“Really?”
“All my things will be here tomorrow. I’ve already made arrangements to put my furniture in my buddy’s basement. Just make sure you’ve got enough room for my clothes.”
“Bennie,” she said, kissing him on his eyelids, his lips, his neck. Then he pushed her back.
“Let’s save all that till tomorrow night, okay? I’m tired.”
He’d taken the next day off from work, and he was there, just as he’d said, with an army of garment bags and bulging suitcases. They listened to music, made love, hung up the clothes, ate lunch, made love again, and then called Domino’s Pizza for dinner. Sterling couldn’t remember Bennie being so attentive toward her. Maybe, she thought, seeing the fullness in her breasts and her normally flat buttocks filling out, he’d guessed about her condition.
They set up housekeeping arrangements immediately. They split the housework in half. Sterling agreed to cook during the week; on the weekends they would eat out.
It was her dream come true. Finally, Sterling felt secure enough in Bennie’s love to tell him about the baby. Sunday she prepared a special dinner, lit candles, and chilled expensive champagne.
“Bennie, remember I had something to tell you?”
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“I’m pregnant.” Sterling tried to smile, but she felt tears welling in her eyes. What if he wouldn’t be there for her? Suddenly, one of the vague doubts she’d been pushing away came into full view: If Bennie was being so nice, it only meant he wanted something from her.
Bennie sat across from her, his head leaning into his hands. He didn’t move. “You’re what?”
“Pregnant.”
Bennie gulped down the last remnants of his champagne and not too gently placed the glass on the table. “Shit, Sterling, why did you do that?”
“I didn’t do it on purpose. Bennie, I thought you’d be happy.”
“It’s not even mine.”
“How can you say that?”
“Listen, Sterling, I can’t really deal with this information right now. I gotta go.” And he walked out the door.
Bennie didn’t come home that night. Or the next night. Monday she was in a daze. Tuesday came and went without a word.
Wednesday morning, she called Bennie’s job and found out that he’d taken a week’s vacation time.
Sterling panicked. Each time the two of them made up, she convinced herself that this time would be better. She called his friend Jamie.
“I think he’s down at the hospital,” Jamie said.
“Is something wrong?” Sterling’s heart began to thump inside her chest.
“Nothing’s wrong—just Sandy havin’ her kid.”
Sterling felt her heart drop into her stomach. “Which hospital?”
“I think William Beaumont in Royal Oak.”
She got into her car and drove to the hospital.
When she walked into the lobby, her hands were shaking. She wasn’t sure what she planned on doing. She only knew she had to see for herself. Sandy’s surname was Greene. She remembered seeing it on Bennie’s health insurance. When she asked the receptionist for Sandra Greene’s room, the young woman promptly gave her the number and floor.
As soon as she stepped off the elevator into the maternity ward, her heart sank to the pit of her stomach. Her legs felt like rubber. She lost her courage. She broke out in a cool sweat as she trudged down the hall. No matter how much she tried to accept it, she knew she couldn’t embrace Bennie’s children the way she would hers. Holding her head erect, and bracing her heart for the hurt that she was certain would come, she took deep breaths the closer she came to the room of doom.
Sterling stopped just outside 571. She could hear Bennie’s voice and that of at least two women, one sounding elderly.
Taking three deep breaths, Sterling walked casually into the room. “Hello.”
The new mother, sitting among dozens of fresh flowers, turned to Bennie. He looked at her and said, “This is Sterling, Sandy. She’s a friend of mine.”
“Hello.” Sandy smiled at Sterling, as did the older woman. Sterling was appalled at the huge woman holding the new-born baby girl. Sterling took in the color of the woman’s skin and hair, the shape of her lips, the color of her eyes, the raise of her brow, the shape of her fingers, and the length of her weaved hair. She was unattractive and obese. Sterling was embarrassed that Bennie was even able to make love to such a slob.
In a state of shock, she stood there mute, until she felt Bennie’s arm under her elbow, escorting her to the door. Bennie had spoken so sweetly to her that Sterling hadn’t realized she was outside the room.
“Let’s go,” Bennie said, steering Sterling from the room.
He didn’t say another word until they reached the elevator.
“What are you doing here?”
“Why haven’t you been home? I’ve been worried sick.”
“Go home, Sterling. You don’t understand.”
“Tell me why I’m not enough for you, Bennie.”
“Sterling, go home! I’ll call you later.”
“Bennie—”
“Please, just do as I say,” he said in a low voice laced with venom.
* * *
At first, she was in shock. When that wore off, she knew despair. The hurt was too deep now to repair. Her baby would be hers alone. And maybe she’d have a reason to be better. One better, Spice had always told them, my daughters are one better. Well, now she’d see if she could fulfill that promise.
In the stark days that followed Bennie’s exit from her life, Sterling was barely able to function. Over and over again, she replayed the years that she and Bennie had shared together.
In the beginning she had believed it was the children that made Bennie leave. His son needed him, he’d said to her over and over again. And now there was the daughter. He wouldn’t allow another man to raise his children.
How could Bennie leave her for a fat, unattractive woman probably on welfare? Did he love her?
Sterling tried to fight off depression as she asked herself continuously, Why want her?
When you gaze at something, but see nothing; when you listen for a sound but hear nothing; when you try to grasp it and find it has no substance—was God telling her to leave it alone?
Sterling waited until he finally called.
“Look, you and I have had problems from the start.”
“None that we can’t solve together.”
“I’m not coming back, Sterling. Not right now. I’ve already left one son; my place is here with my daughter. It’s time I became a real father.”
“You’re planning on marrying that bitch?”
“No. But I’ve decided to move in with her.”
“What about my baby—our baby?” she screamed.
“It’s not mine.” And Bennie hung up.
PART THREE
Nobody who has not been in the interior of a family can say what the difficulties of any indi vidual of that family may be.
—JANE AUSTEN
MINK
Your child does not belong to you, and you must prepare your child to pick up the burden of his life long before the moment when you must lay your burden down.
—JAMES BALDWIN
L ying awake in a sterile hotel room in Houston, Mink realized her life meant close to nothing. All she had to hold on to was her job. She’d lost Dwight, and now she might even lose custody of her daughter. Suddenly Harrison seemed a distant memory, an afterthought, a total and complete mistake.
How could she have been so stupid? With dread working its serpentine way up her body, Mink felt shock pervade her soul: she loved Dwight.
It had been a few weeks since Dwight had decided to sue for custody, and though Azure was safely at Spice’s house, Mink still could not sleep from worry about her daughter. Had she really almost struck her?
How could she make Dwight understand if she didn’t?
Erma agreed to move into Spice’s duplex wit
h Azure until Mink and Dwight’s divorce was settled. Dwight had moved into a house with his co-worker, Reuben. The night before, Mink had finally read through the legal papers concerning the custody suit against Dwight. She realized that the child was eight years old—born six months before she’d met Dwight. Why hadn’t Dwight told her? That made a huge difference! Did he try and had she just not listened? Did she just not take the time to read the papers? Mink shook her head in frustration. Before she’d left for Houston, she had gone to see Dwight at the firehouse.
An emptiness had ached at the bottom of her stomach. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Dwight. I was wrong.” She had tried to reach out to him.
Dwight had pulled away, his eyes cutting deep into her. “I love you, Mink. That’s a fact. But I love my daughter just as much, and she deserves to live in a home where her parents don’t argue and fight all the time. We can’t change what’s happened between us.”
“But we can try,” she had offered weakly.
“I can’t help but wonder if you want your family back because the man you’ve chosen over me has kicked you to the curb.” Coldness had filled Dwight’s eyes.
Mink cast her eyes down before she spoke. “The truth is,” she had begun, “the truth is, I never appreciated what I had until I lost it. I always took for granted that you and Azure would be there.”
“You’ve never loved her like I’ve loved her.”
“I do. I do, Dwight. I just didn’t know how to show it. My career came first. That was wrong, I know. I know I’ve been selfish. I thought you understood that about me when we married.”
“And now, just like that, you’re trying to tell me that you’ve changed.” He had snapped his fingers and turned away from her.
She had explained that she had read the papers. “But I never realized the kid was so old. I’ve had a chance to think things over.”
Dwight had then explained that he’d found out from a friend that the woman’s husband, who had the boy, read about Mink’s recent promotion and suggested that she take Dwight to court for back support. Michigan law states that after a child reaches the age of six, the mother could file a claim for child support, but she could not receive retroactive pay from the date of the child’s birth—her claim was two years old. Expecting close to $60,000, the woman was pissed when the settlement totaled only $7,000. The court ordered Dwight to pay $600 in monthly child support.
“If it mattered enough for you to leave me, then I have to question whether you’ve ever really loved us at all,” Dwight had said.
As he walked away, Mink had to face the facts: it was she who was unfaithful. Her position as captain of an airline, that which had always been the driving force of her life, the source of so much pleasure, suddenly meant nothing at all.
She’d had it all: a beautiful, healthy daughter, a nice home, financial security, and not just the love of her husband, but complete erotic fusion with him in the framework of their marriage. She’d had it all and lost it all. And Dwight was very clear—he wasn’t ready to take her back.
She cried all the time now. And as she hauled herself out of bed and began to pack her clothes, she started to cry again. She washed her face and cried again. Even after putting on a fresh coat of makeup, she cried.
Realizing she was out of tampons, she went downstairs to the hotel’s drugstore. In the lobby she looked around at the couples smiling and talking to one another. How can these people look so content, Mink thought, when I’m so miserable?
Not waiting to pay, she got out of the short line. Not even going to her room, she telephoned Dwight at Reuben’s house from the hotel lobby.
As soon as she heard the first ring, her heart leapt. The second ring seemed to take a lifetime. By the third, she was losing hope. When the answering machine came on and she heard Reuben’s voice, she was too overwrought to leave a message.
A woman in the hotel lobby laughed, and Mink turned away from the phone and the last memories she had with her husband.
Memories are like books that remain a long time shut and need to be opened from time to time to exhume the dust that’s collected. It is necessary, so to speak, to open the leaves, so they may be ready in time of need.
Waiting for the elevator to go back upstairs, she inhaled the citruslike scent from the sweet white Daphnes planted in huge pots in the skylit atrium. The pink-flowered Daphnes, which had grown into three-foot-tall globes, were not yet in bloom. Their pointed clusters looked positively tantalizing against the leathery green foliage.
Stepping inside the elevator, she took a last glance at the beautiful blossoms and thought of Southern Spice, Azure, Spice, and Dwight. Mink missed home. She missed Dwight. The Fourth of July was just eight days away.
I love you, Mink. I love you, Dwight. I love you, Mink. I love you, Dwight. Where did it go?
Should she have believed him when he’d said she was the only woman he ever loved? Could she ask him to come home now? Would he want to be there?
She looked out the window. It was raining again. She sat still, waiting for a call that the Pyramid van was ready to take them to the airport. Mink tried to shake off her dream, but its eeriness haunted her. In her dream the dead body of a trodden-on crab lay on the side of the road. A papier-mâché cat was being scrutinized by the early sun, revealing scratches and worn edges.
Windblown raindrops splattered against the wall of windows, merged, then flowed downward. Mink, cradling the telephone between cheek and shoulder, stood looking out her hotel window into the darkness. This was the third time she’d tried phoning Dwight, and as of yet she hadn’t been able to reach him. She’d also tried reaching Spice to check in on Azure. But no luck there, either. Mink had pushed aside her thoughts concerning Sterling’s information about Spice. How could it be true? But somewhere, deep inside of her, she shuddered.
The dreary weather mirrored the eerie coldness deep down in her bones, a melancholy chilling her spirit. She felt the weirdness continue as she boarded Pyramid Flight 2408. With two previous marks on her record for missing flights—days she’d just been too depressed to report to work—Mink had already been warned by her superiors that absenteeism without a doctor’s explanation would not be tolerated by the airlines. Eyes always scrutinized her performance. Whom could she tell that she felt something foreboding? Who would believe that she was anything but a tormented, teary-eyed woman, with no husband and no prospects, who seemed to be losing her mind?
* * *
“This is Rescue One. We’re on our way.” The fire chief spoke into the two-way radio.
“We’re in standby position on runway two-two.”
“Copy that.”
Pyramid Flight 2408 was on a collision course, about to land at Detroit’s Metropolitan Airport in roughly eight minutes. Mink called ahead when the problems first began to surface in the aircraft, and ground control was alerted to take all precautions for a probable crash.
After leaving Houston, the plane began having problems with the hydraulic system at thirty thousand feet. By the time Flight 2408 reached Ohio, the fuselage had caught on fire. When Mink attempted to land in Ohio, the landing gear malfunctioned. Their only option was to try to repair the problem or manually fix the gear in the fifteen minutes it would take to make it to Detroit-Metro Airport.
Captain Mink Majors and co-pilot Chester McQuilla worked with the equipment to extinguish the fire, but their efforts proved futile. Gloomy thoughts pervaded her mind as Mink tried to calm herself before calling tower control in Ohio to inform them of their urgent situation. They were low on fuel, and the rain and thunder made landing with only one brake operational even more dangerous, but it was necessary.
“There’s a small airport at ten o’clock approximately fourteen miles away,” the tower responded.
“Negative. Our landing gear still isn’t functioning properly,” Mink said into the microphone. “We’ll head for Metro Airport in Detroit.”
Instructions were given from tower control to all outlyin
g areas to be on alert for a possible crash.
“Okay, listen, everyone. This is Captain Majors. I’d like you to listen very carefully to everything the flight attendant tells you to do. As I stated earlier, we’re experiencing difficulty with the hydraulics system.” She paused to clear her throat. “Some of you may see the fire from the left wing . . . don’t be alarmed. We’re going to land safely at Metro Airport. When I give the signal, I’d like everyone to crouch down low, and place the pillow that the flight attendant gave you over your head. The signal will be ‘Brake, brake, brake.’ ”
Julie entered the captain’s quarters a few minutes later and relayed to Mink that everything was secured and ready.
“Don’t worry, girl. We’re going to make it.”
Julie smiled and tried not to look frightened as she closed the door behind her with a cheery “Good luck.”
Chester was able to get the landing gear down, but he couldn’t be certain the wheels were locked in place.
Mink said to her co-pilot, “With no hydraulics, and the landing gear malfunctioning, we’re really going to have a problem landing.” She looked at McQuilla. “Let’s pray for a miracle.” She wiped the sweat from her forehead. “You okay? Ready?”
“Yeah. Let’s do it.”
After relaying the headings and the approximate miles the plane was now from the airport, Mink heard from the tower, “Approach is looking good.” McQuilla looked quickly at the brilliant lights lit up all over Metro Airport, then sighed.
Mink and Chester simultaneously stared at each other a second after they heard an explosion down below. The control panel lit up and started blinking like a Christmas tree.
“You are clear to land on any runway, Pyramid 2408.”
“I can’t make the turn on three-one!” Mink screamed into the microphone.
“Can you make three-two?” the tower asked.
“Negative! The landing gear is on fire.”
“Clear runway two-two,” Mink heard the tower say. “Go! Go!”
One Better Page 26