To Lizzy Seeberg, who took her life after her beloved institution failed to protect her, and whose assault was not taken seriously because of the status of the man she accused. To all survivors who struggle with anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other invisible disabilities, who are made to feel inferior after sexual assault, we dedicate this book.
To Deah Shaddy Barakat, Yusor Mohammad Abu-Salha, and Razan Mohammad Abu-Salha, students whose lives were taken during the writing of this book. To students who feel marginalized not just on campus, but in our greater society, to individuals who are discriminated against because of their faith and who they are; to the families of those who have lost loved ones due to violence and who still feel loss and fear, we dedicate this book.
We as a society are failing our students because we care more about headlines, politics, and “school pride” than we care about the people who make up our student body.
We are failing our students because we care more about the number of touchdowns in a season than we care about the number of assaults in a semester—even if the latter is a higher number.
We are failing our students because we are complacent about the machine that continues to finance campus violence and the cover-up of that violence.
We are failing our students because what is right is not always comfortable to our donors or our alumni. We place power, prestige, and institutional ranking above student safety. We cling to a culture of legal compliance instead of to our mission statements that speak of commitment to all students and for all students.
We didn’t know Faith Hedgepeth, Tynesha Stewart, or Lizzy Seeberg personally, but they could have been our friends. They are too similar to the people we met in our classes, who lived in our dorms, and who stood next to us at graduation—except that they didn’t get to wear their robes or toss their cap in the air. They did not get to take graduation pictures with their roommates or hug their parents after commencement.
Violence impacts every community, and while this book is being published and sold, we recognize that there will be more survivors of violence.
To all survivors reading this book, we dedicate it to you.
You are not alone.
It’s not your fault.
We believe you.
NOTES
If It Happens to You
1. Every survivor experiences the aftermath of sexual assault in their own way and finds healing and support in a unique combination of strategies and resources. Here, survivors offer heartfelt, individual, various, and sometimes differing bits of advice based on what worked for them. But there’s no one right way to heal. And nothing on these pages should be taken as professional advice.
Dear Harvard: This Fight Is Not Over
1. On November 11, 2015, nineteen Harvard Law professors sent out a press release denouncing the documentary The Hunting Ground, because they felt that it portrayed Kamilah Willingham’s case against another Harvard Law student in a manner that was “unfair and misleading.”
Help 101
1. We recognize that survivors may not feel comfortable calling the police, especially survivors of color and queer survivors. In many states, rape statutes are very narrow, and we recognize that not all survivors have this resource available to them, nor are all police adequately trained.
2. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, there were an estimated 400,000 untested rape kits in the United States as of 2014, and it is not unheard of that survivors in rural areas, and queer and transgender survivors, are often dissuaded from getting, or not offered access to, a sexual assault examination. We recognize that much more needs to be done to assure that rape kits are available to all survivors and are tested promptly.
A Note on Representation
1. National Black Women’s Health Project.
2. U.S. Department of Justice (USDOJ), Office of Justice Programs (OJP), “Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey,” 2006.
3. Center for Disease Control and Prevention, “Highlights in Minority Health,” 2004.
4. USDOJ, OJP, “Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey,” 2000.
5. Lawrence A. Greenfeld and Steven K. Smith, “American Indians and Crime,” Bureau of Justice Statistics, USDOJ, OJP, NCJ173386, 1999.
6. The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey 2010 findings by sexual exploitation.
7. Ibid.
8. National Transgender Discrimination Survey.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
FROM ANNIE CLARK AND ANDREA PINO:
Thank you to every contributor in this book—our coauthors—Aditi, Chloe Allred, Anonymous A, Andrew Brown, Stephanie Canales, Julia D., Fabiana Diaz, Johanna Evans, Sari Rachel Forshner, Elly Fryberger, Abbi Gatewood, Regina Gonzalez-Arroyo, Anonymous H, Princess Harmony, Aysha Ives, Lilly Jay, Anonymous K, Kevin Kantor, Sofie Karasek, Lauren, Ariane Litalien, Katie Rose Guest Pryal, Zoë Rayor, A. Lea Roth, Anonymous S, Nastassja Schmiedt, Elise Siemering, Brenda Tracy, Anonymous V, Liz Weiderhold, Alice Wilder, Kamilah Willingham, Anonymous XY, and A. Zhou. Thank you for trusting us with your lives, hearts, hopes, and stories. You continue to awe us with your courage and strength.
Thank you to Laurie Bernstein, our wonderful and tenacious agent, who encouraged us to write this book and believed that survivors’ stories merit publishing. Thank you to Amy Herdy for working with many of the contributors and helping us pen their stories. And thank you to Barbara Jones, our editor and Yoda, who has been patient, meticulous, and nurturing not only to us but to every contributor in this book. And to Helen Rogan. And to Gillian Blake, who believed in us, and to the rest of Henry Holt’s army of publishing pros, especially: Leslie Brandon, Kelly Too, Lucy Kim, Molly Bloom, Kanyin Ajayi, Stella Tan, Kenn Russell, Jason Liebman, Maggie Richards, Patricia Eisemann, and everyone else at Holt and Macmillan. You know who you are.
And to every person reading this book, thank you for reading our stories, and to the survivors who have connected with our stories whether silently in dorm rooms or aloud, by sharing your experiences publicly, we believe you. You are not alone.
FROM ANNIE CLARK:
Thank you so much to my amazing coauthor and partner in preventing crime, Andrea Pino.
Thank you to Laura, Deb, Lynn, T, K, and so many other LGBTQ folks, particularly in the South, who gave me the permission to be me.
Thank you to Megan Wise, who listened.
Thank you to all of my fellow Carolina students, alumni, faculty, and staff who make me so proud to be a Tar Heel.
Thank you to the team at The Hunting Ground, my End Rape on Campus family, and the Sweet Suite.
I’m grateful to Soraya Chemaly for your fierce commitment to culture change and to Katie Rose Guest Pryal for your consistent writing (and life) advice. Thank you to Senator Kirstin Gillibrand and staff for fighting for our rights and to Anita for your mentorship.
Thank you to my uncle, Carter Monroe, for inspiring me to write, and my aunt Jean for her traveling tips.
Thank you to my family, to Martha and Jerry Stevens, John Clark, Rachel, Jennifer, Jessica, and Matthew for their love, support, and belief in me.
Finally, I’m forever grateful to Trina McDonald, Leslie, A, C, D, J, M, and S, and so many other survivors of violence who picked me up, let me know I was not alone, and that surviving and thriving were possible.
FROM ANDREA PINO:
I have many people to thank but first, foremost, my partner in all of this, Annie, my constant supporter and rock.
Thank you to Senator Kirsten Gillibrand who has always pushed Annie and me to fight for what we believe in.
Thank you to my family, especially my father, Mario J. Pino, my mother, Evelyn Pino, and my sister, Angeline Pino, who have always believed in my storytelling and the power of my words; and to my abuelito Antonio Silva, and my abuelita Evarista Silva
—ustedes seran mi guia por el resto de mi vida. Thank you to Swati Rayasam, for your friendship, for challenging me to write my truth, and to learn from my mistakes. To Daisy Hernandez—gracias, amiga.
Thank you to Dr. Barbara Friedman, Dr. Anne Johnston, Dr. Frank Baumgartner, and Dr. Alice Dawson, for always believing in my research and my academic and professional commitment to fighting against sexual violence, and for your tireless personal support of me and my work, and to Cari Simon, for pushing me forward. It is thanks to you all that I never gave up on my journey toward my bachelor of arts at UNC.
Every time I sat down to write acknowledgments, it seemed impossible because there are too many people to whom I am indebted. I stand on the shoulders of activists and survivors before me, and had it not been for all of you, we wouldn’t have the vocabulary to write this book. Thank you.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Annie E. Clark is one of the founders of the survivor advocacy organization End Rape on Campus (EROC) and a lead complainant in the Title IX and Clery complaints against the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where she graduated Phi Beta Kappa with a BA in political science. She has a certificate in business and is a former administrator at the University of Oregon. She is a contributing writer to the Huffington Post, MSNBC, and the Chronicle Vitae. Working with Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, she helped write the Bipartisan Campus Accountability and Safety Act. In 2013, she was listed alongside President Barack Obama as one of the most influential forces in higher education, and she is featured in the campus sexual assault documentary The Hunting Ground. You can sign up for email updates here.
Andrea L. Pino is one of the founders of the survivor advocacy organization End Rape on Campus (EROC) and is EROC’s director of policy and support. She attended the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where she majored in political science. Her activism has been featured in The New York Times, Vogue, CNN, and Good Morning America, among many other media outlets. Working with Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, she helped write the Bipartisan Campus Accountability and Safety Act. In 2013, she became the first student featured in The Chronicle of Higher Education’s Influence List and was listed as one of the Huffington Post’s most influential forces in higher education. Her work and personal journey are prominently featured in the award-winning documentary The Hunting Ground. You can sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Epigraph
Introduction
I—BEFORE
Our Stories—Elise Siemering, Lauren, Andrew Brown, Anonymous S, Aysha Ives, Anonymous V, Fabiana Diaz, Anonymous XY
From “The Elegy of I”—Sari Rachel Forshner
I’m Going to College—Andrea Pino
Colleges
II—HOW IT HAPPENED
Our Stories, continued
The Attacker: A Chorus
Assaulted by Strangers, Twice—Zoë Rayor
Dear Abuelita—Andrea Pino
I Startle Easily—Anonymous A
Star Wars—Johanna Evans
Blackout—Abbi Gatewood
Gang Rape at Oregon State—Brenda Tracy
A Letter to My Daughter—Anonymous K
Right After
III—TRAUMA AND BETRAYAL
Our Stories, continued
Friends: A Chorus
The Surprising Bravery of Others—Anonymous V
Code Switch: 我的家庭—A. Zhou
Parents: A Chorus
Rape Culture: A Chorus
From “The Elegy of I”—Sari Rachel Forshner
Tennis Was My Life—Elly Fryberger
People You May Know—Kevin Kantor
The Punishments: A Chorus
Betrayals—Andrea Pino
Untouchable: Being a Trans Survivor—Princess Harmony
The Dangerous Myth of the “Ideal” Survivor—Princess Harmony
Anger: A Chorus
Unaccepted Students Day—A. Lea Roth and Nastassja Schmiedt
IV—HEALING AND EVERYDAY ACTIVISM
Our Stories, continued
My Dog, My Best Friend—Zoë Rayor
Our First Conversation—Annie Clark and Andrea Pino
Speak Out—Julia D.
If It Happens to You: A Chorus
Accepting Entropy: How My Dad Used the Second Law of Thermodynamics to Teach Me How to Survive—Liz Weiderhold
Again—Regina Gonzalez-Arroyo
Relationships After: A Chorus
Olivia Benson Believes Me—Anonymous H
The After—Sari Rachel Forshner
Slowly, You Start Forgetting—Anonymous V
ƒ(Survival): A Function of Survival—Aditi
I Believe Myself: On Creativity and Healing—A. Lea Roth and Nastassja Schmiedt
My Own Lingerie—Abbi Gatewood
“Lux Libertas”—Andrea Pino
Women’s Studies Built Me—Stephanie Canales
The Teal Forks Timeline—Fabiana Diaz
Then Came Activism: A Chorus
The Professor: Some Notes on My Experience—Katie Rose Guest Pryal
Songs for Survival: A Playlist—A. Lea Roth and Nastassja Schmiedt
I Am a Phoenix—Brenda Tracy
V—DECLARATIONS OF INDEPENDENCE
Statement from the Artist on Doing a Self-portrait About Rape—Chloe Allred
Tattoos—Annie Clark
Reclaiming College—Lilly Jay
School After: A Chorus
Dear Harvard: This Fight Is Not Over—Ariane Litalien
An Important Event—Sofie Karasek
I Write On—Annie Clark
I Have Been Told That My Skin Is Exceptionally Smooth—Regina Gonzalez-Arroyo
Dear Emily Yoffe—Kamilah Willingham
How to Become an Activist—Annie Clark and Andrea Pino
RIGHTS AND RESOURCES
Help 101: What to Do Immediately After Experiencing Violence
Resources: Our Top Picks
“Why Didn’t You Go to the Police?”—Annie Clark
Title IX
Campus Sexual Assault Victims’ Bill of Rights
A Note on Representation—Andrea Pino
Glossary
Our Fuller Dedication
Notes
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
Copyright
WE BELIEVE YOU. Copyright © 2016 by Annie E. Clark and Andrea L. Pino. All rights reserved. For information, address Henry Holt and Co., 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
www.henryholt.com
Cover design by Lucy Kim; cover photographs courtesy of the contributors, except photograph of Andrea L. Pino © Sarah E. C. Coburn.
Rape and Winter, Plucked paintings by Chloe Allred. [Rights reserved.]
“The Teal Forks Timeline” written by Fabiana Diaz [Rights reserved.]
“The Elegy of I” and “The After” written by Sari Rachel Forshner. [Rights reserved.]
“Disciplinary Education” cartoon by Miranda Friel. [Rights reserved.]
“Untouchable: Being a Trans Survivor” adapted from article originally published in The Feminist Wire and “The Dangerous Myth of the ‘Ideal’ Survivor” adapted from article originally published in Black Girl Dangerous, written by Princess Harmony.
[Rights reserved.]
“Again” poem by Regina Gonzalez-Arroyo. [Rights reserved.]
“Reclaiming College” speech by Lilly Jay, delivered at the White House on Friday, September 19, 2014. [Rights r
eserved.]
“People You May Know” poem by Kevin Kantor. [Rights reserved.]
“An Important Event” speech by Sofie Karasek, delivered at the University of California–Berkeley, February 26, 2014. [Rights reserved.]
“Dear Harvard: This Fight Is Not Over” written by Ariane Litalien. [Rights reserved.]
“College,” “Things That Make Me Anxious,” “Managing Chronic Anxiety,” and “Meditation Vols. 2 & 3” cartoons by Ariane Litalien. [Rights reserved.]
“Accepting Entropy: How My Father Used the Second Law of Thermodynamics to Teach Me How to Survive” written by Liz Weiderhold. [Rights reserved.]
“No One Narrative Defines Survivors” written by Alice Wilder, excerpted with permission from the Daily Tar Heel. [Rights reserved.]
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Clark, Annie E., author.|Pino, Andrea L., author.
Title: We believe you: survivors of campus sexual assault speak out / Annie E. Clark and Andrea L. Pino.
Description: First edition.|New York: Holt Paperbacks, 2016.
Identifiers: LCCN 2015046702|ISBN 9781627795333 (paperback)|ISBN 9781627795340 (electronic book)
Subjects: LCSH: Rape in universities and colleges—United States.|Women college students—Crimes against—United States.|Rape victims—United States—Biography.|BISAC: SOCIAL SCIENCE / Women’s Studies.|BIOGRAPHY & AUTOBIOGRAPHY / Women.
Classification: LCC LB2345.3.R37 C53 2016|DDC 371.7/82—dc23
LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2015046702
ISBN: 978-1-62779-533-3
Our books may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact your local bookseller or the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at (800) 221-7945, extension 5442, or by e-mail at [email protected].
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