by Ramona Gray
I wouldn’t even need a chipmunk with questionable jugular severing techniques to do it either. I’d just straight up die of humiliation.
“My sister has always been better than me. At everything. Just once, I wanted to be better at something than she was.”
It wasn’t exactly a lie. That was a part of the reason, just not the main reason.
“So you chose dating me as a way to be better than her at something?” He said.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because you were the only thing she always wanted and never got. The only thing. It still bugs her to this day, and she won’t come out and say it, but thinking that we’re dating, drives her crazy. It makes her jealous because I won and she’s, uh, very competitive.”
“And you aren’t?”
“Not like she is. I just… I wanted to have one thing that she couldn’t, you know?”
God, I sounded so lame.
He sat silently for a moment and I cleared my throat. “It would only be for a few days. Lydia’s not going to stay past the weekend. All I’m asking is that you hang out with me on the weekend. My parents are coming to town for it, so we’ll have a family dinner to attend on Friday night and then the actual key-giving ceremony and parade on Saturday. I’ll pay for your dinner.”
He still didn’t say anything and feeling panicky, I said, “Actually, you don’t even have to come to those things. If you could just, say uh, meet us for coffee maybe on Sunday morning? I’ll tell them you have to work the rest of the time. If you could do one quick coffee date and, uh, don’t disagree when I say we’re dating, maybe give me a quick peck on the lips to sell the relationship, that’s all I need. We can even pretend you have some welding emergency or something and have to leave after fifteen minutes.”
Could I sound more pathetic? We sat in silence for nearly five minutes. I glanced up at the chipmunk. It returned my stare unblinkingly, and I was suddenly certain it understood human language. It had to. The look it was giving me was part sympathy and part are-all-humans-this-stupid.
Finally, feeling ridiculous and utterly defeated, I stood up. “I’m sorry. It was stupid of me to ask you to do this. Thanks for listening to my, uh, my request. I appreciate it. I’ll see you tomorrow at Mugs and I promise I won’t make it weird or anything. In fact, I’ll buy your coffee all this week as a way to say sorry for making you listen to my insanity.”
“Wait.” His hand was around my forearm for a record-breaking second time and it had the same effect as it did the first time. I stopped immediately and gave him a tentative look. He was studying me intently and I squirmed under his gaze.
“I’ll do it.”
“I – you will?”
“Yes. Under one condition.”
“Sure, anything.” I was already picturing the look on Lydia’s face when she saw me hand-in-hand with Asher at the parade. In my mind, he was wearing a tuxedo and a top hat, and I was wearing a slinky red dress that showed off my magically bigger cleavage and suddenly full hips. My freckles had disappeared, and my hair was sleek and smooth instead of its usual fuzzy train wreck of curls.
I shook off my little fantasy as Asher said, “Are you listening to me?”
“Yes. Of course. Sorry. One condition. Lay it on me.”
Asher leaned back on the bench and studied the sky before returning his gaze to mine. “You let me fuck you.”
Chapter Two
Asher
Luna’s mouth dropped open and I had to work very hard at not unzipping and pushing her open mouth down over my dick right there in the park. I was hard and throbbing, had been since the minute she’d asked me to pretend we were dating. My head had immediately started throwing out images of Luna naked and riding me. Luna naked and on her hands and knees. Luna naked with legs spread wide while I ate her out. What did her pussy taste like? I’d cut off my right hand to find out.
Those thoughts made me a real dog, I know, but I had my own goddamn needs and when the woman who had been the star of my own X-rated fantasies for the last two years was sitting beside me, my dick took over the thinking.
“Wh-what did you say?” Luna said.
“I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend if you let me fuck you.”
“Right here? There’s a chipmunk watching us.” She stared at the chipmunk sitting on a branch of the tree closest to us and I almost laughed out loud.
“Not right here.”
She blinked at me before clasping her hands in front of her. “Right. Of course. Sorry, you just – I’m a little discombobulated.”
She mistook the look on my face for confusion and said, “That means -”
“I know what it means. I’m not stupid.” My voice was on the harsh side. I hated when people looked at me and automatically assumed I was stupid.
She cringed, and I immediately felt guilty. Before I could apologize, she said, “I’m sorry. I – I don’t think you’re stupid.”
“I know.” My voice was still too gruff, but hell, I was feeling a little discombobulated myself. I had expected Luna to turn me down flat. Maybe slap me across the face and tell me I was a pervert before storming off. But she hadn’t moved, and she didn’t look pissed off. More…curious, maybe?
My dick surged against my jeans. I was being ridiculous. I knew Luna wanted me and that had made my fantasies about her all the richer, but there was a reason she’d never asked me out. Girls like her didn’t want to just be fucked, they wanted a boyfriend and I wasn’t boyfriend material. A relationship was the last fucking thing I would ever want. It’s why I’d never made a move on Luna despite my lust for her. I couldn’t give her what she wanted.
Never stopped you before. How many women have you fucked who wanted more? Huh? You fucked them and when they started making noise about being exclusive, when you couldn’t distract them with sex anymore, you walked away.
Yeah, I did. And I didn’t feel bad about it. They knew what they were getting when they hooked up with me. But, for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to do that to Luna. She always seemed so fragile to me. Her parents didn’t give a shit about her, that was more than obvious. If they did, would they have left her behind and moved to California just to be with her bitch of an older sister?
I didn’t want to hurt her, but I couldn’t – wouldn’t – turn down my chance to fuck her, no strings attached. She needed something from me and I wanted something from her and this was our chance to get exactly what we both wanted.
“Why do you want to, uh, have sex with me?”
Shit. She was actually considering it. I took a deep breath and tried not to let my excitement show. “I like fucking.”
“Everyone does,” she said. “It’s why there’s such a population problem in the world.”
I almost laughed again. I’d always kept my interactions with Luna short. I stopped in every morning and ordered a cup of the world’s worst fucking coffee just so I could hear her soft voice and see her lithe, little body. I went to Ren’s Bar every Wednesday night on the off-chance that she might show up and sing at the ridiculous karaoke, but I barely spoke to her. I was afraid I’d tell her I wanted to fuck her if I talked to her for too long.
Sort of like you just did now?
I ignored my inner voice as Luna said, “Why me?”
I shrugged and tried to look casual. “Why not? Look, you need something from me and my time isn’t free. If you want me to be your boyfriend, shouldn’t I get what boyfriends get?”
“But it’s not real. You’re only pretending to be my boyfriend.”
“You asked for my help, I’m telling you what I want in return. You fuck me, and I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend in front of your family. Or don’t fuck me and tell your sister that you’ve been lying for eight months.”
Have I mentioned that I’m an asshole?
Luna licked her bottom lip. “I only have to, um, sleep with you once?”
I shook my head. “No. You agree to fuck me whenever I want.”
For a moment I was tempted to say yes before I came to my fucking senses. I made myself give her a scornful look. “Hardly. You fuck me tonight and if it’s good, we keep fucking until your sister leaves on Sunday.”
“What if it isn’t good?” Her sudden look of apprehension made me regret my dickish behaviour. “I’m not, I mean I don’t have a lot of experience so…or we might not be compatible at all and that won’t really be my fault. And statistically speaking, first-time sex between two people isn’t usually that great. It takes time for you to learn another person’s likes and dislikes in bed, so it’s really not fair to base whether it’s going to be good or not on the first time. It’s even harder because we’re strangers. I don’t know anything about what you like in bed. What if I bite you in the throes of my climax and you don’t like to be bitten? I couldn’t possibly know that, and it seems really unfair to judge my lovemaking skills on the fact that I’m a biter. What if it’s something simple like you hate the way I kiss? Is it really fair to -”
“Enough.” Christ, her babbling was way more adorable than it should have been. And fuck, just listening to her talking about biting and cumming was gonna make my dick explode.
She stared at me but didn’t shy away when I slid over on the bench until I was touching her slender body. “Kiss me.”
“Wh-what?”
“Kiss me.”
“In front of the chipmunk?”
I couldn’t help my grin. “Yes. If we kiss and there isn’t chemistry, then we won’t need to even try to fuck.”
Her cheeks coloured at my coarseness. “I – what if I don’t want to kiss you?”
“You do.”
She bit her bottom lip this time. “You don’t know that.”
I leaned down until my mouth was hovering over hers. “You think I don’t see the way you look at me, Sunshine?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do. Hell, every time I come into that coffee shop, you get wet. Isn’t that right?”
“No, I – no, that doesn’t happen.”
“You’re wet right now. Just thinking about fucking me tonight has you all worked up. Your little pussy needs a cock and I’m gonna give you mine until you’re screaming my name.”
“You-you think way too highly of yourself.”
“You’re the one who told your family we were dating.”
“Only because my sister wants you and I wanted to-to one-up her.”
“Is that the only reason? Or is it because you spend every night in your lonely bed, wondering what it would be like to have me between those smooth thighs of yours. Wondering if I would be rough or gentle.”
I bent my head and licked the seam of her mouth. She moaned, and I smiled with satisfaction before placing one hand on her thigh and stroking it.
I grunted with surprise when Luna pressed her mouth against mine, but I quickly took control of the kiss. I slid my hand into her hair, cupping the back of her skull – god, she was so little and delicate – and angled my mouth over hers. I pushed at her lips with my tongue and when she parted them, dipped my tongue between her lips. I stroked her tongue and made a low growl of approval when she opened her mouth wide and accepted my demanding kiss.
She tasted as sweet as I dreamed she would. I slid my other arm around her narrow waist and pulled her into my lap. I made her straddle me before kissing her hard again. I pressed one big hand against the small of her back and rubbed my dick against her pussy as we kissed. The thickness of her jacket was bugging me, and I reached between us and unzipped it. I cupped her small breast through her shirt and she gasped into my mouth.
I pulled back a little and then cupped her ass in both hands, squeezing firmly before grinding her against my cock. Her soft moan made my blood burn.
“Asher -”
“Say you want me to fuck you, Sunshine.”
“I want you to fuck me. I want you to fuck me right here.”
“In front of the chipmunk? I’m not that kind of guy.”
She stared up at the chipmunk – the goddamn thing was still watching us - and then giggled. Normally, a woman giggling grated on my nerves, but Luna’s giggle made me almost impossibly hard.
I kissed her again and she rubbed her little pussy against my cock on her own this time.
“Please, Ash,” she moaned. “It aches and I -”
“Luna Davis?”
The disapproving voice behind us made Luna shriek and she scrambled off my lap. She nearly fell on her face, but I caught her by the arm and kept her on her feet. She pulled her jacket closed as she stared at the woman in the purple velour tracksuit standing on the path.
“Mrs. Wilkins! Um, hi, hi there, um, hello, I didn’t hear you.”
“Indeed. I suppose Mr. Stoke’s tongue was so far down your throat, it affected your hearing?”
I wanted to laugh but held it in as I stood up next to Luna. Mrs. Wilkins was seventy-three years old and a retired schoolteacher. She’d taught at the elementary school for nearly thirty-five years. Hell, I’d had her in fifth grade.
She fixed her heavily mascaraed gaze on mine. “Mr. Stokes, do you think it’s appropriate to be shoving your tongue down Ms. Davis’ throat in the middle of a public park?”
“No, Ma’am.”
“And Ms. Davis, do you think it’s appropriate to be straddling and grinding like a two-bit stripper against Mr. Stokes in the middle of a public park?”
“No, Ma’am.” Luna’s face was bright red, and I took her hand and squeezed it.
“Luna and I are dating, Mrs. Wilkins.”
Luna gave me a grateful look that made me happier than it should have.
“Congratulations.” Mrs. Wilkins’ voice reminded me of a large, cold – very cold – iceberg. “Do you think you could keep your hands to yourself when in public? Use of the park is a privilege, not a right.”
“Yes, Ma’am,” Luna said. “Sorry.”
Mrs. Wilkins gave us a stiff nod before walking on down the pathway. As soon as she was out of hearing range, Luna stared up at me. “Well, I guess we know that kissing each other is a turn-on for both of us. Am I right?”
We were still holding hands and she held up her free hand in a fist for me to bump. I dropped her other hand and put some space between us. I was still as hard as a fucking rock, and I didn’t trust myself not to just take Luna off the path and into the park to fuck her up against a goddamn tree. Retired teachers and perverted chipmunks be damned.
Luna turned red and tucked her hands behind her back. “Sorry, uh, so, I passed the kiss test, right?”
I nodded and adjusted my dick as Luna zipped up her jacket and then gave me a tentative smile. “So, uh, now what? You told Mrs. Wilkins we were dating, so does that mean…”
“No. I was just trying to keep her from calling the cops on us for indecent exposure or some shit like that. If you want me to be your fake boyfriend, you know what I want.”
She took a deep breath and fiddled with the zipper on her jacket. “What if we have sex tonight and I-I’m not good enough at it for you? Then what?”
I tried to make my voice hard. Fuck, since when did it get so difficult to be indifferent to a woman?
Luna’s not just some random woman you want to fuck, idiot.
I ignored my inner voice. “Then, I guess you’ll be telling your sister the truth.”
Her face fell and fuck if I didn’t want to pull her into my arms. Tell her everything would be okay like I was some goddamn knight in shining armor.
Instead, I folded my arms across my chest so I wouldn’t touch her, and said, “We got a deal or not, Sunshine?”
She worried at her bottom lip before scuffing the toe of her shoe against the dirt. “Yes.”
“Good. I’ll come by your place tonight around ten.”
“Ten?” She gave me a startled look. “That’s pretty late and I have to work at eight tomorrow.”
“Not my pr
oblem.” I was purposely making it late. After we fucked, I could use the excuse that it was late and stay the night in her bed.
Stay the night? Have you lost your goddamn mind?
I almost laughed at the prissy little sound of shock my inner voice made. Not that I could blame it. I didn’t have relationships with women. I didn’t take them on dates, I wasn’t the guy they called when they got a flat tire, or there was a strange noise in their house in the middle of the goddamn night, and I most certainly didn’t stay the night after we fucked.
I fucked them, made them cum until they forgot their own name, and then went home to my own bed. The moment they wanted more than that, I walked. The women I took to my bed knew what it was between us. I was always honest about that. Speaking of which…
“None of this will be real,” I said. “If I enjoy tonight and I agree to help you cover up your lie to your sister, don’t start thinking it might be real. Do you understand? I’m not looking for a girlfriend or a wife. The minute your sister leaves town, we’re done. Got it, Sunshine?”
“Yes.”
There wasn’t even a flicker of disappointment on her face. Not even a hint that she would even want it to go on past Sunday. I decided that didn’t piss me off. Nope, not in the least.
“Good. Just wanted to make that perfectly fucking clear. I’m not your man and I never will be.”
“I know.”
I glared at her and she gave me a confused look. “Why are you angry with me?”
“I’m not.” Even I could hear the anger in my voice. “I’ll see you at ten.”
Before I could stomp away like a giant-ass baby, Luna said, “Wait! Don’t you, uh, need my address?”
Shit.
I turned around. “Yeah, give it to me.”
Fuck, I had almost blown it already. If she knew that I already knew her address she’d probably freak out. I wasn’t a goddamn stalker or anything, but hell, Luna was little, and our town might be small, but it didn’t mean we were fucking crime-free. More than once on the Wednesday night after she sang karaoke at the bar, I’d followed her home just to make sure she was safe. It was no big fucking deal, her apartment was on the way to my house anyway.