Chris studied her face, swallowing down before he let his gaze drop to our joined together hands. “You didn’t. All you did was waste my time.”
The silence that surrounded us was awkward. I found myself stepping forward. Chris looked up and flinched backwards.
“Don’t you dare fucking touch me again,” he snapped.
I scowled. “Mate, I wasn’t going to.”
“And don’t call me your mate. Our friendship died a long time ago.”
“That was because of you, not me.”
“Oh, really?” He rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, really. Don’t act like you don’t have a clue. Nothing changed on my part. Remember that when you’re feeling sorry for yourself. I never stopped being your friend, Chris, but the day you saw me down and out, you didn’t waste a breath before you swooped in to try and make Lilac yours, knowing full well how I felt about her. That’s when you decided to ruin our friendship. You made your choice. Don’t expect me to switch off ten years of feelings for her because you stabbed me in the back. There’s no loyalty where there’s disrespect.”
“Are you for real?” Chris huffed out a laugh. “You stopped giving a shit about me long before I hooked up with Lilac. Let’s face it, she’s all you’ve ever been bothered about, isn’t she? If it’s not her, it’s your mother’s issues.”
I took another step closer, and my arms tightened, but Lilac pulled me back, her eyes aimed at my face, burning with unspoken questions.
“Don’t bite,” she whispered.
“Woof, woof, snappy doggy.” Chris chuckled behind his bust-up lip. “She’ll need a leash for you soon. Maybe we can walk the dogs together, Lilac?”
“Fuck you,” I spat in his direction.
“That temper sure surfaces quickly these days, Toby,” Chris said, smirking as he leaned forward. “Might want to try and rein that it. According to Joel, his dad has his eyes on you like a hawk. One more bad move and you’re in a whole heap of trouble. Joel is desperate for you to screw up, too.”
Lilac released me and stepped in between the two of us in a move I hadn’t expected from her. Her hand shot up to Chris’s chest, pushing him back as she stood ramrod straight, her chin raised with defiance, and her stance suddenly strong.
“He might not be able to hurt you again, Chris, but I sure as hell can. Remember that from now on. You don’t scare me. Neither do Joel or his daddy. If you want to take your anger out on anyone, take it out on me. Hate me. I don’t care. I was the one who turned you down after all, right? But you touch Toby again, and I’ll make it clear to anyone who will listen what kind of guy you are.”
Chris stared into Lilac’s eyes. “My, my. So feisty all of a sudden. It seems like only yesterday that you were a whimpering damsel in distress with puppy dog eyes and a warble in her throat every time she spoke.”
“Shows you what a good man can do to a woman, doesn’t it?” she challenged, folding her arms over her chest and raising her chin.
Chris flinched, the insult wounding his fragile ego.
“You two are pathetic. You know that?”
“At least we’ll be pathetic together,” she answered, her voice calm but firm. “And you’re free to move on and find someone less pathetic now. You should be thanking me.”
“Over my dead body.”
“Don’t tempt me.”
“Threats of violence now, too? You two really do make the perfect pair.”
“You bet your arse we do.”
I couldn’t help the small smirk that tried to tug at my lips as I felt my fists uncurl and my shoulders relax. Damn, Lilac was hot when she was angry.
“Whatever.” Tugging on his dog’s lead, Chris flared his nostrils and shook his head one last time. “You might be living in this perfect little love-dream right now, but mark my words, it won’t last. I spent twelve months with you. I know Southwold isn’t and will never be enough. You told me yourself: you want to see every corner of the world. You want to travel. You don’t want to get stuck here living a life that’s suffocating. If you think that guy…” he nodded in my direction, never looking away from her, “will follow you, you’re a bigger idiot than I thought. Toby’s stuck here, and I’d suggest you figure out why before you tie your heart to his with a pretty little bow. You’re a teenager. Stop acting like you’re thirty-five and you have life all figured out. Get over yourself, Lilac.”
With that, he took off, not looking back as his dog led the way and Chris shoved his hand into his pocket, continuing to shake his head.
Both of us watched him walk away, unmoving and silent until he disappeared behind the line of beach huts.
“Talk about pouring a big bucket of ice on a raging inferno,” Lilac muttered, spinning on her heels and turning to face me.
“Don’t let him get to you,” I said casually, ignoring the knot in my stomach that had formed at the mention of her wanting to see the world. Was I stuck here? Could I give her the dream life a girl like her deserved?
“He didn’t. I have you now.” She smiled, reaching out for my hand. “And he had to find out soon enough. We’ve ripped that plaster off. The wound is out there and exposed. It’ll heal eventually, and we can just… be.”
I tugged her closer until she was wrapped in my arms again and her cheek was resting against my rapidly beating heart.
“He’s not worth the bad thoughts, Toby. Promise me he’s not worth your bad thoughts.”
I closed my eyes and held her tight. “Promise.”
That summer was one of the best of my life. It didn’t take long for news to get out that Lilac and I were in a relationship. Cheryl kept us informed of the gossip whenever she was at Lilac’s house. The three of us would hang out in her bedroom and catch up before I’d slip out of the window with a promise to return later once Cheryl had left. I didn’t want to come between their friendship. I had a feeling Lilac had already given up so many of them for me. Or maybe she’d done it for herself. I couldn’t be sure.
My mum was surprisingly melancholy about the whole situation when I told her that I’d eventually got the girl. There was no panicking. No tears. No look of dread or flash of fear when I explained how good it felt to have Lilac as mine finally. Mum quietly sat at the opposite side of the dining table with her chin resting in the palm of her hand, her face serene as she listened to me talk about the girl with the red hair who had captured my slightly grey heart.
“Seeing you happy makes my mind come alive, son,” she’d whispered to me one night as she planted a kiss on the top of my head. “You don’t need my advice, but be sure to always listen to her. Hear her words. Pay attention to her eyes and the looks she gives you. Everything she’ll ever think or feel will shine from them. Respect her. Give her freedom. Respect yourself, too.”
It was the most she’d said about it, but it was enough.
Dad was still his quiet self, avoiding family life and Mum’s depression as much as he could by working all hours God sent. He spent his weekends in the garden or out with my younger brothers. I knew something was going on with my parents, but I was slowly losing myself to a Lilac world. There was pretty flowers and mind-blowing sex there.
Lilac’s mum and her Aunt Coral passed sweet, knowing smiles our way whenever I knocked on the door and asked to see my girl, even though they knew damn well I snuck through her window most nights, anyway. I figured showing a little respect wouldn’t do me any harm. Lilac’s father, however, was in the background a bit more. He worked hard to provide them all with a sweet life, so he was hardly ever around, but when we passed each other in the house, he’d pause in his tracks, look me up and down, smile a sad smile and move on. It was a similar look to what my mum would sometimes give me. One that said she hated me growing up and doing grownup things, but she was resigned to it happening, too.
The only other person for me to give a crap about, after them, was Lilac, and she just lit up my whole damn world.
I could be feeling drained from a bad morning at home,
but one glimpse of her smiling face and everything else disappeared. There was no one like her, and she wanted me. There were days when she was happy to be in my presence, walking the beach, laying in the grass, sitting on the porch steps of the beach hut. Then there were other days where being near me wasn’t enough—she demanded me inside of her. She demanded that I strip her naked, taste every inch, and allow her to get lost in that headspace. As much as I loved her company in any way I could get it, those days of figuring out her body were my favourite. We grew together in those moments, learning about each other’s preferences and how our bodies were made to work as one. Every new thing we discovered made me feel that little bit more whole. Like she’d had hold of my missing puzzle pieces all this time.
“Four weeks pass quickly when you’re having fun,” she said through a dream-like sigh as she fell back against my chest.
“Sure does,” I whispered, running my fingers through her hair, staring up at her star-covered ceiling.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Why don’t we ever spend time at your house?”
My hand stilled for a moment.
I pressed my lips to her head and spoke against her hair. “It’s just better here.”
“Why?”
“Because I said so.” I half-smiled.
“Yeah, that doesn’t work with me. Nice try.”
“Your family are warm, kind, full of life. Mine are…” I sighed. “Different.”
“Different, how?”
“Fragmented, I guess. Lost, sometimes.”
Lilac shifted her naked body in my grip until she was staring down at me, her warm chest pressed against mine. “Are you scared to introduce me to them?”
“Introduce you? Lilac, they’ve known you since you were seven.” I laughed.
“Not like you know me.”
“They will never know you like I know you.” I smirked.
“You know what I mean.” She rolled her eyes. “They’ve never known me as your girlfriend.”
“Oh, is that what you are now?”
“What?” She blanched. “Isn’t it?”
“I guess you’ve passed your trial run.”
“You’re such an arse,” she said through a giggle. “Seriously, Toby. What are you waiting for? Let them meet me properly.”
I pushed her smooth hair over her shoulder, my eyes roaming her bare collarbone. “You want to know the honest to God truth, Lil?”
“Every time you open your mouth.”
“Fine. This thing between us is going so well. Too well. I never thought I’d get this life with you, and I guess I’ve let myself get stuck in this teenage fantasy. Your parents, your family—they aren’t like mine. They’re—”
“Different. I get it. Blah, blah, blah. I love different. I hate it when everyone and everything is the same.”
“But—”
“Do you love them?”
I scowled and pulled my chin back. “Of course I love them. I’d do anything for them.”
“Then that’s enough for me.”
“You—”
“It’s settled. We’re going to your house tomorrow. I want to be able to call your mum by her first name and not refer to her as Mrs Hunter like she’s just my next-door neighbour, and she didn’t happen to create the greatest boy I’ve ever met.”
“Damn, you’re good.”
“I’m taking notes from my boyfriend.” She nuzzled closer, trailing gentle but oh so seductive kisses along my jaw before she blew her final words against my ear and sent me over the edge. “That’s right, Hunter. Boyfriend. Get used to it. I’m not going anywhere without you.”
I watched her from the doorway of my bedroom, my body taking up all the space as my elbows touched the edges of the doorframe. My hands stayed buried deep in the pockets of my jeans. It was just my bedroom, the same place I’d spent the last ten years. The walls weren’t filled with posters, letters, and paintings the way Lilac’s bedroom walls were. There were no flowers in the corner making it smell nice. No trinkets on the cabinets or stars that glowed in the dark on the ceiling. It was just blue and grey, with a TV in the corner, a guitar propped against the bed, and stacks of books littered all across the grey carpet.
Still, she looked around it like it was the most elaborate room she’d ever stepped in. Her hands hung limply by her thighs, and her head was tilted back so she could look in every crevice, over every shelf on the wall, and on top of the wardrobe. I found my eyes following hers at times; looking for something new I hadn’t realised was there… a little piece of magic in a dull space.
My eyes always fell back to her, and her fascinated silence forced me to open my mouth and cut through it.
“It’s nothing fancy.”
“It’s incredible,” she whispered in awe.
I frowned and smiled at the same time. “Enlighten me. What the hell do you see in here that’s so incredible?”
She spun around, giving me a view of her firm arse in her light-blue, tight jeans as her white, holey cropped T-shirt fanned out and revealed a slither of her stomach to me.
“I see you.”
I raised a brow and waited.
Lilac laughed before she faced me and pointed at the wardrobe. “On the top of that, there’s a huge pile of board games. Trivial Pursuit, Monopoly… Kerplunk!” She grinned. “Signs of your childhood.” Then she pointed to the stack of vinyl records that on the shelves beneath the record player I so rarely used these days. “That is where you get your inspiration from. All those old sounds, all those scratchy chords that flow through the air. They’ve taught you to play the same way—like you’re always alone and you can be free when you’re strumming away in the darkness.”
My face fell as she continued and pointed at the guitar.
“That’s the closest I’ve ever been to your guitar, and I feel a little bit like I’m meeting some kind of celebrity. The nights I stayed in my room listening to you play, wishing you were closer.” Her eyes twinkled before she thumbed over her shoulder to a stack of books. “That’s how I imagine you shutting the world out properly. Just you, those black-rimmed glasses I love so much, and maybe a torch under your duvet so you can imagine you’re somewhere else.”
She inhaled as she spun around again before her bottom dropped to my bed and her fingers stretched out and curled into the thickness of the duvet.
“And that?” I asked.
She looked up through wide, waiting eyes. “… Is where you’re going to make love to me.”
I took a step inside my room and closed the door behind me, twisting the lock so no one could get in.
“Right there?”
She nodded once. “Right here.”
“Not against that wall?” I asked, pointing.
“No.”
“Not by the window so you can feel the breeze on your back?”
“No.”
“Right there.” I pointed to the bed as I came to stand over her.
Lilac answered with her hands, and I watched as her fingertips played with the edges of my white T-shirt before they slid underneath the material, dancing up my stomach. She eventually stood and pushed the material up and over my head, quickly dropping the fabric to the floor.
“Right here,” she whispered, and then she sank down onto the mattress, leaning back to rest on her arms, kicking out her legs as she looked up at me
“Who are you and what have you done with the girl who stuttered when inviting me to prom?”
“A boy with mussed up hair, a strong jaw, perfect lips, and big muscles corrupted me. Took away my innocence like a thief.”
“Me?”
“Uh-huh. You took it and replaced it with this insatiable thirst for sex.”
I leaned down to rest one hand on her thigh while my other cupped her cheek and pulled her head closer to me. Three separate rays of sunlight shone through the parted blinds of my room, highlighting sections of her face like she was a fucking angel.
>
“That better just be sex with me,” I warned her playfully.
“You think there’s anyone else I trust?”
Even the fleeting thought of anyone so much as brushing her arm with their touch made that inner beast stir in the back of my mind. There was a desperate need for me to claim her, mark her as my own, but mainly I just wanted to love her.
“I’ll always look after you if I have the power to do it.”
“I know.” She smiled. “Now I’d like you to be a horny teenager in love and ruin me a little.”
“In love?” I asked, wide-eyed.
Her expression mirrored mine instantly, but only for a second. It was a split moment of terror that was quickly and effectively diluted by her true feelings.
“You know what I meant.” She shrugged, but her flaming cheeks contradicted her attempts to act blasé. “It was just a saying. A… you know… a…”
I hummed and placed a quick kiss on her lips. “Be right back.”
“Where are you going?”
I was making my way to the record player when I heard the hint of uncertainty in her voice.
“Relax,” I told her.
I bent to scan the collection of vinyl on my shelf, smiling when I found the song I wanted. I slid it out of the case, spun it around with both hands and then placed it into position, moving the stylus to the beginning of the track.
Michael Kiwanuka’s voice seeped into the air around us, and for one moment, I believed that life was perfect. When I turned to see Lilac, she’d positioned herself on the pillow of my bed and was currently rolling her face around it with her eyes closed.
Sinking onto the mattress beside her, I shuffled closer, lying on my side as my hand came to rest on her hip.
“What are you doing?”
“Smelling your pillow.”
“Right.” I smirked.
“It’s so… you. Homely. It smells like home. It smells like you and being with you in my favourite place with you. It smells—”
“Lilac?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut the hell up.”
I pressed my lips to hers before she could even open her eyes, silencing her teenage dreams with my growing desires. I took care of her and ruined her, and I held on tight when I broke her until she was nothing more than a naked pile of weak limbs, panting breaths, and sweat-soaked skin.
A Girl Like Lilac Page 15