by Annie Young
“I wish you would just tell me,” she said, pulling the upper part of her dress back into position to cover up her chest. “I think you could at least do that.”
“I just don't know that I'm ready to move on from Caroline,” he said, with a sigh. “I know it's crazy. She's been gone for a year. I should move forward, but goddammit, I just can't. It's like, whenever I think about anything sexual with you, this deep guilt fills my heart.”
Lily's eyes widened a bit. “Wait, you've thought about sex with me before.”
Shit, he thought.
It was too late to back track now. He had already spilled the beans.
“Yes,” he said. “All the time.”
He cringed, unsure of what Lily's reaction was going to be. To his surprise, her face relaxed and she began to smile.
“Seriously?” she asked.
Wyatt nodded. “Yeah. I've thought about it more times than I care to admit. Every time I did, I felt guilty. Still, it happened all the time. Ever since I walked in on you last week and saw you in your panties. It's all I could think about.”
“I'm really surprised right now,” Lily said.
“Yeah, well, you probably think I'm some creep,” he said. “I promise you that I'm not, though. I really like you, Lily. It's not just about your body either. I love your eyes and your smile. I love how well you take care of Maggie. I think about these things, too. It's not always sex that's on my mind.”
“That's really sweet,” she said.
Wyatt felt a little better about things, now that Lily was smiling again.
“I hope that this doesn't effect anything between us,” he said. “I'd feel horrible if it did.”
Lily shook her head. She approached Wyatt and held both of his eyes while gazing into his eyes. “You don't ever have to worry about that. Nothing will affect our friendship.”
“Really?” he asked.
“Really.” Lily squeezed his hands. “I should tell you something, though. You're not the only one who has been thinking about what it would be like if you and I got together. It's been on my mind, too. In fact, to be honest, it's been killing me that I've had to ignore these feelings.”
“Are you just saying that to make me feel better for coming onto you?” Wyatt flashed a wink and smiled.
Lily giggled. “No, I mean it, Wyatt. I think there's something between us that's real. I mean we've both felt it. I known it for years. I've always had a little crush on you, but when I moved in here, it seemed like the crush amplified by a thousand times. I was so happy when you danced with me tonight and kissed me. It breaks my heart that you can't let your walls down, but I understand why you can't. I want you to know that I don't want to push anything with you that would make you feel guilty. I loved Caroline, too. You know that.”
“I do know that,” Wyatt said. “Man, I wish I could just feel okay about this. I guess I'm just broken still and haven't been able to put the pieces back together. I'm really sorry that you've had to see first hand just how messed up I am.”
“You're not messed up,” she said. “Not at all. You're more together than anybody I know. Losing Caroline was traumatic, though. Nobody knows how they'll react to losing a loved one until it actually happens. Then, when it does, everything goes out the window. You find out who you really are.”
“Yeah, I guess you're right,” he said. “I'm not so sure I like who I really am, though. I mean, what normal guy turns down a girl like you when he's about to have sex with her? If that doesn't paint me as a total weirdo, then I don't know what does.”
Lily smiled. “You know, in a way, I think it's kind of sweet. I think the fact that you didn't want to betray your heart makes you ten times more of a man than any guy who would just hook up with a girl for the sole reason that he could.”
“So you don't think I'm weird?” he asked.
“Well I don't know about that,” she said, with a playful wink. “I like who you are, Wyatt. And I respect where you stand and your feelings for Caroline. As much as I'd like tonight to continue on like it was a few minutes ago, I don't want you to do anything that makes you feel guilty.”
“Thank you for understanding,” Wyatt said. “I mean it. I truly appreciate it.”
“You don't have to thank me,” she said. “I'm just doing what I feel is the right thing to do. I know how much you loved Caroline and I would understand if it took years for your heart to heal from losing her. I don't blame you one bit for being guarded. I'd be the same way.”
Wyatt squeezed her hands and let out a sigh. His cock had relaxed now and the bulge in the front of his pants had faded away. “I guess I should head to bed and get some sleep. I'd like to get up early enough to have breakfast with you and Maggie before you head back home.”
Lily nodded slowly. “Yeah, I'm kind of tired anyway. So, I'll see you in the morning?”
“Yeah,” Wyatt said. “See you then.”
Lily released Wyatt's hands, then turned and walked away from him. He watched her until she turned out of the room, disappearing up the stairs.
“Fuck,” he whispered, then collapsed onto the couch.
He wasn't sure if things would ever be the same between he and Lily after fooling around with each other like that. She did say that it wouldn't change anything, but he had a hard time understanding how that could possibly be true.
It changes everything, he thought. I'll never be able to look at her in the same way and I doubt she'll be able to do the same with me. At least she wasn't mad, though. I've got to hand it to her, too. Most girls would have flipped out if I'd stopped foreplay because I was thinking about my dead wife.
Wyatt wiped his eyes with the back of his hands and then lifted his arms into a stretch.
I guess I'll head to bed, he thought. I'll try to get some sleep, but God knows the only thing I'll be able to think about now is Lily.
Chapter 20
Lily
Lily woke up early the next morning to the sound of birds at her window. When she opened her eyes, she squinted against the sunshine that poured across her face.
It's late, she thought. I must have slept in.
It was nearly eight in the morning, much later than she'd been sleeping lately. She had been up late, though. After making out with Wyatt and nearly having sex with him, he was all that she could think about. He was in every one of her dreams and on her mind. She had tossed and turned all night. Finally, though, at around three in the morning, she managed to fall asleep.
What a weird night, she thought to herself, kicking the covers off.
She stretched her hands over her head and yawned, then walked to the closet to find something to wear. She decided on a pair of jeans and a dark blue blouse. Normally, she would have showered in the morning, but figured since she would be headed home in the next hour or so that she might as well do it there.
“I guess I should pack,” she said, glancing at the closet that she'd claimed as her own for the past week.
It almost felt like she really lived there now, though. She had shoes and clothes in the closet. Her makeup, brush and hair straightener was on the bathroom counter. She even had her own alarm clock on the stand next to the bed.
It had only been a week, but Lily had definitely made herself at home. The thought of packing it all up to leave kind of hurt her heart a little bit. It felt like the end of an amazing vacation. She didn't want to go back to her regular life.
Of course, the fact that Wyatt was offering to let her work there on weekends was really nice. Still, that felt different to her. That felt like just coming in for a couple of days to watch Maggie. This previous week had been a taste of what real life with the family could have been like and she really loved how it felt.
Oh well, she thought. I guess all good things come to an end.
Lily heard Maggie's laughter. It was faint and she could tell that it was coming from downstairs.
I'll pack up my things and then go have breakfast with them, she thought. I'm dreading sayin
g goodbye to Maggie, but at least she'll know I'll be coming back next weekend. Hopefully anyway. I guess it all depends on whether or not Mildred wants to take the weekends off.
She pulled her clothes down off of their hangars and walked them over to the bed. Then she gathered everything from the bathroom and the dresser drawers. With her two big suitcases opened up on the floor, she tossed everything inside. It was mostly dirty laundry anyway, so she didn't care if it got wrinkled or not. She decided she'd just go through it all and get organized when she was back at home.
I guess this is it, she thought. Maybe Wyatt will let me take this room if I come to work on the weekends. For now, though, time to say goodbye.
Lily heaved her luffed bag over her shoulder and then pulled the second suitcase behind her. She stepped out into the hallway and was immediately greeted by the smell of cooking bacon coming from the kitchen.
She headed downstairs and to the front area of the house, where she set her bags down by the door. Then she went to the kitchen, where she saw Wyatt and Maggie sitting at the nearby table. They were busy building a small Lego set together. In the center of the table was what looked like a feast. There were stacks of pancakes, piles of scrambled eggs and a ton of bacon.
“Somebody was busy this morning,” Lily said.
Wyatt and Maggie both looked over.
“There she is,” Wyatt said. “Maggie and I made breakfast for you.”
“All of this is for me?” Lily asked.
“Well no,” Wyatt replied, with a laugh. “It's for all of us. We didn't want to wake you up, but we weren't about to eat breakfast without you.”
“You didn't have to wait for me,” Lily said. “That's really sweet, though. Thanks, you two.”
“You're welcome,” Wyatt said, as he reached into the air and let out a big yawn.
There was something strange in the air as Lily sat down at the table, though. There was a kind of tension between Wyatt and herself. It was obviously caused from the events the evening before, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. It was almost like both of them were having to force themselves to act like everything was normal and that nothing had changed.
“So, shall we eat?” Lily asked.
Maggie nodded eagerly. “I'm starving.”
Wyatt laughed. “Yeah, I'm pretty hungry myself.”
He put dished portions out to everyone and then filled some glasses with orange juice. Lily watched him and her heart sank a little further. Every moment that passed by was another moment closer to when she would have to head home.
“What time did you say Mildred comes home?” she asked. “This afternoon, right?”
“No, actually, it'll be within the next hour or so,” Wyatt said. “She's getting back a little earlier than I expected.”
Lily forced a smile, then took a bite of her food. She didn't want Mildred to come back. It wasn't anything against the old lady either. It was just that, her return meant Lily's departure.
“Aunt Wiwee, do you have to go home today?” Maggie asked.
“Yes, sweetie,” Lily said. “I do have to head back, but I don't want you to be sad about it. You know why?”
“Why?”
“Because even though I'm going home, it doesn't mean that I won't get to see you again,” she said. “It's not like I'm moving away.”
Lily almost told Maggie that she would get to see her on weekends, but was able to stop herself. She didn't want Maggie to get her hopes up about that, just in case Mildred decided she didn't want Saturday and Sunday off of work.
“I know, but I'm still sad,” Maggie said. “I'll miss you.”
Lily's heart melted in her chest and her eyes filled with tears. “I'll miss you, too, Mags. Like I said, though, I'll still see you a lot.” She then turned toward Wyatt. “Do you think I could take Maggie to the zoo some time next week? I mean if Mildred doesn't already have any plans with her?”
“Of course,” Wyatt said. “Yeah, definitely. I don't see a problem with that. I'll mention it to Mildred when she gets back and we'll go from there.”
“See, Maggie, you and I might be able to go to the zoo next week,” Lily said. “How does that sound?”
“We can see the lions and bears?” Maggie asked, a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
“Yes, we can see all of the animals,” Lily said.
Maggie's face relaxed once again and a smile crossed her lips. “Okay.”
God, I really hope Mildred is okay with me taking her to the zoo, Lily thought. I mean there's no way I can back out on this now.
Lily picked at her food, just taking a little nibble of everything. She was too sad about having to leave. Her appetite just wasn't there. So she sipped her orange juice and watched everyone else finish their plates.
When they were done, there was a few seconds of awkward silence between Wyatt and herself. He looked at her, pausing his gaze for a moment. She immediately felt the same attraction that she had the night before. It tingled inside of her, making her wish they'd been able to finish what they had started. She knew that wasn't going to happen, though. Wyatt was too broken about Caroline to open himself up to her.
“You hardly ate a thing,” he said, looking down toward her plate.
“I know.” Lily took another sip of orange juice. “I guess I'm not hungry quite yet. I'll take some food to go, though. I don't have anything in my house and I don't really feel like going to the grocery store today.”
“I'll box it up for you.” Wyatt took Lily's plate and then got up from his seat. He headed over to the kitchen and pulled some plastic containers from a drawer, filling them up with her uneaten breakfast.
“Thanks, Wyatt,” she said, before turning toward Maggie. “I've got to get going, kiddo. Will you give me a hug and a kiss before I leave?”
“Yeah,” Maggie said, her voice so sweet that it made Lily's heart hurt.
Lily stood up and walked over toward Wyatt. She spoke softly so that Maggie wouldn't be able to hear. “Can we talk for a second before I leave?”
Wyatt nodded. “Yeah, of course.” He then looked past Lily toward where his daughter was seated at the table. “Maggie, can you run downstairs and get that thing you made for Aunt Lily? She's going to be leaving in a few minutes and I don't want you to forget it.”
“Okay!” Maggie hopped out of her chair and scurried across the floor toward the basement door.
“She made something for me?” Lily asked.
“Yeah, she worked hard on it, too,” Wyatt said. “It's pretty cool. I think you'll like it.”
He paused and there was another moment of awkward silence.
“About last night,” he finally said, making Lily feel relieved by the fact that she didn't have to bring it up.
“Yeah, about that,” Lily said. “Look, I'm sorry about what happened. It was a mistake and it was my fault. I'm the one who made you dance with me and that started it all. I guess I was just in the moment. Maybe I had too much wine. Maybe I was just sad about the fact that I had to leave today. I don't know, it's just...”
Wyatt place a hand onto her shoulder and cut her short. “Lily, please, stop. It wasn't a mistake. We wouldn't have done it if either of us thought it was actually wrong. I guess I'm just not ready for it, that's all.”
“I understand,” Lily said.
“For what it's worth, I want you to know that I don't regret what happened last night,” Wyatt said, his eyes locked with Lily's. “Not even in the slightest.”
“Really?” she replied, feeling a bit of weight lift off of her shoulders.
“Really.” Wyatt nodded affirmatively.
Lily knew that he was being honest. If he didn't regret what had happened, then she didn't have to either. That alone made her feel much better about the situation as a whole.
They turned toward the basement door as they heard Maggie's little footsteps ascending the stairs.
“Here you go, Aunt Wiwee! Maggie said, as she appeared at the top of the stairs.
Lily couldn't quite make out what she was holding, but it looked like two necklaces of some sort.
“What did you make, sweetheart?” Lily walked toward her and squatted down so that she was at the same level as Maggie.
“Friendship necklaces,” Maggie said, proudly handing one of the beaded necklaces to Lily.
Lily tried to hold back the emotion. She had told herself over and over that she wasn't going to cry that morning. But as she gazed at the hand-crafted necklace, which was as brightly colored as Maggie's favorite outfits, she couldn't help but to let a few tears out.
“This is the sweetest gift I've ever gotten,” Lily said.
“Yours and mine are the same,” Maggie said. “That way we can think of each other whenever we wear it.”
That was it. That was all Lily needed to hear. The emotional dam had been blown up and she started crying hard.
“Do you not like it?” Maggie asked, confused by Lily's tears.
“No, no.” Lily pulled Maggie close for a hug. “I love it, Mags. I'm just crying because I'm happy. Not all tears are sad tears.”
“You really like it then?” Maggie asked.
“I love it more than anything else I've ever been given.” Lily pulled away from the hug and placed her hands onto Maggie's shoulders. She looked her square in the eye. “I mean it. I'm going to put this on and never take it off. What do you think?”
Maggie's eyes lit up and she smiled so wide that it almost looked painful. “I'll do it, too! I'll put it on and keep it on forever.”
Wyatt stepped up and sat down on the floor beside them. Lily noticed that he looked a little teary eyed himself. She didn't say anything, because she didn't want to embarrass him. It was cute, though. The big, strong, unstoppable Wyatt obviously had a soft spot that extended beyond the pain of losing his wife.
“This is absolutely adorable,” he said, moving his gaze between Maggie and Lily. “I need to take a picture of this.”
“Oh, no,” Lily said. “I haven't showered and my hair is a mess.”
Wyatt chuckled and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. “You look great, Lily. Trust me.” He flashed a wink and then lifted his phone up. “Okay, say 'cheese'.”