“You look nice tonight,” she told me quietly, her fingertips tracing the edges of my light grey suit before they moved back under the silver tie that was made from the same material as her dress. Something her mum and aunt had thrown together after measuring me several times to make sure they’d gotten everything right. “You look grown up, Toby.”
“I feel it tonight.”
“I thought you’d secretly be dreading prom.”
“With you? Not possible.”
She giggled. It was a peaceful giggle. One I’d imagine her making in the quiet of her bedroom when she was alone with nobody watching. One she’d make when she had no one to please but herself.
“Well, look at you two!” came a voice from behind us. It broke the moment in an instant, and everything came rushing back to reality. The noise grew louder. The space between us like an ocean as her body left mine and the cold of her absence left me lonely again.
“Cheryl,” Lilac cried, beaming with excitement.
Cheryl wrapped her in an embrace within seconds, while I was left to push both hands into my suit trouser pockets and wait. I loved that Lilac had a friend that she genuinely adored. I also loved that Cheryl was as quirky as Lilac. They were two individual souls who weren’t afraid to stand out or be alone.
I admired that.
Cheryl stepped away from Lilac and threw herself at my body, crushing me into a hug like we’d done that a thousand times before.
“Cheryl,” I grunted.
“Toby Hunter.” She stepped away and held my arms out before she inspected me from head to toe and back again. “Is it Toby Hunter? I don’t remember him ever looking this hot before now.”
“Colour me flattered.” I smirked.
She turned her attention to Lilac, then back at me. Then at Lilac again. We stood there watching, waiting for her to strike with her next move. She eventually grabbed hold of Lilac and pushed her next to me before she took a step back, held her arms up, and made a frame with her fingers.
“Bloody perfect,” she cried, adjusting her finger-made frame. “Mental snapshot noted. Now time for an actual picture.”
She rummaged around in her black leather purse before she pulled out her phone.
“Oh no,” I muttered to myself, but Lilac heard me as she picked up my arm and wrapped it around her waist, pushing herself into my chest.
“No curtains to hide behind tonight. Say ‘cheese’.”
I stared down at her in awe and blinked hard as the flash went off in front of me.
“Toby,” Cheryl shouted over the music. “You weren’t looking at the camera.”
I glanced her way and offered an apologetic smile. She angled her phone in several directions before she gave us a nod to let us know she was satisfied.
“Shall we dance?” Cheryl asked us both.
“Where’s your date?” Lilac scowled, pulling away from me carefully.
I enjoyed holding her close, but I hated it whenever she broke away, and I had no idea what that meant.
“Date?” Cheryl scowled. “Please. What is this? 1953?”
“Sure looks like it.” I pointed to the badly drawn banners and the out of date streamers hanging down from the ceiling.
“Right? It looks like the fifties threw up in here.” Cheryl laughed as the three of us looked upwards.
“I like it,” Lilac whispered.
My eyes fell on her face instantly. A second later, hers fell to mine. In that single moment, with her doing the simplest of things and speaking the simplest of words, she seemed like the grandest creation I would ever see.
“So… about that dancing,” Cheryl said.
“You girls go ahead,” I told them, breaking eye contact with Lilac. “I’m going to go find Chris. Make sure he isn’t spiking any punch or doing the Hand Jive around some unsuspecting and very undeserving girls.”
“I wouldn’t put it past him.” Cheryl rolled her eyes.
“Chris is a good guy,” I said in his defence.
The two of them laughed and took off, leaning into one another and exchanging whispers I could no longer hear.
It was confusing to be a kid and feel grownup things. I knew they were grownup because my mum had told me all about those moments where a girl would make my heart beat faster, and my mouth go dry. She’d warned me about the girl who’d make everything else fade away until she was the only thing standing in a blank space, shining bright like a star in an otherwise dark, dark world.
The only thing she hadn’t told me is that it could happen as young as fifteen. Almost sixteen.
“She looks fit tonight,” Chris mumbled, pulling up beside me and munching on a paper plate full of crisps.
I side-eyed him, remaining silent.
“You kissed her yet?” he asked, staring down at his food as he crunched loudly.
“No.”
“You want to?”
“Yeah.”
“You going to?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re almost sixteen, Tobe. Most guys our age are screwing three different girls already and worrying about two of them knocking on their parents’ door with a positive pregnancy stick in their hand and tears in their eyes.”
“I’m not like most guys.”
“That’s such a chat up line.”
“It’s not. I don’t feel like the others.”
“Only because you haven’t had the chance to be like them. We’re all the same underneath the bullshit.”
I scowled as I watched him making a pattern with his crisps on the plate. “Speak for yourself.”
“I do.” He crunched… and crunched… and crunched and crunched.
“Well, I’m telling you straight up: I’m not like that.”
“You might not be like that for Lilac. You will be for the right girl.”
“I don’t want anybody else.” She is the right girl, I thought.
“Then what do you want?”
I looked up at the dance floor and found her in an instant. She shone for me.
“Her,” I whispered to myself.
“What was that?” he asked, not hearing me over the music and the deafening sound of crisps between his teeth.
I closed my eyes for a second to collect my thoughts, eventually releasing a long, heavy breath. “I said I don’t know.”
“Just admit it, Toby. Everyone else here wants to screw her. And those who don’t are the girls who want to screw her over.”
“Chris…” I tensed my jaw.
“There’s no shame in wanting her, you know. Just because she looks sweet and innocent, it doesn’t mean she is. It’s always the quiet ones, right? Apparently, they can go all night long, and no one expects it from them… so I’ve heard.” He looked up at me with an out of place smirk on his face. It made him look cocky. It made him look like Joel. It made me mad.
“Don’t talk about her like that.”
He began to laugh, trying to entice me into doing the same, but as soon as he realised I found him gross, not funny, his smile faded, and he had the decency to look a little bit ashamed of himself.
“Hadn’t realised she had a leash on your personality,” Chris muttered, his eyes wide and his brows high before he looked back down at his plate.
“Fuck off, Chris.”
“I think I will.” He turned and left, shaking his head as he walked away from me and straight up to another group of guys from school I couldn’t stand.
“Arsehole,” I mouthed, regretting telling Cheryl and Lilac he was a good guy.
The night wore on slowly at first, then far too quickly once we relaxed. Lilac and Cheryl danced together for a while before dragging me into the mix. I should have felt more awkward than I did, but there was something about their company that made everything feel natural. Cheryl was manic the way she flung her arms around and headbanged during every song… even the slow ones. Lilac had a rhythm I’d always admired from afar. The way she looked upwards as though she could see the stars instead
of streamers. The way she spun, never once missing her footing or stumbling to the side. The way she smiled… always smiled. The way she lit up the whole room and made every other girl seem dull and dreary to me.
“I need to go the bathroom,” Lilac yelled over the music.
“You go pee, girl,” Cheryl shouted back.
I wanted to offer to go with her but, thankfully, I realised how creepy that sounded before I actually spoke the words. Instead, I gave her a nod and a smile before she spun around and walked away. My eyes fell to her arse as she walked away.
“You’ve got it so bad, dude,” Cheryl said over the noise of the music.
“I’ve got what bad?”
“Bad love for Lilac.”
I scowled, somehow still dancing. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“The way you look at her…” Cheryl banged her head violently again before she spun on one foot, landed on them both, and then air-guitared in front of me. “It’s fierce.”
“Fierce. How?”
“You know how, Toby.”
I didn’t say anything else. I wasn’t sure what else there was to say. I did know that it was enough to scare a girl like Lilac off if I carried on with my inability to hide my lustful thoughts.
Cheryl didn’t push it any further, thankfully. The two of us danced through the rest of that song. Then another song. Until the third one came on, and I began to look around in confusion, wondering where Lilac was.
“Hey, Cheryl.” I leaned into her. “I don’t know about chick bathroom etiquette, but shouldn’t Lilac be back by now?”
Cheryl looked up and then around at the entire hall.
“Want me to go check on her?”
I did, but I didn’t want to admit it. “Up to you.” I shrugged.
“She’s probably got her heel stuck in a grate or something. Back in a few minutes.”
She turned and left quickly, and I saw the worry in her rushed walk as she let her hands fall into the thickness of her shredded black tutu.
I bit my lip and glanced around again, seeing nothing but a group of girls that used to hang around with Lilac now staring at me, each of them with huge grins on their faces and mischief in their eyes. One girl, Daisy, raised her hand and offered me flirty wiggle of her fingers.
Great. Just great.
I smiled flatly and gave her a nod before I walked off the dance floor and went to sit down at a nearby table.
My eyes were fixed firmly on the door that led to the toilets when I felt someone pull up a chair beside me and brush up against me.
“Hey, Toby,” Daisy said in a squeaky, almost too girly voice. It set my teeth on edge, but I turned her way and offered her another weak smile anyway.
“Hey, Daisy.”
“You been ditched?”
“No.”
“You’re here with Lilac, right?”
“Sure am.”
“Shame.”
“Is it?” I asked, looking away from her and staring at the rest of the year group on the dance floor.
“I just wouldn’t have put you two together, that’s all.”
“Surprising.”
“She’s so… and you’re so…”
I eyed her again and raised a brow, challenging her to complete that sentence.
“You know what I mean.” She giggled, wafting a hand in the air.
“I really don’t.”
“A girl like her will always be hard work, you know? She’ll act super innocent to lure you in, but she’s really no different to the rest of us. You’ll figure that out, and when you do, her innocent act will annoy you.”
“Right.” I sighed.
“You and I would look so good together, Toby.” Daisy’s finger trailed down the sleeve of my suit jacket. It made my jaw twitch as I tried not to push her away like she carried a contagious disease.
“Sorry, Daisy,” I said quietly. “I’m not interested.”
“Because of her?” she scoffed, not hiding her disdain for Lilac.
I hated the way it made me feel. There was a tornado of hidden rage inside of me whenever anyone dared to slight Lilac in any way whatsoever. It made my stomach flip and my muscles tense with aggression that didn’t feel natural to me. Or at least, it hadn’t felt natural before her. Before Lilac. Now protecting her seemed like the most natural thing in the world.
Gently peeling Daisy’s finger away from me, I lifted it in the air and let it drop hard into her lap before I turned to look at her. “You’re not my type.”
“Please. I’m better than her and her fake hippy shit.”
“I thought you were her friend.”
Daisy tilted her head to one side, using all the powers she thought she possessed in the batting of her eyes. She thought it made her look cute. She was wrong. Very wrong. She looked like she was about to go into cardiac arrest.
“That was before we realised what a liar she was,” Daisy hit back. “She’s a joke.”
“She didn’t lie about Joel. Lilac doesn’t know how to lie.”
“Whatever. Lilac may not have lied about what he did, but she lied when she said she didn’t lead him on. She wanted him to take her down to the bottom of that garden, Toby. Everyone heard the way she flirted with him. She wanted you to be jealous. She wanted you to think she was getting hurt when there was no chance of that ever happening. And you fell right into her trap.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I frowned harder.
Daisy rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. “She wanted your attention, so she led Joel on to try and make you take notice.”
“No, she didn’t.”
“You’re so fooled by her floaty, girl-next-door vibe. You’re not willing to listen to the truth, Toby. That’s your problem.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes this time. I laughed, too. “Go away, Daisy.”
“You really don’t believe me?”
“I don’t like you, either.”
The whole room should have been able to hear the way her chin hit the floor in shock. Who was I to turn down a beautiful, popular girl like Daisy?
It took her a while to respond, but the sharp scrape of the chair on the floor followed by her silly kick to my chair before she took off in a strop said enough.
All those girls could believe what they wanted to.
I knew Lilac.
I knew her even though I didn’t know her well.
They hated her because she was better than them. They hated her because they didn’t know how to be like her. She couldn’t be copied. All any of us could do was admire her from afar. I should know—I’d done it for years until, for some reason, she came to find me.
SIX
Lilac
“Don't tell him.” I ran both thumbs under my eyes and tried to remove the small smear of mascara.
Cheryl glared at me through the bathroom mirror, her arms folded across her chest, and her eyes narrowed. All that disapproval blazed at me like it had the power to burn.
It did burn. My chest. My eyes. My heart.
I dropped my hands to the sink and let my shoulders sag as I stared back at her. If pleading made me weak then weak was what I would be.
“Please.”
“Joel deserves whatever Toby decides to give him, Lilac, and you know it.”
“And more, I agree. But Toby wouldn't deserve what Joel and his father would do to him. He already got arrested once for me. I won't let it happen again.”
“It's not right…” she started, shaking her head and blowing out a breath. “Toby will know something is wrong the minute you step out of this bathroom.”
“Not if you help me cover it up.”
“Joel doesn't deserve anything covering up.” Cheryl clamped her teeth together, and I knew she was struggling to stay calm. I couldn't blame her. I was, too.
Letting my chin fall to my chest, I looked down into the sink before closing my eyes and drawing in a breath. How could one perfect night go so wrong so quickly
?
I was just about to push through the door when a hand wrapped itself around my arm and dragged me around a hidden corner before my back was slammed up against the wall and I was pinned in place by a stronger body.
I recognised his smell before I even saw him.
Joel’s breath lingered over my neck, and his snake-like voice rose to my ear.
“One day he won't be here to save you.”
I opened my eyes, daring myself to look at the side of his face. “Get off me.”
“One day I’ll get that kiss, Lilac Clarke. No one says no to me. No one makes me look like a fool.”
He squeezed my arm one final time before he pushed me away, straightened his suit jacket down over his chest and walked away.
“If you won't let Toby deal with it, that's your choice. But you can't stop me.”
“Cheryl, wait!” I pushed off the sink and ran to grab her. “Don't. Not yet. Let me get Toby out of here first. I’ll ask him to go for a walk and...”
She spun around in my grip and stared into my eyes. Cheryl was strong; so strong. She'd been brought up in the real world where darkness and light went hand in hand. Nothing surprised her and there was little she couldn’t handle. For all that I loved Aunt Coral for showing me the sunshine and flowers throughout my childhood, I also wished she'd told me about the brutality of life. I wish I'd known to prepare myself for moments like this where optimism wasn't enough.
“I'm begging you.”
“Fine,” she blew out. “But I’m telling you straight; I don’t like this. We’re going to need a cover story. You've been in here far too long, and Toby isn't stupid.”
I gave her a small nod then we spent five minutes formulating a weak plan. When we made our way out of the toilets, I strapped on a smile, and the two of us threw our heads back and laughed the fakest, loudest laugh we could manage.
It was an odd bit of magic to believe in, but I swore I could feel Toby’s eyes on me, assessing, judging, waiting.
I looked up with a bright, high smile on my face, and our eyes met across the room. With just one look, all of the bad seemed to trickle away down my spine, his warmth flooding me.
A Girl Like Lilac Page 6