"Are you in some kind of trouble?" she asked, her face full of concern.
The last thing I wanted to do was burden her with my problems. It was the last thing she needed in her life.
"It's nothing I can't take care of myself." I forced a smile. "Really, I'm fine. I just need to be by myself for a little while." It was clear she didn't believe me, but I kept the smile on my face, hoping to eventually fool her. "I'll call you later, okay?" I said as the elevator doors opened.
As the doors slid closed, I refused to meet her gaze. I knew the tears were building up inside me and I knew it was only a matter of time before they erupted. Once the doors opened into the lobby, I ran out and grabbed the first cab I saw.
I was home for only a few minutes, sitting on my bed, wondering what to do, when there was a soft knock on my front door. Fear and panic hit me. It felt like someone had poured ice-cold water down my back.
Then a little voice entered my head, telling me that I was stronger than this. That I didn't have to be afraid. I could do this. I could protect myself. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t allow Jake to rule my life anymore.
Wiping my eyes and taking a deep breath, I made my way to the front door, bracing myself for what I was about to see. My heart relaxed a little when I saw Lexi standing there.
"Hi," she said when I opened the door. Her face was full of concern and confusion.
"Hey." I felt the heat hit my cheeks. I felt horrible for running out on her like I did. I couldn't imagine what she was thinking. "Would you like to come in?" I asked, opening the door farther.
She walked in and looked around my apartment. It felt weird for her to be here. No one had ever been inside my apartment. "This place fits you." She looked at me and smiled. "It's simple, clean and quiet. Just like you. I like it." Simple was right. My apartment held a couch, coffee table, and a small table with an even smaller TV on top.
"You didn't have to come, Lexi. I told you I was fine, and I am. The pictures just freaked me out a little."
She nodded. "I get it. I will understand if you don't want to tell me, but the look of fear in your eyes a few minutes ago, I know that look." She paused and swallowed hard. "It's hard to hide your feelings from someone who's experienced the same type of fear as you. I'm not sure what happened to you, Emily, but I know fear when I see it." She continued to walk around my apartment, glancing at the few things I had decorated it with. She made her way over to the couch and then looked at me. "May I sit?"
I nodded. "Sure."
She sat down and then said, "A few months after the attack, I didn't allow anyone to see me, not even Reed. I was ashamed of what happened. In my head, I felt it was my fault in some way. I felt guilty for not stopping it from happening. Foolish, right? I mean, who was I? I was just a twenty-one-year-old girl. How was I supposed to stop three men with guns? I was scared. I was in pain. I felt ugly on the inside and out. I told everyone that I just wanted to be alone. I locked myself in my condo and didn't leave. If it weren't for Reed hiring people to bring me food and clean my condo, I would have probably died up there.
“I thought if someone saw me, they were just going to look at me with pity in their eyes. They were just going to stare at my scars and see me as a victim. I hated that, so I pushed people away. I thought I could live alone, be by myself, and get through whatever I was going through. I thought time would heal everything and one day I would wake up and be normal again." She shook her head.
"I just want you to know that you can talk to me. You know that, right? I'll understand better than you think, whatever it is. And you can talk to Reed, too. He cares for you, Emily. We want to be there for you. It took me a long time to trust Brandon enough to let him in, but when I did, it helped so much."
I could feel the tears building in my chest. I wished more than anything I could tell her, tell Reed, but it was more than just getting over the fear of letting them know my secrets. My secrets could put them in danger and I couldn't do that to them.
"You've been a good friend to me. I just want to be one for you, too," she said, standing up and taking a few steps toward me. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold the tears away.
"It's better for you if you stay away from me," I told her. "I don't want you to get involved… You've already been hurt enough for one lifetime."
Her face fell. "Emily, you're really freaking me out. I want to help you. Let me help you."
"You can't. You don't know what he's capable of. You don't know what he can do—what he's done." I’d kept it all in for so long and I couldn’t control it any longer. The words just spilled out of me.
"So you're running from someone?"
I nodded softly.
"Emily, you can't live in constant fear like that." She took another step closer to me. "Believe me. I know what that can do to a person."
My whole body started to shake. My heart was beating wildly. Can I tell her? Is it selfish of me to involve her? Will it put her in danger?
"Why don't you come sit with me on the couch and talk about it? We'll see how it goes."
I made my way over to the couch and then she took a seat beside me.
Taking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and started from the beginning. "His name is Jake Terrell. We were together for three years. The first year we were together, we were great, everything was perfect, but then he started to change. He became this person I didn't know anymore. He became controlling, violent. It was small things at first, but over time, things got worse, way worse. He wouldn't let me go anywhere without him or one of his men." I stopped and took in another breath, wondering how much to tell her.
"He hit you." She didn't ask it as a question. I opened my eyes and nodded. Tears spilled over and rolled down my cheeks.
"I tried to get away from him, but he knows people. There was always someone watching. I could never get far enough away before he would find me and drag me back."
"Emily"—she grabbed my hand—"that's awful. I wished you would've told me this sooner. It must have been horrible to have kept this inside." Then it must have hit her. "Oh no, if he sees those pictures, he'll know where you are and…" Her voice trailed off and her eyes grew wide. "Emily, you need to tell the police."
I shook my head. "No. It won't help. They won't do anything but put a restraining order on him. And, believe me, that won't keep him away. If Jake finds out where I am, he'll come, no matter what."
"Then you have to get out of here."
I stood up and paced the living room. "I've been going over it in my head. There's a chance he won't even see the pictures. There's a chance nothing will happen. I like it here in New York. I’ve built a life here. I have you and Reed. I don’t want to leave."
"But there's also a chance that he will see it," she countered. "I don't want anything to happen to you. You have to do something."
"I'm not sure what to do. I'm still thinking about it."
"Come stay with me," she blurted out. "At least for a few days."
I stopped pacing and faced her. "I can't put you in danger, Lexi, and I'm not as weak as I was a few months ago. That's why I took those classes. I wanted to learn how to defend myself. I never want to be a victim again."
"We'll get Peters, Warren, and Robbins. We'll have Reed get a few more of his security team. Everything will be fine."
"No. I don't want to tell Reed yet."
She looked at me like I was crazy. "I don't like this, Emily. You need to tell someone."
"I am. I'm telling you."
She gave me a look. A look like she didn't want to be the only person to know my secret. I knew the burden I’d just given her, but I just wasn't ready to tell anyone else… especially Reed. To be honest, I didn't even want to tell Lexi. It just kind of came out.
"Promise me you won’t tell Reed," I said.
She shook her head and her eyes grew wide. "How am I supposed to do that? I'm not sure I can do that. This is serious. What if something happens to you? I'll never forgive myself
. Reed will never forgive me."
"Promise me," I said again.
"You can tell him. He really cares about you. The night of the Black and White event was the first time I'd seen him so happy in years. You make him happy. He can help protect you."
I closed my eyes and pressed my lips together. This was going to be complicated. Way more than I ever expected. Way more than I ever wanted. My life and my problems were now bleeding into Lexi's life, and worst of all, I was asking her to keep this to herself.
"Please, just promise." I opened my eyes, pleading with her.
A torn expression covered her face. I knew it was wrong of me to ask her to keep something like this from him, but I wanted to tell him myself, when I was ready.
"I don't like it, but it's not my secret to tell. I'll keep it to myself as long as you stay with me for a few days and as long as you promise to tell him everything soon."
I nodded. "I will. I'll tell him. I just need some time to sort this out and figure out what I'm going to do."
"You can’t leave town without telling me."
"I don’t think I can keep running but if I do leave, I promise to tell you first."
She took in a deep breath. "So you'll stay with me for a few days. I won't take no for an answer."
Then I remembered her plans with Brandon. "But Lexi, your plans for this week. There's no way I'm going to let you cancel them."
She shook her head like she didn't want to hear any of my excuses. "It's not an option. Brandon will understand and it will give me a little while longer to prepare to meet his family. I'm way too nervous about it anyway."
"That's not fair."
"Well, it wouldn't be fair of me to just leave you here when you really need me."
She was almost too sweet for her own good. By the look on her face, I knew there was nothing I could say to change her mind.
I walked over to her and hugged her tight. I had to admit it felt so nice to finally tell someone the truth, and I was glad it was her.
JAKE
I SAT in my office chair, looking out across the city lights of Vegas, when there was a loud knock at my door. Glancing over, I saw Rico's head poke through.
"Hey, boss, you got a minute? I think there's something you should see."
"What is it?" I asked, annoyed. He knew I didn't like to be bothered, especially at night.
Rico came in and shut the door behind him. I guess he didn't pick up on my tone. I really wasn't in the mood for visitors. I hadn't been in the mood for anything really the past few months.
"This better be good." My voice came out sounding more like a growl.
"I gotta show you something. Something you’re not gonna like, but something I know you're gonna want to see."
I glared up at him as he placed a magazine down on my desk.
Picking it up, my eyes glanced at the cover. I was even more confused when I saw it was some stupid woman magazine. What the hell is this?
"Turn to page eighteen and tell me if that pretty brunette looks familiar to you," Rico said. I could hear the seriousness in his voice and from the look on his face, I knew he was trying to tell me something important.
Tearing through the pages, I finally came to a stop on page eighteen. My eyes went right to the photo Rico was talking about. It was as if the picture popped off the page and reached into my heart, squeezed it, and ripped it out of my chest. Those deep-brown eyes stared back at me, and it felt like my insides were being twisted in knots.
Emily.
She was alive, and from the look of this picture, she even looked happy. She looked happier than I'd see her in years. Am I seeing this right? My eyes moved over to the man standing beside her, the one who was holding her in a loving embrace. It seemed as though she had moved on from more than just her life here in Vegas. She'd moved on from me, too.
For a split second, I felt a sudden injection of happiness and relief knowing she was alive and safe. Now, those feelings were replaced with anger and hate. The blood was pumping fast through my veins, and I could feel my anger growing by the second. It was only Rico's voice that stopped the emotions from taking complete control over me.
"Gina saw it last night. She told me she saw a picture that looked like Emily. At first, I didn't believe her, but when she showed me the picture, there was no mistaking. I knew that was our Emily…" He cleared his throat. "I mean, your Emily. The picture’s a few weeks old. It was taken at a party in New York City."
My eyes moved from the picture to the caption below it.
REED ALEXANDER OFF THE MARKET! EMILY ANDERSON HAS HIS HEART!
She ran away from me, changed her name, and found a new guy all in the span of a few months. You've got to be kidding me. I'll kill her!
My fist came down hard on the table. "She thinks she can just pick up and start a new life? She thinks she can forget about me that easily?" I shouted, crumbling up the magazine and throwing it across the room. "New York! She's been in goddamn New York?!"
There was no stopping my anger now. Rising up out of the chair, I leaned against my desk, trying to calm myself down so I could wrap my head around this and figure out what to do next. I couldn’t let her get away with this. She’d made a fool out of me. I’d make her pay for this.
"How do you want to handle it, boss?" Rico asked, taking a few steps back toward the door, away from me.
I turned around to face the window and squeezed my hands into fists. My breathing was slow and deep. Instead of doing what I really wanted, like picking up the chair and hauling it through the window, I tried to remain calm and focused. I thought about what I wanted, besides the fact that I wanted to find Emily and show her the pain I'd been in the last few months. The sleepless nights I'd experienced without her. The anger, the worry, the sadness.
"Find out whatever you can about her new life," I said through gritted teeth. "Where she's working, who her friends are, where she's living." I clenched my fists even tighter. "And most importantly, find out as much as you can about Reed Alexander."
Without saying a word, Rico left the room. I closed my eyes and spent the rest of the night sitting in my office chair, staring out the window, wondering what Emily was doing right now, wondering what she was thinking at this very moment, and wondering how she would react when the two of us came face to face again.
For the past few months, all I'd wanted was to find her and bring her home. I exhausted all efforts, and after about a month ago, I had nowhere left to go. Emily didn't have any family left after her mother died. She had no one except for me. I was her family. I was her provider. I was her everything. After all I'd done for her, she left me for a new city, a new life, and a new guy. Things between us weren't perfect, and I knew I had anger problems, but I had promised her that I was getting help. I promised her that things would get better.
Hours passed before Rico came back into my office. He sat down in the chair in front of my desk with a small stack of papers. "Sorry it took me so long, boss. The private detective was having trouble finding information on Emily. I'll tell you now, there's not much, mainly the basics."
"Just tell me what you've got." The anticipation that was rolling around inside me, mixed with all the other emotions, was making me sick to my stomach.
"Well, she's been working at an event company. They put together parties, weddings, things like that. She lives in a small apartment in Brooklyn, and well, that's about all, really."
I narrowed my eyes on him. "And what about Reed Alexander?"
"Well, he's a little different. All you have to do is search his name on the Internet and you find out all sorts of information on the guy. He works in real estate development. He's successful. He owns a lot of properties in New York and a few in London. Oh, and his parents were murdered a couple years ago. His sister, Lexi, was injured, but she survived. Pretty messed up, though. I have pictures." He glanced down at his papers and shuffled them around.
"I don't want to see any more pictures." He stopped and looked back
up at me. "Let me see what you've got on Reed Alexander."
He handed me the small stack and I slowly went through the information. "So it says here that he took over his dad's company and has been living in London for the past couple years, but he recently moved back to New York."
"Yeah, that's right," Rico said.
"Well, let's find something that interests Mr. Alexander and we'll pay him a visit. Then, we'll go check on my girl and see if she's missed me."
EMILY
WHEN I first saw the magazine with my picture in it, I thought my days were numbered. I couldn't tell you how many times I looked over my shoulder, expecting to see Jake there, but it had been weeks since the Black and White event and so far nothing had happened. Absolutely nothing.
After a week of staying with Lexi and no sign of Jake, I realized that I had to stop being afraid. I had to stop letting him control my life. There was a good chance that he hadn't seen the pictures. If he had, he would have found me already. So, from now on, I would just have to be more careful.
I moved back to my place. At first, Lexi was reluctant to let me go. She said she would only let me leave if I took Peters and Warren with me. I told her I needed to do this alone. I needed to prove to myself that I could do it. She was confused and frustrated, but then, just like I knew she would, she understood. She knew what it was like to want to get on with your life—to force yourself to be brave and find yourself again.
She wasn't happy that I hadn't told Reed the truth yet. I promised her I would, but now I'd been back home for a couple weeks, and I still hadn't followed through with that promise.
It wasn’t that I wanted to keep it from him. Things had been so great between us lately. Reed and I officially became a couple. With the event done and over with, it was almost like we were a normal couple, doing normal couple things. I didn't want to ruin that with the dark cloud of my past.
My phone rang, pulling me out of my reverie. I had been lying in bed for hours, but I didn't think I slept much at all. Even though I had been back at my apartment for a while now, I still had trouble sleeping. It was going to take a while for me to feel safe again.
The Hardest Part Page 16