Broken Series

by Dawn Pendleton

  When both the doctor and the nurse left the room, Mallory looked at me. “Did you call anyone?”

  “I called Wolfe and asked him to keep an eye on the house and find Baker,” I told her, hoping she wouldn’t worry.

  “Is Baker still missing?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on with him,” I told her. “After Christmas, he just disappeared.” The holidays, I knew, had left him feeling down. It wasn’t that I was trying to be mean-hearted – I knew how fucked up I would be if anything happened to Mallory, but Baker chose to marry Rainey, to be with her and get closer to her even though he knew she was going to die.

  I hated thinking that way, but it was the truth. Rainey was going to die, whether it was last spring or after Thanksgiving. And although I was far from comfortable with death, I was more accepting of it since Joe’s death. Joe taught me to live like I could die at any given moment. Since I realized Mallory was it for me, I’d dedicated my life to her.

  Which, if I thought about it, I totally got why Baker gave everything to Rainey. I thought about the fact that if Mallory suddenly got sick, I would cling to her even more, cherish every passing millisecond that I had left. I mentally kicked myself, wondering why I was so hard on Baker. He was such a great guy, though, and he absolutely deserved to be happy. He didn’t deserve the hand he was dealt. Rainey’s death was hard on all of us, especially Mallory and Gabby, but Baker had been different since her funeral.

  Since we buried her, Baker had become despondent, reclusive, even. It was depressing, especially when Mallory and I were so happy, and Wolfe and Gabby had their own family now, too. I knew it was hard for him, but I kept wanting him to snap out of it. It would take time, but I just wanted him to be happy again. Seeing him so different from the way he was just a year ago made me worry about him immensely.

  “Luke?” Mallory squeezed my hand as a contraction gripped her.

  I helped her breathe, the short breaths that I’d seen people do on TV. It was still too early in the pregnancy for us to have attended Lamaze classes yet, so I was just helping her blindly. Once it passed, I wiped her brow with a towel, hating how much pain she was in.

  When it finally settled down, Mallory let out a sigh of relief. “What are we naming him?”

  I thought about it for a moment. “Caleb.” Her name was perfect now, in the middle of this insane situation.

  “I like Caleb Marcus.”

  Ch Three

  Mallory

  Our child’s name wasn’t something I’d been willing to compromise on the day before. But now, when his entire existence hung in the balance, I knew that Luke’s favorite name and mine put together was the perfect name. Our boy would bring joy and light to this world, no matter how long he was with us.

  A tear escaped the corner of my eye as I thought the very real fact that he might not make it. Of course, I wouldn’t love him any differently, but this baby was everything. A creation from the love Luke and I shared. I would love this baby boy for all my days, no matter what.

  Just as Luke was about to reply to my name, another contraction took over, causing me to throw back my head in pain. Luke’s hand found mine again and I gripped it like a vice. I knew I had to be hurting him, but he never said a word; he just held onto me and coaxed me to breathe. The nurses helped me with breathing, too, since I hadn’t been to any classes yet. When the last of the contraction faded, I sunk into the bed, my head lolled to the side. I was exhausted.

  Luke was right there, feeding me ice chips with a concerned look on his face. “Are you alright?”

  I nodded, but, given my state of fatigue, I wasn’t even sure if I made any movement. I just wanted to sleep. My eyes fluttered once. Twice.

  “Mallory?” I could hear a voice calling me, but I ignored it, much too tired to even acknowledge it.

  Ch Four

  Luke

  “Mallory!” I called to her again. I looked up to the nurse, who was checking her pulse on the other side of the bed.

  She pressed the emergency call button on the side of the bed and then looked at me. “Her vitals are dropping. As are the baby’s. We need to get her in for a Caesarean.”

  Her words did nothing to calm my spiked blood pressure. “Is she okay?” I needed her to be alright. I needed her in my life.

  “We’ll take care of her,” the nurse promised as several male nurses rushed in. Between them, they unhooked Mallory’s machines from the wall and then pushed her out of the room.

  I was left standing there, completely alone. When Gray appeared in front of me, I hardly saw him.

  Gray shook me a little. “Luke! Snap out of it! We are going to take good care of Mallory and the baby.”

  “Caleb. Caleb Marcus,” I muttered in a state of shock.

  “Mallory and Caleb will both be fine,” he promised.

  I shook my head in disbelief, utterly convinced I was about to lose everything that mattered to me. “And if they die?” I finally looked up into the doctor’s eyes.

  His eyes widened as I looked at him, and I was convinced it was because my own eyes were lost, with no more light or joy. I was the epitome of hopelessness.

  “They aren’t going to die.” His words did nothing to comfort me.

  “Tell them I love them,” I murmured as he walked out of the room.

  After a moment, I had to leave the room. It was too depressing, too much for me to handle. I went to the nurses’ station, gave them my cell number, and then asked directions to the chapel or whatever the hell they called it nowadays. The woman directed me to the first floor.

  The chapel was small, but empty, which suited me just fine. Gone was the empty hollow of emotion, and in its place was a boiling rage I could hardly control. I went to the front of the chapel and yelled at the only being I could direct my anger at.

  “How could you let this happen? Why would you bring her into my life and then threaten to take her again? She’s everything. Everything. If she’s lost, then so am I. I can’t live without her again. I barely made it the first time, and the only reason I did was that I knew she was alive and happy somewhere else. But if she dies … if she dies, that’s it for me, too. Don’t do this. Please don’t let this happen …” I started in a yell, but by the last sentence, I was whispering, dropping to my knees at the altar.

  Tears flowed freely, and though I wasn’t much of a crying guy, I couldn’t stop them and made no move to wipe them away. I knelt there, head down, a sobbing mess, until Baker walked in.

  He didn’t say anything at first. He just rested his hand on my shoulder, a comforting gesture that forced me to swallow my tears. I didn’t care about him seeing me cry; I simply knew that in order to get through this ordeal, I needed to be strong for Mallory. I needed to be a rock during this trial, to make sure I was there to support her on the other side. But, mostly, I needed to be able to lean on my best friend.

  I got up and wiped my eyes. “I thought you left town.”

  Baker shook my hand. “Wolfe called me. I know I’ve been weird lately, but I knew I had to be here for you.”

  I gulped. Even in the midst of his own pain and suffering, Baker was there for me. “I appreciate it.”

  “There’s nothing to appreciate. You guys were there for me when …” He took a calming breath. “When she died, you guys helped me more than you’ll ever know.”

  The fact that he couldn’t say Rainey’s name worried me and had me thinking to what it would be like if I lost Mallory. Would I be as reclusive? As hardened? I had no idea, but I truly never wanted to find out.

  “You’re a great friend,” I complimented him.

  “Are you allowed to watch the surgery?” he asked.

  “No. Since it’s an emergency, they weren’t able to get one of the viewing rooms, and her health comes before all else. When they’re just about ready for the C-section, they’re going to call me so I can be there to cut the cord,” I explained.

  “Did you guys pick out a name?”


  I chuckled a little as we walked out of the chapel and toward the elevator. “Yeah. Caleb Marcus.”

  “That’s a great name,” Baker comments. And then he’s quiet, probably thinking about what his life would have been like if he and Rainey had been able to have children.

  “Is there something in the water in Casper?” Baker asked as soon as the elevator doors closed and we ascended to the third floor.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, in the last year, we’ve lost a lot of people in that stupid town. And most of them were cancer-related. It just makes me wonder,” he started.

  “Don’t do that to yourself,” I told him. “You’ll never move forward if you keep living in the past.”

  The doors opened. “I have to live in the past, Luke. It’s the only place where I can find her.”

  We stepped off into the main hallway and I turned to him. “She wouldn’t have wanted you to dwell like this. She wanted you to live the productive, happy life she couldn’t. She wanted you to live.”

  I watched him gulp before he spoke. “She was the only reason for my happiness, the only reason for me to live. Without her, I’m lost,” he admitted.

  I understood the sentiment. “I know.”

  Together, we walked to the nurses’ station, where the woman informed me she was just about to call me. The surgical team was ready for me.

  I turned to Baker. “Alright, I’m going in. Thanks for being here, man. I couldn’t ask for a better friend.” I shook his hand.

  “I’ll be here when all three of you come out,” Baker promised, and his words gave me hoped that the three of us might actually survive this.

  A nurse appeared and led me down a series of hallways until we were in a room with a huge sink and several perfectly folded hospital gowns. She told me to wash my hands thoroughly and then I would get a gown, as well as a mesh cap for my hair and gloves.

  As she assisted me with the gloves, I started to shake a little.

  “Everyone’s nervous, the first time,” she said. “But you get used to it. Just don’t pass out.”

  Her words jarred me and I snapped my eyes to hers. “I hope I never get used to this.”

  She looked down, probably regretting her choice of words now. I ignored the overwhelming sensation to comfort her. She put a face mask over my nose and mouth and then led me into the operating room. There, on the table, was Mallory, still unconscious. My first instinct was to go to her, but the nurse put her hand on my arm.

  “You’re here to witness the birth of your child and cut the cord. If you try to do anything more than that, you’ll be removed,” she whispered her warning.

  I nodded to her, but inside, I was a mess. All I wanted to do was go to Mallory and hold her hand, whisper to her that everything would be alright. Instead, I forced myself to stand still as they cut into her belly. I turned away at the sight of blood, but after a few calming breaths, I was able to look back toward where they were cutting into her.

  When Gray’s hands reached inside her, I almost threw up, but managed to control my violent stomach. And when his hands reappeared with the tiniest little baby in his hands, I lost my ability to control anything. Tears of joy fell from my eyes.

  “We have a boy,” Gray announced, though there were no resounding cheers like the delivery rooms I’d seen on TV. No one so much as smiled, though I couldn’t be too sure, since their faces were all covered by masks, like my own.

  “Come here, Luke. Let’s get the cord cut,” Gray said to me.

  I forced my feet to move, to get closer to the little piece of heaven that was so still, so silent.

  “Isn’t he supposed to cry?” I whispered as I got close.

  The baby had no hair, his eyes were closed, and he didn’t look healthy at all. Fear gripped my heart. I couldn’t lose him. I couldn’t lose Mallory. My life was crumbling around me.

  “Just cut the cord, Luke,” Gray said to me again, putting a pair of odd-looking scissors in my hand.

  His tone worried me, but I shakily accepted the scissors and took a steadying breath.

  I manage not to injure myself or anyone else when I cut the cord. The baby still hadn’t cried, or moved, and I feared this could be the end for his little life. Hell, I didn’t even know if he was ever alive. A nurse pulled me back toward the door and I went freely, watching as my life flashes before my eyes.

  Ch Five

  Luke

  Four years ago…

  Mallory and I were happy. Or so I thought, anyway. When she up and left last week, I thought my world might end, but her father, Joe, of all people, gave me the comfort I needed to stay strong. Since our little chat, he and I were pretty close. I always thought of him as my own dad, which was convenient, since mine wasn’t around anymore.

  Neither of my parents cared too much about what I did, preferring to move away from the small town. With Mallory gone, too, I started to question my own worth.

  “Am I unlovable? Do I drive people away from me?” I wondered aloud to Joe one night after cooking both of us dinner.

  He laughed. “Absolutely not!” But then his eyes grew serious, his tone much more stern. “Don’t let anyone, not even my daughter, determine your self-worth, Luke. You’re a smart kid with a good head on your shoulders. Your parents never saw that about you, and even though Mallory’s gone, I know she’ll be back. She won’t be able to stay away from you forever. She’ll come home.”

  “How can you be so sure?” I asked.

  “She’s my daughter. When the time is right, she’ll come home to say goodbye to me, but she won’t be able to say goodbye to you again.”

  “I doubt it. She didn’t even cry last week when she left,” I muttered.

  “That’s because she was excited about something new. When she comes home to bury me, she’ll change. But let her have this time now, time to truly discover who she is,” he demanded.

  I didn’t want her to find herself. I wanted the old Mallory back in my arms. I sighed.

  “I guess I don’t have much choice.”

  “You always have a choice, Luke. You can’t make someone else’s decisions for them, but you can decide to accept their choices. So accept Mallory’s choice. Don’t harbor a grudge because you have no idea what that girl has been through,” he admonished me.

  Instead of assuming he was just being her dad, though, I actually listened to what he said. There were things I didn’t know about Mallory, things I wouldn’t learn until much later, when she actually came home again.

  Ch Six

  Luke

  I smiled at the memory. Joe was like a father to me. He was the one who encouraged me to keep on loving Mallory. He knew his daughter well, too. Eventually, she’d returned to Casper, though only to care for her father and then to bury him, just as Joe said. But she ended up staying in Casper for me. She wanted to be with me as much as I wanted her, and I would not lose her.

  I closed my eyes to fight the tears that threatened to fall again, willing myself to be strong for her. I’d been such a fool when she first came back last summer. I fought her, made her cry, and guilted her about Joe’s condition. But she still loved me, still wanted to spend a life with me. In that moment, I decided I would never make her feel like an outcast again, so long as she survived this.

  “You’ve got to leave now,” the nurse nudged me.

  My eyes flew open, looking for my son. “Why?”

  “There’s a lot to be done. Let us help Mallory and your son. Let us do our jobs,” she muttered, pushing me out of the operating room.

  I swallowed my pride and put one foot in front of the other, letting myself out of the room. I was petrified of what would happen, but there was nothing I could do now. Mallory and Caleb were in the capable hands of Gray and God. I wouldn’t interfere.

  I found Baker, along with Gabby and Wolfe, in the waiting room. They all stood when they saw me, and Gabby pulled me in to a hug.

  “What’s going on?” Wolfe demanded.

&nb
sp; I was numb. “It’s a boy. Caleb Marcus.”

  “How’s Mallory?” Gabby asked, her eyes concerned.

  “I have no idea. She passed out before the surgery, and she hasn’t woken up yet. They kicked me out of the room.” I stood there, emotionless.

  “Oh, Luke,” Gabby hugged me again, but I couldn’t summon the strength to put my arms around her. “What do we do now?”

  I knew what she was thinking. Our little group was slowly being picked off. First Joe, then Rainey. People were dropping like flies. Maybe Baker was right – maybe there was something about our town.

  “We wait. And we pray,” Wolfe said, his voice sure and steady.

  I looked up at him, certain I would see something sad or pity-like in his eyes, but all I saw was strength. I wasn’t the only one suffering here, and my friends had come to support me, whether we celebrated lives or mourned the loss of those lives.

  I turned away, letting the tears flow freely. These people loved me, love Mallory, and were more than ready to love my son, if only the good Lord above made it possible. I felt a strong hand on each of my shoulders, and then Gabby’s arms came around my waist, hugging me from behind. I shook with emotion, letting the sobs escape. I didn’t worry that any of these three would judge me.

  When I turned around, both Baker and Wolfe has tears in their eyes, too, and Gabby was a mess. Her sobs couldn’t be good for the baby. Giving myself something to do, I helped her sit in one of the chairs.

  “Calm down, Gabby. It’s not good for the baby,” I whispered to her.

  Her eyes grew with concern, but not for her child. “What if they don’t make it? I can’t handle losing another best friend.”

  Her words touched me, brought me back to life. “We won’t lose her,” I promised, though I had no idea at all. “She and Caleb are going to be just fine.”