faith and Lace looked at one another and they both followed the nurse inside.
Dear Journal,
I’m not your superwoman. I’m not the kind of girl that you can let down and think that everything’s okay.
Why was that song playing when I got in the car? It struck a nerve, because I feel like that’s what I’m going to have to be right now.
If I ever needed a hit, it would be today but thank God, I’m not in that space anymore. As a matter of fact, the wine drinking has got to stop as well. As much as I would like to think that I have everything under control, with all that’s going on, do I really want to chance it? I think not.
I have that serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to know the difference. This circumstance with Raheem being in the hospital is something I have no control over. All I can do is pray.
I know I should stay by his side through his recovery and I will. After all, he was there for me during my lowest of lows and I’ll be there for him. I’m sure Lace will be there also.
The question is, will Siddiq be there for me?
Forever loyal, Faith
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
BELLA
A couple of days later, Bella was at the hospital visiting a member of her congregation when she saw Crystal walk down the hall.
“Crystal!” she called out.
Crystal turned around. “Bella! Hey.”
They greeted one another with a hug. Crystal had become Bella’s confidante. She was able to tell Crystal things she would normally keep to herself. This was the first time Bella had a real “sister girl” and it took a lot of weight off her shoulders because she wasn’t holding so much in her soul now.
“How’s Faith’s husband doing?” Bella asked.
“Better, he’ll be going home any day now.”
“Good for him, he’s in my prayers, as is she.”
They were walking down the corridor heading for the front door when Bella asked Crystal, “Do you have a minute?”
“Of course.”
“Let’s go sit down, I need to bounce something off you.”
They headed toward the sitting area outside the hospital.
Bella had already told Crystal about James and Ramsey, briefly. She didn’t know how much she really wanted to reveal, but she did tell Crystal about her and James going out and about Ramsey being an old love from her past.
When they sat down, Crystal asked, “So what’s up?”
Not one to beat around the bush or sugarcoat anything, Bella told her, “I slept with James.”
This threw Crystal for a minute. She wasn’t one to judge and she believed that people are people, even if they are in charge of chur
ches.
“You slept with James?” Crystal repeated. She didn’t know what else to say.
“Well, I’m not even sure if I did it knowingly.” Bella needed to run that whole incident by someone because something bugged her. She couldn’t understand why she didn’t remember how they ended up in bed.
Not only that, but the last couple of Sundays, James would show up at church and stare at her through the whole sermon. It was starting to frighten her. He even tried to enter her office when she’d told him not to. Now, he’d taken to calling all her numbers, leaving stalker-like messages.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, one minute I was telling him he should leave and the next day I woke up naked and he’s coming out of the bathroom.”
Crystal recognized this pattern of events. Some of the young girls whom she’d counseled in the past told her of similar situations, where they had sex and couldn’t recall a thing. It turned out they were slipped a mickey. “Did you have anything to eat or drink when you with him?”
Bella closed her eyes and tried to recall the order of events. She opened them. “I remember getting water.”
“Did you leave it unattended?”
“You know what? I did. Ramsey called and I excused myself to go speak with him.”
Crystal shook her head and told Bella, “I think he put something in your water.”
Bella was stunned. “What do you mean, he put something in my water? He wouldn’t do something like that.”
“Are you sure about that, Bella?”
At this point Bella wasn’t sure about anything and she told Crystal this.
“What I would do is tell your boy, Ramsey.”
“How am I supposed to tell him, I slept with James?”
“He drugged you, Bella, and he needs to be taken care of. You told me yourself that back in the day Ramsey was a thug and the way I see it, you should let him handle it. Some situations you take to Jesus and some situations you take to the streets.”
Bella looked at Crystal and asked her, “Where’s the Jesus in that?”
Crystal wasn’t trying to hear that. “You know what, Bella, you really should let Ramsey handle it and just ask for forgiveness on this one.”
When Bella got to her car, she asked the Lord to please forgive her for what she was about to do. She dialed Ramsey’s number.
Over the past couple of weeks, Bella and Ramsey spoke a number of times. He’d stopped by the church and she finally allowed him to come visit her home, where she cooked dinner for him. It appeared to Bella that they were rekindling the old flame.
“Hey sweetie,” Ramsey said into the phone.
“Hey, Ramsey, can you stop by the church today?”
Ramsey could hear that something was wrong. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing, I just need to talk to you about something.”
“Are you sure everything is okay?”
“How soon can you get there?”
“Are you there now?” he asked.
“I’ll be there shortly.”
“Well, I’m on my way.”
When Bella pulled into the church parking lot, she looked around. Ramsey wasn’t there yet but James’s car was. Furious and tired of the whole situation, she made the decision to confront him. The fact that Ramsey was on his way gave her the courage she needed.
She walked into the church and the only people inside were Jasmine, the church secretary and Antonio, the janitor. She didn’t see James anywhere. Where could he be?
Bella walked toward her office and there he was, sitting by the door.
“What are you doing here?” Bella asked, as she wondered how long before Ramsey showed up.
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
“You’ve been stalking me.”
“You can’t stalk someone that you love.”
“What!” Oh yeah, he’s lost all his mind.
“What about our lovemaking?”
Nervous because she didn’t want anyone to overhear, Bella unlocked her office door and pulled him inside.
She decided to get gully on him, because this was getting out of hand. “James, you don’t love me and I don’t love you. What happened between us the first time was a mistake and the second time, it is my belief that you slipped something in my water.”
“Woman, please, I didn’t do any such thing. You wanted me just as much as I wanted you. You can’t stand the fact that you’re a freak just like everyone else and now you want to be in denial about what transpired between us.”
It was obvious to Bella that James had lost his mind, that he had gone past the point of no return. “James, I think you need to leave and not come back. I really think you need to find another church.”
“You’re kicking me out of the church?” James started to laugh like that was the funniest shit he’d heard in a long time.
“And if you continue to stalk me,” Bella threatened, “you can best believe that I’m going to call the cops.”
James got up in her face and in a menacing tone asked her, “and tell them what? That you fucked a member of your congregation? You would really be willing to let that become public knowledge? How do you think your congregation would feel about that?”
All of a sudden Ramsey appeared out of nowhere. He pulled James back by the collar, released him, and asked, “Feel about what? What the hell is going on here?”
Bella looked toward her office door, which was still open.
Ramsey walked over to it and shut it, then asked again, “What the hell is going on here?”
Bella rushed over to Ramsey and stood near him. “This is what I had to talk to you about.”
James looked at her. “What? You’re going to tell him I fucked you?”
Ramsey frowned, anger spread over his face. “What is he talking about? You slept with this nigga?”
It was obvious that everyone had forgotten they were in the house of the Lord. “It’s not what you think, he drugged me.”
“I drugged you two times? I don’t think so,” James taunted.
Bella took Ramsey’s hand. “Ramsey, I did have a moment of weakness once, but that was before you came back into my life.”
James, fearing what was about to happen because of the look on Ramsey’s face, moved toward the door but Ramsey stood in front of it.
Bella continued: “That night I met you at the restaurant in your hotel when I arrived home, he was waiting at my door. I let him in to tell him there could be nothing between us. I believe when you called me to make sure I was home and I stepped into the other room, he put something in my water and the next thing I know I woke up naked.”
“Don’t believe that shit, don’t believe that shit,” James was repeating over and over.
“Now he’s stalking me and threatening to expose what happened.”
Ramsey looked into Bella’s eyes and knew that she spoke the truth. He turned toward James, who was two seconds from running until he realized there was nowhere to run to. Ramsey grabbed him by his throat, lifted him in the air, and said, “You low-life motherfucker.” He threw James across the room and before James could get to his feet, Ramsey started to pummel him.
Bella ran over and begged, “Ramsey, stop! Please stop! We’re in the church.”
Ramsey pulled him up by the neck and told him, “If I ever see you or hear anything about you again, I will personally see to it that your ass no longer exists.”
He looked at Bella and told her, “I’ll be back.” Ramsey grabbed James by the collar. “Open the door,” he told Bella. “I have to throw out the trash.”
Bella did as he requested.
When she opened the door, Jasmine and Antonio were standing looking like, what the hell is going on?
Jasmine looked at Bella, Ramsey, and the bloodied James. “Brother James?”
Antonio, who liked Bella and respected her, but knew all along there was something fishy about James, asked Ramsey if he needed any help.
He told hi
m no.
As Ramsey was throwing James out the building, he could hear Antonio say under his breath, “I never liked him anyway.”
After Bella assured them that everything was okay, she told them they could both leave for the day. After they were gone, Bella and Ramsey were in her office.
“I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” Bella said when Ramsey sat next to her.
He had no idea what she was talking about. “Do what?”
“Pastor a church,” she told him. “Look at what I’ve done, I think that I’m making a mockery of the church. I stand in front of people every day professing that I understand their struggles and I don’t even understand my own. I feel like such a phony, such a hypocrite.”
Ramsey had learned over the years that sometimes a woman wants your opinion and sometimes she just wants you to listen. He knew that this was one of those times that she needed him to listen.
Bella continued to vent. “I teach forgiveness all the time, but more and more it just feels like words without meaning. Some days I wake up and I feel like if someone comes at me with another problem or another issue, I’m going to explode. That’s not how a pastor is supposed to think.”
After she was quiet for a moment, Ramsey realized it was his turn to speak. “I once thought about becoming a minister.”
Bella didn’t expect him to say that. “Really?”
“Yep, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that I’m better one-on-one. I felt that the structure of the church was too restrictive. After speaking with a couple of pastors, I realized that there are other ways to minister and that’s how I ended up doing what I’m doing. Maybe that’s something you should think about, maybe running a church is too restrictive. Maybe it is time to do something else.”
“You might be right,” Bella told him.
“Bella, I have a suggestion.”
“What is it?”
“How about you take a leave of absence and come travel with me for a while. You can work with the women in the prisons and I’ll work with the men.”
“Are you serious?” Bella asked him.
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