by C. A. Harms
“Their marriage has been full of hard times, Sean.” My chest tightened. “She raised that boy on her own while trying to shield him from his worthless father.”
“Had I known—” I swallowed hard.
“You wouldn’t have left.”
I nodded.
“Don’t you think it’s time to let go of the past?” he asked. “Holding on to it has gotten you nowhere, and if I recall the two of you were friends long before you were enemies.”
“She could never be my enemy.” And I meant it. Deep down beneath all the ache I knew wholeheartedly that I could never hate Jenny. In my heart, she was always my girl.
“Maybe it’s time she knows that.” I looked up once again and watched as my father stood and tilted his beer back, finishing the last of it.
“I’m gonna head to bed,” he said as he lowered his now-empty bottle. “You need to get some rest too, and tomorrow I think it’s time you set it all free and start building a future. Because the way I see it, you have two choices.” He paused as I leaned back in my chair. “You can walk away and continue living each day feeling as if part of you is lost”—the idea of that only made my stomach feel hollow—“or you can choose to stand by that woman’s side, as a friend or as something more. That lies in your hands, son.”
He turned from the table and walked toward the doorway, tossing his beer bottle in the garbage bin on the way out. The sound of it clinking against something else made out of glass echoed through the quiet kitchen.
I woke to the sound of giggles. And to something wet on my arm.
I wiped at the spot and groaned in displeasure. I take back my earlier observation. It definitely was not wet.
It was sticky.
“Do you like pancakes?” The question came in the form of a tiny whisper. “And bacon?”
I opened one eye just enough to get a peek at the blond boy hovering above me.
“Bacon is my favorite.” He spoke in a whisper though his eyes were wide with excitement.
Landyn’s face glistened with a shiny substance I imagined to be the same sticky goo that was all over my arm.
“Landyn Thomas.” Our heads turned in the direction of the stern, motherly tone. “I told you not to bother Sean.”
Jenny stood only a few feet away, wearing a pair of stretch pants and a long T-shirt that hit midthigh, hands on her hips, head tilted to the side, one eyebrow cocked, and her lips pressed together tightly. Her expression reminded me of all the times I got in trouble while growing up for causing mischief. The only difference was that while that expression looked intimidating on my mom, on Jenny just looked cute. I found myself smiling without being able to control it.
And just like that, her lips pulled into a smile too. “I told him to let you sleep, but I got busy helping your mom and didn’t notice he’d disappeared. Sorry.”
“It’s all right.” I pointed at Landyn’s hair, which was now matted with slime. “Though I think I may need a shower now. Little man seems to be packing something sticky.”
“It’s syrup,” he stated proudly.
I chuckled because he was still whispering. “Buddy, why don’t you get in the kitchen and wash up those hands.”
Jenny held her hand out for him, and he quickly got off the couch and went to her.
Just before she stepped out of the den, where I decided to sleep, Jenny looked back over her shoulder.
“We made breakfast.”
I nodded and remained in the same position until they were both gone. It never failed. Each time I tried to hold my shit together around Jenny, I couldn’t. Over the last six years, rarely had I found myself unable to say what I wanted when I wanted, but with her I was tongue-tied. How can one person want someone so damn much but also be scared shitless of taking that step at the same time?
After I got up and took a quick shower, I joined Jenny, Landyn, and my mother in the kitchen. My father had already gone into his office for a couple hours to finish up some things he had forgone to come to my race.
Tomorrow morning, I was scheduled to head out to North Carolina for a couple days. We had a race next weekend at Charlotte Motor Speedway, and preparation would begin shortly after I arrived home. I needed to spend a little time at my place and rest up a bit. But honestly, being in Irving now had the exact opposite effect on me than I thought it would: I didn’t want to leave now.
JENNY
“ROBBY’S IN THE county jail,” Jerry informed us.
I can’t say I was shocked to hear the news. But I knew he wasn’t there because of what he had done to our home. They couldn’t charge him with destruction of property without evidence.
When Jerry came home, he asked if we could talk, and while he, Sean, and I sat around the table, Molly had volunteered to play with my son in the backyard. I was so grateful for this. I felt like his short little life had already been tainted enough with Robby’s garbage.
I won’t lie, the fact Sean sat at my side was also comforting. I know he didn’t want this shit—hell, he didn’t deserve it. Today had already been hard enough on him, and now he had to sit and listen to me talk about the years he’s been gone.
“Forgive me for not acting surprised,” I said without looking up from where my hands were fisted in my lap. “I’ve heard those words so many times over the last few years that I can barely react to them anymore. Robby is always getting arrested, whether because he got in a fight or chose to do something stupid. I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten phone calls from the station or late night knocks on my door.”
A silence settled over us until Jerry spoke once again.
“Did Robby ever talk to you about a guy name Eddie?” I thought for a moment and shook my head. “How about Dez?”
“Yeah,” I replied. “I’ve heard that name a time or two when he was on the phone with someone.”
“Eddie Mendez.” When Jerry said the name, I realized he was referring to one person instead of two. I looked between him and Sean, ashamed that I didn’t truly know Robby that much anymore. We may have been married, but we didn’t have a marriage. We were two people living in the same house who only saw each other in passing.
“Like I said, I just overheard him mention Dez on the phone. Robby and I don’t really talk anymore.” I bit he inside of my lip, feeling as if Sean’s eyes were burning a hole in my side. But I didn’t want to look at him, not now.
The boy we both knew so well growing up wasn’t really the person we thought he was.
“Eddie and Robby have been connected to three robberies over the last week. And last night they were caught on tape breaking into Miller’s Antiques.”
I closed my eyes for a moment and took in a deep breath. “So will he stay in this time?” I asked, praying like crazy that I’d finally have a little time to get my life together before Robby was set free once again.
“All owners are pursuing the maximum charges,” Jerry assured me.
I took another deep breath.
“And I’m doing all I can to ensure he serves time,” he added.
A rush of relief washed over me. Maybe it was wrong of me to wish for my son’s father to go away for a while. Maybe it was wrong to pray for peace from this roller coaster of a life I’ve been living, but at this point, I could no longer allow myself to feel guilty for it.
I was a mess; my life was a mess.
“Jenny.” Sean placed his hand on my shoulder, and I hung my head. I wanted to erase all the mistakes I had ever made and start over. I wanted to feel as if it was okay for me to turn and throw my arms around Sean’s neck and allow him to comfort me. I could feel myself spiraling, and I knew I couldn’t afford to fall. I had to think of Landyn, and if he couldn’t have two strong parents, I had to ensure he at least had one.
I let out a slow, calming breath and lifted my head to look back at Jerry. “So I have time to look for a safer place for Landyn to be?”
“What?” Sean’s sharp tone made me turn. “What do you mean ‘a safer place’
?”
His face was scrunched up in confusion, and his shoulders were tense and pushed back.
“I’m gonna go check on Molly and the boy,” Jerry said, only neither of us looked at him. “I’ll give the two of you some time to talk.” His footsteps retreated across the hardwood floor as Sean and I stared at one another.
“There’s no reason for the two of you to pick up and leave,” he said.
“No reason?” Was he serious? “I have a home I don’t feel safe in, and that I can barely afford. I work at the supermarket as a cashier, Sean. I barely bring home enough to put food on the table. My father believes I should stand by Robby, because a divorced daughter raising her son alone is more of an embarrassment to him than one that has a husband that is in and out of jail. You know how warped my father’s sense of right and wrong is. I can’t go to them.”
“You can stay here,” he said, and I laughed.
“Though I truly appreciate your parents giving Landyn and me a safe place to sleep, I couldn’t ever expect them to let me stay here permanently. We aren’t their responsibility.” I could never feel right about taking advantage of their kindness.
“But you know they’d let you stay,” he assured me.
Yes, I did, but I still couldn’t accept it. “I have to start over,” I told him. “And I need to do it away from here.”
This city was filled with people who knew me and my situation. I didn’t want Landyn growing up known as “the kid that troubled man fathered.” I wanted him to have a fair shake, and I knew he wouldn’t get that here.
“Come with me.” Sean’s words filled the silence, and my heart lurched.
“What?” I’d heard him, but I still felt thrown off by his invite.
“You and Landyn should come back to North Carolina with me.” The intensity of his stare made my stomach twist.
If only Sean could be my white knight riding into town to save me and my son, making all our troubles disappear. Only I couldn’t allow that to happen. None of this was Sean’s fault. He had moved on and built a life for himself, and I couldn’t possibly take advantage of his kindness. No, I had to clean up this mess on my own.
“I can’t.” I shook my head. I could never feel right about misusing my situation to gain support from others, especially when I knew Sean’s impulsive offer was only fueled by his compassion.
He continued to stare at me, and before I could explain my reasons for rejecting his offer, he stood from the table and walked toward the sink, tension coiled in his shoulders and back. He braced his hands on the counter and looked out the window directly in front of him.
I knew giving him a few minutes was most likely my best option. So I remained silent, fully intending to explain my reasoning, but before I could, my son’s squealing laughter filled the house.
Landyn rounded the corner and ran straight for me, holding a handful of pink and yellow flowers. Dirt covered his face as he beamed at me with pride and excitement
“Here, Momma,” he said, holding them out toward me.
“Are these for me?” I asked and he nodded happily. “They’re beautiful, thank you.”
Only moments ago I felt as if I had very little to smile about, but Landyn’s happiness was infectious. Even after all he’d seen, and the things he’d had to go without, he was still so happy. And I knew in that moment that I was blessed. I had an amazing son, and no matter where we were or what we faced, we still had each other.
I wrapped his tiny frame in my arms and pulled him against me, taking a moment to breathe him in. He smelled of dirt and the faint scent of syrup. It was a wonderful combination because of the little man that wore it.
And when I finally lifted my head and opened my eyes in searched of Sean, he was gone.
SEAN
HER REJECTION HURT worse than I thought it would. Even after all these years, it still felt like I was losing her all over again.
I left without telling anyone where I planned to go, and to be honest when I walked out after grabbing my father’s keys off the counter, I didn’t know where I was heading.
But now I sat in the parking lot of the county jail trying to pull myself together. My anger toward Robby was riding on the verge of danger. And I knew if I went in there with this chip on my shoulder, he and I would be sharing a cell.
I had to hold it together, but I wanted to know what the fuck was wrong with him. He had the perfect girl and son, and he blew it for what? A drink and some sorry-ass people that convinced him being a thug was awesome?
The longer I sat there staring at the building before me, the more pissed I became. Nothing was going to tame my rage.
I sat at the table with my hands stretched out on the top, staring straight ahead.
I didn’t miss the look of surprise on Robby’s face when the guard led him into the room. His hands were cuffed in front of him, and he wore a light gray jumper that hung loosely on his body. Growing up, he and I had always been comparable in size, but now he just looked so frail and aged. The last six years had not been good to the man who at one time I considered to be more of a brother than just a friend.
“Look at you,” he said with a chuckle as the guard directed him to sit in the chair opposite mine on the other side of the plate-glass divider. “Mr. Bigshot Racecar Driver.”
I didn’t smile in return.
“Gotta say I’m shock you found the time to visit an old friend.” He leaned back in his chair and his shoulders sagged.
“I wouldn’t really consider us friends, Robby,” I told him. “We haven’t been friends for a long time.”
“Not my choice,” he said, and it infuriated me how he could sit there and act as if I had walked out on him without cause.
“Really?” I leaned over, bringing myself closer to the glass that separated us.
Dark circles shadowed his eyes, and a faint cut on his lip was still healing. Something about the fact he had felt pain recently felt satisfying, but not satisfying enough.
My frustration had been building for years, and the man that started it all now sat in front of me as if he’d done no wrong.
“You went after her to hurt me.” I narrowed my eyes, silently asking him to deny it, only he didn’t. And that confirmed what I had suspected all along. “You knew how I felt about her, and you waited until I was out of the way so you could move in.” I fisted my hands when he smirked.
Fucking bastard.
“She didn’t fight it.” He shrugged.
My fist clenched and unclenched. This bastard should be thankful there was a plate of glass separating us. Otherwise I’d find pleasure in bashing in that smug look on his face.
“I walked away thinking I was doing the right thing, giving you the chance to take care of her and your child without me in the way. But you took it all for granted. It was never about getting the girl to you; it was always about taking something from me that you knew would destroy me. She was a fucking game to you, and you’ve spent every year since then destroying her.”
His expression shifted to one of irritation. “I haven’t destroyed her; she did that on her own by pining over you and wishing she chose the other guy. Hell, that woman made herself miserable and took me along for the ride.” He narrowed his eyes. “Had I known she would be like that, I never would have messed with her. I should have let you have the bitch. But then again, I’ve never been one to bow out gracefully. It was much better watching the two of you suffer.”
My heart rate had spiked, and I was so close to reaching over the table and wiping that smirk from his mouth, but I stayed strong.
“I came here to tell you something,” I said as calmly as I could.
“Yeah? What’s that?” He tilted his head to the side and looked to his left before looking back toward me.
“I’m taking your wife and your son far away from here,” I stated with certainty, because one way or another that was my full intention.
His cocky grin fell and was replaced with a scowl.
“
And I plan to make both of them happier than they ever imagined.” His jaw flexed, and the satisfaction of knowing I was getting to him made my own anger fade just enough for me to stay sane. “I’m gonna fill their lives with joy, and Jenny’s nights with pleasure.” He leaned forward as if he thought that would intimidate me, but I went on. “You’ll just be an afterthought in their world. I’m gonna be your son’s hero and your wife’s protector. And I’ll make sure you never touch them again.”
“You don’t have that power,” he said, his eyes narrow and angry.
“Watch me,” I said. “Because as I sit here staring at a pathetic excuse of a man, those two are packing up everything they have. And before you can even attempt to stop her, she’ll be long gone. You don’t have a chance, Robby. She never loved you, but she’s always loved me, and I think you know that too. So there’s no reason to fight it anymore.”
He tried to stand when I did, and the guard that stood only a few feet away stepped up behind his chair, saying something to him that I didn’t quite hear. But it only infuriated Robby more.
“You can’t take what’s mine,” Robby said through gritted teeth.
I couldn’t help but chuckle at that me.
“She’s never been yours, Robby, and just watch me.” I smiled before turning around and walking away.
The sound of him beating on the Plexiglass and yelling only made me feel better about the plans rolling around in my head. At this point, even Jenny’s rejection wasn’t going to stop me from making everything I’d just told Robby about happen.
The time was long overdue for me to get exactly what I’d been denying for far too long.
As I arrived back at my parents’ house, my stomach dropped when I didn’t see Jenny’s car in the driveway. Panic rushed through me I scrambled out of my Expedition and ran toward the front door.