Amherst College
Arizona State University
Barnard College
Bard College
Berklee College of Music
Bethany College (WV)
Binghamton University
BioHealth College
Boston College
Boston University
Brandeis University
Brown University
Butte-Glenn Community College District
California Institute of the Arts
California Polytechnic State University at San Luis Obispo
Canisius College
Carnegie Mellon University
Catholic University of America
Cedarville University
Central Community College
Chapman University
Cisco Junior College
Cleveland State University
College of William and Mary
Colorado State University
Columbia College Chicago
Columbia University
Cornell University
Corning Community College
CUNY Hunter College
Dartmouth College
Davis and Elkins College
Denison University
Drake University
Duke University
Elizabethtown College
Elmira College
Emerson College
Emory University
Florida State University
Franklin and Marshall College
Frostburg State University
Full Sail University
George Washington University
Glenville State College
Grand Valley State University
Grinnell College
Guilford College
Hamilton College (NY)
Hampshire College
Hanover College
Harvard College
Harvard University Law School
Hobart and William Smith Colleges
Idaho State University
Indiana University–Bloomington
Iowa State University
James Madison University
Johns Hopkins University
Judson University
Kansas State University
Kentucky Wesleyan College
Knox College
Langston University
Lincoln University
Louisiana State University–System Office
Marion Military Institute
Marlboro College
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Medical College of Wisconsin
Michigan State University
Minot State University
Missouri University of Science and Technology
Monmouth College
Morehouse College
Morgan State University
New York University School of Medicine
Northeastern University
Northern New Mexico College
Oberlin College
Occidental College
Oglethorpe University
Ohio State University
Oklahoma State University
Pace University (NY)
Pennsylvania State University
Pitzer College
Point Park University
Pomona College
Polytechnic Institute of New York University
The Pratt Institute
Princeton University
Quincy College
Regis University
Saint Mary’s College of Maryland
Saint Thomas Aquinas College
Samuel Merritt University
San Francisco State University
San Jose Evergreen Community College
Santa Clara University
Sarah Lawrence College
Seton Hall University
Southern Illinois University–Carbondale
Southern Methodist University
Southwest Acupuncture College
Spelman College
St. Cloud State University
St. John’s University
Stanford University
SUNY at Albany University
SUNY at Binghamton
SUNY at Stony Brook
SUNY Buffalo State College
SUNY College at Brockport
SUNY College at Purchase
Swarthmore College
Temple University
Texas A&M University
Trinity University
Tufts University
Union College (NY)
Universidad de Puerto Rico
The University of Akron
University of Alaska System of Higher Education
University of California–Berkeley
University of California–Davis
University of California–Los Angeles
University of California–San Francisco
University of California–Santa Cruz
University of Chicago
University of Colorado at Boulder
University of Colorado at Denver
University of Connecticut
University of Delaware
University of Denver
University of Hawaii at Manoa
University of Houston
University of Idaho
University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
University of Iowa
University of Kansas
University of Kentucky
University of Massachusetts–Amherst
University of Massachusetts–Dartmouth
University of Miami
University of Michigan–Ann Arbor
University of Mississippi
University of Montana at Missoula
University of Nebraska at Kearney
University of Nebraska–Lincoln
University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
University of Notre Dame
University of Richmond
University of Rochester
University of San Diego
University of South Florida
University of Southern California
University of Tennessee at Chattanooga
University of Tennessee (Knoxville)
The University of Texas–Pan American
University of Virginia
University of Washington
University of Wisconsin–Madison
University of Wisconsin–Whitewater
Valparaiso University
Valley Forge Military College
Vanderbilt University
Vincennes University
Virginia Commonwealth University
Virginia Military Institute
Washburn University
Washington and Lee University
Washington State University
Wesley College
West Virginia School of Osteopathic Medicine
Western New England University
Western Washington University
Westminster College (UT)
Whitman College
William Jewell College
Wittenberg University
Xavier University
Yale University
PART II
HOW IT HAPPENED
Things can change so fast in life. You can plan all you want but life can turn on you really fast.
—Ariane Litalien
From time to time, the flashbacks are so horrible that I can’t leave my bed. I feel his hands on me, I smell him on me; I have never had such vivid memories of anything else. Even though this would be hard, even if everything went my way, it was made harder than it needed to be. I implore people to listen to survivors. To know that no matter what gender you are, what sex you were assigned at birth, no matter any other demographic you may fit into, you can still be raped. And that all people, regardless of anything else, deserve to live a life without rape and deserve support if they are raped. Believe surviv
ors. Support survivors. Love survivors.
—Princess Harmony, survivor who attended Temple University
This section of the book is hard. Really hard. Our hearts are heavy with these stories of pain.
But this section is important, because it’s real. These are our real experiences of sexual violence. Some assaults left obvious external injuries, while others of us had no visible scarring. Some of us were fully awake, yet unable to move. Some of us were unconscious, and unaware of the horror to which we would awaken.
Some of us cannot yet quell our rage at our assailant. And some still blame ourselves.
Our stories are as different as we are, but they share the same horrific moment in time. The thread of sexual assault has woven our lives together, and, for too many of us, a collective fabric is dyed with memories of unwanted, unsolicited, intrusive violence.
For some, writing about the experience is cathartic. For others, to purposefully relive that time is yet another violation.
Many still live in fear and cannot identify themselves for safety reasons, which is one reason some contributors are anonymous. There is power in putting our name to an experience, but the ability to be “out” also carries a privilege. Too many individuals, particularly those from marginalized communities, cannot or do not wish to speak out. No one should feel pressured to do so.
There is no one right way to survive. No one should have to tell their full story to a throng of strangers to be believed. But here are the stories of some who have chosen to do so.
This section contains snapshots that help to explain why many of our lives were derailed. We share these images with the hope that our stories will open readers to a variety of true narratives of how sexual assault happens. And we hope readers will understand that there is no hierarchy of pain.
Every kind of survivor story is valid and every survivor deserves the kind of support that they want. We are entrusting you with stories of the moments in time when assailants invaded our bodies without our consent. We still sometimes have flashbacks of these moments, but we are going to be okay, and we know that we are not alone.
Our Stories, continued
ELISE SIEMERING
It was April 30, 2010. That night, we were studying for exams together, me and this one guy, along with another guy. They were in the same fraternity. I was not in a sorority at the time. We all were just studying because we were in a communications class together.
We all three met at the library; then we stopped by the assaulter’s place and he dropped his stuff off, and then he offered to take me back to my dorm room, which was not directly on campus. I had a suite, kind of an apartment-style room. We had to take the trolley back as it was kind of late, around eleven or twelve. Me being naïve, I was thinking, “Oh, he’s being a gentleman because it’s late.”
We were hanging out, and all of a sudden, he tries to kiss me. I push him back. The next thing I knew, he pinned me down and assaulted me. He left at about four o’clock in the morning. I had an exam at nine a.m. Growing up with my mom as a social worker, she’d always been open and honest with us about drugs and sex. I have always been close to my mom. Still, I’m lying there thinking, “Holy crap, what am I gonna do? Am I gonna say anything? What would I say?”
Marie was in the room next door, but she wasn’t aware of what was happening. The next morning I got up and went and took my exam. I was in extreme shock. I was on autopilot.
He had raped me, and I had bruises on my neck and inner thigh and chest. He had said, “You’re gonna keep quiet and not tell anyone, and we’re gonna keep this between you and me.”
On my way to my exam, I saw one of his friends. And this guy said, “Oh, hi, Elise, how are you?” and I said, “Oh, I’m fine.” He said, “Are you sure?” Because I had bruises on my neck. I said, “Oh, sure, I’m fine,” trying to brush it off.
I didn’t know what to do, who to call. Freshman year, we didn’t have any kind of training.
When I got back to my dorm, Marie was there. She was kind of upset because she thought I had been hooking up with someone. I had never had sex before. I was waiting for the special person. She was confused, saying, “Something doesn’t make sense.” He had texted after my exam, to make sure I wasn’t saying anything: “Have you talked? Have you said anything to anybody?” So basically I lost it in her room.
When I came back after the exam, I took a shower. Neither of us knew what to do. I remember having to go to a store to get Plan B. He didn’t use a condom. Should we rip the sheets off my bed? Because there’s no way I’m going to sleep on these things anymore. After we did all that, his fraternity brother called to check up on me. I told him, and he was in shock. He said, “Elise, you need to report this. You need to go to an RA.” I said, “I’m not gonna do that.” I was concerned about what our friends would think, what his frat brothers would think, and I was afraid.
Later that night, I went and talked to an RA, who knew the assaulter. I remember him saying, “Elise, it doesn’t really surprise me.” Which blew my mind. At that point, High Point hadn’t trained their RAs in what to do when a sexual assault happens.
The RA, who was a pretty tall dude, said this guy, who had been a high school athlete, was always trying to overpower him in some way. He said, “And you’re not the first person to tell me you’ve had issues with this kid.”
I couldn’t go back to my apartment. I stayed with some other girls. I didn’t sleep that night, didn’t eat.
The RA said, “Elise, you need to call your mom.” And that was what I was dreading most. Even though we were close, I didn’t want to be that disappointment for her.
At six in the morning the next day I called her and said, “Mom, don’t freak out, but two nights ago I was sexually assaulted.” She dropped everything and came running up there. On the way to High Point she called the rape crisis hotline to see what we needed to do. I completely lost it with her. She told me, “Elise, we need to go to the hospital and get you checked out and have a rape kit done, as they’re time-sensitive.” We were running out of time.
Mom went with me to the head of Student Life, and that woman said to me, “Do you want me to inform him?” She said they had to get his side of the story also. She said, “Do you want us to wait until you’re off campus? Or we can call him right now.” I said, “I want to be off campus before you contact him.” I was scared of what was gonna happen. In those forty-eight hours, I had had people who knew him telling me I wasn’t the only one he’d gotten physical with. I was afraid. So, duh, of course I want them to wait.
After multiple meetings with High Point people, they said, “You need to talk to the head of security and get a rape kit.” So Mom and I went to High Point Regional Hospital and got my rape kit done. That’s so invasive. I was like, “What the heck?” I was so drained; I had barely slept, barely eaten. Mom was thinking—her social worker side was thinking—“We need to call the police and report this.” Her mom side was thinking, “I need to take care of Elise and make sure she’s okay.” She kept asking me, “Do you want me to call the police?” I said, “No, Mom, the school will handle it.” The nurse asked, “Do you want us to call the police?” I said, “No, let’s just get this done.”
* * *
Mom was thinking—her social worker side was thinking—“We need to call the police and report this.” Her mom side was thinking, “I need to take care of Elise and make sure she’s okay.”
* * *
I remember the nurse saying to my mom, “Hey, Pam, can we step out a minute?” Because I had massive bruising on my inner thigh. She told Mom there was no doubt I had been sexually assaulted; she could tell by the bruising and the vaginal trauma. They gave me medicine for different sexually transmitted diseases, just in case. I remember saying, “I don’t wanna take this.” It made me sick.
I stayed in a hotel with Mom. The next morning we talked to a guy in security, and he’s asking me questions, and I’m telling him about the bruising. He looks at me and lo
oks at Mom and says, “Well, it’s normal to have bruising when you have sex. It happens.”
I remember looking at him and thinking, “What the hell are you saying to me?”
Mom was furious. We went for my meeting with Student Life. They took my statement. Apparently he had already left campus to go home for the summer. High Point promised Mom and me that they would not let him return until he gave a statement, until they had talked to him.
I remember driving away from school for the summer thinking, “It’s gonna be okay.”
LAUREN
The assault happened three weeks into my freshman year, on September 7, 2011. I was eighteen.
Curry has this Facebook page that lists everyone’s contact information, so we could talk before actually getting to school. This kid I had never met asked for my number and I gave it to him. I gave my number to a lot of people in that Facebook group. He texted me that he wanted to hang out. I’ll call him A. I said I couldn’t, because I had class. And then class was canceled. It was a sociology class. Sometimes I think, if class hadn’t been canceled, maybe, just maybe, this wouldn’t have happened.
I met A at my dorm room at 11:30 a.m. I knew his name and that was about it. He locked my door, and before he started the assault, he asked if I was single. Maybe he thought that was my way of giving consent. He used force on me. Then he said, “Text me,” and left.
My roommate walked in maybe ten minutes later. I was shaken up, and, honestly, had no clue what had just happened. I told her and she told me to tell someone. I went to my next class, a communications class, and then to lunch. I saw him at lunch and ran out and decided then to tell a resident adviser I was very close with (and still am today).
* * *
He used force on me. Then he said, “Text me,” and left.
* * *
I knew what had happened was wrong, but I didn’t know how to put it into words. I wasn’t okay. I was shaky. My roommate really helped, and so did my RA friend. She immediately called my community director (CD) and he told her to call a female CD so I could feel more comfortable. From there, they called a female public safety officer. Everyone spoke very calmly to me, as I was crying so hard during the whole investigation. They told me they had called the cops. When I spoke to them, the male officer was very to the point and didn’t give me much breathing space. The female officer understood my position and let me take my time. The male officer finally caught on that I needed to breathe, but he wasn’t so great at first.
We Believe You: Survivors of Campus Sexual Assault Speak Out Page 3