I wish next time was a given. For the first time since we started it, I’m all too aware that it’s not a given. No matter how much I want to lie to myself.
The taxi ride is almost forty minutes long and it’s excruciating. All I want is my pillow so I can bury my head in it and let all of these unwanted emotions out.
“I miss you already,” the second the plane landed, I messaged Nick first. I haven’t heard from him since we said goodbye at the resort and again, I find myself not used to the waiting. The lack of an answer from him. I check it again, and a good thirty minutes later, I have nothing. No answer from him.
I have loved every conference we’ve ever done, but not this one. This one is stained with loss. Undeniable and irrefutable loss. I glance at my phone again, to see no response from Nick. With tears pricking at the back of my eyes, I’m tempted to message Autumn. She’s his sister and he’s leaving me. Tension works its way into my gut and I shift on the leather backseats of the cab. They protest in response.
Is this really the end of it? It can’t be. There’s a sinking feeling in my chest and I need to talk to someone about it, but who? Autumn’s the only one who knows, and what am I supposed to say to her? Your brother is ignoring me? We’re grown adults and I knew what this was. I just wasn’t prepared for this. We’re never ready for goodbyes. At least I’m not. I thought I could avoid it with Nick, I thought I’d never have to say it. Checking my phone again and noting the lack of a message from him, I was apparently wrong. The conclusion I’ve come to is the worst of them all, because that’s what my gut is telling me. It’s over. He’s moving on and that’s all there is to it.
I keep thinking, it was too good to last. Wasn’t it? It was so easy and natural. Everything always fell into place with Nick… I should have known better than to think it would last or become anything more. Fuck, it hurts. It’s not supposed to hurt, when you keep yourself at a distance and make sure the relationship is casual. It’s not supposed to hurt when it ends. But I’ll be damned if that’s not exactly what I’m feeling right now.
I check my phone and again, there’s no response.
“Right up here,” the taxi driver says absently and before I can answer, the words catch themselves at the back of my throat.
Oh my God, he’s here.
My heart does that fluttering thing my stomach was doing only days ago. Sitting on the footsteps to my front porch, his large frame taking up the small threshold. I can’t think straight, let alone breathe. He’s right here. Waiting for me.
Nick must feel my eyes on him as the taxi slows in front of my townhouse because he looks right up at me. Those steely blues stealing my breath with their intensity.
My heart races, beating wildly at the sight of him.
“Mam?” the cab driver’s voice alerts me that I need to pay and get on my way.
“Sorry, sorry,” I answer breathlessly, frantically searching for cash so I can get out and go to the man I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.
I don’t have a chance to get my luggage, Nicholas gets it for me. Carrying it up to my porch steps and waiting there for me.
Anxiousness tingles its way through me and I barely hear the taxi drive off as I stand on the steps, looking up at him and whispering, “What are you doing here?” Praying and hoping he’s here for more than a real goodbye.
Nicholas
What am I doing here?
“Right now, I’m trying to gather up the strength to ask you something,” I answer her. I can barely swallow, barely breathe. Even though it’s winter and the cold is blistering, making the tip of Olivia’s nose a rosy red already, I’m burning hot.
“I have to know, do you want me, Olivia? Do you want more?” Her bottom lip falls open and her hazel eyes widen with surprise. I can’t bare for her to answer me without telling her everything, without giving this the best shot I can give it.
“Because I want you. I want all of you. I love our stolen nights and I’ll do everything I can to keep giving them to you, but I need more.” A quick intake and a single step forward, closing the distance between us is all that pauses the confession I’ve been working over in my head all week. “I want to be with you, really be with you. Every day and always. Not just a secret rendezvous. I want it all. The picket fence, kids, I want it all… with you. And only you.”
I don’t know if I’ve said it all and I’m certain I’ve said most of it wrong. I’m nervous and I’m terrified. Terrified that she doesn’t want this. It will destroy me if she says no. She’s all I want and all I’ve wanted since I first laid eyes on her.
She still hasn’t said anything, although she takes a hesitant step forward and I use that closeness to take her hands in mine, running soothing circles along her wrists with the rough pad of my thumb.
“Do you want me, Olivia? Because I’ll move here, with you or get my own place, so we can be together like we should. If you don’t, I understand, but I need to know.”
The silence is awful. It rips at me from the inside as I wait for her to say something. Every deep breath she takes I prepare for her to tell me no.
“You asked me what I want for Christmas. At the hotel, you asked me and I lied to you,” her voice is soft and riddled with emotion but I can’t decipher it. I need an answer.
“I know. A kiss. You said all you wanted was a kiss.” I can’t bear it if she tells me that now. I’m not ready to say goodbye. I nearly backtrack, I nearly give in and tell her I’ll go back to only hotel rooms and discreet rendezvous if that’s what she wants.
“I lied. I lied to you,” her voice cracks and it echoes the feeling in my heart. “I want so much more than a kiss. All I want for Christmas, is you.”
Relief washes over me and it comes with a warmth I’m unfamiliar with. It’s better than the heat between us when I first see her across the bar. It feels like home.
“I couldn’t tell you because A, it’s cheesy and B, I didn’t think I could have you.”
“Just say the word, and I’ll move here. I’m ready to be with you, Olivia, I don’t think I can fathom not being able to see you again.”
“Same,” she breathes the single word.
“That’s a yes? You want this? You want me?”
“All of you.” She nods, quickly and vigorously. Tears make her hazel eyes glassy. “I want all of you too.”
Thank fuck.
I can’t describe the relief, immediate and all consuming. With one arm scooping around the small of her back and the other spearing into her hair, I kiss her, the woman I love, with everything I have.
“I love you, Olivia,” I tell her for the first time, solidifying what we have. What we’ve had all this time but neither of us was willing to risk bringing it to life.
“I love you too,” she whispers against my lips, in the warm air between us. “You don’t have to leave do you?”
“I took two weeks off to figure all this out. I want to figure it out with you. I told Autumn. She knows.”
“She does?” her eyes are full of shock. It’s comical really.
“You can’t be mad; I swore her to secrecy.” There’s a smirk on my lips and before she can answer, I kiss her again. And again.
She nuzzles her nose against mine, before looking up through her thick lashes. “Two weeks to figure it all out?”
“Yeah, and if we need more time, I’ll make it. I want us. More than anything, I know I need you.”
“I figured it out. Move in with me and let’s spend two weeks in bed.” She says it so seriously, yet easily. As if it’s so simple and I chuckle, planting a kiss on her forehead that makes her smile. She has the most beautiful smile.
“We can start with me helping take your luggage inside,” I offer and she nods watching me while I gather her things and she opens the door. The moment it closes, she’s on me, her arms wrapping around me with a fierceness. Dropping the bags to the floor, I hold her back.
“I thought… I thought we weren’t going to get this,” she whispers and before I can
ask what she means, she kisses me, standing in my arms on her tip toes. “You make me happy and I don’t want to be without you.” She speaks so quietly, I barely hear her.
“Same,” I tell her, brushing her hair back and waiting for her to finally look up at me.
“I’ve never been the girl for fairytales, but I want a happily ever after with you.”
Resting my forehead against hers, all I can focus on is the warmth in my chest. Everything about this, about her, feels right.
“You can say it again,” she tells me. “Tell me you love me again.”
“I love you Olivia. I want to love you forever.”
“I love you too.”
If you loved this sweet holiday read, you’ll devour Kisses and Wishes, a collection of three holiday romances! Keep reading for a sneak peek, or click HERE to start reading now!
Sneak Peek at Kisses and Wishes
Carla
The light dusting of snow steals my attention as it blows in the bright lights of my headlights and across the sidewalk. It’s dark already, even though it’s only six, but I’m wide awake with the nervous butterflies in the pit of my stomach.
The sound of the keys jingling is all I’m left with as I turn off my car and sit in the driver seat. Rustling in my bag, I find the stick of sheer berry lip gloss. It matches my nails that I just had done yesterday too. I spent way too long thinking about what I was going to wear. It’s just a holiday party, and hosted by my best friend, Lauren. So it shouldn’t matter.
Every other Saturday I park my car right where it is now, and head straight into her house without an ounce of makeup on and only in my PJs. I have no shame when it comes to girl’s nights. And a holiday party of just close friends normally means making sure I’m wearing real clothes, complete with a bra – even though I hate bras. Not the designer skinny jeans and flowy white silk blouse I picked out just for this night.
My phone pings with a text from Lauren just as I’m smacking my lips together: You here yet?
Just pulled up.
My phone buzzes again with: Shit, I have no red wine!
My lips quirk up into a grin as I snap a picture of the two bottles in my passenger seat and send them to her with the line: Got you covered.
You are the fucking best. My smile widens but with her next message, it falls.
Now get your ass in here!
Deep breaths. Dropping my phone into my bag, I open my car door and grab a bottle of wine in each hand which means I have to bump my car door shut with my ass.
It thuds as it closes and so do my heels in the bit of snow.
My coat’s not shut tight enough with the loose tie, but even with the chill, I’m burning up with nerves.
He’s going to be there. I swallow down my anxiousness as my heels crunch down the snow and I get closer to the front door. I can hear the laughter, the chatter, the faint sounds of Christmas music.
I should be excited, - merry, so to speak – but I can’t shake the apprehension, knowing Michael Davis, my high school boyfriend, my college on-again-off-again-can’t-keep-my-hands-off-of-him-when-we-run-into-each-other-occasional-fling is going to be there.
All of these nerves because of one very important detail.
He’s coming back home; he’s moving in down the street from me, back into his old house. It was one thing when I could travel a thousand miles and put distance between us after we had a rendezvous. It’s completely different when he’s a block away and we’ll run into each other constantly.
I don’t know how I’m going to keep my hands to myself. I don’t know if I want to try to pretend like I don’t still want him.
Ringing the doorbell, I tell myself the scary truth that has me shaking in my cherry red heels, I don’t know if he wants me at all now that he’s back. That’s the part that makes the butterflies in my stomach beat their wings a little too hard.
Keep reading Kisses and Wishes HERE or check out more books on the next page!
Also by W Winters
Merciless World
A Kiss to Tell
Possessive
Merciless
Heartless
Breathless
Endless
All He’ll Ever Be
A Kiss To Keep
A Single Glance
A Single Kiss
A Single Touch
Hard to Love
Desperate to Touch
Tempted to Kiss
Easy to Fall
Merciless World Spin Off
It’s Our Secret
Standalone Novels:
Broken
Forget Me Not
Sins and Secrets Duets:
Imperfect (Imperfect Duet book 1)
Unforgiven (Imperfect Duet book 2)
Damaged (Damaged Duet book 1)
Scarred (Damaged Duet book 2)
Willow Winters
Standalone Novels:
Tell Me To Stay
Second Chance
Knocking Boots
Promise Me
Burned Promises
Forsaken, cowritten with B. B. Hamel
Collections
Don’t Let Go
Deepen The Kiss
Kisses and Wishes
Valetti Crime Family Series:
Dirty Dom
His Hostage
Rough Touch
Cuffed Kiss
Bad Boy
Highest Bidder Series,
cowritten with Lauren Landish:
Bought
Sold
Owned
Given
Bad Boy Standalones,
cowritten with Lauren Landish:
Inked
Tempted
Mr. CEO
Happy reading and best wishes,
W Winters xx
About W Winters
Thank you so much for reading my romances. I’m just a stay at home mom and avid reader turned author and I couldn’t be happier.
I hope you love my books as much as I do!
More by W Winters
www.willowwinterswrites.com/books/
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All I Want Is A Kiss Page 3