by Robin Bowles
Alice’s comments are supported by Facebook postings about Phoebe. James* remembers meeting her at a local café in Kew with a group of friends when he was 14. ‘The memory is still so vivid, like no other. The aura and beauty Phoebe had would light up a room. Sometimes I think this worked against her; she was so beautiful, and you could tell she didn’t want to be in the spotlight.’
He said a light burned brightly in Phoebe, and you could always speak your mind with her without being judged. He went on, ‘Although she was loved by so many, she could never be yours to keep, you could only have Phoebe for a moment and then she’d be gone, without a trace.’
When she was 15, Phoebe ran away from home. The relationship between her parents was deteriorating, and she was attracted by the idea of escaping parental supervision. The police couldn’t help, as they couldn’t force her to return; in any case, her parents didn’t know where she was.
She lived in a squat in the working-class suburb of Epping for eight weeks, camping with five other girls and a couple with a newborn baby. The baby’s father had recently been released from prison. Julie looked after her friends, bringing them food and drugs purchased with her earnings from her new modelling career. Natalie had no contact with Phoebe during those long eight weeks, but knew she was alive because Julie relayed information to her mother, who passed the news on to Natalie.
The situation at the squat deteriorated when the man pulled a knife on his partner, and Phoebe instinctively intervened. She returned home, telling Natalie she’d been scared to death he might have killed her or any of them. Her long absence from school made it hard to return, so she left Sophia Mundi and enrolled at Lynall Hall Community School in Richmond to complete her education.
She had a secret reason for wanting to leave Sophia Mundi. One of her teachers, Myles,* had fallen in love with her, and they had begun a relationship. It was a big secret. Although Phoebe was 16, he was her teacher and almost twice her age. Alice knew, but was sworn to secrecy. ‘I nearly got bashed by this bully of a girl at school, trying to worm it out of me,’ she recalls, ‘but I didn’t tell. Phoebe was secretive, but she trusted me.’
Alice remembers Myles as a ‘nice guy, very sweet and quite adventurous. I think he just fell in love with a beautiful girl who had him under a spell. He played in a band at St Kilda venues, and Phoebe came alive at those places. She had big black Lara Croft boots and she wore black from head to toe.’ It was through Myles that Phoebe got to know his friend Bren Hession, who remained close to her until her death.
Alice told me of several outrageous adventures she shared with Phoebe, most of them involving parties and boys. One night, they hitched a ride to a party at Torquay, a beach resort town a couple of hours from Melbourne. They partied until the early hours, dressed all in black, and eventually went to sleep on the beach, where they slept until well after sunrise. When Alice woke up, she remembers, ‘I looked like an alien, my face was so red and swollen and eyes nearly glued shut from sunburn. Phoebe, of course, with her lovely caramel velvet skin, was untouched. We had no money and the jeep driver had gone home. We pooled the few cents we had and bought one dim sim and a chocolate bar and shared. One of my best feeds ever!’
Phoebe left school at the end of Year 11. After that, she worked at various jobs in sales and services.
Natalie says that through her late teens, Phoebe was convinced she was depressed. Her mood swings were apparent to all who were close to her, and Len referred her to a psychiatrist colleague, as it’s not good form for doctors to treat their own families. The psychiatrist prescribed antidepressants, but Phoebe would stop taking them as soon as she felt better, then become depressed again. Her drinking was also problematic, as she lost control very quickly. After only a couple of drinks, she would become clumsy and uncoordinated.
Natalie recalls, ‘On one occasion, when Phoebe was about 20, I came home and found blood on the trampoline and the bathroom sink. I couldn’t find Phoebe. She didn’t answer her phone, but I managed to track her down via a friend. When I made contact with her, her explanation was that she’d been making a piece of art and had cut her hand. I knew she must have been drinking.’
Jeannette was now living back in Mallacoota, but she also had concerns about Phoebe and her drinking. She says, ‘I wouldn’t see her drunk, but I would often hear from her the next day, when she was suffering the effects. When Phoebe drank, she could become verbally aggressive and a bit smart-mouthed, sometimes saying things that might result in her getting into trouble.’ But Jeannette had also been told that when she was drinking, Phoebe was ‘the life of the party’.
On one occasion, Phoebe and her grandmother were having coffee together when Jeannette noticed a bandaid on Phoebe’s arm. Reaching across, she pushed up Phoebe’s sleeve.
‘What’s this?’
‘I cut myself.’
‘Not deliberately?’
‘Yes, deliberately. I didn’t mean to do anything bad, I just wanted to hurt myself,’ she told Jeannette.
‘Not to harm yourself, not suicide?’ Jeannette asked.
‘No, no, just hurt myself.’
‘You must promise me that if you ever have any thoughts like this again you will contact me. Day or night! Do you promise?’
‘Yes, I promise.’
This was the only occasion when Jeannette was aware of Phoebe self-harming, but it wasn’t the only time. Families find it difficult to understand why young people, most often girls, cut themselves, but it is quite common. Cutting various parts of the body with scissors, razor blades, pins, pens, or other sharp objects is a means of coping during times of stress and anxiety and is rarely accompanied by suicidal thoughts. Some girls cut themselves because they want to counter the numbness caused by being emotionally overwhelmed; others want to release depression, loneliness, or anxiety, or to punish themselves for something that’s happened. In Phoebe’s case, it was probably just another way of releasing emotions, much as her drinking did.
Natalie told me, ‘Phoebe had cut herself on the arms from when she was in her late teens and perhaps as late as her early twenties. She was never hospitalised for this, or for any mental illness. I am only aware of a couple of occasions, but Phoebe did confide to me once that she had deliberately cut herself.’
Phoebe also confided in Bren Hession. She told everyone he was her soulmate. They partied hard together, and Phoebe would often seek him out to console her when she was upset.
He says, ‘Phoebe had a dark side to her. She used to write a lot. Some of the stuff she wrote was quite dark, but she never discussed suicide with me.’
In spite of her depression, Phoebe lived an active and creative life. She wrote a lot, scribbling on almost any paper at hand as well as in her daily journal. She drew and painted and created beauty wherever she was. When I visited Natalie’s home in Clifton Hill, some of Phoebe’s beautiful paintings were still visible on the walls, both inside and in the garden. On a later visit, we wandered through dappled sunlight to the cottage Natalie part-owns in Mallacoota, where she is surrounded by trees outside and memories of Phoebe inside. Phoebe’s work adorns the walls, and her spirit fills the house.
Phoebe’s early relationships tended to be with older men. This may have reflected a search for father figures after the breakdown of her parents’ marriage. She had a fear of dependency and yet seemed to gravitate towards men in authority or men with a controlling nature. Her first serious relationship was with Myles, her teacher, and it lasted for about two years. Then she began dating Bren Hession’s brother, who was also older. Her relationships tended to be unstable, with periods of drinking and flirtations with other men. She was always filled with remorse afterwards, but the ups and downs weren’t a good basis for long-term commitments.
In mid–2009, Phoebe met Ant Hampel. She was 23 and he was nearly 40. He was handsome, financially secure, and very well connected. He worked in the glittering world o
f music promotion, fashion, and big events. He had learnt his trade working for Garry Van Egmond, Christo’s father, who was something of a legend in music promotion circles. Ant had now graduated to running his own firm, A-Live Events, and was doing very nicely.
Ant’s friends were rich and interesting, and he and Phoebe enjoyed the same jokes and entertainment. They went out together for about five months, and in October 2009 he invited her to move into his apartment at Balencea.
*
Ant Hampel has a very public profile but a very private life. His public profile stems from his family background — son of George, brother of Kristina, partner of Phoebe, friend of the Van Egmonds, all of whom have made headlines — and his promotions business, which is necessarily public. His private life, however, remains protected.
He grew up in luxurious surroundings and went to school at the prestigious Wesley College before studying at the Victorian College of the Arts. He told me he wasn’t an outstanding student at school. A friend had described him as being probably ‘too arty and not compliant’, and he agreed. The same friend told me he was ‘brilliant at arty subjects and IT — he was the first person I knew who wrote an email’.
Ant’s path crossed Christo Van Egmond’s at an early age, and Christo recalls that Ant spent a lot of time with his family as a teenager, almost becoming a family member. It seemed a natural progression for both young men to follow Christo’s father into the promotions business. And what a fun life it was! Travel, parties, big events, pop stars, fashion, mixing with the likes of AC/DC, skiing, sailing, horse riding — all the ‘sports of kings’.
Ant was a client of celebrity hairdresser Lindley Godfrey, and one day he was struck by the young woman who was working there as a receptionist. He invited her out to a restaurant, and that was when their relationship began.
Phoebe’s move to Balencea came with some strings attached. She agreed to pay him rent and share expenses. She also left what Ant considered to be her somewhat down-market receptionist position and Ant found her a job at Savvy, an advertising agency, which was more in keeping with his lifestyle. She worked three days a week, which left her with plenty of time on her hands. Too much sometimes. Although she studied art history and professional writing and editing at Melbourne’s Centre for Adult Education for a couple of years, she’d quit that course before she died.
Phoebe was generally happy with Ant, but the relationship soon started showing signs of instability. Natalie recalls an episode when Ant was in Paris and Phoebe stayed behind in Melbourne. Phoebe had made a pact with Ant that she wouldn’t drink alcohol while he was away, but she fell off the wagon at the opening of an art exhibition. Natalie joined her there and took her home when it was over. Meanwhile, Ant had been calling from Paris on Skype. When Phoebe called him back, they had a fight, with Ant saying things like, ‘I don’t know who’s sleeping in my bed.’
Phoebe was happiest, Natalie says, when she and Ant could get away together, visit his parents in the country, and step off the treadmill for a while. But taking part in Melbourne’s high life wasn’t such a good move. Much of Ant’s life revolved around dinners, lunches, parties, socialising, events — always accompanied by drinking. For Phoebe, who’d tried many times to kick the drinking habit, Ant’s glamorous lifestyle was dangerous.
CHAPTER 5
THE LEAD-UP
In the weeks leading up to Phoebe’s death, she made four attempts to end her relationship with Ant. Her behaviour also became more erratic, attracting notice from her friends and family.
On 5 October, Phoebe sent an email to Natalie in the Western Desert, asking if the overseas trip Natalie had offered her as a twenty-first birthday present was still available. She said she might need to take up the offer at quite short notice, but didn’t say why.
On 20 October, she left Ant’s apartment intending not to return. She’d decided to visit her grandmother, Jeannette. After spending the night in Clifton Hill with Russell Marriott, she left next morning on the Gippsland train, which connected with a bus to Mallacoota. The seaside town is located in far East Gippsland, near the New South Wales border. Its population of around 1000 people swells to thousands in the summer holidays, as every rental property and camping space is occupied. The trip by train and bus took nine and a half hours, giving Phoebe plenty of time to think.
She told her grandmother what she was planning. She’d leave Ant and resign from her job at Savvy, get a job in Mallacoota and try to stay off the booze. In the medium term, she wanted to go volunteering to India, and she needed a calm, stress-free environment to plan the trip.
It was a lot to take on in one go, but Jeannette was supportive. She encouraged Phoebe to attend an AA meeting in Mallacoota. She also urged her to go back to Melbourne, resign her job properly, and tell Ant she was leaving the relationship.
‘It’s better to make a clean break,’ Jeannette told Phoebe. ‘Not like this, running away. Go and do it properly.’ Phoebe could then come back to start work in Mallacoota and get herself together.
Phoebe spent three days in Mallacoota. She contacted Keith Allan, a family friend who was manager of the local golf club, to see if he could employ her during the summer rush, and he agreed.
She also went to an AA meeting, and afterwards a woman from the meeting gave her a lift home. In the car, Phoebe spoke of her relationship problems.
Concerned at Phoebe’s state of mind, the woman from AA dropped in next day to see Phoebe at her grandmother’s place. This woman later said in a statement to the police that Phoebe’s mobile rang constantly while she was there, but Phoebe refused to take the calls. She explained it was Ant trying to persuade her to come back, and she told the AA woman that she wished he’d stop. Unfortunately, this witness died before she could give this evidence to the inquest.
But the tide of events soon began to turn. Some time over the next two days, Ant persuaded her to give the relationship another chance. On 24 October, Phoebe announced she was going back to him.
She later told her grandmother that when she returned, they talked about beating the ‘monster’, and Phoebe agreed to limit her drinking. She went back to her job at Savvy, and for a few weeks it seemed the problems in the relationship had blown over.
Then, on 17 November, Phoebe and Ant went to dinner at Linda Cohen’s home. Linda remembered the evening well. She said that Ant and Phoebe had a minor disagreement about Phoebe checking text messages on her phone. Ant wanted to leave early, but Phoebe refused to go, so he left her there and went alone.
Phoebe stayed up talking to Linda and her husband Arch. After he went to bed, Phoebe and Linda kept talking until all hours.
Linda says, ‘We discussed all sorts of things — alcoholism, growing up, parents, drug use, and her relationship with Ant.’
Phoebe told Linda that she’d taken recreational drugs growing up and said that she’d tried everything except heroin. She said that cocaine and marijuana agreed with her better than alcohol, because they didn’t make her depressed the day after. ‘This was all a shock to me,’ Linda says. She didn’t realise how much of a problem Phoebe’s depression was.
Phoebe confided that she’d once pulled a chair out onto the balcony at Ant’s apartment so that she could stand on the rail. Linda was shocked and told her that suicide was a selfish act. She should think about the person who found her, how awful it would be for them.
Phoebe agreed it would be terrible. She said that she wanted to go back and stay with her grandmother in Mallacoota, where she could revert to her original plan.
In the morning, Linda was alarmed to see that Phoebe began drinking almost as soon as she got up. Linda drove her to Balencea and helped her pack. She told Phoebe she should make a break from Ant, taking everything with her so that there’d be no reason to return. Clearly, she was in no state to go to Mallacoota that day, so Linda suggested she go to Clifton Hill instead.
The next day, 19
November, Phoebe decided to see Linda again before embarking on the trip to Mallacoota. Again she spent the night with the Cohens. She emailed Natalie to ask if she could rent her cottage at Mallacoota if she moved back to the beach.
Linda says Phoebe woke up on the morning of 20 November feeling clear-headed. She wrote some poetry and did some drawings for Linda. At the time, Linda saw these drawings and poems as positive signs, but on reflection she says that they could also be interpreted as a cry for help. Linda encouraged Phoebe to go to Mallacoota as planned, but Phoebe changed her mind after Ant called asking her to meet with him and talk. After the talk, she moved back to Balencea.
It didn’t last long. At 10 a.m. on 23 November, Phoebe rang her father, telling him that Ant had ‘thrown her out’ and asking if he could please come and pick her up. He left his office immediately, cancelling the next appointment. She was waiting on the footpath with her case and belongings beside her. Len drove her to his apartment in Southbank, where he lived with Tom, and Phoebe stayed with them for the next three nights. Len told me that Ant took Phoebe out to dinner on the third night, Thursday 25 November, and begged her to return. She agreed to go back the next day, and her father was unable to dissuade her.
She had a lunch date with Linda Cohen on Friday, so she didn’t return to Ant’s apartment until that evening. At lunch, Linda remembers her saying she had relationship issues with Ant, but she seemed in good spirits, and she talked positively about the planned trip to Paris.
At 9.30 p.m. on Sunday 28 November, Phoebe spoke to Natalie on Skype to discuss arrangements for Nik’s birthday party the following Friday.
‘Are things OK with you and Ant?’ Natalie asked.
Phoebe put her forefinger to her lips to signal ‘shush.’ Natalie asked quietly, ‘You can’t talk?’ Phoebe didn’t reply but said casually in a normal voice, ‘Ant and I are watching a DVD together,’ glancing at the next room.
Natalie and Phoebe arranged to meet at Natalie’s house at 8 a.m. on Friday 3 December to decorate the house for the party.