by Banks, R. R.
“There isn’t,” I said. Emotion was building in my chest and I could feel it starting to sting in the backs of my eyes. I had to get out of here. “I’m so glad that you’re alright,” I told her, letting my voice soften from the pitch that it had risen to during the conversation. “Watching you get shot was one of the worst moments of my life. Maybe the worst. But every time that I look at you, all I can think is that I could never have done that to you. I could never lie to you like that, because I care about you. And if you cared about me, you wouldn’t have been able to, either.”
I started out of the room, then turned and walked back to her side. I leaned down and touched a kiss to her cheekbone.
“Goodbye, Eleanor.”
Noah and Snow were walking back into the room as I left, but I didn’t stop to say anything to them. I needed to get back to the office, lose myself in my work, and forget.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Eleanor
One month later…
“How are you feeling, Auntie?”
Noah came into my living room and settled a vase of flowers onto the small marble table beside the sofa, taking away the slightly dried bouquet that Snow had brought a few days before. I looked at them, wanting the pale yellow and white blooms to make me smile, but they didn’t. I was perched on the wide windowsill of the bay window, staring out at a morning that was finally beginning to look like fall. Usually I found a bit of almost perverse pleasure in sitting like this, knowing that it was something that Virgil never would have let me do, but I didn’t get the same feeling from it anymore. I still loved the seat and the way that it made me feel almost like I was floating out above the grounds of my house, only now I didn’t get the self-satisfaction from it. Thoughts of what Virgil would think and how he would have reacted were gone. They had faded since I left the island, as if the confrontation of me running toward him and then watching him fall into the water, knowing that everything was over for him, had allowed me to leave the final remnants of his hold on me behind.
“Just as fine as I was feeling yesterday,” I told him. “Are you staying for supper?”
He came up and kissed me on my cheek.
“Are you trying in your oh-so-subtle way to tell me that I’m coming over here too often?” he asked.
I shook my head and turned so that my legs dangled over the edge of the wide windowsill, reminding me for a brief, fleeting moment of when my legs dangled over the rocks, the waves crashing below.
“Of course, not,” I said. “You know you’re welcome here any time. You still have your room upstairs.”
After my divorce from Virgil I had moved back into the home that was gifted to me by my father before meeting him, before heading to college, when I couldn’t have imagined that I was going to be married so soon. Even after Virgil insisted that we move into a much more lavish house, I still thought of this one as my home and during the long business trips that he sometimes took, I would leave the house we shared and instead stay here, feeling surrounded by memories and comforted by the feelings of the past. This was where Noah and I spent much of our favorite times together and even when he had grown up, I never changed the bedroom that I kept for him on the top floor.
“I know, Auntie,” Noah said. “But I don’t think that my wife would appreciate me using it.”
I shrugged.
“Wives are like that.”
Noah chuckled and sat down on the arm of the sofa.
“How is your chest?”
“It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt anymore.”
“I’m glad.” We fell silent and I could see Noah tilting his head down trying to catch my eyes. “What is it, Auntie? What are you thinking about?”
“The island,” I told him.
Noah sighed and stood, his head dropping back in exasperation as he turned away from me.
“We’ve talked about this. You’ve got to stop torturing yourself. You need to go back to the therapist.”
“It didn’t do me any good. Besides, I don’t like her.”
“Why?”
“She doesn’t believe in sea monsters.”
“ You don’t believe in sea monsters.”
“I believe in the possibility of sea monsters, and I think that’s enough. Besides, it’s not what you think.”
“Then what is it?”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about the time that I spent there and how beautiful it was. I don’t want to think that I’m never going to go back.”
Noah nodded.
“It was beautiful. But there’s nothing there, Auntie. You can’t just go back and hang out in the shelter that you and Hunter made. No matter what he told you, that was not a geodesic dome. It didn’t have any of the little triangles it needed.”
He made a few shapes with his hands to indicate the triangles and then let them fall to his side, seeming to see the darkened expression on my face.
“He isn’t the same, either,” he said. “He hasn’t been. He’s been showing up late. He’s left early a few times. Gotten memos wrong. Not doing half of what he used to. I’m actually thinking about firing him.”
“You aren’t thinking about firing him.”
“No, but it sounded good.”
I sighed. Thinking about Hunter still made my heart ache in a deep, reverberating way that I couldn’t even put words to.
“I need you to help me with something,” I said.
Noah nodded, crossing the room to perch on the arm again.
“Anything,” he said.
****
Hunter
Six months later…
“Did you get the invitation?”
I winced at the strange sound of Edwin’s voice coming through the phone. Behind him I could hear Sophie’s rhythmic breathing and wondered which of their devices she was powering up on her bicycle. I had only gotten to have a quick visit to their island the week after leaving with Noah and Snow to return to the mainland, but the elderly couple had left quite an impression on me.
“I did,” I said, reaching across my desk to pick up the thick cream-colored invitation that I had received in the mail a few days before.
“So….” he asked, the word drawn out so it filled the space of three or four.
“I don’t know, Edwin. It’s far away and I don’t really have any vacation time.”
“That’s a big old untruth you’re trying to tell me right there. I talked to Noah. I know what’s what. Now I was calling to be formal and extend my gracious invitation to my party, but if you’re going to be like that then I’m changing it over to a demand. I’m going to pull the ‘I saved your hiney on the beach’ card if you don’t cooperate. Don’t make me do it.”
“You didn’t really save my hiney,” I said.
“Who laid on top of that crazy Lucille woman to make sure that she didn’t get up and take everybody out?”
“Robin and Snow.”
“And?”
“And you.”
“Damn right. Those other two were little lightweight nothings. They were just laying the foundation. I was the real bulk of that operation.”
I didn’t want to point out to him that Snow probably outweighed him herself, so I just made an affirmative sound.
“So, it’s settled then. Snow and Noah are coming, too, so I’m sure that you can just hitch a ride with them.”
The fact that the elderly man thought of the journey that we would need to take to get to the island, which would probably include both a helicopter and a boat in addition to a car, was the equivalent of a spontaneous road trip just made him more endearing. I laughed, promised him that I would do just that, sent my best to Sophie, and hung up.
As soon as I did, the quiet of the office closed in around me. I ran my fingers across the engraved words of the invitation. It wasn’t exceptionally clear about what event was being held, and it did mean having to return to the island and contend with the emotions that even the thought of that place still caused me. But it also promised a chance
to visit with Edwin and Sophie, and some time away from the exceptionally busy time Noah, Snow, and I had been having at work. For some reason, every company in the area was clamoring to have their advertising campaigns designed by the people who survived being shipwrecked and stranded, or rescued said shipwrecked and stranded, and who had been instrumental in bringing down two criminals. There were some prospective clients who I was fairly certain had just made up their companies so that they could come to the office and talk to us.
I tossed the invitation back across the desk and went back to the projects in front of me. If I was going to go back to the island in two weeks, I was going to need to actually make sure that things were getting done at the office so it didn’t fall apart when all three of us were gone.
And pack a backpack of supplies. You never know.
The journey back to the island wasn’t nearly as long as I thought it was going to be. It’s amazing how being on the brink of death in a storm or worrying that the woman you love is going to die from a gunshot wound can stretch out a trip. The thought made me feel suddenly solemn.
Love.
It wasn’t something that I wanted to admit to myself or to anyone else. I had meant everything that I had said to Eleanor the last time I saw her. Though I regretted the fact that I had chosen that particular moment, while she was still sitting in the hospital recovering, to tell her what I thought of her dishonesty and how much she had hurt me, in that moment I couldn’t hold back. Seeing her in the starkness of reality outside of the fantasy world that we had created on the island had been too much for me. All of the adrenaline and denial that had fueled me during the long weeks of waiting draining out of me, leaving the hurt and disappointment raw within me. Part of me wished that I had handled it differently, but I didn’t know what I could have done differently.
Soon I realized that we were approaching the island and I noticed bright lights glowing from the beach. I leaned closer to the window and pushed my glasses up higher, helping me to focus better on the lights. They were in the same place where we had built the help sign, only now more had been added.
“Don’t help,” I read. “What is that supposed to mean?”
I noticed Noah and Snow exchange glances, but neither of them answered. We lowered down toward a floating helicopter pad and settled into place. When we stepped out of the helicopter, I noticed a small boat fashioned out of what looked like wooden crates. A man stood in the boat holding a large stick. He helped Snow into the boat, and Noah and I followed.
“This is interesting,” Snow said, looking down at the sides of the boat.
It’s like the raft that Eleanor used to get from the boat to the beach.
When we reached the sand, I noticed a trail outlined with lights weaving into the trees. We walked toward it and followed it into the jungle. Memories fell over me like rain as I walked through the trees, remembering each sight, sound, smell, and taste from each step when I had taken them before. We were approaching the hill that led to the waterfall and cavern when I noticed the path beneath my feet become smoother and more defined.
“Snow! Noah! Hunter!” I heard Edwin’s voice coming over the hill and soon the old man appeared in front of us. “It’s so good to see you.”
He was wearing what looked like a tux that he brought with him 40 years before when he moved onto the other island and his scattered white hairs were artfully positioned across his head. He walked toward us with his arms open and gave a round of enthusiastic hugs.
“It’s good to see you, too, Edwin,” I told him. “Where’s Sophie gotten herself to?”
“Oh, she’s at the party trying to rustle up a conga line. When I left it was just her, but I have faith in that woman.”
He turned and started back up the path.
“So, you still didn’t tell me what you’re celebrating tonight,” I said.
“I’m not celebrating anything,” Edwin said. “It’s not my party.”
“Not your party?” I asked. “Then who…”
We got to the hill and I stopped still. Ahead of me was the section of the jungle that had been destroyed by Lucille’s helicopter. Instead of tattered, broken trees and torn ground, however, a building stretched in front of me. It looked like it was built from the remnants of the trees and other materials designed to look like them, and was built into the natural shape of the land so that it seemed to be growing out of the island itself. The only exception was the large dome in the center of the roof.
“What is this?” I asked.
“Come find out,” Edwin said.
I followed him along the continuation of the path and toward the building. A curved wooden door took up the majority of the front of the building and as I approached I noticed that there were words carved into it.
“Hunter’s Retreat,” I whispered.
Music surged up from inside the building and Noah stepped up beside me.
“I think we should go inside now.”
He opened the door and I stepped into what looked like a round lobby and realized that the dome on the roof created the ceiling of this portion of the building. People mingled around the room, stopping at stands for food and drinks. I looked closer and saw that each of these stands looked familiar. They were pieces of furniture that I had hauled around to different events with my brother. I glanced up toward where the music was coming from and saw him behind the table, smiling as he watched Sophie dance past. Robin had latched onto her and now danced by me wearing something that looked distinctly like a leaf skirt over his clothes.
“Philip?” I said as I approached him.
“Hey, Hunter!” He looked around, gesturing at the elaborate setup that I knew he had had a major hand in creating. “Pretty nice digs, huh?”
“What’s going on here?”
He nodded toward something behind me and I turned around to see Eleanor standing at the door, her body draped elegantly in an outfit that looked stunningly like a real version of the clothing that she had tied together when we were stranded here.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Eleanor
My heart trembled as I looked at Hunter. All of the light and sound of the party around us disappeared and all I could focus on was him. I walked toward him, wanting to step into his arms, but he didn’t offer them.
“I heard that he was the best event rental and coordinator in the business,” I said. “I had to have him here for my opening celebration.”
“Opening celebration?” Hunter asked.
“Do you like it?” I asked, gesturing around us.
“What is this, Eleanor?”
“The night that you brought me up on the rocks to see the stars everything was so beautiful that I felt like I never wanted to leave. I wanted to be here on this island forever. To be with you forever. I found myself missing it so much that I did some research into it. I found out that it was owned by a family who had never even come to it. They had bought it up with some other land and largely forgot about it until I got in touch with them. So, I bought it from them and built this.”
“You called it Hunter’s Retreat.”
I nodded.
“When I was designing it, all I could think about were the things that you said when we were planning the shelter, both before and after the storm. I used as much as I could to create this.”
“Is there somewhere where we can talk?” he asked me.
I nodded again and gestured across the lobby toward the short hallway that led to my office. My heart lifted as we headed toward it. He wanted to talk to me alone. It was up a short set of stairs that allowed me to look out of the full wall of windows on one side at the waterfall a brief distance away. As soon as I had closed the door behind us, I started toward Hunter, wanting to close the space between us.
“What are you playing at, Eleanor?”
I fell back a step, stung by his words. I shook my head, already feeling tears starting to form in my eyes.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “I’m not…�
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“You said that you didn’t want to tell me who you were when we met because you didn’t want me to know about your money and form my opinions about you.”
“That’s true.”
“Please let me finish,” he said. “You didn’t want me to make any assumptions about you as a person, but you also didn’t want to give me the opportunity to take advantage of you because of your money. You thought that if I knew that you were who you are that all I would be able to see was dollar signs and then there would be a constant imbalance between us. But then you turn around and do this.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You can’t buy me, Eleanor. You lied to me about who you are and your money. You can’t turn around and try to use those things to make it all better.”
I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Without another word, Hunter turned around and walked out of the office. The door closed behind him and I felt my knees buckle beneath me. I sat hard in the chair behind me, drawing in ragged breaths. This resort had been all that I thought about for months. It had been in every breath, in every beat of my heart. I wanted to show Hunter that I had listened to him, that I heard what he had said. He had been so overlooked throughout his life and so few people had taken the time to appreciate him and understand how amazing he really was. I could see the ache for that validation within him, and that is what I had wanted to give him.
But he had thrown it away. He had cast it to my feet, accusing me of the very thing that I had so desperately wanted to escape. Suddenly the sadness within me started to melt away. It drained out of me gradually, leaving my body as if it was sliding first from my mind, and then from my heart, dripping from my fingertips and sinking into the floor beneath me. In its place was frustration first, and then seething anger.
****
Hunter
I wanted to leave. I wanted to get off the island and go back to my real life. This is why I didn’t want to come here, but so much worse than I could have even planned for. I had wanted to burrow myself into reality and let all of this become one of those memories that faded into such abstract thought that eventually I would question if it had really happened.