by Holly Martin
Wednesday:
Clearly you feel you can communicate easier through this book than with me at the moment. I don’t blame you; I wouldn’t want to talk to me either. But if this is the only way you will talk to me then fine.
Everything moved so quickly. I never wanted to get married that wasn’t on my radar at all. I was one of the lads, out almost every night of the week, getting drunk, getting laid. You know my past; I’ve been completely honest with you there. Then you came along and everything changed. There hasn’t been another woman since you, not on the stag do, never. I’ve not so much as kissed another woman. I never even wanted to. No one ever came close.
I wanted to spend every single second with you; I didn’t want to be with the lads anymore. Of course, every time I cancelled plans with the lads they took the piss. ‘Under the thumb’, they said, ‘Staying at home with the ball and chain’. At first I just laughed it off but then it started to get annoying.
Then one drunken New Year’s Eve, I looked into your eyes and knew I wanted to spend every single New Year’s Eve with you, that life wouldn’t be the same without you and I proposed. I never regretted it the next day, I walked around with a huge grin on my face, but then the jibes started.
Shortly after that my lovely, sweet, beautiful girlfriend disappeared and Bridezilla appeared instead. Everything, I mean everything was about the wedding. The perfect flowers, the perfect dress, the photographer, the videographer, the five tiered cake, the shoes, the arrival music, the walking down the aisle music, the signing the certificate music, the DJ versus a live band dilemma, the food, the canapés, the drinks, the hotel, the church, the cars, the best man, the grooms men, the nightmare that was the choice of bridesmaids, the flower girls, the page boys, what your Mum was going to wear, what my Mum was going to wear, the colour scheme, the favours, the invites, the confetti, the honeymoon, the guests and who to invite. I felt like I was drowning. I have had this huge sense of claustrophobia for the last six months. We have spent every single weekend at wedding fairs collating ideas, every single night talking about all of the above. It has been all consuming from the day after New Year’s Day; we haven’t talked about anything else since.
I lost sight of the reason why I wanted to marry you, all I could see was weddings, weddings, weddings and could no longer see our beautiful future together. You wanted us to write our own vows. I’m rubbish at all that, the fear of being the centre of attention anyway was scary, but coming up with a speech, to declare my love for you in my own words was terrifying. What if it sounded crap, what if it didn’t do my feelings justice? You wrote your vows so easily and night after night I stared at a sheet of blank paper willing the inspiration to come to me and it never did. Amy said if I couldn’t come up with the words to tell you I loved you, maybe I really didn’t, or maybe I didn’t love you enough. I know I shouldn’t have listened to her but with the stress of the wedding, with the never ending jibes from the lads, I couldn’t help letting it all get to me.
I realise now what an idiot I have been. That I love you so much and I want to be with you, forever. I know that I hurt you, but if you let me, I will spend every day for the rest of our lives trying to prove to you how much I love you.
I wanted it all to be perfect, because that was the first day of our perfect life together. You were going to be my Happy Ever After and I wanted the perfect day to celebrate that. I’m sorry that I got so caught up in it all but you should have talked to me, you should have told me how you felt.
And can’t you see what Amy was trying to do, from the word go she was trying to break us apart. Your so called friend and she was out to ruin everything.
I don’t think she was trying to break us up, I think she was just concerned that I was doing the wrong thing.
She clearly wanted you for herself.
We have never had that relationship. I don’t see her that way, she knows that.
Doesn’t stop her trying to split us up though.
Maybe. I’ll never see her again if that’s what you want. You’re the only one that matters now.
Have I ever tried to stop you seeing your mates, Amy included? Do you think I ever would? You shouldn’t have paid any attention to her, to any of them. If they were any kind of friends they would have understood that things change, they would have been happy for you.
I’ve spoken a lot to my friends over the last few days. Every single one of them, well except Amy, has told me what a fool I was, (the words they chose were much ruder than that) that you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I was an absolute shit for standing you up. They said that the jibes, the taking the piss, was just that, just jokes and I should never have taken it seriously.
So because your friends have backed down, you’ve changed your mind about not being with me. You should have been strong enough to stand up to them in the first place. Maybe Amy was right, maybe you don’t love me enough. If you loved me enough you would have turned up on Saturday, you would have wanted to be with me regardless. You would have seen past the neurotic bridezilla and seen the person you fell in love with, the person that you asked to marry, the person you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with. How could everything we shared, all those years mean nothing to you?
I love you, I’m here now. Does that mean nothing to you? I made a mistake, I’m sorry. If we got married we would have had rows, would you have run at the first hurdle or would you have forgiven me and moved on.
I guess we’ll never know.
Thursday:
Immy has barely said a single word to me since I’ve arrived. Though she did offer me a cup of tea this morning at breakfast which I took to be a good sign.
It was tea, simple as that.
What do you want from me Immy?
What are you offering?
Whatever you want, whatever it takes to get you back.
A big wedding, five hundred guests, you stand up in the church and say loudly and clearly your own vows to prove how much you love me.
Fine. I’ll do anything.
I don’t really want all that. Maybe I lost my way a bit too. Maybe I got caught up in the moment and forgot what our wedding should have been about. All it should have been was me and you declaring our love for each other and promising to love each other for as long as we both shall live. We didn’t need all the frills.
I was happy to give you the frills; I wanted you to be happy.
I know. Then it consumed me. I’m sorry.
Don’t apologise. Please don’t apologise.
I want kids, loads of them.
I want kids too. I want to start a family with you. I want to be a grown up now.
I fell in love with the happy, fun Dan. I don’t want that to change.
I’m going for a walk on the beach. I’m not saying I’ll talk to you or hold your hand but maybe you could come with me.
I’d like that.
Hi, just popped by to check you hadn’t killed each other.
Not that I’m meddling at all, well maybe a little bit, but there is a registry office about five minutes from here. Just saying…
It started with a kiss. Three years ago that was how it all started. Today it seems we have started all over again.
I’m not waiting three years to marry you again.
What are you suggesting?
That Annie might have a point.
You still want to marry me.
I love you. You being an idiot hasn’t changed that.
Friday:
Oh God! Why is making up soooo good?
Imogen!! What happened to the sweet, lovely girl I fell in love with?
She’s still here, but she’s a little bit harder round the edges now.
I think I love ‘hard around the edges’ Imogen that little bit more. Especially if last night was anything to go by. Bloody Hell!!
Dan!!!! You do make me laugh.
Marry me Imogen. Marry me today and let’s go to Venice tomorrow as Husband and Wife.
We can’t just get married today.
Why not? I believe you have the dress.
What about our friends, our family?
It’s not about them, it’s about us.
If you want to wait, if you want to do it all properly again at the big hotel with the five tiered cake, we will, I will do whatever it takes to make you happy. But I just want to be married to you now. I want you as my wife.
Your Mum won’t be happy.
I don’t care.
Saturday:
I can’t stop grinning.
Yesterday we grabbed Annie and a lady called Sophia and ran down to the registry office. It’s not as romantic as you see in the movies where the couple decide to get married on the spur of the moment. Apparently you have to register the wedding weeks in advance just in case anyone wants to object. However we had already done this with the church where we were supposed to marry last week. Although it was unorthodox the registry office contacted the church and after a long chat, the registry office decided to marry us.
It was short, but what mattered was we promised to love each other as long as we both shall live. And that was all I needed, I didn’t need the all singing, all dancing wedding with all the frills, I didn’t need Dan to write his own vows, I just needed him standing next to me, holding my hand.
We are now married. I am Mrs Edwards.
We’re flying off to Venice today for the second part of our honeymoon. Dan can’t stop smiling either.
Thanks Annie xx
**********
30th August – 4th September
Daisy and Eric Brownlow
The sun is shining, the sea breeze is mild. The conditions couldn’t be better for our week’s holiday.
Eric and I are naturists and as Holkham beach, just down the road from here, is an official naturist beach we are going to give it a try.
There are lots of naturist beaches around the UK that we have visited over the years, some good, some bad and some ugly. Holkham beach has a good reputation and it has the dunes for added privacy and protection from the wind.
There is nothing more exhilarating or liberating than walking over the hills or beaches without clothes. The feel of the wind on your skin is wonderful.
Daisy Brownlow
Sunday:
We spent a lovely day at the beach yesterday. There were quite a few other naturists probably over a hundred who were also enjoying the sun.
Mostly the Textiles did mix amicably with the naturists, most of them are aware that we have a beach for nudists here. Though you always get the poor unsuspecting tourists that don’t see or read the signs and then get the shock of their lives to see us lot romping around in our birthday suits.
The wind did get up a bit and we retreated into the dunes to have our picnic.
We intend to enjoy the beautiful garden here at Willow Cottage today. It is secluded and protected by high trees.
We have nothing to hide or be embarrassed by but sometimes people get offended by naturists. Annie’s cottage does overlook our garden though. So I have been round to see Annie to ask if she would be offended by our nudity and she said it was fine.
Why would she be offended? There is nothing wrong with the naked body. It’s perfectly natural. Besides I imagine she’s been running this place for years, she’s seen it all.
Eric
Have just skimmed back through this book. A couple of weeks ago she had a woman who brought her snake and a three legged goat. Now if that doesn’t say freak to you I don’t know what does. We are not freaks.
Monday:
We went for a walk over the hills today. Mostly we wait until we are away from the roads before we disrobe. Some people can get funny about it.
Most of the walkers we passed had the typical reaction; shock, amusement, embarrassment but towards the end we had an unfortunate encounter with a young family. The mother shielded the kids’ eyes as we walked towards them and shouted at us that we should be ashamed of ourselves.
Eric is 82 and I’m 81, there is very little that causes us to be ashamed at our time of life. Life is too short to have regrets or to live it as others see fit. Of course we covered ourselves up temporarily until they passed. That’s generally the naked walker’s unwritten code. If it upsets someone then cover up.
What concerns me is that those children will grow up thinking that nudity is something to be ashamed about, that’s it’s disgusting and depraved. There is nothing more natural than being naked. We should be proud of our bodies not hide them away just because of social conventions. Children are naturally curious when seeing naked people and with the right parenting you can explain that naturism is just a personal choice.
Tuesday:
I’m glad you’re enjoying the beaches, they are beautiful. Please don’t be offended by the small mindedness of the minority. Most people round here have a ‘live and let live’ mentality. I know better than anyone that life is too short to not enjoy it, to not do the things that you want to do or to be held back by worries over what other people will think.
I agree with Annie. It was a bit of a shock when I came into clean today and found you guys wondering around naked but only because I wasn’t expecting it. Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life.
Sophia
Thank you both for your understanding.
Back to the beach again today. At least we were with our own sort of people there. You do get the spectators though, the ones that just go to the nudist beach just to have a look. The sun was really hot today and we had to protect ourselves with liberal amounts of sun cream. That is the only downside of being a naturist, there is more exposed skin that could get burnt.
Wednesday:
Another day on the beach today. A few meerkats in the dunes today, the spectators that keep popping their heads over the dunes to have a look at us. We could hear them giggling. But we can cope with the giggling; it’s the rudeness that upsets us. The other naturists are all very friendly.
Thursday:
We are going home today but we will definitely be back. Everyone has been very friendly.
**********
4th – 8th September
Hetty O’Donahue (Yay!!!)
Hello my dear, it’s good to see you too. I was worried when you left Wales so hurriedly last time but I was relieved to get your phone call to say everything was ok. I’ve been dying of curiosity ever since.
It was horrible of Oliver to tell you Willow Cottage had burnt down, but you can’t shut him out of your life over it. He’s your best friend, what on earth is going on between you two?
In short, the man is being a total arse. He doesn’t want me to see other men, but he doesn’t want me either. He still feels really guilty over Nick’s death and it’s messing him up spectacularly.
Why does he feel so guilty over the accident? I don’t know the details of what happened that night, just that Nick died in a car crash. Is there something that Olly did that he should feel guilty over?
No. The roads were icy, a car coming the other way took a corner too quickly, lost control and slammed into them. Olly escaped with minor injuries, Nick was killed instantly. There was nothing Olly could have done. By all accounts he was driving slowly because of the ice. I can’t even blame the other driver. We’ve all been there and lost control in icy conditions. But there is absolutely no blame to be laid on Olly’s shoulders.
So now he thinks he shouldn’t benefit from Nick’s death by being with you?
I don’t think he wants me that way. He’s never showed any interest in me like that.
You slept together, that shows some level of interest.
It shows he was drunk and horny.
Don’t be blind and stubborn. You just have to read some of his messages in this book. God a seven year old girl could even see it when she saw you two together. It’s clear he is not doing anything because of his love and loyalty for Nick.
Are you looking forward to your Birthday meal in Th
e Frog, everyone is coming. I believe Simon and Leila have ordered a pig roast. William is coming too. He’s bought a new suit for the occasion.
Ah that’s sweet of him and yes of course I’m looking forward to seeing everyone. But you don’t get away with it that easily. I have to ask, what did Nick leave you in the will?
Urgh! Nothing. There was nothing that he could leave to me, everything we owned was owned equally. It wasn’t what he left me that upset me, it was what he left for Olly. I do love Nick but he had a foolish, sentimental heart.
That wasn’t what has got you and Sophia in such a flap. What did he leave Olly?
Nick’s happiness.
Oh.
Have you told him?
No of course not. It wasn’t Nick’s to give away. I don’t want Olly to take it just because Nick has told him to, or out of guilt or loyalty.