by Mima
She said the last word louder than the rest of the sentence and Chase glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was near the door.
“Has he said that?” Chase muttered awkwardly suddenly feeling a sense of dread.
“No, I just know him,” Jolene replied and gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m not saying to pack your bags tonight and leave, I mean, be careful. I know Diego comes across as this tough guy and nothing bothers him but, he holds a lot inside, you know? He doesn’t talk much about anything serious. He just..he hid a lot in his life so that’s normal to him.”
Chase didn’t know what to say and decided to remain silent.
“I’m sorry, I should not say, I don’t know,” Jolene spoke in a more hushed tone. “I feel he likes you a lot. I know you don’t see him that way and you are not trying to mislead. But sometimes people like a companion even if it’s not the way they want, you know?”
“Yes,” Chase nodded. “I think so.”
“Don’t be scared away,” Jolene continued. “I don’t mean that either. I just…I know my brother. He’s jumped from boy to boy to boy…but you, at first I think, I thought maybe he like the challenge, you know? Now, I think differently. I feel there’s something more..”
“Chase!” Diego’s voice bellowed out from the next office and Jolene clasped her mouth shut. The two of them exchanged looks.
“I don’t think he hear,” Jolene pointed toward her ears. “We talk low.”
Chase didn’t think so but still briefly considered her words as he returned to Diego’s office. Inside, the same Colombian man who once represented excitement and power now seemed vulnerable and small as he studied Chase’s face, his dark eyes were full of questions. He heard something, there was no doubt.
“Chase, can you close the door?” He spoke sternly and a chill filled the room. Without replying Chase followed his instructions before sitting across the desk from Diego. “I think we have a problem.”
“Ok.”
“The parties, they are doing good but I just went over the numbers with Benjamin and he thinks we may have to let someone go.”
“Already?”
“Unfortunately, yes,”
“But shouldn’t we wait and see?”
“We could but the problem is Jolene freaked out and hired those extra girls and we aren’t consistently busy enough yet.”
“Maybe we should focus on getting more business.”
“That’s Marketing and Sylvana’s job and I’m not impressed with her lately,” Diego made a face. “We should be on fire, especially with the gay men and we’re not.”
“It doesn’t seem right that one of the planners get let go because Sylvana isn’t doing her job efficiently.”
“That’s business,” Diego shrugged. “So the new girl, Gracie, she’s got to go.”
Chase opened his mouth and looked away.
“What? You don’t agree?” Diego asked letting out a loud sigh.
“I was talking to her in the break room and…I don’t know.”
“You like her?’
“Not in that way,” Chase quickly replied. Thinking on his feet, he quickly added, “Look, she’s bilingual, so that could be an asset.”
“Oh,” Diego made a face and opened a file on his desk, his eyes scanned a piece of paper and he nodded. “You’re right. She speaks French, we better keep her then…the other girl hired the same day? I forget her name. Can you send her in?”
“Do you…have to talk to Jolene about this first?” Chase muttered and saw Diego’s lips formed an O.
“Oh amigo, good point, she won’t be happy with me if I make this decision without talking to her first. I’ll go talk to her.” He grabbed the file from his desk and hastily rushed toward the door. “What would I do without you, Chase?” He asked with a boisterous laugh before exiting the room.
Chase studied his hands and bit his lower lip. Jolene’s words resurfaced and a heaviness filled his heart.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Jolene’s words haunted him for the rest of the afternoon. When his own sister had suggested a cohabitation between him and Diego, Chase merely laughed it off but when Jolene made the same comment, it suddenly had more legitimacy. Was he comfortably settling into a life with Diego that was more than he intended? Was Diego content with having Chase close to him in any way he could, even if not in the intimate situation that he would’ve preferred? Was this obvious to everyone other than himself?
Suddenly he was very conscious of how people looked at him at both the office and the complex he lived in; did others assume they were together? Did people at work know that they lived together? Did they know that Diego was gay? He didn’t discuss his personal life and in fact, gave a heterosexual vibe when he was out and about; flirting with women, his eyes preying on them from across the room as if he were desiring their company when in fact, he had no interest.
It was confusing and in a way, Chase wished Jolene hadn’t broached the subject because it opened a whole can of worms that he couldn’t deal with. Diego was his friend and of course he cared about him and enjoyed his company, but was he also sending him the wrong message? Should he be doing something differently? Bringing women home? Then again, Diego didn’t bring men to the condo. Was that weird?
It was on the way home after work that night that Chase felt as though he should say something; but what? He didn’t want to bring up what Jolene said but then again, had Diego overheard their conversation? If he had, there was no clear sign when he called Chase into his office. In fact, he had seemed preoccupied with the information Benjamin had given him about the numbers.
“I think I need to look for a place this weekend,” Chase broke the news while they sat in traffic, as the bright sun poured through the window. Up until that point, Diego had been unusually quiet, sunglasses hiding his eyes and his face expressionless. “It’s been weeks and I-
“Amigo, come on, I’ve told you there is no rush,” Diego replied in a tone that didn’t carry any emotion. His fingers played with the buttons for the radio and 70s rock suddenly poured through the car. He sniffed and ran a hand through his dark hair, his lips shuffled uncomfortably. “You Americans worry too much about proper etiquette and stuff like overstaying your welcome as if there is such a thing when it’s family. Come on! Don’t worry! We’ve talked about this before.”
Chase couldn’t help but grin at Diego’s flippant answer and his ability to cram Canadian and American culture into one group. It was funny how the two North American countries saw themselves as being so different and yet, to someone like Diego, they were exactly the same.
“You Canadians, always so polite all the time,” Diego said with a frown and continued to play with the radio, “if you wish to leave, it’s fine. Just say so, it’s OK.” Suddenly, Lynyrd Skynyrd filled the entire car and interrupted their conversation. “Hey Chase, you’re from a redneck town, you must know this song.” Diego teased.
“Diego, I didn’t mean-
“You’re probably too young,” Diego continued and suddenly traffic moved forward and Diego returned his concentration to driving. Feeling his stomach turn, Chase reached forward, his fingers touched the buttons to lower the volume.
“Look, I wasn’t trying to politely say anything,” Chase said, hearing a rigidness in his voice that he hadn’t intended. Suddenly, he was full of remorse for even bringing up the topic and wasn’t sure of what to say. “I really do feel that maybe I’ve overstayed my welcome. I don’t want to take advantage of your kindness.”
“Chase, you’re not taking advantage of anything,” Diego replied and shrugged casually even though his body looked stiff and awkward when he did so, he seemed to jerk involuntarily, his attention pulled toward the left. Then like a tsunami, his words came flowing out rapidly.
“Look, Chase, I could hear some of your conversation with Jolene today and that’
s her ideas, it’s not my own. I’m happy having you there and there’s nothing strange about us living together and let’s not make this weird, ok? It’s not weird, just…just don’t listen to her.” Diego spoke so fast that he appeared to run out of breath. He was clearly agitated.
“Okay, its fine, I’m sorry and please,” Chase replied and took a deep breath. “Don’t get mad at Jolene. She didn’t tell me to leave.”
“But she did say something,” Diego expressed some emotion in his voice. “I know my sister, she gets involved when she shouldn’t. She always has.”
“That’s family.”
“Does your sister get this involved in your life?”
Chase considered his conversation from earlier that day. “Not really, I mean, she takes a lot of stabs at my life but I, unlike Jolene, it’s not from a loving place, it is cause she’s miserable with herself. But I don’t have a normal family.”
Diego seemed to contemplate what Chase said and remained silent as the song ended and another Lynyrd Skynyrd one replaced it.
“Having a normal family isn’t always great, my friend,” Diego injected. “They want to look out for you even when you don’t need it.”
Chase didn’t reply at first and when he finally did, his tone was soft. “Take it from someone who’s pretty estranged from his own family, having an overprotective sister sounds kind of nice. My family? They didn’t care when I left Hennessey. They didn’t care when I left Alberta. Probably because in their minds, I was already gone.”
The original tension seemed to evaporate after Chase spoke from an honest place. He knew Diego appreciated directness, for people to be candid with him and immediately became defensive when he suspected anything else. Jolene had been right, there was a vulnerable side to him that wasn’t immediately clear; but it was definitely there, carefully placed in a corner but visible for those who bothered to look.
“You’re right, yes, I am fortunate,” Diego spoke evenly as they moved closer to where they lived. “I do love my sister, she is my only family. I know she wants what is best for me. I know she worries but I don’t want her to say things to you about me. I don’t like that.”
There were clear emotions in his voice and Chase could hear his accent slipping in as he spoke from the heart. Perhaps, he considered, that’s who he really was at the end of the day. He could be ‘American’ in how he dressed, acted or in thoughts but in his heart, he was still very tied to his Colombian roots.
“I understand,” Chase replied and glanced in Diego’s direction. His face looked old, a sadness could be felt, his words suddenly having a more intense impact from even a moment earlier. “I didn’t know it was just you and Jolene. Your parents, they….”
“I’m no longer in their life,” Diego replied as his fingers touched the volume to turn it down while That Smell continued to play in the background. “My father, when he learned I was gay, said I was dead to him. That what I did, it was unnatural and the church did not accept my lifestyle. And so, he hasn’t spoken to me since.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Chase replied, his thoughts jumped to his friend Maggie and the struggles she faced when first coming out as a lesbian. Her family hadn’t disowned her but simply decided she was confused. Then again, didn’t he too? Hadn’t he lusted after her, secretly wishing she would change her mind? Was that what Diego was doing with him now?
“It’s, you know, it’s the past,” Diego spoke with some hesitation. “I think, I knew that would happen but it was when my mother said it that really killed me. The worst part was that she had no issue with me being with men but it was because she had to agree with my father to keep the peace, that broke my heart. My own mother disowned me because she chose my father over me. She said, ‘your husband is in your life before your child and you must concede to his wishes’. I was 19 and we haven’t spoken since that day.”
“I..I don’t even know what to say,” Chase spoke honestly and thought for a moment. “I guess, I kind of relate. My mother hasn’t accepted me either but in my case, is kind of mutual.”
“Family, it’s complicated,” Diego replied and made a face. “I think that is why Jolene worries extra for me but she needn’t. I’m fine.”
Chase didn’t reply.
“How come, with your mother, how come you’re estranged?” Diego gently asked. “I mean, with me, I was gay but with you, what?”
“I don’t know, it was building over time,” Chase said and bit his bottom lip. “She kind of turned against me more and more when I was a teenager. It was almost like she didn’t like me anymore. She hated that I was in sports, she said they were barbaric. She didn’t like my girlfriend, she thought she was a tramp.”
Diego let out a laugh.
“Then I got Audrey pregnant and she hated me because I was so irresponsible and basically forced me to marry her, which was something they both wanted.”
“And you didn’t?” Diego asked as he turned onto their street.
“No,” Chase replied and took a deep breath. “I hooked up with Audrey at a party. I wasn’t even interested in her. I was depressed cause my first girlfriend just dumped me and Audrey gave me some pill, whatever it was, fucked me up and the next thing I knew, we were having sex. Unprotected sex and she got pregnant.”
“Wow!”
“And my mother basically kicked me out and forced me into Audrey’s home, we got married and were miserable most of the time and then finally, one day, she saw that I would never be the husband she wanted.”
“That’s when you moved to Calgary and met my sister?”
“Yes, I haven’t really spoken to my mother since then and my father is dead.”
Diego nodded. “That’s pretty harsh, my friend.”
“It was, but I survived.”
“Me too,” Diego’s voice was barely a whisper and he fell silent as they drove into the parking garage below the condo and found his spot.
“Me, I never had unprotected sex, not that I could get anyone pregnant.” Diego let out a laugh and his usual, flippant self returned. “But ah, that was also because of my father, the last thing he ever said to me was that I would get ‘The Aids’ and die.”
Chase felt his mouth drop open.
“But you know, probably the best thing he could’ve ever said to me because it made me more careful.” Diego turned off the car and lifted his sunglasses. His eyes were unusually gentle. “I slept with a lot of men in my day but I was always careful because I didn’t want to prove him right. I’ve never had a thing.”
They shared a silence and Chase nodded.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Diego was once again off on a mysterious trip that weekend. Whether it was a rendezvous with a lover or something business related, Chase wasn’t sure, only learning of his departure through a messy note stuck to the fridge on Saturday morning. He grinned at the old-school way of communicating in a time when it would’ve been easier to just text or for that matter, simply tell him in person since they lived in the same place.
It was a quiet weekend for Chase. Other than running a few errands, talking to his kids on Skype and going to the gym, there wasn’t much for him to do. Of course, the lime tree would need the usual, lavish attention but other than that, the condo was immaculate. An older Latino woman cleaned every Friday afternoon, usually finishing up about the same time that the two men arrived home, she would have a long conversation with Diego in Spanish before slipping out the door with some cash in hand. She would shyly smile at Chase but didn’t attempt to speak to him in English.
When Diego took off for the weekend, he usually returned early Sunday evening and his first priority was always looking after the lime tree. He would barely say hello but instead rush to inspect the leaves, checking the soil to see if it needed any water and would lug it back inside if it was still out. It was almost comical for Chase to watch a grown man fuss over a miniatu
re tree the way most would over a child or pet. It was harmless, if not a little weird.
However, when Diego didn’t rip through the door with a suitcase dragging behind him, a laptop bag over his shoulder and a mischievous smile on his face on Sunday evening, Chase began to worry. Although his habits were slightly erratic and mysterious, they were still quite consistent. Unsure if he was crossing any kind of line in the sand, he decided to text him just to check in.
I’m stuck at an airport. Big fuck up. Call Jolene to see if she can pick you up in the morning.
Although this hadn’t been his primary concern, he followed Diego’s instructions and received a quick reply from his other boss.
Of course Chase! Diego already text me. I will see you in the morning.
He felt like a child who had two parents looking after him and although it was somewhat comforting, it did feel slightly unsettling. Of course, Diego was in his early 40s whereas Jolene was not far behind him in age, he reasoned that it probably was natural for them to feel somewhat protective of their young employee.
Chase woke to a quiet condo the next morning and immediately knew that Diego hadn’t arrived home in the night. There was no muffled sound of either the radio or television coming from his room, no razor buzzing, no whistling or phone conversations but rather, silence. It did briefly cross his mind that perhaps he had returned and was getting some sleep and would turn up at the office later, but if he was home, there were no signs.
Jolene was early picking him up. Unlike her brother, she drove a modest car in comparison, a bright red Honda Civic which she purchased after much consideration a few weeks earlier. In fact, she had taken Diego to the dealership to help negotiate. Chase didn’t have to be there to know he would’ve been relentless to the car sales rep until he got the price he felt was deserving.
“Where is he?” Jolene asked almost immediately after Chase got in the car. “He did not say when he text me.”
“I don’t know,” Chase said with a shrug. “I don’t ask and he doesn’t tell.”